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Here are 50 compiled signs of a narcissistic parent (NPD):
1.Constantly needing the conversation to be about them, often victim stories, their life is "hard"
2.Immature and selfish behavior
3.Bragging about your achievements to others, but rarely acknowledging you or supporting you emotionally
4.Blaming others for any problems you may have that actually stem from their own behavior
5.Snoop, spy, Internet stalk, will even go through drawers and closets seeking dirt on you, denying it every step
6.Deny personal privacy at every age and suggest it is their right as a parent
7.You feel you are essentially property, an extention, intended to bring them attention, pride and glory
8.Being well-liked and important to others, but controlling and harsh when no one is looking
9.Flirt with people that should be off bounds including others spouses, dates even extended family members
10.Divulge they are a potential interest or interested in people outside their relationship, they always have the idea of " a back-up"
11.Making you feel bad for not doing what they want immediately
12.Making you feel guilty by boasting about how much they have done for you
13.Harshly opinionated at home but putting up a front for other people
14.Being ruthless and unforgiving, doing anything to be on top
15.Making you feel anxious and often lowering your confidence, often with sarcasm and "jokes"
16. Being absent for your life events
17.Making you engage in sports, musical lessons or other activities, despite your wishes
18.Failing to provide warmth and emotional nurturance in the relationship
19.Using you to attain personal gain
20.Being bothered and annoyed when you need time and attention
21.Making poor excuses to limit time together
22.Displaying sudden mood changes and volatile anger
23.Obsessive about their appearance and clothing, home and vehicle
24.Constantly tidying and attempting to have home visually perfect
25.Issues relaxing, must be busy
26.They are very well liked rapidly, they charm
27.They are often highly creative
28.They tell good stories where they get the hero attention
29.They are often upstanding in places like churches, schools and communities, pillars publicly
30.Grandiose unrealistic future visions where they will get recognition, wealth or fame
31.Using religion as a scapegoat for actual behaviors avoiding acknowledging wrong. God forgave them already what is your problem?
32.Children feel pitted against each other as goldens or goats
33.Gaslighting and denial of feelings of others
34.Discuss marital problems with kids or run down spouse behind their back
35.Do "takeaways", ask for gift ideas and never get the thing you requested to keep you coming back
36.Love bombing- execute grandiose words/acts in early stages to win supply with kids and grandkids
37.Affection consuming- parents in early years often get affection from child to feed themselves then abandon affection once kids mature and gain other relationships.
38.Deal breakers, often make deals to get to do things then do not fulfill their end and blaming the child with a new wrinkle or rule.
39.Self-forgiving, expecting "I'm sorry for anything you might have thought I did that hurt you. I'm human. I always had good intentions." - to whitewash any and all issues.
40.Blame reframing- Any issue brought to light is a result of you being hateful and unforgiving or "holding onto the past".
41.There are "secrets" your parent expects to you keep
42.Money has always been hard to give but parent lives in style
43.They have friends they can outshine and cut down behind their backs, often other narcissists or simply supply
44.Wills and estates are used as bait and ransom to elicit behaviors
45.You have felt like a puppet often
46.Surprise punishments and groundings for kids are common when there are events that are inconvenient or parent doesn't like the idea of you attending
47.Friends are criticized, you are great but your "crowd", not so much
48.There is no lie too bold to tell and double down on
49.The overt narcissist will not allow any child to outshine them, they discourage or hamper advancement
50.The covert narcissist will passively aggressively insult or demean success and acheivement, "you are going to get a fat head"
And finally, you will know it is all factual when they will acknowledge no actual errors, flaws or real genuine hurt they caused.
They admit nothing.
Everything is a misunderstanding. Yours.
They will never humbly apologize.
They will play hurt and the victim without end.
You are a hateful accuser that can't just let it go.
They will run from the responsibility of the past and may even cut you off, lash out, send flying monkeys to indimidate you and make you appear crazy or the bully.
They may sue you, cut you out of wills, and tell horrible and sometimes embarrassing true stories about your past.
They will attempt to poison your relationships if they have access to your friends, your spouse or your children. Everone is a pawn and they will make any move to appear a flawless victim.
At the center of all NPD's is shame and cowardice. They are underdeveloped emotionally most likely as a result of aloneness and rejection at or around ages 3-5. There may be a genetic link to a parent with NPD. They are small stunted people filled with shame, self-loathing and rage.
The only escape is walking away and grey rocking them.
The sick mind of sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists cannot obtain the rational observation that they are sick. It is an unacceptable hypothesis to them. They cannot self-diagnose or see it. It will garner smugness, laughter, egoism, rage and condescention should you bring it up.
Expect them to run from the room, leave the table or hang up on you in anger. Confrontation about their ego will trigger a flight or fight response.
They may bark once, but then they will run because they cannot help it. They are cowards who feel deep shame at their core.
You can be assured their childish rage will have them plotting and working to destroy you in the shadows.
It is not a choice for them.
It is a reflex.
The manipulations of a person with NPD are boundless and unique.
If 30% or more of the above applies to your parent or relative there is a high likelihood they are diagnosable by a professional as having NPD. Only .5% of the population gets diagnosed due to avoidance.
They will never go.
Your only resolution is no contact.
It will feel like a death to you.
Narcissists only feed from empaths.
Like emotional vampires. They suck life.
They know they are doing it. They are 100% aware and they loathe themselves yet can't stop. Thus they keep a busy schedule. Sitting and realistically reflecting is not an option.
Accept that you are worth loving, that's why they picked you.
Accept that THEY can't love you. That is unfortunately also why they picked you.
Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself.
Secretly once outed their great hope is you do, and they get to prove you were crazy and unstable and gain a whole new supply of attention and sympathy from the other suckers.
People with NPD must win at any cost.
The only way to beat them,
Is to go live a great life without them.
One in a million will address their trauma that caused this but you as their source has a zero percent chance of making them see the light through their darkness. They are getting their light from you as the source.
You must leave them in the dark as an act of love for yourself.
Good luck
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