Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

Latest Episodes:

142 - I Can Only Assume Jul 09, 2025

Show notes

In this episode we unpack a dramatic parking lot rice explosion, a woman who ingested her friend's house keys, and our eternal disdain for Jack Berger. Plus, Jonathan confesses his love for hardware stores, which is somehow... not a bit. It's an emotional rollercoaster of nonsense and neuroses. Just how we like it.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

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Sponsors:

➜ Go to BollAndBranch.com/camp to get 15% off, plus free shipping on your first set of sheets. Exclusions apply. See site for details.

➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.

➜ Tackle your to-do list today and get 15% off your first task at taskrabbit.com or on the TaskRabbit app using promo code CAMPCOUNSELORS

➜ Go to Zocdoc.com/CAMP to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Works Cited:

➜ Katy Pagan. “My Friend’s Extreme Measures to Stop Me Going Home from Pub Landed Her in A&E.” The Sun UK, 6 June 2025.

➜ Koh Ewe. “‘Best Place to Have Herpes’: New Zealand Advert Wins Top Prize.” BBC News, BBC, 24 June 2025.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bridesmaid Floral Smackdown - Trail Mix #91 Jul 07, 2025

Show notes

In this mini episode, we are reading listener submitted stories about Zachariah and a brush with an illness he didn't know about, a wine drunk camper who wrestled a child for flowers, and a steamy shower session that ended up on the bathroom floor.

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Sponsors:

➜ Tear. Pour. Live more. Go to LiquidIV.com and use code CAMP at checkout to get 20% off your first order.

➜ Talk it out, with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/CAMP

➜ Go to FactorMeals.com/camp50off and use code camp50off to get 50% off plus FREE shipping on your first box.

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

141 - The Fill-My-Hole Initiative Jul 02, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, a mystery is unraveling itself before our very eyes campers! Who is Marc? Where is Fatima?! Then, we take a road trip (watch out for potholes) to a Pennsylvania town with a surprisingly creative solution to fix their streets. Plus, we've got a 138 year old tortoise who's proving it's never too late to become a dad. And obviously so much more I can't type out because my hands are tired.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Sponsors:

➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.

Works Cited:

➜ Alexa Southard. “Millersburg Launches ‘Fill My Hole’ Initiative for Residents to Report Potholes.” WHP, 6 June 2025.

➜ Sergio Candido. “Giant 135-Year-Old Galapagos Tortoise Goliath Celebrates First Father’s Day as New Dad at Zoo Miami.” CBS News, 13 June 2025.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Red Flag Mormon Wedding - Trail Mix #90 Jun 30, 2025

Show notes

In this mini episode, we are reading listener submitted stories about a camper with a dead cell phone on a one-way trip through hell in heels, a camper who is just... like... annoyed, and a camper who brought back more than just wine from Italy.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

140 - Leading With Whimsy Jun 25, 2025

Show notes

This week at Camp Shady Birch, we’re taking a wild ride... LITERALLY. Counselor Z discovers a log flume for sale on Facebook Marketplace, and baby that’s just the beginning. Not to be dramatic but we suffered the ultimate bait-and-switch from an oil painting seller who yanked the art right out of our hands. We are thrashing out and lashing out in this episode, yall. And little miss U-Haul? She's in the trash. Bill Nye however... is not ;) Let's get WHIMSICAL! (sung to the tune of Physical by Olivia Newton John).

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Works Cited:

➜ Jessica Dupnack. “Detroit Woman Booted from Zoom Court Hearing after Making PB&J during Call.” FOX 2 Detroit, 10 June 2025.

➜ Allison Blair. “Woman Adopts Grandfather’s Cat After He Passes and the Most Magical Surprise Ensues.” Parade Pets, 31 Mar. 2025.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I Slept with My Neighbor… Now My Boyfriend Wants to Hang Out - Trail Mix #89 Jun 23, 2025

Show notes

In this mini episode, we are reading listener submitted stories about a camper whose hot-girl-walk became a neighborhood entanglement, a camper who buried their secret under cinder blocks and prayed it would never be found, and a camper who proved lightning sometimes does strike the same place twice.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Sponsors:

➜ Go to TropicalSmoothieCafe.com and find a cafe near you.

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

139 - We Bought A House And Moved Hundreds of Miles Away! Jun 18, 2025

Show notes

Surprise! We bought a house! In this episode, we unpack (emotionally, not physically... we are still avoiding the boxes and Buffy likes to sit on them) the chaotic rollercoaster of home buying. The stress, mama! The Scotch Tape Scam of it all!! Each day, our deep disdain for cheapo house flippers wallows deeper and deeper lol. We also discuss why packing is dreadful and why we’d rather be bald in a suit at a Pitbull concert. Plus, we pay our respects to Mother Ethel Cain. Welcome to our officially unofficial counselor cabin housewarming celebration!

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Works Cited:

➜ Rick Rouan. “Fact Check: Yes, Jack Black’s Mother Worked on System That Helped Save Apollo 13 Astronauts.” USA Today, Gannett Satellite Information Network, 30 June 2021.

➜ Hilary Fox. “White Shirts. Black Ties. Bald Caps. Pitbull’s Fans Party like Clones Worldwide.” Hartford Courant, The Associated Press, 12 June 2025.

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

My Soul Was Left At The Denver Airport - Trail Mix #88 Jun 16, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, we read listener submitted stories about a hot and talent boyfriend whose friends flaked on him, a sneaky camper who found her fiance's secret box, and a camper who took a flight spiritually, emotionally, (and eventually) literally.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

➜ Go to Zocdoc.com/CAMP to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

➜ Go to TropicalSmoothieCafe.com and find a cafe near you.

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

138 - We Are The Content We Consume Jun 11, 2025

Show notes

This week, we’re recapping the chaos that is our current media consumption. From buying a tear stick for attention purposes only to analyzing Hollywood plastic surgery. We also dive into the enigma that is Paul Jonas and try to make sense of it all. Then, we take a nostalgic detour behind the scenes of Clueless and wrap it up with a full breakdown of our incredible experience at Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter concert. Yeehaw and thank you, Queen B.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Works Cited:

➜ Kimberlee Speakman. Storm-Chasing Couple Gets Engaged in Front of Oklahoma Tornado in “Epic Proposal,” PEOPLE, 23 May 2025.

➜ Nell Greenfieldboyce. “Researchers Puzzle over Rash of Baby Monkey Kidnappings.” NPR, 19 May 2025.

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dental Office Nightmare Employee - Trail Mix #87 Jun 09, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, we read listener submitted stories about some camper work drama that is truly dental damning, a nurse who had a secret she could not hold onto any more, and a cross country camper whose final stretch of open road quickly turned to freak behavior.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.