Dad University Podcast

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Tips For New Dads In The Delivery Room | Dad University Podcast Ep. 250 Dec 24, 2019

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Congratulations, you are going to be a new dad and you have a baby on the way. Hopefully, you have already watched some of our pregnancy-related videos. If you haven’t, be sure to check them out after you are done with this one. We have listeners from all over the world, but in the US, the majority of births are done in hospitals, delivery a baby outside a hospital is becoming more popular. We recognize that are other types of delivery room scenarios in addition to labor and delivery rooms in a hospital. There are birthing centers, you may be delivering at home, or other scenarios. These tips will hopefully be helpful regardless of where the birth may be taking place. I was pretty lucky. My wife was a labor and delivery nurse for many years before we had our first child. While she said it was a lot different going through it herself, she was very familiar with everything. You have already made the decision that you are going to be in the room when your child is born. If you only get one thing from this video, understand that your main purpose as a new dad and being in the delivery room is to support her. Yes, it is your child, you want to experience the birth of your child, and you want to share that experience with your wife. But’s let’s be honest, she carried the baby for 9 months inside her and is the one going through the physical process of labor. You got the easy job on this one. Tip #1: Find Out What She Expects From You – You don’t want to find out afterward that she really wanted you to be holding her hand during labor and you were an excited new dad busy taking videos. Have a conversation beforehand and listen to her. What would she like you to do or what expectations does she have? You’ll get some points just for asking those questions. #2 - Know Your Limits – Birth, in general, is a pretty messy process. If you are squeamish by the sight of blood, then know you don’t want to see that. That’s ok. You shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything you are not comfortable with. Various birthing situations usually provide options. You may be able to stay near her head and not see all of the details. Keep in mind you may have to balance this is she has any expectations about this. Which is why you have to have the discussion beforehand. #3- Be Her Advocate – Does she need something from the doctor? Is she uncomfortable? Is the staff not providing the level of attention that she may need? You need to step up and be her advocate when you are in the delivery room. Be her voice so she doesn’t have to deal with that and can focus on the birth. #4 - Stay Calm – This is sometimes a tough one for new dads in the delivery room. In addition to her, you possibly have a family to deal with. There is stress, excitement, and labor can often take a long time. The important thing is to remain calm the best you can. You remaining calm will hopefully help her remain a little calmer. #5 Expect the Unexpected – Be flexible. You can have the most detailed birth plan in the world and think everything is going to happen a certain way, but there are no guarantees. There are so many variables when it comes to birth, you have to be ready to expect the unexpected. Roll with it. Something comes up, you adjust. As a new dad in the delivery room, you do have a big responsibility. Supporting your wife is a big deal and it’s important. This is an experience you get to share together. Work as a team and be there for her.

How To Talk To Your Kids About Death | Dad University Podcast Ep. 249 Dec 17, 2019

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This is a topic that most parents prefer to avoid talking about – death. It’s uncomfortable and can bring up emotions and feelings that you just don’t want to deal with. When we have kids, we want to protect them from harm and anything unpleasant and death is very unpleasant...it sucks. But the truth is that death is a reality. We all die eventually and nearly everyone experiences the unfortunate death of someone that they love. So how do we talk about death to our children? These are some things to help you discuss death with your child. Whether it’s a parent, friend, relative, child, or even someone in the public eye, a death can really affect us. Most of us are not taught how to deal with death. Of course, this can vary culture to culture as some cultures treat death differently than others. I wanted to share with you some of my own personal experience with this process. My mother had passed away years ago after a long battle with cancer. It was devastating for my entire extended family. My son was 3 years old at the time and my daughter was 1. For my 1-year-old daughter, there wasn’t much to deal with. But for my 3-year-old son, he knew grandma well and had questions. But forget about knowing how I should communicate the death of their grandma to my kids, I didn't know to deal with it for myself. I ended up going to grief counseling which was a game-changer. My therapist Jim, was absolutely instrumental in helping me through an extremely difficult time. I interviewed Jim on my podcast a few years ago. Today, I wanted to share with you what I learned about talking to my kids about death and hopefully, it can help you through the process: #1) Be honest – Don't hide it. Don’t sweep it under the rug. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Of course with all of these tips, there are going to be differences in how you deal with it based on the child’s age. We said that grandma died of cancer and is now in heaven. My son didn’t quite grasp it all but he did understand that he wasn’t going to see grandma anymore. She was now up in the sky. It was cute...one time a helium balloon accidentally left our hands and went into the sky, my son said: “don’t worry, grandma will catch it”. Be honest with your kids. There is a lot of value in the truth #2) Be empathetic - Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. Look at the death from their perspective. Their age is going to make a difference. Maybe it was a parent, a sibling, or a friend. Your child may have a completely different relationship to the person who died than you did. Try to look at it from their perspective. #3) Use the word death – Sometimes we use different words thinking that it will make the situation easier to handle. We may use terms like passing away and as adults, we understand this. But for kids, “passing away” or “gone to sleep forever” can be confusing and even scary to kids thinking they could go to sleep and not wake up. Use the word death and it makes it very clear what you are talking about. #4) Allow yourself to grieve – This was the single most important thing I learned. Giving myself permission to cry, be angry, and feel all of the emotions that I went through. Don’t judge yourself because you are crying. Don’t judge yourself on how you are dealing with it. Giving yourself permission to feel whatever you do. Everyone deals with it differently so allow yourself to grieve. #5) Let your kids see your emotions – This was hard for me in the beginning because I felt I had to be strong around my kids and that meant I didn’t want them to see me cry. I didn’t want them to see me sad as I felt it would make them sad. But I learned that I needed to grieve...and if it happened to be around my children then ok. They saw that dad was sad and would sometimes ask questions. I would then say, yes, I am really sad about grandma's death. We will all be ok but yes I am sad.” This actually made me human to my kids.

How To Talk To Your Kids About Death | Dad University Podcast Ep. 246 Dec 17, 2019

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Tips For New Dads With Daughters | Dad University Podcast Ep. 248 Dec 10, 2019

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You can take the toughest, meanest man in the world, and the one thing that can turn him into a softy is a baby daughter. Daughters have this power over a new dad much more than sons do. But we also often treat our daughters differently than our sons. Is that a good thing? In this episode, we are going to discuss some ways we may treat our daughters differently and go over some tips for new dads with daughters. If you have a new baby girl or have a daughter on the way these are some things you can do (or at least think about) right now. Be Physical – A study, published in the American Psychological Association's journal Behavioral Neuroscience, confirms that dad play more physical (like rough and tumble) with their sons than they do with their daughters. Dads with daughters focused more on emotional responses, like making facial expressions, singing, etc. So this means we are reinforcing gender stereotypes from the time they are born. Children benefit from all kinds of stimulation. Your daughter will benefit from you being physical with her. Play rough and tumble with her, wrestle. Do the same physical things you would do if you had a boy. Being physical is good for her. Compliment Her But Not on Her Appearance – Your daughter doesn’t have control or has a choice of how she looks.....and we are all guilty of focusing on external things. Instead of telling your daughter “You are so pretty” or “You have such a beautiful smile” say something like “I’m really lucky to be your dad” or if she does something great, you can say “You did that by yourself”. It’s great to use encouraging words that allow her to feel good inside.....and please Don’t call your daughter princess. If she feels good about the inside, she will feel good about the outside. It doesn’t usually work in reverse. Avoid Pinkification - Don't succumb to the pinkification of girlhood. Her toys don’t have to be pink, they don’t have to be what people would consider girl’s toys. Let her decide what she likes. Does she like to play with cars, tools, or action figures? Great, let her make her own choices. The same goes for clothes. Not every piece of clothing has to be a pink frilly dress nor does it need to always be gender-neutral, but be mindful of what you are choosing to purchase. As she gets older, she will begin to choose what she likes. Allow her to be an individual and make her own choices. The next one may apply a little more as she gets a little older but I want you to start getting this engrained in your head NOW, while your daughter is still young... Don’t Limit What She Can do – Other than the direction of wiping when changing a diaper...and BTW always go front to back with your daughter, there really should not be much difference on what little girls do versus boys. She should be able to get dirty, play any sport she chooses, be rough, or do anything else you or others might think is “for boys”. Being a dad with a daughter is a special gift. It is up to us fathers to make sure we love them unconditionally and support them to thrive. How they view this world is highly impacted by our interactions with them. Go hug and kiss your daughter and let her know how lucky you are to be her dad.

Gratitude Isn’t Just For Thanksgiving | Dad University Podcast Ep. 247 Dec 03, 2019

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For many people in North America, being thankful and expressing gratitude is something that only happens once a year. Having a holiday like Thanksgiving shines a light on being thankful and forces everyone to stop and think about gratitude for a second. The thing we are missing out on is that practicing gratitude is so powerful, that it can literally change your life. Do you get depressed often? Do you find yourself wanting more all the time? A better car? A nicer house? Is your relationship rocky? Do you find yourself arguing all the time? Do your kids drive you crazy? What if I told you that all of these things can improve with gratitude? While thanksgiving is primarily a North American holiday, there are other countries that have similar holidays in which giving thanks and being grateful is part of the celebration. For many years, one of the traditions of my family was going around the room at Thanksgiving dinner and saying something that you were thankful for. Certainly, it’s a great exercise, especially for young kids to be thinking about gratitude and what they are thankful for. I can’t emphasize enough how impactful gratitude can be. One of the areas I just mentioned was depression. Gratitude is the antidote to depression. Let me say that again because it’s really important: gratitude is the antidote to depression. It is nearly impossible to be depressed if you are grateful. So if you are someone that feels down a lot. You need to start practicing gratitude. Here’s a disclaimer first. If you have severe depression, thought of suicide, or have tried many things with no luck, please seek professional help in your area. But for many people who feel down, if there was an easy and FREE way to get you out of your ruts, to bounce back from those times when you are feeling down, would you do it? I’m not promising this happens overnight, although there have been times where this will change my thought immediately. Here are a couple of things you can do to practice gratitude: 1) Write down what you are grateful for. Put a notepad next to your bed and right when you wake up or right before you go to sleep, write down 3 things you are grateful for. I am thankful for the roof over my head, that I have food to eat.. Or maybe you are thankful that your children are healthy. Writing it down is very important as it solidifies it. While there might be some huge weights keeping you down right now, you are trying to train your brain to think about the positive things instead of the bad. And it works. 2) Gratitude Meditation – Use YouTube or a meditation app and find a 5 minute guided gratitude meditation. You close your eyes and someone will talk you through the meditation. It’s easy, only takes a few minutes, and it can leave you feeling great afterward. 3) Replace Negative Thoughts With Gratitude – Catch yourself when you say something negative or are thinking about something negative and replace it with a positive, gratitude statement. For example, this traffic is horrible. Replace the thought with “I can’t do anything about this traffic, I’m going to listen to some music and enjoy the time I have in the car.” This one is not easy. We all have constant negative thoughts throughout the day. You have to catch yourself when you do this and turn it around. There are so many ways in which gratitude and being thankful can positively impact our lives: Are you wanting more things all the time? Car? House? We need to be grateful for what we already have. More things will come into our lives when we appreciate what we already have. Are you critical of your spouse and always pointing out what they are doing wrong? Turn it around and focus on what they are doing right. Did your wife take care of the baby this morning? Be grateful you have a partner you trust to watch your child. Did clean underwear just magically appear in your drawer? Be grateful someone else did your laundry.

Are You Phubbing Your Family & Friends | Dad University Podcast Ep. 246 Nov 26, 2019

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Sitting there waiting for someone to finish being on their phone is not very enjoyable. You are being ignored and not paid attention to. This is phubbing, the combination of being on your phone and snubbing someone. It's happening all over but especially within families. In today's podcast, we are going to go over what you can do if someone is phubbing you and if you are the one guilty of phubbing, we will give a few tips so you can stop it. There is an overarching category to when technology devices interrupt or intrude our lives, this is defined as technoference. It's the mix of technology and interference. This is happening in our families and only getting worse as rings, notifications beeps and vibrations happen more frequently. You are playing with your child and your phone in your pocket beeps or vibrates. You got a message! You have to check it and that is a technoference. Taking it a step further, If you are paying attention to your mobile phone instead of the person you are with, you are a phubber. Phubbing effects our families (including our children and spouses) as well as our friends and people in the workplace. The word phubbing was created by the McCann advertising agency in 2012 as part of a marketing campaign for the Macquarie Dictionary. It means the combination of phone and snubbing. When someone phubs you, you may feel less important, rejected , or excluded and this can have a negative impact on you. It's not a good feeling. Now, the most common phubbing that happens is between partners or spouses. If it is your spouse who is phubbing you, here are a few things you can do to try to reduce it: 1) Have a direct conversation - Your spouse may not even realize that they are phubbing you. Have a phubbing intervention. You may say, "Sometimes when we are together, and even when I'm talking to you. your head is in your phone. I'm being phubbed and I feel like you are ignoring me. Let them know it's not welcomed. 2) Be more entertaining or interesting - You might not like this one but take a hard look at yourself and see if maybe you are really boring. Is the phubbing possibly justified because you are not making any effort to engage your spouse. Ask them to go on a walk, play a game, do something rather than just sitting and wishing they would pay attention to you. 3) Create rules - In our house, we have a rule that there are no electronics at the dinner table. Maybe when you are on a date together, phones are put away and only used to be available for an emergency. Come up with the rules regarding phone usage when together that are realistic and that you both can live by. These tips can help you reduce your spouse's phubbing. But what if you are the phubber? What if you are phubbing your children? If you are, then you are communicating to them that the phone is more important than them. Whether you are phubbing your spouse or your child, there are some things you can do to try to end your phubbing. 1) Reduce notifications - Turning them off is best but I understand this may be too revolutionary of a concept. But is there anything that important that can't wait? You have to know that someone sent you a Facebook or Instagram message? Turning off or reducing notifications can help reduce the temptation to even be on your phone. This can pre-empt the phubbing. You get a message and before you know it, you are down a deep rabbit hole of pictures of classic cars. 2) Ask yourself: Can this wait? - When you pull out your phone, is it really that important? Or are you simply on autopilot, bored, or not even realizing you are doing it? Before you grab your phone, ask yourself if it can wait. 3) Be present - If your spouse or child is in the room and you happen to be on your phone, maybe consider putting the phone down or away. Show them that they are more important than the phone. When you are alone, go for it. But when others are present,

The Effects of Cyberbullying | Dad University Podcast Ep. 245 Nov 19, 2019

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Well although it’s past already, October was national bullying prevention month. Unlike the playground and school bullying of yesterday, today's bullying doesn't allow you to feel safe at home and the ease to be anonymous can make the threats and fear much worse. Welcome to Cyberbullying. Through the use of social media, text messages, and email....cyberbullying is the nightmare that too many kids are having to deal with. According to the Pew Research Center, 59% of U.S. teens have experienced cyberbullying. That's a big number! On this podcast, we are going to discuss some of the effects of cyberbullying and how we as parents can help stop it. Before we dive into Cyberbullyingg I want to introduce you to our sponsor of this podcast, the app Bark. Bark is an app that monitors texts, YouTube, email, and 24 social media platforms and apps. It looks for interactions that are perceived as harmful and detects them. Cyberbullying is one of the things bark looks for, but also drugs/alcohol, sex, mental health, suicide, etc. Once something is detected it notifies you the parent via text and email. This avoids you having to go through all of your child's messages and posts which can be extremely time-consuming but also can feel like an invasion of privacy. Bark monitors everything and simply notifies you when there is something of concern. Bark is offering Dad University listeners a special 1 free month and if you like it there is a small monthly fee...it is so worth it. Bark also works with schools for free which is awesome. You can visit bark.us/daduniversity and get your 1 month free. I’ll also link it in the show notes. https://www.bark.us/?ref=daduniversity#signup When I was growing up, kids would spread false rumors, name call, or receive physical threats. And if you were bullied like this it felt horrible. So you take that bully behavior and you amplify it, add the ability to do it 24/7, add anonymity, and then you have cyberbullying. Cyberbullying brings harassment to another level, outing people by sharing private information, excluding someone from online discussions and then talking about them, to even setting up fake profiles just to harass someone. The effects of cyberbullying are pretty troublesome. Similar to traditional bullying, some of the effects include depression anxiety poor grades lower self-esteem health-related issues alcohol or drug use Kids who are cyberbullied often feel that they can't escape it. The bullying is etched in history online and it seems it will last forever. They feel lonely, powerless, and they will often lose sleep because of it. So how can we prevent or stop cyberbullying? As a parent, we need to make sure our children are aware of how wrong any type of bullying is. So, of course, we absolutely want to make sure our child is not doing the bullying. Another important part is that children understand that being a witness of cyberbullying and doing nothing about it, is also bad. Kids need to feel confident enough to intervene and let their peers know that it is not ok to cyberbully someone else. While there are currently no federal laws on cyberbullying, state laws are taking shape and schools are becoming more involved as they realize the escalating problem. But we can't always leave it up to the law. Here are some additional ways to stop cyberbullying: 1) Know what your child is doing online - You need to be aware of the apps they are using and how they interact with those apps. Make it easy on yourself and use a service like our sponsor Bark. Monitor what they are doing online. 2) Take it seriously - Be sure to investigate if something is going on. Don't minimize what your child could be experiencing. Catching these situations early is going to make it easier to stop. 3) Look for warning signs - Stopbullying.gov says to look out for changes in device usage patterns, watch for emotional responses to their device,

Why Are Family Traditions Important | Dad University Podcast Ep. 244 Nov 12, 2019

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Traditions & rituals are practices or beliefs which are passed down from generation to generation. There are a couple of types of traditions. Religious traditions, Holiday traditions, Cultural traditions, and Family Traditions. For this podcast I want to focus on family traditions. We will cover why family traditions are important and go over some family tradition examples you can implement. For me, some of my favorite memories as a kid were around family traditions. Having dinner nearly every night together, my mom and I going through the drive-through of a fast-food restaurant every week, or my sisters and I traveling for this big swim meet every year and we got to stay in a hotel. Now as a parent I look back at those family traditions I had and I want to create some with my own kids. Here are 9 reasons why family traditions are important to me. 1) They create positive memories - and the memories last a lifetime. Some of mine go back 35-40 years to when I was a young child. 2) Family traditions provide consistency or continuity - Children thrive on routine. We see that from when they are a baby, into toddlers, and beyond. Consistency is a positive thing for kids. 3) It promotes bonding - Whether you are spending time doing a family tradition or the family tradition involved beliefs, it offers that cohesiveness that promotes bonding. 4) Family traditions help create a sense of identity - This is our family thing, this is what we do. That sense of identity can be very valuable to children as they get older. The lack of identity can sometimes lead them down an unwanted path. 5) Shows commitment - It's not easy to commit to something on a regular basis. Commitment is an important trait. 6) It Increases family values - Family traditions reinforce the importance of family. Sure there are other factors but I think my family's traditions growing up did contribute to me realizing how important family was. 7) Offers belonging - Like the sense of identity, feeling like you belong to something is really crucial to nearly all humans. If it's not in a positive way, we will seek it out in a negative way. 8) Family traditions are something to look forward to - Through research, it has been found that one of the keys to happiness is having something to look forward to. Family traditions can help with that. 9) Most of the time they are fun and enjoyable - They typically have an overall positive impact on your mood. So now you understand why family traditions are so important. They can have a huge impact on our lives. There are tons of examples of family traditions, but if you are looking for some inspiration, here are some family tradition ideas: 1) Secret Handshake - Maybe when you are holding your child's hand, you squeeze it 3 times to say "I love you". My wife and I do this along with our kids. 2) Bedtime Stories - Whether you read out of a book or make them up, bedtime stories never get old. Well, your teen might think differently. 3) Family Game night - Bust out those old fashioned board games or cards and play some games to create a family tradition. 4) Movie night - Make some popcorn and rotate who gets to choose the movie. You can be really adventurous and even set up a movie screen outside. 5) Saturday/Sunday morning breakfast - make a special meal or go out on the weekends where you get to take your time and enjoy each other's company. 6) Have a Weekly family meeting - We talk about this in our video about family rules, but a weekly family meeting can be a great tradition for everyone to know what is going on. 7) Family Service Day - Volunteer as a family. This could be for your local community, religious organization, or even just your neighborhood. Teaching the kids about volunteering is an extra bonus. 8) Family Vacations - Whether you go to the same place every year or switch it up, either way, those family vacations will be memorable and you will ...

How New Dads Can Bond With Their Baby | Dad University Podcast Ep. 243 Nov 05, 2019

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If you are about to have a baby or you just had one, you are probably feeling a lot of different emotions. You may be excited, scared, happy, or even anxious. The combination of all of those emotions is pretty common. To set expectations and be very clear, everyone is different. I also want to say right off the bat, it's ok if you don't feel the bond with the baby right away. I remember my wife and I brought our first child (our son) home from the hospital and we set him on the bed, we looked at each other, and I said "ok, now what do we do". She was a labor and delivery nurse so she was a lot more comfortable with a baby than I was. She also seemed to have a bond with our son right away. Granted she carried him for 9 months, was breastfeeding, and spent more time with him. It actually took me a few months after he was born to really start feeling that connected to him. If your baby is still in the womb (it hasn't been born yet), here are a few things you can try to increase the bonding with your baby. First, feel the baby move - Put your hands on your wife's stomach and feel the baby kick or move. It gets real when you feel the baby kick or a turn. Experiencing the movement of your child in the womb can help with the bonding. Your wife feels this a lot so it's nice to be able to also feel the movement. Another, talk, sing, or read to the baby - You can foster the bonding process by being verbal. Your baby gets to hear your voice but also you get to feel like you are communicating with it. Many experts recommend this, and some people love doing it. For me, talking into my wife's belly just didn't come naturally. I forced myself to do it a little bit, but it wasn't my thing. It is worth a try. Next, Get a Sonogram - Get a printout or digital copy of the ultrasound - it makes it tangible. When I saw the actual form of our child it was crazy. It was fascinating. I couldn't believe that it was our baby. For many, this makes it real and can assist with the bonding. The last thing prior to the baby being born...and I'm putting it in this section because it requires planning prior to the baby being born is taking Paternity Leave. I understand not everyone has the ability to take off the time, but if you can, I would highly suggest it. Paternity leave gives you the ability to spend that early time with your child. Once the baby is born, there are definitely some things you can do to try to increase bonding. Again, keep in mind it's ok if you don't feel a really strong bond right away. This is common. 1) Skin to skin contact - It's a pretty cool feeling for both of you. You could lie down or recline in a chair and put the baby on your chest. Another way would be to give your baby a massage. Allow their skin to touch your skin. Both the lying on your chest and a massage are great ways to improve bonding. 2) Feeding - If your wife is breastfeeding, she may pump some milk which would give you the opportunity to do feedings. If she is not breastfeeding and you are using formula, use that feeding time to bond with your newborn. 3) Changing diapers - The time you are changing a diaper can really be used as a bonding time with your child. Make diaper changing a positive experience where you get to interact instead of it being a chore you have to do. 4) Bathing - Most babies seem to really enjoy warm baths so you can bond with your baby by giving them a bath. Bath time was an awesome bonding time in our house. You can even get in the bath with your baby if you want. 5) Wear your baby - You can use a baby carrier to be close to your baby and still be able to do other things. Babywearing (especially for dads) has become more popular over the years. The closeness as well as being able to share activities can assist with bonding. 6) Eye contact - Look at your baby, smile, make faces. You can communicate with them just with facial expressions. Your newborn may eventually try to imitate your expressions ...

Co-Host Alan is Now a Father! | Dad University Podcast Ep. 242 Oct 29, 2019

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Our Co-Host Alan Bush is now a father! In this episode we give him a huge congratulations and discuss some surprises, struggles, favorites and more!

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