Financially Ever After Widowhood

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How Uncle Sam Gets Involved In Your Settlement Jul 16, 2019

Show notes

Today’s topic is very important and one that a lot of us avoid as much as possible.W e’re talking about taxes - and specifically, the tax law changes that you absolutely need to know. This is going to be interesting, and important. We promise! Stacy Francis talks with Matthew Feigin, a Matrimonial Law group partner at Katsky Korins, who used to work for the Mayor of NYC Michael Bloomberg. Matthew is, as his son describes: “A lawyer who helps people share things.”Matthew shares the rather surprising story of how he came to be practicing the specific type of tax law that he does, and how he ended up in the Mayor's Office. [2:12]When a family with children is separating, it’s important to make sure there is consistency between the different homes that children will be living in. Tax plays an interesting role in making this possible, and recent changes in the tax law mean that the obligations different parties have changed. [4:00]The new laws sound really good on their face, but the upshot of the change in who pays what kind of taxes is that the payers of alimony are now incentivized to provide less money. Matthew and Stacy discuss the new complexities (and political implications!) divorced families find themselves dealing with. [08:00]Stacy mentions that even financial planning softwares don't account for all of these complexities. Matthew provides some insight into how lawyers are handling the implications of different tax brackets. Because it’s a new framework, both the legal and financial services professions are having to adapt - and the news isn’t traveling as fast as anyone would like! [12:25]Settlement agreements can be unwieldy documents, where a dollar doesn’t always equal a dollar. Matthew talks about some of the situations where what is on paper doesn’t match up with what is in your bank account, and how to navigate these differences. [17:20]Stacy brings up some of the practical implications of varying tax situations, and how the different rates at which your assets are taxed have a major impact on your planning for your future. It’s important to look carefully at the vehicles your assets are stored in, so if you do have to split savings and assets, you know the implications of how that division will work in the future. [20:00]There are tax issues to consider when you’re thinking about how to take care of your children during and especially after a divorce. Matthew explains the specific taxes that will affect them and provides some pointers on the kinds of situations that can cause problems. [25:00]Matthew describes the unique elements of his practice, where he practices something called ConsensUS Mediation. This is a powerful, efficient and compassionate way of developing settlement agreements. These agreements often have more power than the courts when it comes to making provisions for your children. [28:00]

Contact Stacy Francis Stacy@francisfinancial.com

212-374-9008Matthew Feigin Katskykorins.com212-716-3259

Building New Emotional, Professional and Financial Foundations Jul 02, 2019

Show notes

On this week’s episode of Financially Ever After, Stacy Francis has a fascinating conversation with Micki McWade, a clinical social worker and psychotherapist, whose primary work is with people contemplating or going through a divorce. She and Stacy discuss how to move on with your life - financially, professionally and emotionally after a divorce. Micki talks about her journey into social work and psychotherapy - it was never her original plan, but after an enriching experience with Al-Anon - she re-evaluated her life and decided to help other people recover from difficult life events. [02:50]Al-Anon has been a successful program since the 1930s, and Micki shares how learning to give up control over what isn’t controllable, let her focus on building her own personal foundation - she translates this into her current work for her current clients. [05:00]Looking back at the time after her divorce, Micki is proud of her accomplishments, and how her children saw her take control of her life, and what was happening for their family. Refusing to take on the victim role let Mick invest in her own power. SUNY Empire State College was an invaluable resource, providing the flexibility to get a degree that launched a new career. [09:30]Micki uses the 12-step framework to serve her clients - the tools, collaborative processes and opportunities for self-development help families move forward after major changes. She describes her role in these groups, and what an impact they can make. Collaborative divorce and mediation are always the best way forward if they are at all possible. [14:20]Stacy brings up that many women fear that going back to work or re-training will negatively affect their settlement. Micki talks about how this tends to play out, and what women should be aware of and plan for when they’re thinking about their financial future. [18:00]Micki found she was energized by working with people going through a divorce in a non-professional capacity. For everyone, listening to that cue, and going through the doors that open because of it helps show you what you should be doing. Stacy adds a story of someone who was able to achieve more than she had ever imagined by taking a chance and using her network. She discusses how other women can do the same. [22:50] There are a lot of feelings around your ex starting to date, or getting married, and likewise when deciding you are ready to start seeing people again. It’s hard to come back from divorce emotionally, and Micki recommends finding a support group of other people going through the same thing. Giving back to and helping others will always make you feel better, and connection is the most important thing you can create for yourself. [26:00]At a certain point you will need to have a conversation about who you, and who your ex is dating - and managing that can be intimidating. You should be very certain of a new person in your life before you bring them around your family. Stacy draws a parallel with how Francis Financial has a lengthy ‘get to know you’ process for new team members. [30:00]Micki shares some very excellent advice she was given while she was going through her divorce - a guiding principle she was able to use while a lot of different decisions had to be made. [34:00]

ResourcesSUNY Empire State College |TheDivorceCoach.com - book a complimentary call if you have any questions. | MickiMcWade.com | Complimentary Second Opinion Call from Francis Financial

ContactStacy FrancisStacy@francisfinancial.com212-374-9008

Micki McWademmcwade@mac.com

Divorce is a Whole Family Affair with Robyn Mann Jun 18, 2019

Show notes

Today’s guest on the Financially Ever After Podcast is Robyn Mann, a matrimonial attorney and mediator who comes to her practice with a deep experience of and respect for the impacts divorce can have on a family - and what to prioritize in terms of mitigating them. Stacy and Robyn discuss the financial aspects of a divorce, as well as who needs what kind of care, and how to make sure as many needs are being met as possible.

Divorce Affects the Whole Family Robyn understands the impact of divorce on children – and mediates from that perspective.In experiencing different kids of divorce, from different perspectives – a child and an adult going through the process, Robyn learned what really matters for a family going through this process, and how to prioritize the whole family through what is often a difficult time.

Robyn believes that the majority of the upheaval that happens during a divorce should be on the shoulders of the parents, and nesting is one way to do that. This means the children situation in their home, and having the parents take turns being the primary caregiver in that house - it’s more challenging for the parents but keeps the stresses where they belong and makes it easier for children to adjust to their changing family.

When Robyn was ending her marriage, she also walked away financially from the law firm she shared with her ex-husband – she ended up working as a waitress while she regained her footing. This is something many women will recognize: making the choices that must be made to move forward.

What does it mean to be house-poor? This is a common situation that couples and individuals find themselves in – especially those who had a great deal invested in property during the 2008 recession. As a Real Estate Attorney, Robyn knew the bubble was going to burst but was unable to prevent a huge personal loss. She shares what it was like to know it was coming - but not be able to stop it.

Asking for Help In building her own business, and later legal practice, Robyn learned many things – and the most valuable of them was asking for help. This is a skill many women aren’t encouraged to develop - but that can make a huge difference in times of stress.

Stacy and Robyn talk about the widely believed but completely false myth that looking after your own finances requires a huge amount of specialized knowledge. It just takes time and attention. If you need a better understanding of your finances - you should do everything in your power to get it.

Robyn believes that women should give themselves the education, information, and confidence they need to speak on equal terms with their spouses about their financial situation. Even if it is only to know for yourself that you understand and can make decisions about what is happening in your financial life.

Robyn strongly recommends the one thing that over 60% of women experiencing divorce say they want but don’t have: access to mental health care. Women often put themselves at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of self-care and support, but to have the best possible result for yourself and your family, self-care is critical.

Contact Robyn Mann https://kenjewell-law.com/ robyn.mann@kjlaw.netP: (718) 316-2219

Contact Stacy Francis Stacy@francisfinancial.com212-374-9008

Resources Family Kind https://familykind.org/ Grief Out Of Season https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Out-Season-Parents-Divorce/dp/0316363510

Estate Lessons We Can Learn From Celebrities Jun 04, 2019

Show notes

Our guest today, Jill Miller, runs a firm that specializes in formulating sophisticated personalized estate plans. What makes her stand out is her expertise isn’t limited to US only client or traditional families only. Jill and her firm help take away the fear surrounding - and the likelihood of - audits. Her clientele range from individuals to highly visible celebrities.

When to Update Your Estate Plan

Women often forget that they need to take care of their estate plan while going through a divorce. This includes a will, power of attorney, and health care proxy. Jill advises clients to be very careful while going through the divorce; you can’t make changes that will be in violation of any agreement you have while going through proceedings. Second, as soon as you know it’s okay to make the changes, do it right away.

Who Should You Trust?

The executor of the will, guardian of your children: who should you trust in these roles as you’re creating or updating your estate plan? For an executor, not only do you want someone who is organized, trustworthy, and good with administrative tasks; ideally, you also want someone who is close to you. They’ll be the one who needs to go into your home, secure your belongings, any pets, and generally pick up the pieces if you pass on.

As for the guardian, it’s a huge topic. Many women can’t stand the thought of their ex-spouse gaining full custody of their children, and at the same time, courts don’t like to terminate parental rights. It’s an uphill battle to name a non-parent, but women do have options, and Jill lays out what they are.

Naming Beneficiaries

While updating your estate plan, it should be part and parcel of any good estate attorney to include naming beneficiaries of IRAs and 401Ks. But did you know you should also be talking to the people you’ve named for various roles in your estate? Jill explains why it’s important to have their agreement, too. An executor is personally liable if they make a mistake, and the same is true of guardianship.

A Lesson from Celebrities

When Marilyn Monroe passed away, she had a very large estate. In Marilyn’s case, her biggest assets were her IP, like rights to her movies, pictures, and music. Those went directly to people she wanted to have them, but when those people passed on, they went to strangers.

His death came as a shock, and Prince was one of the most well-known celebrities in the world who didn’t have a will. There’s no use speculating whether that was an oversight on his part or his advisors, but Jill lays out some options for estate planning for people who prefer to keep their lives - and wishes - private. A living trust is a solution for everyone, not just celebrities. More importantly, it’s not just for the wealthy.

Jill shares another story about Philip Seymour Hoffman left his family with a rather large mess and a tax bill that could have been avoided had he updated his estate planning and used a living trust. Jill reminds us that not only do we need solid estate planning; we need advisors who have experience with situations just like our own.

Download the free resources on when you should update your own estate planning. This is the document Jill gives to every one of her clients.

Contact Jill Miller

Jill Miller & Associates, P.C.Educational Videos

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Tailored Tax Advice for Women with Nancy Goldfarb May 21, 2019

Show notes

What kind of tax aspects do you need to think about when going through a divorce? Today we have Nancy Goldfarb, President of Smart Transition Strategies and a certified financial planner, public accountant, and divorce financial analyst. On this episode, she breaks down what you need to consider to help you make good decisions about your finances during and after the divorce.

When to reach out to a CDFA or a CPA:

The best time to reach out to a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or a Certified Public Accountant is as early as possible, even if you’re only just thinking of divorce. Educating and empowering yourself is incredibly important. You want to be able to face your financial challenges, and a CDFA or a CPA can help you develop strategies to enable you to achieve your goals and strengthen your financial security.

Lifestyle analysis and marital property:

It’s important to go back through one, three, and in some cases, five years of expenses, as well as three years of tax returns, to make sure you receive an equitable and fair distribution of assets in the home. Nancy talks about the importance of having a professional go through the process with you, as they can spot and dissect things the general public might not be able to so things are divided equally. For example: How do you divide low cost basis stocks? And what if the property is in only one of your names?

Tailored advice:

Women need advice tailored to them. Consider these factors: women live longer in general, we are the first generation of women who have had careers, women are more likely to take time off from the workforce, and statistically, we have likely learned less than men. This transition is a chance to seek financial education, and that is empowering. This allows you to have the knowledge to make decisions for your future.

The marital home:

The first decision is planning on how to divide or sell the marital residence. There are many options: selling the house and splitting the proceeds, trading off other property, a partial buyout, or even more out-of-the-box solutions, like delaying the sale until the children graduate, or keeping the house and taking turns living there and nesting.

The next thing to think about is reviewing the financial aspects of each option. There have been recent tax changes, and a CDFA or a CPA would look at your income and prior tax returns to help you make a decision. They’ll also make sure you don’t get any tax surprises, and will help you plan to have enough deductions to decrease your taxes.

The children:

Financial professionals are going to look at your children’s expenses as well. How much do you need to save for your children’s college education? Should you commence a 529 plan? How can you manage it so you can afford your child’s current private school education?

Social security:

Nancy likes to combine social security and retirement planning. There are many factors to think about, for example: Did one spouse stay home to raise the children while the other spouse was working and has built up social security? How long have you been married? Consult your local social security office or specialist for more details, as the rules are changing all the time.

Resources:

Nancy Goldfarb (LinkedIn) | Smart Transition Strategies

What to Do If You’re Being Gaslighted with Meredith Shirey May 07, 2019

Show notes

Last week, we talked about financial abuse and gaslighting. On this episode of Financially Ever After, we’re diving deeper into the topic of gaslighting with our guest, Meredith Shirey. Meredith is the founder and practice director of her New York-based private practice, and is a psychotherapist who specializes in relationship issues through couples therapy. Today we’re talking about what gaslighting is, what to do to get yourself out of a gaslighting situation, and how to help someone who may be a victim.

Recognizing Financial Abuse and Gaslighting Apr 23, 2019

Show notes

Victoria McCooey was one of the many women who thought she had a husband who loved and idolized her but found herself married to an abusive man who kept her isolated and financially disempowered – questioning her own knowledge and pressuring her into taking on debt while controlling almost every aspect of her life. Victoria saved herself and her children from this situation and has gone on to help hundreds of other women take their power back from abusive, narcissistic partners.

How Divorce Mediation Saves Couples Time, Money and Their Peace of Mind Apr 09, 2019

Show notes

After suffering far too long in an abusive marriage, Sheryl-Anne Sastow finally made the decision to get out of the relationship, only to then be faced with a drawn-out, expensive and emotionally painful divorce litigation.

On this episode of Financially Ever After, Sastow shares how her own experience inspired her to become a divorce mediator and collaborative attorney - a role in which she helps divorcing couples resolve their issues and end their marriages peacefully. Among the many insights Sastow shares:

How she gets divorcing couples to communicate even when they’re at their angriest, and why the most acrimonious divorces can see the biggest benefits in choosing mediation over litigation. [6:15]

Why it is most often women who contact her to inquire about, and initiate the mediation process in their divorces. [14:15]

What the biggest differences are between mediation and litigation divorce processes (hint: one of them will save you time, money and lets you keep your divorce proceedings confidential ). [16:10]

Why historically, mediation has been less prevalent than litigation - and why that trend appears to be reversing. [30:35]

How to find the best mediator/collaborative attorney to ensure you make the most of all the benefits of mediation. [35:05]Stacy Francis | W: www.francisfinancial.com P: (212) 374-9008 E: stacy@francisfinancial.com

Sheryl Anne Sastow | W: www.sastowlawandmediation.com P: (516)314-6116 E: Sastow@SastowLawandMediation.com

Links to Items Mentioned in the Podcast:

Find a mediation attorney or mediator: mediation.com

Protecting Yourself from Romantic Manipulation and Deception Mar 26, 2019

Show notes

When journalist and writer, Abby Ellin, learned that the man she had been engaged to had lied to her about everything from being a Navy SEAL to working for the CIA -- and that he had been cheating on her much of the time they’d been together - she had to wonder why her usually strong professional instincts had let her down in her personal life.

Abby has since written about her own experiences of romantic betrayal, and those of others -- both the betrayed and the betrayers - compiling her research into a new book, Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married. In this edition of Financially Ever After, Abby shares much of what she has learned about how and why women can be especially vulnerable to romantic, spousal deception, including:

Why societal pressure that women be in coupled relationships can make them more likely to ignore or overlook relationship warning signs. [11:05]
How scientific studies show it’s harder for people to detect deception when they’re in love. [13:00]
Why, when a woman is in a committed relationship (made more complex by financial and familial ties), it is often to her benefit not to “see” the bad or painful things that a partner is doing. [14:45]
Why deceptive behavior seems to be everywhere in our culture, and only getting more pervasive. [26:10]
Why certain personality types can be more vulnerable to romantic deception; how you can protect yourself against being duped, and where to get support if you’re experiencing - or recovering from, a toxic relationship. [31:40]

Stacy Francis | W: www.francisfinancial.com P: (212) 374-9008 E: stacy@francisfinancial.com

Abby Ellin | W: www.abbyellin.com

Links to Items Mentioned in the Podcast:

Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married

The White Collar Wives Project:

https://thewhitecollarwivesproject.org/about-lisa-lawler/

Institute for Relational Harm Reduction:

https://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/

Sexual Assault By Fraud:

https://consentawareness.net/author/shortjm/

Understanding the Challenges of Spousal and Child Support Mar 12, 2019

Show notes

In this edition of Financially Ever After, Stacy is joined by Patricia Fersch -- founding partner at Fersch Petitti LLC, a matrimonial and family law firm in New York City.

Patricia’s background includes successfully completing thousands of cases involving families caught in the turmoil of Family Law conflicts, and she is particularly well-known for handling high-profile clients and resolving complicated legal issues, all involving child custody or divorce-related matters.

In this podcast, Patricia shares a number of insights and experiences, including:

How her professional journey took her from college dropout, to business owner, to running her own law firm, and how her hard-earned business experiences inform her interactions with clients every day. (4:51)

How she can quickly determine the likelihood that a spouse is hiding money. [17:20]

How spousal support caps work in New York, why they can be a huge deal for couples in middle income brackets, and what factors can influence a court to waive them. [19:10]

Why it’s vital for women to build and maintain security (eg: training, experience, social networks, money) of their own, even within their marriages. [32:48]