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    Kids & Family

    Bible Stories for Heathen Children

    I’m Robbie, and I tell family-friendly, fun, and somewhat irreverent retellings of Bible stories for kids who aren’t already familiar with them. I couldn’t find the stories told as myth without attempts at indoctrination, so I’m trying to do that. The audience I always have in mind for my stories are my two brilliant and sarcastic children, ages 8 and 9. Text versions will be posted for free at https://www.patreon.com/BSFHC .Subscribe to my Patreon for bonus content and early access to episodes! (My Patreon is currently on hold.) Make a one-time donation at ko-fi.com/robbiebsfhc.

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    Copyright: © 2023 Bible Stories for Heathen Children

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    Latest Episodes:
    50 - Peter and Cornelius May 20, 2021
    Show notes

    This week, we continue the story of the early church in the book of Acts, focusing on Peter. Peter has a weird hunger dream and then gets a request for help from an unexpected source: a Roman centurion! He knows God is trying to tell him something -- but what?

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    49 - The Necromancer Apr 01, 2021
    Show notes

    In this special episode, Robbie tells the chilling story of an undead demigod with an insatiable thirst for souls & the power to raise an army of the dead.
    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    48 - Nehemiah and the Evil Rich People Mar 11, 2021
    Show notes

    In this story, Nehemiah rallies the people to rebuild Jerusalem. Almost everyone helps build it except the rich people, who are too busy taking advantage of people's struggles to become even wealthier at their neighbors' expense. Nehemiah has a lot of work to do to protect against threats from both outside and inside the city.
    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    47 - Esther Feb 25, 2021
    Show notes

    Today Robbie tells one of the most beloved Bible stories of all time: the story of Esther, the young queen who saved her people from destruction.

    Content note: In the original story there's an undercurrent of sexual violence and racial violence, and the story takes place in a culture that just isn't safe for ethnic minorities and women. We tried to keep this adaptation child-friendly and as light as possible while still being true to the story and the author’s own beliefs on the importance of consent and justice.

    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    46 - Paul the Apostle Jan 28, 2021
    Show notes

    This episode picks back up in the book of Acts, where Peter and the early church are excited to face a lot of persecution, mostly directed by a young man named Saul. Saul, also known as Paul, is very, very certain that he knows the true way to follow God and that those who disagree with him are not only wrong but dangerous. We’ll see whether that changes over the course of this story.

    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    45 - Samson Jan 14, 2021
    Show notes

    This episode is all about Samson, God’s one-man wrecking crew against the Philistines. Samson was not the wisest, but he definitely was the strongest -- at least, while his hair was long. It’s a story full of fighting, riddles, deception, and extreme recklessness.
    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    44 - Imposters Among Us: Shibboleths Dec 31, 2020
    Show notes

    This episode is about shibboleths! You may not know that word, but if you've heard of or played the video game "Among Us," you may already know the concept. We're telling the story of Jephthah the judge, a strong fighter who was terrible at diplomacy, made an impulsive promise that led to tragedy, and who is mostly known for his plan for identifying imposters.
    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    43 - The Christmas Story LIVE! Dec 17, 2020
    Show notes

    In this episode, Robbie revisits the Christmas story (Gospel of Luke version) live with a studio audience! (OK, the studio audience consists of their spouse and kids...gotta maintain social distancing!)
    Free text version is available for most episodes at patreon.com/bsfhc. (Because this episode did not have a script, we unfortunately don't have a transcript. We're sorry about that! But please feel free to check out episode 13, where Robbie first told the Christmas story -- that episode does have a full transcript.) Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    42 - Elisha Makes Naaman Take a Bath Dec 03, 2020
    Show notes

    In this episode, commander Naaman from Aram goes to his enemy country in search of a miracle cure for his sickness, and the great prophet Elisha magically captures an entire army. King Joram provides comedic relief.
    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


    41 - The Tower of Babel - Where Languages Come From Nov 19, 2020
    Show notes

    This week we tell the story of a group of people who got along so well and worked together so well that God decided they had to be stopped. Before that, we revisit the stories of God creating the world, Adam and Eve, and Noah’s Ark, so we can better understand how the Tower of Babel fits into the book of Genesis. And because the Tower of Babel is an origin story for languages, we also take a look at how languages actually develop.
    Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!

    Support the show


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