Dad University Podcast

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Top 10 Things Couples Fight About | Dad University Podcast Ep. 241 Oct 22, 2019

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Money - how it's being spent, that there isn't enough. Feeling financially stressed can cause all sorts of issues Sex/Intimacy - Frequency of it, type Kids - behavior, how to discipline, how the other ones handle a situation. Chores / Responsibilities - Are you pulling your weight? One spouse often feels like they are doing much more than the other. Work - Staying late, the complaints that come with it. The obligations and stress it causes. We can sometimes be pulled in two different directions. Spouses can build up resentment blaming everything on the job. Habits - Leaving the toilet seat up, to dirty clothes being on the floor, to toothpaste cap not being on. I'd say in my house we actually don't argue a lot about habits but the one could be music. My wife will play music really loud, especially in the morning. My kids and her love it and I can't stand it. I need quiet in the morning. Relatives / Extended Family - From the mother in law to the crazy uncle, the extended family doesn't get unconditional love from the spouse. This can be a big source of friction. The rule iI was always taught is to stay out of your spouse's family's issues. Let each handle their own side. Jealousy - Whether because they are spending time with someone else or they give their attention to someone else, jealousy can be a big source of arguments. Free Time - what you do in your free time and how much free time you get. There often seems to be a discrepancy in how much free time each gets Friends - One doesn't like who the other hangs out with. The bad influence, taking time away from theirs

5 Love Languages of Children | Dad University Podcast Ep. 240 Oct 15, 2019

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The way we give love and receive love is called our love language. The concept of love languages was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman with his 1992 book The Five Love Languages that has sold over 12 million copies. In 1997 he got together with Dr. Ross Campbell and authored the book The 5 Love Languages of Children. The ideas in this book are really powerful in that every child is different. If you don't speak your child's love language, they may not feel loved. In this episode, we are going to go over the 5 love languages for children so you can identify your child's primary love language so you can build a stronger relationship with them. With a 5 star rating on amazon and over 1100 reviews, this book and it's concepts have proven why it is so popular. The 5 Love Languages of Children helps us discover how to best show our children that we love them. Of course it's good to show them love in multiple ways and most children are receptive to all of them, but usually, a child (just like adults) has a primary love language. Let's go over these 5 love languages for children: #1. Words of Affirmation - A child whose primary love language is words of affirmation feels loved when we use encouraging words and phrases to them. They enjoy compliments like "you did that so well" or "thank you for helping me with cleaning." Both written and verbal expressions are powerful so you can say "I love you" or write a note for them expressing how special they are. It's the words that make them feel loved. #2 Gifts - Children with this love language like tangible tokens of love. Often these gifts can become symbols of love. Some examples of gifts may be getting them a book that you can read together or putting a favorite photo in a frame so they can put it in their room. It feels like all kids like gifts but for these children, the gifts are often seen as an extension of your love. #3. Acts of Service - Maybe your child really feels loved when you fix their favorite toy or you make their favorite meal for them. When children are younger, acts of service are often doing things for them that they may not be able to do themselves. As they get older, the acts of service are activities that cause them to feel loved and appreciated. You may sit down and do their homework with them. Figure out what acts of service you can do for them that they would really appreciate. #4 Quality Time - Quality time is doing something together and your child receiving focused attention. If you have multiple children, be sure to spend one-on-one time with your quality time child. This could be coloring or reading with them...or sitting down and playing a game. Spending time together makes them feel loved. It's not necessarily the activity but the time spent together. #5 Physical Touch - A child that is always snuggling up to you, or wants to constantly sit on your lap, this is a child who's primary love language is probably physical touch. They get fulfilled by your hugs and kisses, your backrubs or running your fingers through their hair. Physical touch is so important to them and it's how they feel close and loved. With any of these love languages, there can be some pitfalls. Think of the child that you have to always buy presents for in order for them to feel loved or the child requires a lot of your extra time to get their love cup filled. As with anything, you want to mindful that balance is important. If you are constantly doing everything for your child because their love language is acts of service, this can negative. In that case, your act of service can be teaching them to be able to do things for themselves. All of these love languages for children are about us as dads being able to create a strong bond with our child. When you understand your child's love language, your efforts are much more effective.

Fatherly Advice I Wish I Knew Then | Dad University Podcast Ep. 239 Oct 08, 2019

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Have you ever heard the phrase hindsight is 20/20? It basically means it's easy to know the right thing to do AFTER it happens. This happens when being a father. We look back and wish we had that fatherly advice that would have helped us to do something differently or change our perspective on something. Oh, that's only me? In this episode, I wanted to go over some of the best fatherly advice I wish I knew earlier in fatherhood. It probably would have saved me from a lot of frustration. If you knew then what you know now, would you do anything differently? I would have. Here is some fatherly advice that I wish I would have known then: Patience Is a Virtue - This means to be able to wait for something without becoming frustrated is a valuable character trait. Patience in being a father is extremely valuable. By nature, I'm not that patient. But the fatherly advice here is that the more patient you can be as a father, the better. Being a father is a marathon, not a sprint. and your child will test your patience all the time. When they are a baby it's going to be the crying, feeding, or the changing of diapers. When they are a toddler it's going to be the tantrums, defiance, and whining. When they get older it's going to be them not listening or moving much slower than you desire. Again, your child will test your patience so it's best you learn it, practice, and become Mr patience. Your Child Should Respect You, Not Fear You - If you are ruling your kids by fear, either by yelling, being aggressive, or anything that creates fear in them, there are better ways to be a father. The combination of being kind and firm is the best IMO. Kindness shows respect for the child and firmness shows respect for ourselves and the needs of the situation. Being fatherly isn't creating fear in your child, it's creating mutual respect which will create a powerful bond and relationship. Next...Mistakes Are the Best Teachers - You are going to have some awesome days as a father, but understand you will also have some bad days. You are going to make mistakes. From diaper changes to discipline, we just can't get it right every time. The fatherly advice is to give yourself a break and don't be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Just try not to repeat mistakes. Learning from our mistakes is the key. Your Child Isn't Out To Get You - This fatherly advice is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but you will find yourself arguing with your young child thinking they are trying to make you angry, irritate you, or test you. They are not. Young children, are just trying to figure out what is going on in this big world. Don't take it personally. They are not trying to make your life miserable, they are just learning the ways of the world. The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short - Remember I said at the beginning of this video that being a father is a marathon, not a sprint. When you are dealing with newborns, toddlers, and in quite frankly...the first few years, it is just not easy. The days are long. Many people said, "the time goes by so fast". I didn't believe them as I was going through it. Now my children are 9 and 11 and it has gone by fast. The years are short. The fatherly advice is to enjoy the present. You get to decide how those long days effect you. If you can put your role as a father into proper perspective and understand how important you being a father is, you will be just fine. We would love to hear from you.

Types of Discipline – Managing Kids Behavior | Dad University Podcast Ep. 238 Oct 01, 2019

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There are many types of discipline strategies when it comes to dealing with children's behavior. But which ones work? Which ones don't. Well, you ultimately get to decide for yourself. I'm going to give you my opinion based on my experience with my own two children. Alan will provide you his opinion on the matter. For the purpose of this episode, we are using the term discipline as it relates to modifying and teaching the behavior we want to see from our kids. As you listen to our discussion, think about the various types of discipline and how they would impact you as a child if someone was using it on you. Would it change your behavior? Would you learn a lesson? This is really important to keep in mind because something we talk a lot about on this podcast is empathy. Putting yourself in someone else's place and seeing things from their perspective. It's really hard to put yourself in a child's shoes and to think about what they are thinking, but it's crucial. Try to be empathetic toward your child. What type of child discipline is really going to impact them in a positive way and teach them the ways of the world? Let's take a look at some of the various types of discipline that you as a parent have as options: Physical Punishment - Let me just get this one out of the way quickly. There is never a reason to hit a child. Spanking, smacking, any physical touch for punishment. This was a more popular type of punishment in previous generations. I know "Jason, when I was a kid I got spanked and it worked on me. " No, it didn't. You can argue this one all you want. You got upset at your parents and figured out how to not get caught the next time so your butt wouldn't be red again. Physical punishment has been proven over and over to not only be ineffective but ultimately harmful to children. Taking Away Privileges - This covers a pretty wide spectrum of discipline but it includes grounding, taking away their phone or electronics. Parents really seem to like to take away privileges because it's a type of discipline that FEELS like we are making an impact. The impact you are really making is the child focusing on what you did to them instead of really thinking about what they may have done wrong and learning from it. Sure we say "you better think about what you did" but they really don't. The child is really thinking, my dad is a jerk. He took my phone away. or the child is trying to figure out how not to get caught next time or how to be a better liar. We start this one when they are young...."go to your room"...it just sometimes feels good to say it because we don't have anything else to say. Loss of privileges isn't typically a good way to teach and modify behavior long term. Feel free to comment below on how taking away your child's phone really got their grades to improve. Or that keeping your child from playing his games totally made him nicer to his sister. I'd love to hear those results :) Time Out - Still today time out is thought to be an effective type of discipline, especially for younger children. This is where the child sits alone in a specific spot and is supposed to think about what they did. Time out can sometimes teach a child to calm down but the child doesn't really learn new behavior from time out. So if you are using this method, just change it up to "hey lets take a break to calm down" and then once they are calm let them know that what they did isn't allowed and have a talk with them. Rewards - This type of discipline sets you up for some difficulties. If you are providing rewards to your child, they are then inclined to only then do the behavior when rewarded. You are then stuck with always needing to reward the child in order to have them do something. This creates an environment where their motivation is external. They are always thinking "what am I going to get out of it". This is not the type of behavior we want to re-enforce. Eventually,

Your Child Isn’t Sleeping Enough | Dad University Podcast Ep. 237 Sep 24, 2019

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According to the National Sleep Foundation here is the average amount of time your children should be sleeping. Infants (up to 3 months) - 14 to 17 hours per 24 hour day may only sleep 2-4 hours at a time because of feedings 4 months - 11 months - 12-15 hours per 24 hours Toddlers 1-2 years 11-14 hours per 24 hours 3-5 years - 10-13 hours per night 6-13 years - 10.5 - 11 hours each night 14-17 years - 8-10 hours 18-25: 7-9 hours As parents are we creating an environment where our kids can get enough sleep? Are we enforcing a proper bedtime routine so they can get down on time? Tips to get better sleep for children 1) Create a nighttime routine - Figure out what time they need to get up and work backward to make sure they are getting enough sleep. Do bath, pajamas, brush teeth, storytime, etc. As they get older, they should still have a routine. 2) Stick to the routine and keep a regular schedule - even weekends you should try to keep it consistent 3) Create a sleep-friendly environment - This means remove distractions from the bed and room. Mobile, lights, noise, etc. and when they get older, clocks, televisions, any electronics Also, keeping the room cool can help. Not cold, but cooler is better than warm Make sure they feel safe - monster spray or a night light can help 4) No electronics or television right before bed. It's said that we should NOT look at screens for about 2 hours before bed. It affects our melatonin levels which can affect our quality of sleep. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21552190 5) Nutrition & exercise - Try to make a snack at least 45 minutes to 1 hour before bed. Some good snacks are whole-grain toast, a slice of cheese, bananas, a warm glass of milk. Just don't be having lots of sugar before bed or anything that will provide energy. On the exercise side, activity during the day is going to help them sleep. We all see this when our young kids have a really active day....they are out. When we go camping, the young ones on Saturday nights are usually passing out pretty early....unless they are hopped up on candy and sports drinks. 6) Focus on relaxations and winding down rather than sleep - Many people try so hard to seep that they can't. The key is to learn to relax. I like this because it teaches us that rest is important, even if we are not sleeping, learning how to calm your body is important. Everyone has what works for them. Please give us some stories on what has and hasn't worked for you and share with 3 friends!

Tips to Avoid Toddler Power Struggle Chaos | Dad University Podcast Ep. 236 Sep 17, 2019

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If you are the parent of a toddler, you are all too familiar with power struggles. Your two-year-old daughter doesn't want to leave the park and she throws her body onto the floor in protest. or your 3-year-old son refuses to put on the shirt you just picked out for him. The struggle is real. and in this case, it's a power struggle. In this episode, we are going to go over why we experience power struggles with toddlers and I'll offer some tips on how you can avoid them. Let's first understand some common reasons why we have power struggles with toddlers. Just keep in mind, power struggles will most likely continue even as your child gets older, there are just different ways of dealing with it based on the child's age. Power struggles are common in our personal relationships too. Anytime we or the other person is trying to assert control or authority over someone else, you can be faced with a power struggle. So for a toddler power struggle, this is usually the case. Your toddler doesn't like that she is being told what to do, so as a result, she may whine, get angry, throw a tantrum. She's experiencing emotions but doesn't understand how to communicate what she is experiencing or how she feels. Think about this for a second. Your child is 2 years old. They have no clue how to handle their emotions. You want to leave the park and they don't want to leave. They don't know how to say that. They just know that the last time you wanted to leave, they cried really loud and you let them stay 10 more minutes. Or the shirt you picked out for your 3-year-old isn't what they want to wear. The last time this happened he threw a fit so you let him wear the same blue shirt he wants to wear every day. Him throwing a fit worked. He got to wear his favorite shirt. You were in a hurry to leave and didn't want to deal with it. But this time, no way on the blue shirt. You are getting family pictures done and he has to wear a white shirt. The truth is that most adults don't even know how to handle their emotions. But for toddlers, this comes out as defiance and the power struggle with your toddler begins. Good times. A toddler is also beginning to understand their limits. Pushing boundaries is part of your child's growth process. This is totally normal behavior. It sucks, but it's totally normal. So how can we avoid the toddler power struggles? Here are a few tips to keep in mind: 1) Don't take it personally - Your 3-year-old is not out to ruin your life. They aren't really even trying to battle you in most cases. They just want something different than you are offering or don't want to be told what to do. Stay calm and don't take it personally. 2) Do not reward bad behavior - when your child engages in the power struggle, you getting upset and grabbing them, or yelling, is giving them attention. That is actually rewarding them for their behavior. It's negative attention, but it is still a reward. Do not reward bad behavior. Let them know that you will be happy to talk with them when they are calm or you will wait until they are done. If that doesn't work, ignore the behavior. Do not reward them. 3) Pick your battles - Was it so horrible letting him wear his favorite blue shirt again? As parents, we are overtired, overworked. There are bigger things to worry about than his blue shirt. Avoid the power struggle and let it go. In fact, you should be letting him choose his clothes (maybe not for the family photoshoot) but that can be for another video. Sometimes you will need to battle and it will be important to you. Just try to reduce the battles and struggles to the important ones. Pick your battles. 4) Give them choices - Give them 2 choices. This allows them to assert some independence and feel like they have a say. You will be ok with either choice you offer. Example: Do you want to walk to the car or have me to carry you. Either way,

Why am I Not Enjoying Fatherhood as a New Father? | Dad University Podcast Ep. 234 Sep 03, 2019

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I was talking with a friend the other day who is a new father. They just had their baby boy. He says Jason, I'm not really enjoying this. Fatherhood is not what I expected. I'm not bonding with him, my wife is breastfeeding so I can't help there, and he doesn't really react when I hold him or I am near him. I assured him....these are common issues. Many new fathers experience struggles right after the birth of their child. In this episode, we are going to talk about some of the common struggles so that you can start feeling good and begin enjoying fatherhood. If I'm honest...When I had my first child, I didn't bond with him right away. I didn't feel that connection with him that was clear my wife did have. and I recall feeling a little lost about it. I was a little upset. As a new father, you are excited about fatherhood but then when reality hits and the baby is born....and this little thing isn't reacting to you yet, you can't feed it...there isn't much feedback that you get. It may not be very rewarding. Not to mention you are getting less sleep, you are spending a lot more money, and you are less intimate with your wife. You might think these were the things I wanted to sign up for or really knew what I was getting myself into. So understand that feelings of frustration that you may be having are totally normal. You may have expectations that just aren't being met, this is totally normal too. First, you might have to change your expectations, but take a deep breath and know that what you are experiencing is very common. What I can tell you is that this doesn't last very long. Your baby begins to smile and eventually laughs...and this will touch your heart. Your baby will react to you and know that you are his or her dad. Fatherhood isn't easy. There are tons of challenges. But as you stick with it, providing affection, baths, helping your wife, etc. it will all come together. You might still have less sleep but you will be ok. You begin to understand how important your fatherhood role is. You begin to make a connection with your baby. you begin to appreciate that as a new father, you are going to be learning new things every day. We have some crazy stuff going on in this world right now. Kids need their fathers, and they need them badly. It's so important for us to step up and be there.

Interview with Evie and Sarah: Sharenting | Dad University Podcast Ep. 233 Aug 27, 2019

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I was recently interviewed by 2 awesome women Evie and Sarah of the Modern Manners for Moms and Dads Podcast: https://www.evieandsarah.com/podcast51/ They gave us permission to rebroadcast the interview on our podcast. We talk about Sharenting...parents posting too much on Social Media. Here is that interview: This week on our podcast, Modern Manners for Moms & Dads, we have a special guest: Jason Kreidman of Dad University. Dad University provides dads advice and fatherly education, supporting dads through their journey through fatherhood. Jason joins us to discuss his unique perspective on social media and your kids: “Sharenting!” When the average child has over 1,500 images of them posted online by their fifth birthday, what does it mean to overshare?? In this episode, we talk about the etiquette behind raising kids in this generation of ubiquitous social media. Plus, we learn what Jason NEVER does on social media and his view on those of us who do. Here’s a two-word hint…Digital Narcissism. What do you think about Digital Narcissism? Please start a convo below and share it with 3 friends!

How to Be a Good Father No Matter What Your Circumstances Are | Dad University Podcast Ep. 232 Aug 20, 2019

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I don't care whether you are happily married, a single dad, divorced dad, separated, or live far away from your child in a different country. You are a father. and if you want to learn how to be a good dad, there are some things you have to do. If I had to narrow down the most important things needed to be a good dad, these would be it. In this episode, I'm giving you 3 specific things you need to start doing now. It doesn't matter whether you have a newborn or a grown adult child. #1) Presence - Not gifts, your physical and mental presence. You can't be a good dad if you are not there. Both physically and mentally. Now, if you only see your child once in a while, then make it count when you do see them. I would suggest you do whatever you can to see them more often but I understand everyone has their own circumstances they need to deal with. When we spend time with our kids, make it quality time. I talked with a man who told me a story about only seeing his dad a few weeks every summer when he was growing up. Yet those weeks were some of the best of his life. His dad would take off from work and they would spend quality time together. They went camping, had amazing conversations, and his dad was present. 30 years later, he has an amazing relationship with his father and looks back at his early childhood years with his dad as very positive...yet he only saw him a few weeks a year. If you are with your kids all the time, I understand not every minute can be high quality. But be mindful about putting your phone away, reducing your distractions, and spending that quality time with your child to be present. It goes by fast. #2) The second thing for how to be a good dad is providing your child Affection - For many men, being affectionate towards your child may not come naturally. I don't care. You need to practice and make it natural. No excuses. Give your child hugs, kisses, and as much affection as you can. When they are young, they will hold your hand. They may get to an age where they don't want to do that. Then put your arm around them, give them hugs. The physical touch and coming from their father is so powerful! Touch provides connection, it provides safety. It's like communicating but you don't have to talk. As they grow older they may back off with their affection, but you try not to. Stick with it. Being affectionate with your child is so valuable both for them and for you. The 3rd thing is Empathy - I can't tell you enough how important empathy is in learning how to be a good dad. From your newborn baby to your grown child, being empathetic is the key to a great relationship. Empathy is looking at a situation from the other person's perspective and understanding it from their point of view. Here's an example: Let's say your child comes to you crying and says: "I just fell off my bike and my knee hurts." The normal dad's response might be, "you're ok, I don't see any blood. Shake it off. you'll be fine." Well no, the child is not fine. The child is upset and his knee hurts. So why you don't want to coddle the child, an empathetic response is: "It looks like you are really upset. Falling down and hitting your knee can hurt. Is there something I can do to help you? Do you want to get an icepack?" This has nothing to do with teaching your child to be tough or to get back up when you fall. You can value those things if you want to and still be empathetic. It about your child feeling like you understand them. you are hearing them. Do this hundreds of times with multiple aspects of their lives and you better believe your child will be close to you., will feel comfortable communicating with you and will want to be around you. This is how to be a good dad. I created a series of 7 videos called the Fatherhood Formula. It goes into much more detail about how to be a good dad to your child. We would love to hear from you.

Having the First Day of Kindergarten Go Smoothly | Dad University Podcast Ep. 231 Aug 13, 2019

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It's back to school time soon. Some kids are so excited about the first day of kindergarten. They get to have a backpack, maybe a new outfit and smile on their faces when you talk about it. But others, not so much. The idea of going to school for that many hours or leaving their parents is just simply scary. They may be anxious about it. Whether your child is excited or anxious, this video will provide some first day of kindergarten tips to get you and your child ready to make a smooth transition into school. There is something I want you to keep in mind throughout this entire episode Being empathetic. The first day of kindergarten for parents can seem a little trivial or like it's just not that big of a deal to go to kindergarten. But keep in mind that's us looking at this situation through our own eyes and not our child's. I made this mistake. It wasn't until I realized how much of a transition this can be for them that I was able to be empathetic. It can be a really big deal for them to go to kindergarten. So we got that out of the way, let's go over some tips for the first day of kindergarten: 1) Create a morning schedule – A schedule that is posted can really help everyone. We actually have another video in which we talk about creating a morning schedule. You list everything from waking up, eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. all with specific times. You post that so everyone can see it. Then that brings us to #2 which is Practice - Tell your child we are going to practice for the first day of kindergarten. You wake up, follow the schedule and actually visit the school. Show them where they will be dropped off, and then where you will be picking them up. #3 - Talk About The Teacher – Usually you find out who the teacher is in advance. We talked about how positive the first day of kindergarten will be and how amazing the teacher is. "You got Mrs. Stanley as your teacher. She is so nice. you are going to really like her." This allows your child to begin getting familiar with at least the teacher's name. So when they do meet the teacher, there is a little more comfort. #4) Get everything ready the night before - You can do this for the practice days too but you are going to want to minimize any difficulties in the morning of the first day of kindergarten. Debating over clothes or arguing about what is for lunch are just things you want to avoid. Let your child pick out their clothes the night before, you make their lunch, etc. Involve them in the process the night before so they can feel a part of it and get excited. #5) Get plenty of sleep - a few days prior to the first day, I would suggest being pretty strict about their sleep schedule. Make sure they are getting plenty of sleep a few days prior. It's a big transition to school and they will most likely be very tired in the evenings after the first week or so of starting kindergarten We would love to hear from you. Is your child headed to kindergarten? Are they excited about it or a little scared? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.

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