Show notes
4:39 "Rock bottoms come in any way, but they're always an invitation to realign with your actual path.' Are you ready and willing to be who you actually are, sometimes at the cost of belonging? The path chosen for us may have ups and downs, it may even be isolating during some seasons, but each challenge builds your character and further refines you into the ultimate person, the perfect puzzle piece for your future relationships.
6:17 "If you are turning down your volume to avoid chaos, you're internalizing chaos." There is no hiding. The challenge is within. Therefore, it's best we express our true authentic selves. If it creates discord, then it's a challenge we're meant to overcome within our relationships, friendships, and maybe even our community. Burying it down deep serves no one.
3 things people can do to ignite harmony in their relationships:
Number 1: 10:19 "Recognize that your relationship is separate from who you are." You have needs that you must meet. Many of those come from an array of activities and relationships.
Number 2: "See every relationship as sacred." The things that go unspoken and unprepared like plaque can build up into bigger problems.
Number 3: "Define yourself." What kills relationships is the lack of recognition that you have sovereignty in your own life of yourself , deconstruct all of the systems that create codependency in your relationship. We can't allow someone else to "complete' us. We must be whole in ourselves.
18:18 "Evolutionarily, women needed to learn how to be safe around male aggression." It seems women seem more comfortable in personal relationship development and this may have been an evolved skill.
19:33 "We're more likely to get remarried, we don't know how to manage the grief and the pain, we have hardly any capacity for shame." Men seem to struggle with the shame of divorce and resort to remarrying to move on quickly. There's a difference between healthy shame and unhealthy shame. Instead of believing I'm no good, I can say "there's a better version of me available and I get to choose to step into it."
20:45 "When a man loses a relationship, he's generally losing his emotional support. For women, they turn mostly towards their friends." Men tend to replace their friends with their spouse, maybe for the purpose of organization or consolidation. So when a relationship ends, the man has lost more of his foundation.
If your partner leaves, and you feel like they've taken everything, ask yourself "what did you give them?" If your happiness rests on their staying or going, then the weight they have to carry to be with you is too much.
22:50 "A relationship should never complete you. It should enhance you and make you a better person, and invite you to be a better person."
32:46 "The soul's journey will always try to express itself and ask for you to listen."
37:36 "There's only 3 constants in life. One is the sun will always come up, the moon will be there, and the truth will always be present."
38:55 "There's no such thing as one way liberation. If you are liberated, the other person is too, whether they know it or not." "Why would you ever choose someone who isn't choosing you? You can love someone and also not tolerate their behavior."
41:29 "When we're asking 'why the addiction?' We're asking the wrong question. We should be asking 'why the pain' and that's true of all materialism."
Stress creates inflammation and poor relationships create stress. If you can figure out how to improve your relationships, it's the most important thing that you will ever change.
"43:15 "If you do quit sugar, you'll probably discover that there was probably grief below."
50:52 "Every time you do something in excess, you are treating the pain of being present within yourself."
52:52 "When you draw a circle to exclude me, i draw a bigger circle to include you., and that's our work."
58:50 "Beliefs become our prisons, the idea that you can't do something, someone else's fear becomes our fear."
Harriet Lerner Ph.D. - The Dance of Intimacy Bronnie Ware - Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing
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