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How To Make Friends Advice On How To Do It Jul 05, 2019

Show notes

And here's the second part of our 'How to Make Friends' podcast. In this one we try to be a bit more practical and reflect on some of the things we can do to make friends and to make it easier for others to do the same. We chat a bit about our origin story too. For more check out the blog https://megjohnandjustin.com/relationships/how-make-friends/

How To Make Friends Part One Jun 28, 2019

Show notes

How to make friends: Part 1, why it’s tricky [I reuploaded this episode because the last two minutes were cut off. Sorry about that. Justin] This is a two-parter podcast and blog post about how to make friends. We realise at Meg-John & Justin we often follow a similar structure whatever we’re talking about which goes something like this: This stuff is really hard because wider culture gives us all the wrong messages about it and neoliberal capitalism likes us to individualise all our struggles and think there’s something wrong with us So finding it super tough is 100% understandable and normal and don’t give yourself a hard time Here’s how you might do this thing in a different way to normative culture which could work better Here’s some things to watch out for And by the way remember that it’s super hard and understandable that you don’t find it easy or get it ‘right’ all the time. Go gently with yourself So this podcast goes something like… Part 1 Making friends is really hard because there’s no script for it, representations of friendships make it look like it should be really easy, most of us have very little time to nurture friendships because of work (#capitalism), and we’re taught to prioritise other kinds of relationships (romantic and family) So finding making friends super tough is 100% understandable and normal and don’t give yourself a hard time Part 2 Here’s some ways we could make and develop friendships by tuning into what we’re looking for from friend relationships, and cultivating connections to intentionally and consensually develop them into friendships And by the way remember that it’s super hard and understandable that you don’t find it easy or get it ‘right’ all the time. Go gently with yourself In part 1 we reflected how young and old people are often expected to be able to be friends with everyone of the same age as them - we just put them together and expect them to get on. For adults there’s hardly any script for making and maintaining friendships. We’re meant to prioritise romantic and family relationships over friendships. There’s a sense that friendships should just happen and not require any work which is a problem because they’re not that easy for most people, and not that consensual if we just ‘do’ friendship without ever reflecting on it. There’s also ableism and neurotypical privilege involved in the expectation that everybody will find it easy to engage in social situations, automatically know how to develop friendships, etc. Where wider culture does represent friendship it is in a very idealised way. TV shows from Friends to the Big Bang Theory are based on close, tight friendship groups where people have lots of fun and joy and hang out together. Movies often depict besties and buddies who have easy, close relationships. All this presents a model of what friendships should look like which doesn’t suit everyone (some people prefer multiple one to one friendships to a group, or non-hierarchical friendships, for example), and it continues to make it look like friendship is easy when actually it’s just as complex as any other kind of relationship - with the added challenge of there not being much of script of how to do it: making friends, maintaining friendships, and ending friendships. Everything can be harder still when you have fewer friends to start with - for example if friendship is an area you find difficult, if you’ve just moved where you’re living or working, or if you’ve recently lost some friendships. When it feels like potential friendships are scarce, and/or when you feel low in confidence and scared of rejection, the whole area can become more loaded and fraught. So how can we go about making friends in this tough territory? More on that in Part 2.

Kiss My Genders Jun 24, 2019

Show notes

We went to see the Kiss My Genders art exhibition at London's Hayward Gallery in the Southbank Centre last Friday and we had a chat about what we thought about it. We think it's an important show and well worth seeing. More details about it here https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/130821-kiss-my-genders-2019

Wanting To Be More Horny Jun 14, 2019

Show notes

Following from our ‘horny all the time’ podcast, this podcast explores what we might do if we are wanting to be more horny. Read more about this at our blog https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/wanting-to-be-more-horny/

Being With Joy Jun 06, 2019

Show notes

This time on the podcast we talked about an emotion that doesn’t get much coverage: joy. In wider culture there’s often a sense that it’s only okay to experience and express ‘positive’ emotions like happiness and joy (although we don’t spend a lot of time thinking critically about these feelings). That’s why when people ask how we are the default response is often something like ‘good’, ‘fine’ or ‘mustn’t grumble’. Visit megjohnandjustin.com for the blogpost.

Public Displays Of Affection May 31, 2019

Show notes

This episode we responded to a listener question about PDAs. They were particularly concerned about how to navigate PDAs in a non-monogamous relationship: to what extent is it acceptable for their partner to be physically affectionate with another partner in a social situation when they are also around? Check out the website for a blog post about this too

We Watch When Harry Met Sally May 24, 2019

Show notes

We needed to do something fun for us, so we decided to watch one of our favourite rom coms together and record what we said. So think of this like us providing a commentary like what you get on DVDs. If you'd like to watch along with us (it's available on Netflix and Amazon Prime at the moment) we give you a countdown at the beginning. We watch it with the sound off so MJ does all of the singing. We have no idea whether you'll like this or not, so let us know! Back to our usual podcasts from next week.

Talking About Sex Too Much With Friends May 17, 2019

Show notes

This episode we addressed a question sent in by a listener about talking about sex with their friend. Specifically they wanted to know what to do when most of their conversations with their friend revolve around sex, sometimes around other people and in workplace contexts, and they would like to talk about other topics sometimes too. Full show notes at our website megjohnandjustin.com

Values in a Relationship Apr 08, 2019

Show notes

On the podcast this time we talked about the importance of being aware of values in relationships, and how this can be challenging particularly when our values differ, or become more different over time. To read a neat blog about this, head over to http://www.megjohnandjustin.com

Justin Chats With Eleanor Janega About The Objectification of Sex Mar 30, 2019

Show notes

[Little content note: we mention rape but we don't go into any detail at all. Also it's a bit more sweary than our usual podcasts, if you or anyone near you doesn't like swearing.] We thought we'd create a thread of episodes where one of us chats with interesting people in the world of sex, relationships, sexuality, and gender. In the first of these, Justin chats with Dr Eleanor Janega, who is a kick arse medieval historian. We chat about a theory which Eleanor has been working on about the ways we see sex as an objectified commodity and where these tropes may have come from. So learn about Thomas Aquinas (little Tommy Quine Quine), logical sex, the dangers of sexual arousal, and how they all relate to Incels. We bring the chat to an end by reflecting on how us and you, dear, gentle listener, might think about our language around sex. Perhaps we too think about sex as an object to be got, rather than as an activity we may take part in (and perhaps even enjoy). Check out Eleanor's website https://goingmedievalblog.wordpress.com and see her excellent twitter game https://twitter.com/GoingMedieval

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