Absolute Worst Podcast

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Latest Episodes:

Goodbye AWP! Jan 12, 2019

Hello AWP Interns! This is just a quick announcement to let you all know that we've decided to bring this podcast to a close. We love you and are so grateful that you have helped us make this podcast the amazing thing that it is. We hope that you will stay in touch with each other in the AWP Interns Facebook group and that you'll join us when we embark on new projects. Our podcast will be up until June 1, so if you want to keep any episodes, download them before that time! Byyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!

**Holiday Hiatus Announcement** Dec 08, 2018

Happy Holidays!! We are taking a brief hiatus, but we wanted to wish you all the best, and we hope everyone continues being 'the worst'. We love you and couldn't be more grateful for all of your support. Don't be a d*ck this holiday season!!! Xoxo, DP, Royer, & Sarah the Intern

Episode 82: Nat Strawn Dec 01, 2018

Our guest this week is Nat Strawn. You may remember her as Alison’s mean, Pakistani Pilates Teacher. Nat is also a very funny comedian and social media goddess. You can check her out here, here, here, and here. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, Nat helps us answer some listener questions and we begin by helping a woman who wants what she can’t have. We also try to set boundaries in an apartment dwelling and then try to convince another listener to go to a wedding. We end this episode with some of Nat’s Absolute Yoursts which results in Alison and Dana offering her a plethora of clearly needed therapy. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 81: A Cauldron of Crazy Nov 24, 2018

As usual, we’re off to a rocky start. After a harrowing beginning, we hear from a listener who’s crying through her homework, but she claims this is a good thing. We also hear back from the woman whose show we fixed via dialect coaching. She tells us all about her show in NY and you can learn more about her at her website: www.therachelstern.com. We also fan-girl over a woman who fan-girled over Tim Gunn and one of our listeners gives Alison a tip for cheaper pregnancy tests. We end the feedback section by discussing Alison’s enormous boobs. During the Absolute Worst Feedback section, we help a woman to GET OUT!!! And then we teach another woman that money is stupid. We end Episode 81 with an Absolute Yourst that reminds us to hate authority. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 80: The Angel & The Devil Nov 17, 2018

Alison begins Episode 80 by begging Dana to go to couple’s counseling. We also discuss baby shower etiquette and financial resentment. The Absolute Worst Feedback section begins with a podcast suggestion for Dana and this reminds Dana that her life is falling apart. We also hear back from the woman who was nervous about vacationing with her estranged father’s immediate family and turns out, she didn’t get murdered!!! We then hear from another woman with an absentee father and realize that we’re all in this together. In response to the Canadian Milkbag woman’s doping scandal, we meet a Las Vegas librarian who shares a drug information portal from The National Library of Medicine. Type any drug into the portal to see a list of side effects, why the drug is prescribed, etc. https://druginfo.nlm.nih.gov/drugportal/. We end the feedback section with a beautiful email from a woman who may have found love again…with her husband. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a woman who is real dumb (HER WORDS!). We also meet a hermit who is trying to spice up her life. We end this episode with an epic Absolute Yourst that involves a U-Haul, a lawsuit, and a marriage! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 79: Follow Your Dreams? Nov 10, 2018

We start Episode 79 by discussing babies, AWP merchandise and the new network that our podcast is a part of, Utter Clarity. We then jump over to the feedback section to get some more information about CBD oil and then Dana gets complimented on her birdcall. We also hear back from a woman regarding her mommy issues and another woman confirms that the name Weenie is pretty common. We end the feedback section by discussing our favorite topic — foreskins. Our first question is from a woman who is trying to navigate three relationships with three baby-daddies and while trying to offer a solution, Dana and Alison almost get divorced. We also try to determine whether or not unicorns are real. We end this episode by re-visiting Dana’s homeland, The Deep South. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 78: Finding Our Families & Avoiding Politics Nov 03, 2018

In Episode 78, several listeners beg us to share our thoughts on the current political climate — no. After we get that bullshit out of the way, we’re able to turn our attention to the bigger world topics like why it’s important to use Monistat chafing gel as a makeup primer and whether or not work slippers are appropriate. We also meet yet another listener who is reconnecting with previously unknown family members. We also meet a CysterSister and Alison once again attempts to start a dating site. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a woman who is grappling with meeting her biological father for the first time. AND WE MAYBE CHANGE DANA’S MIND THIS TIME! Afterwards we meet a miserable attorney whose life we potentially make worse. We end Episode 78 with an Absolute Yourst that brings the house down…or at least the sink. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 77: The Return Of Big Pee Pee Oct 27, 2018

Episode 77 is entirely dedicated to feedback we received in response to Episode 65: Anxiety, Depression and a Buttwiper. We begin with an email from a woman who just wants to connect. We also hear back from our new favorite Missouri listener, a woman who was struggling with anxiety and also, BIG PEE PEE!!! We get a lot of helpful resources in Episode 77 which I’ve listed below: If you are struggling with your weight, please follow Ryan Woodall on Facebook or follow the hashtag #woodallweightlosssolutions. Self Determination Theory: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-determination_theory. For Veteran’s with PTSD: kelly@lonesurvivorfoundation.org Accelerated Resolution Therapy: https://acceleratedresolutiontherapy.com/ Enneagram: “The Wisdom of the Enneagram” can be found at https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ Tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique: Learn more at http://www.nickortner.com/ Podcast: Jen Gotch Is Okay Sometimes. Episode: How to feel better right now. FB group Grown and Flown Parents, a community for parents of 15-25 year olds. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 76: Ayden Mayeri Oct 20, 2018

Our guest this week is Ayden Mayeri! You may recognize Ayden from New Girl, Workaholics, or Life in Pieces. Starting on November 2nd, you can watch her in Amazon’s Homecoming alongside Julia Roberts. In Episode 76 we discuss getting through college, marriage counseling and EMDR. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, Ayden helps our listeners lose weight for their weddings. She also helps us try to determine if our sexual partners are taking pictures of us and if it’s appropriate to live like a gypsy. We end with an Absolute Yourst that makes us not want to travel with Ayden in the future. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 75: I Literally Do Oct 13, 2018

Dana is now a professional singer and Alison records this episode from deep REM sleep. As usual, WE GOT PRESENTS — this time in the form of candles. Please check out Burned Candles on Instagram @burned_candles or check out the Etsy Shop: www.etsy.com/shop/burnedcandlesco. Alison is in a dark place so we kick Episode 75 off with “Just Some Love” from an amazing AWP listener. We also hear from one of our Interns who points out that a massage parlor is impersonating us and we meet a woman who found her AWP soulmate on the subway. In response to Episode 39, a listener confirms that affairs are overrated. We kick off the Absolute Worst Therapy section with some Random Therapy Questions that demand answers. We also try to navigate how to deal with family judgment when wanting to remain childless and figuring out how to keep the peace with our in-laws, even when they act like fucking lunatics. We end Episode 75 with some wedding Yoursts and also a very special treat!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 74: Steve Hytner Oct 06, 2018

Steve Hytner is famously known for playing Kenny Bania on Seinfeld. His podcast, “That’s Gold with Steve Hytner” covers everything from sports betting to pop culture (thatsgold.gold). Before we begin, Steve shares a little bit about his 13-year-old son Jack’s fight against cancer. Steve has recently relocated from Reno, NV to Los Angeles in order to be nearer Children’s Hospital. You can donate to Jack at jackscavalry.com which is also where you can find Jack’s GoFundMe page. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, Steve helps us figure out how to get people gifts, what we should do when people say they think you we don’t like them, and how to date a traumatized boyfriend. Episode 74 ends with a story that reinforces Alison’s belief that Dana is a horrible nanny. Also, Steve berates Alison and Alison is forced to eat her feelings. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. If you are looking for a way to support us, you can donate to AWP here. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 73: Molly Hawkey Sep 29, 2018

Our guest this week is Molly Hawkey! Molly is famously known for editing herself into The Bachelor. She is also the creator/host of one of our favorite podcasts, Spermcast, which is Molly’s very personal quest to find a sperm donor. Spermcast was featured in both The Washington Post as well as The Huffington Post. You can listen to Spermcast here. In Episode 73, we discuss The Bachelor, getting older, and facing our fears. Molly also helps us answer some listener questions and we begin by discussing alcoholism…FUN! Afterwards, we help another listener determine whether or not she’s an awful person and then we cure anxiety. Molly insists that we end this episode with a listener Absolute Yourst which lends itself to us finding Alison and Dana’s Dallas, Texas baby! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 72: Sound Off! Sep 22, 2018

Episode 72 starts off casually enough as we discuss the positive benefits of butter, hear some very pleasant listener feedback and find out we’re the heroes of an AA meeting. Afterwards, things take a turn when Alison accuses Dana of being from St. Louis. This episode continues to unravel when we read an email from our Virginia Intern. She has a lot of thoughts but Dana loses her mind upon receiving a few notes about our sound quality. In an attempt to calm her down, Alison reads additional listener email complaints re AWP sound. Who’s ready for some therapy!? We once again hear from the “Get Out Girl” who’s seeking additional professional help re laundry. Then we try to navigate another listener’s living situation. Unsurprisingly, we fail on both counts. Since nothing we do in this episode makes sense, we decide to end with yet another Absolute Yourst from everyone’s favorite Milk Bag Lady. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 71: It Started Coming Out... Sep 15, 2018

EPISODE 71 – IT STARTED COMING OUT… In Episode 71, Republic Rob demands that everyone give us money, and who are we to argue? If you’d like to contribute to AWP, you can do so via the following links: https://www.patreon.com/absoluteworstpodcast or https://www.gofundme.com/absolute-worst-crowdfunding. During the Absolute Worst Feedback section, we meet a woman who helped Alison escape from the cops and another woman who hates coughers. We also again ask, “Why Me?” Afterwards, in the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we help a young person navigate the new school year and, as always, convince another listener to quit her job. Finally, Alison meets her spirit animal and encourages her to stop sleeping with everyone. We end Episode 71 with an international Yourst that gives us the poop sweats. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 70: Absolute Worst Feedback- Part II Sep 08, 2018

In Episode 70, we focus on helping others by dedicating our entire episode to feedback! We kick it off with some gifts we received from Lanae at Medical Monkeys! Every time you send a Medical Monkey to a loved one, a $10 donation gets made to a charity. Find out more at medicalmonkeys.com. We then do a series of shout-outs per our listener demands and Alison realizes that she’s single-handedly keeping The Public Theater afloat. We also get some feedback about apps Dana will like, crafting support and Gluten. Another listener writes in response to Episode 21 and shares a very honest story about her struggles with suicide. The Absolute Worst Feedback continues with a response to Episode 31, wherein we discuss maintaining friendships in the face of political differences. We also get a response to Episodes 35 & 36 where a listener tells Alison to be nicer to her husband and Episode 49 where another listener asks us all to visualize the hole. Finally, we realize that we’re destroying the Marine Corps. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 69: Molly Erdman Sep 01, 2018

Today’s special guest is Molly Erdman! You may recognize Molly from her hilarious BreakWomb videos on YouTube or perhaps you’re familiar with her blog/book, Catalog Living. You can find out more about Molly on her website: mollyerdman.com. Since Molly is an OG listener, we kick off Episode 69 with some listener feedback. Our first listener demands that Alison literally stop talking. NO CHANCE, YOU WITCH! We also read the results of a very prestigious Instagram poll regarding gift giving. And for the last time, STOP ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY’RE PREGNANT, YOU DUMB FUCKS!!! We end the feedback section by having yet another argument about the hot girl in the bagel store. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, Molly helps us answer a listener question regarding dentistry. We end Episode 69 with an Absolute Yourst that recounts a harrowing trip to Costco. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 68: The Dana Episode Aug 25, 2018

In Episode 68, we celebrate Dana Powell. We also celebrate Intern Sarah by giving her a microphone! We start by answering a listener question about Dana’s bumper problem. We also hear from Alison’s boyfriend, Republican Rob, who offers Dana some insurance advice. We then head over to Dana’s Book Corner where she re-counts the array of books she’s suggested to people over the course of our show (You Are A Badass, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck, The Antidote). Afterwards, we diagnose a listener’s dream/nightmare. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we help a man learn how to ignore his wife’s advice and a woman lie to her parents. We end Dana’s Episode with a barrage of Ghost Stories which infuriate Alison. STOP SENDING THOSE! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 67: Belly Button Fishing Aug 18, 2018

We start the Absolute Feedback section with an email from a new listener who has joined us on our emotional rollercoaster. Buckle up, bitch! We also hear from an overthinking mama and a woman who diagnoses Alison with Empathy Deficiency. The feedback continues when we hear back from a woman who previously wrote in about all the drifters in her home and then another listener reveals that her running game has been ruined by Dana’s sex life. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to teach the youth about sex without feelings. We also help another listener get out of her friend’s asshole and then we fix all fertility issues that have ever existed. We end Episode 67 with an Absolute Yourst which makes us question the benefits of spooning. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 66: Unsolicited Advice & Sexting Aug 11, 2018

In Episode 66, we have a literal breakthrough while living vicariously through one of our favorite listeners, “Desperately Seeking Dick.” We’re so happy for you!!! We also hear from an actual licensed professional therapist who’s responsible for most of Alison’s food porn obsessions. And we get to hear back from the woman whose story about her brother’s battle with mental illness has garnered tons of feedback. Afterwards, we hear from our “bored” listener and she essentially takes back everything she’s ever said. Finally, Alison continues to try to connect two listeners even though it’s wildly inappropriate. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we answer some important life questions about weddings and weight loss. We also try to help someone’s girlfriend to be less crazy and Alison discusses her husband’s dick. Finally, in the Absolute Yourst section, Dana and Alison feel compelled to give advice despite not being asked. We then meet the only person in the world who should potentially see a movie with Dana and a crazy woman who uses a tanning bed, even though she lives in Texas. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 65: Anxiety, Depression, and a Buttwiper Aug 04, 2018

EPISODE 65 – ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, AND A BUTTWIPER In Episode 65, we address a lot of the emails we’ve received regarding anxiety and depression. We start with some feedback from Alison’s boyfriend, Republican Rob. We also hear from Dana’s best friend and an amazing powerhouse mother of three. In response to the Irish mom from Episode 53, another listener suggests the FB group Grown and Flown Parents, a community for parents of 15-25 year olds. We end the feedback section with a powerful account of one of our listener’s struggle with suicide and depression. He also discusses his battle with weight loss and Dana mentions Woodall Weightloss Solutions. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we help a woman address her anxiety. We also help a listener with a big pee pee talk to his mom. We end this episode by offering listeners an opportunity to help someone in need. OG listener, Kathleen Flint lost everything during the Sun Prairie, WI gas explosion. You can donate to her GoFundMe here: https://www.gofundme.com/impactedbysunprairieexplosion. We end with an Absolute Yourst and then Dana tells a story and we all throw up. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 64: Murderers & Shitty Sisters Jul 28, 2018

OMG we got gifts!!! Thank you to Sweet & Salty Stiches for our incredible embroidered wall hangings! Go get your own on https://www.facebook.com/sweetandsaltystitch/ and be sure to follow her on Instagram @sweetsaltystiches. We start by reading some listener feedback and no big deal but we have a brand new Bolivian friend! We also continue to bring people together by facilitating a conversation between “Ugh” and “3am.” And obvs the bra recommendations keep rolling in! We also hear from a male listener that’s def not cheating on his wife and another male listener who enjoys eavesdropping but in like a totally normal way. Finally, we get an update from the woman who keeps forgetting to have sex with her husband. During our Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a beautifully strong woman who lost her husband to cancer and also wants to see our vaginas. We also meet a shrew-woman who can’t stop being mean to her sister and another listener who we have to talk out of stalking a murderer. We end Episode 64 with an Absolute Yourst that teaches us about the multiples uses for tampons. We also hear a great drunk story revolving around homeless tendencies. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 63: Richie Moriarty Jul 21, 2018

Our guest this week is Richie Moriarty. Richie is something called a, “working actor.” You can check him out on his website: https://www.richiemoriarty.com/. Since Richie is an OG listener, we kick things off with some listener feedback. As usual, we got some feedback regarding Episode 45’s problem about whether or not to reach out to one’s secret sibling. AWP Listener, Half Brother, thinks you should go for it! Staying on the theme of brothers, another listener writes in response to Episode 51’s brother issues and we all feel reassured that we’re not the only ones dealing with family issues. We also hear from a listener who has some words to say about Ryan Gaul. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we discuss man-boobs and urinal etiquette...obviously. We also convince a woman to stop furthering her education. YOU’RE WELCOME! We end episode 63 with an Absolute Yourst that makes Richie look like a real asshole. Let’s give him a hand!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 62: Different Strokes for Different Folks Jul 14, 2018

EPISODE 62 – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS SO MUCH IS HAPPENING! We have a new website (https://www.absoluteworstpodcast.com/), Sarah has a new microphone and AWP has stickers!!! We start Episode 62 with a birthday message to an anonymous listener who is going through a lot. You can see the full message on our Instagram! We kick off the Absolute Worst Feedback section with an email from Alison’s former boss who is still telling her what to do. We then get the 500th email asking why Dana calls her husband by his full name. We literally built a brand-new website solely to address this question. Please click on the FAQ section and find out for yourself! Afterwards, the feedback continues and we finally receive some positive reinforcement — first, from a Dana fan and then from a woman mere moments away from having a baby! We then get an update from a listener who originally submitted a question in Episode 51. Her original question about her brother garnered a lot of feedback so after her update, we hear from another listener who has words to say. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we answer the age-old question, “will a man marry you after he’s fucked you?” We also meet a woman whose mother is ruining her relationship. Dana and Alison wildly disagree on how to handle this situation. We end with an Absolute Yourst from one of our favorite listeners, The Milk Bag Intern. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 61: Homophobia & Daddy Issues Jul 07, 2018

During the Absolute Worst Feedback section of Episode 61, we hear from a woman who is proud to call herself our stalker! Keep up the good work, sister! We also meet a hairy babe and a woman who wants to offer her condolences to another listener who got some gel stuck in the wrong hallway. We then get additional bra suggestions and in our biggest moment of glory to date, we help a woman orgasm…literally. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we try to help a listener combat bigotry. Pretty sure we solved homophobia! We then hear from a woman who is having legit daddy issues. Finally, we visit a dual-uterus household trying to determine whether or not to have a second child. EASY! We fix this super simple problem as well. We end Episode 61 with an Absolute Yourst that proves true love exists in the form of a leftover bag of coke. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 60: Why Not Me? Jun 30, 2018

Immediately prior to Episode 60, Dana Tommy-boyed a stranger’s car, left a note, and we then fled the scene. We’re clearly great examples of strong, capable women who should be helping you with your problems! During the feedback section we get even more responses re Canadian milkbags, central vacs, and wanting to know if we have long-lost relatives. Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence that we’re not qualified, we then answer some listener questions during our Absolute Worst Therapy section. We begin by determining the best form of exercise for pregnant women who have to pee all the time. We also try to figure out the most effective way to cultivate rich friends. WHERE ARE ALL THE RICH PEOPLE?! Episode 60 inexplicably ends with a lot of talk about plastic surgery. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 59: Fortune Feimster Jun 23, 2018

This week’s guest is Fortune Feimster! You may recognize Fortune from Last Comic Standing, Chelsea Lately, and The Mindy Project. She is also a hilarious stand-up! Check out her website for tour dates! http://www.fortunefeimster.com/ In Episode 59 we discuss being a failure, coming out, and CraigsList murders. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to figure out the best way to ditch a family member. We also discuss lust versus love and try to determine if it’s ok for our friends to date our siblings. Finally, Alison fixes all of Fortune’s problems in the form of Scottsdale, AZ. Fortune ends Episode 59 with an Absolute Yourst that reminds us why exercising is dumb. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 58: Water Skiing & White Weddings Jun 16, 2018

In Episode 58, Alison and Dana continue with their attempts to solve the world’s problems despite their own inabilities to successfully take a pregnancy test and/or not gnaw through a mouthguard. We kick off this episode with a throwback to Alison’s pooslution that involves a driver’s seat with a toilet on it. #brilliant. We also hear from a woman whose life we changed? We then get a suggestion about how to keep our tits out of our laps and then another listener demands that we break her anonymity. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we answer some questions about what one should wear to a wedding…DEFINITELY NOT WHITE, YOU DUMB MORONS!!! We also try to figure out if it’s appropriate to take a family vacation without your husband and then we try to decide if another listener is in love with her alcoholic stalker. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that’s either pornographic or murderous. We can’t decide! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 57: Absolute Yoursts (Part II) Jun 09, 2018

Episode 57 is entirely dedicated to Absolute Yoursts and we being by discussing Alison’s inability to send appropriate gifts. We then hear back from a woman who thought she was in love but turns out she narrowly avoided death. We also hear from several people who, like Dana, have puking problems and then we realize we ruined some nice woman’s vacation. Halfway through the episode we meet an incredible woman whose drinking is spiraling out of control…but in like a fun way. This is followed by a heartfelt Yourst that doesn’t include alcoholism. We also hear back from our favorite Canadian and her grammar is worse than ever! We end Episode 57 with an Australian adventure with an x-rated twist. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 56: A Pulley System Of Gratitude Jun 02, 2018

We begin Episode 56 by attempting to be kind to one another by showing our gratitude. We also hear back from a listener who is making her dreams come true! She had a deep desire to start a dog rescue and NOW SHE’S DOING IT! Find out more about Scout’s Sanctuary here: https://www.facebook.com/scoutssanctuary/. She is looking for fosters in the bay area and in the central valley as well as anyone who is interested in donating land! Please reach out to her here: steph@haddadtraining.com. Afterwards, Dana and Alison argue over who’s a better best friend (it’s Alison). During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment we try to figure out who it’s appropriate to have sex in front of. We also discuss the downside of being “one of the guys.” We end this episode with an Absolute Worst from a surprisingly chipper woman who’s suffering some pretty confusing medical issues. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 55: Jillian Bell May 26, 2018

This week our guest is Jillian Bell! You may recognize Jillian from her role alongside Scarlett Johansson in Rough Night or Jonah Hill in 22 Jump Street or maybe you noticed her in Curb Your Enthusiasm or perhaps you remember when she was a writer on SNL. Most importantly, you may have heard of her company, Neon Witch which creates t-shirts for girls and guys who want to own their anxiety or depression. Go get a shirt at neonwitch.com and don’t forget to use your promo code (AWP20) to receive 20% off!!! In Episode 55 we discuss dating, freezing our eggs, naming frogs after our friends and a love of scary movies. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we meet a woman who’s trapped in her house and another woman who wants to know what’s so bad about having kids. Episode 55 ends with a Jillian Bell Absolute Yourst that’s tearin’ up our hearts. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 54: Absolute Worst Feedback (Part 1) May 19, 2018

Episode 54 is entirely dedicated to listener feedback. We meet an Australian who finally got married, an OG listener who’s bored, and a woman who’s sick of everyone being objectified. We also celebrate other incredible women who are creating cool stuff. Be sure to check out Fat Girls Dance!!! Facebook: @fatgirlsdance Instagram: @fatgirlsdancemovement A year of dance: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1zJz-nKVhjdAgOUmWMYLJg, Podcast: https://thenakedpodcast.splashthat.com/ Then we meet a woman who thinks she’s a licensed professional therapist, and she therapizes a listener from episode 29. While we’re empowering some people, we’re upsetting many others, and we meet a listener who scolds us for claiming that everyone’s a racist. Sorry! The feedback continues with input from another AWP therapist, a bastard child and their counterpart, an old man, a worldwide traveler, a woman who’s been inspired to reconnect with her core, and a tight vag sympathizer. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 53: Periods, More Milk Bags, & a Scared Hippo May 12, 2018

EPISODE 53 – PERIODS, MORE MILKBAGS AND A SCARED HIPPO Alison and Dana really feel like Oprah this week as they once again discuss their fancy Swedish Sudio headphones. They also offer everyone a 15% off promo code!!! (www.sudio.com Promo Code: ABSOLUTEWORST) During our feedback section, we meet a hateful listener who demands we free our intern, Sarah. NOT A CHANCE, WITCHWOMAN! We then receive a lot of accolades for removing a woman from her boyfriend’s asshole and are re-visited by the Canadian Milkbag Woman. Afterwards, we are slightly reprimanded for insinuating that literally everyone has a STD and that it’s no big deal. The Absolute Worst Therapy segment begins with a period question. STOP DOING THIS! We then meet a woman who insults Alison for not having sisters but then also asks her for advice. Finally, we help a lovely Irish lass to be the best mom she can be. Episode 53 ends with an Absolute Yourst that would give Alfred Hitchcock a run for his money. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 52: Attitudes and Platitudes May 05, 2018

In Episode 52, Alison makes the huge announcement that she’s now a Twinkling Star! During the feedback section, we meet a listener who wants to hear more about our Absolute Yourst segment. We also meet a lovely woman who offers some heartfelt feedback and then slips in a period reference…RUDE! Then, as usual, one of our listeners does some vagina research that we’re too lazy to do. We also meet a man who sends some feedback but we’re mostly just obsessed with his email signature line. We are once again visited by the “Jewish Farmers Only” listener during the Absolute Worst Therapy section and while we’ve single-handedly fixed her love life, she now has job issues. We also meet a woman whose ex is a narcissistic albatross and another woman whose uterus is closed for business. Episode 52 ends with an Absolute Yourst that results in one listener getting the royal treatment. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 51: Ryan Gaul Apr 28, 2018

EPISODE 51 – RYAN GAUL This week’s guest is Ryan Gaul!!! Ryan can currently be seen on the new TBS show, The Last OG where he plays Tiffany Haddish’s husband! The Last OG is produced by Jordan Peele and stars Tracy Morgan. It is so funny, go watch it! Ryan helps us navigate some listener problems in Episode 51 and we begin by helping a listener determine whether or not she needs to tell on her co-worker. We also try to help a woman be more selfish and another woman remove a man from her porch. We end this episode with a Ryan Gaul Absolute Yourst that leaves us wondering why he is still using this word… Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 50: Where is Scandinavia? Apr 21, 2018

This week Alison seeks help and Dana rips on her for previously-chosen Halloween costumes. Seems reasonable. We start Episode 50 by reading some listener feedback and Dana gets real excited because she gets to meet one of her applebuddys. She also gets a suggestion of something that goes great with a Cunt Waffle pencil and then she gets to meet one of our male listeners! Our feedback section ends with another listener who is very upset about AWP’S previous guest Ben Jamison’s thoughts on marriage. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we discuss saggy boobs, tight vages and Scandanavian life goals. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that’s gay as fuck…literally. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 49: Highs & Lows Apr 14, 2018

Alison and Dana are depressed…obviously. They spend Episode 49 recounting some of their recent highs and lows. This ends with everyone receiving a 15% off promo code for some incredible Swedish headphones!!! (www.sudio.com Promo Code: ABSOLUTEWORST) To cheer ourselves up, we decide to read some listener feedback! One person says we’re helping and then several other listeners explain how we’ve inadvertently embarrassed them in social settings. SORRY! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to help a listener stop being a “terrible friend.” We also try to make one of our male listeners feel better about the fact that he’s never been divorced. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that makes our butts hurt again! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 48: Dave Razowsky Apr 07, 2018

This week’s guest is improv guru, Dave Razowsky! Dave is an alumni of Second City Chicago where he performed with an all-star cast including Steve Carrell, Stephen Colbert and Amy Sedaris. He teaches and performs improv all over the world. You can follow his whereabouts and also hear his therapy-adjacent podcast, ADD Podcast, at his website, http://www.davidrazowsky.com/. In Dave’s episode we discuss making mistakes, being honest, and why we don’t like it when people yuck our yums. We also answer questions about when it’s appropriate to tweeze facial hair, whether or not it’s important for us to want to bang our partners, and how to communicate with people we don’t like. We also discuss the horrible burden of fixing other people’s problems. Dave ends Episode 48 with a horrific Absolute Yourst that makes our butts hurt. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 47: The Deep South Strikes Back Mar 31, 2018

We begin Episode 47 by honoring our interns…all of them. We then hear some listener feedback regarding the Deep South — turns out this is a very divisive topic. Afterwards, Alison continues her quest to convince Dana that their podcast is secretly a matchmaking site. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we immediately debunk the theory that absence makes the heart grow fonder while providing some advice to a woman who’s struggling in her marriage. We also try to figure out how to tell if someone loves you. Finally, we meet yet another “annoying” woman who is trying to force her partner to marry her. STOP DOING THAT! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 46: Freaky Friday/Bang Our Intern Mar 24, 2018

EPISODE 46 – FREAKY FRIDAY/BANG OUR INTERN We begin Episode 46 reading text messages between our Absolute Worst Intern and her youthful friend. We also get an update from our dead-tongue listener. We first meet her in Episode 12 and she’s been sending us updates ever since. If you would like to donate to her GoFundMe page, it is here: https://www.gofundme.com/6mffn3-help-amanda-beat-cancer. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a listener who is trying to help people but failing miserably and wants to know when enough is enough. Then we fix another marital issue by offering up the magic elixir – blowjobs. And finally, one listener pretends to be angry about Christmas gifts but we’re pretty sure it’s something else. Our Absolute Yourst section begins with a warning against losing too much weight followed by a Dana Powell impersonation! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 45: Alison's Not Doing Well Mar 17, 2018

In Episode 45, Alison falls apart and dreams of checking into a hotel. Instead, Dana makes her march in a protest. Not helpful, Dana! During the Absolute Worst Feedback section, we finally meet the one listener who LOVES our website. We also hear back from the perfume lady, Dana gets yelled at for telling people not to drink, and the woman we stalk shares an update on her house/albatross. The Absolute Worst Therapy section begins with a question from a woman who is missing her childhood and somehow this results in Dana ripping on Alison for not speaking Spanish. We also try to help a woman figure out what her BF is up to and then we chastise her for not providing details. Our last listener is wondering if she should reach out to a long-lost family member and Alison and Dana totally disagree as to whether this is reasonable or not. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that makes our vaginas hurt. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 44: Eric Stonestreet Mar 10, 2018

EPISODE 44 – ERIC STONESTREET Today’s guest is Emmy-award-winning actor Eric Stonestreet! Eric is best known for his role as Cam on Modern Family. In this episode, we discuss the difference between hillbillies and rednecks. We also ruminate about the best types of apples and when it’s appropriate to eat them. Also,TRAINS HEAL THE WORLD!!! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we start Eric off with a softball and find out that Dana knows literally everything about bird penises. We then try to decide if a woman needs to get a new dog or divorce her husband. Also, when’s the best time to have sex and how can we articulate this to our partners without having to speak to them? At one point, Eric stop therapizing and turns to Alison and Dana for some Oprah-level advice. And, finally, we try to help a woman decide if she’s a city-girl or a country-girl. Eric ends this episode with an Absolute Yourst that proves drunk Irish people ruin everything. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to- someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800- 273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types- symptoms-eating- disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims- and-survivors/

Episode 43: Can I Get An Amen? Mar 03, 2018

EPISODE 43 – CAN I GET AN AMEN? In Episode 43, Alison begs Dana to go to couples counseling. We also read lots of listener feedback about Jesus and also Dana’s deep desire to fuck a horse. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we meet a lovely girl who puked on a dude and wonders if he’s “the one.” We also attempt to single-handedly fix the bullying issue. We also read an Absolute Yourst from a woman who teaches us a lot…mostly about what a Canadian Milk Bag is. We end this episode with the Lord’s Prayer…we don’t…but we try to talk to God and shit gets weird. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 42: Lucy Madeline Feb 24, 2018

EPISODE 42 – LUCY MADELINE This week’s guest therapist is Lucy Madeline! Lucy is a sexual health educator and social practice artist. As a Planned Parenthood educator, she taught sex ed in over 41 schools and organizations in Santa Fe, New Mexico, working with families, teens and adults. In 2013, she co-taught Psychology of Women at Santa Fe University and continues to lecture on topics including the anthropology of menstruation and the politics of birth control. She is currently earning a Master of Social Work in Violence and Injury Prevention at the Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis. www.lucymadelinestudio.com This episode is largely inspired by Episode 29 (We’re Not Qualified) and we kick this episode off with some feedback from the woman we heard from in Episode 29. In Episode 42 we discuss consent, sexual health, community accountability and what type of meatball sub you should shove into your vagina if you think you have a yeast infection. We also answer some listener questions about appropriate genital grooming, embarrassing medical issues, how to get improviser men to act reasonably and what a microaggression is. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 41: Phone Sex & Factory Workers Feb 17, 2018

Don’t worry! Our intern rejected her firing so we’re stuck with her. In Episode 41 we read listener feedback about lazy Christmas gifts, corn dog lovers, and website tips that we will never be able to implement. We also meet a listener who is kind of a psychic but with accents. Afterwards we try to determine if tickling equals cheating and then Dana spends 40 minutes talking about phone sex. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we discuss the best way to save for the future if you make zero dollars. We also try to help one woman stop dating weirdos and another woman decide if she should stand up in her best friend’s wedding. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst from a woman who composes the best Top Ten list we’ve literally ever seen. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 40: We're Looking For An Intern! Feb 10, 2018

EPISODE 40 – WE’RE LOOKING FOR AN INTERN! We kick Episode 40 off with discussions of celebrity sightings and the power of RuPaul. During the feedback section we meet a listener who thinks we sound dumb and as a result we start a swear jar. We then hear from listeners who say we’re single-handedly responsible for making their lives better, telling them what they already know, and lying to them about what marriage is like. We then get advice from a listener who offers some amazing tips on how to make new friends as an adult! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we send a secret message to an anonymous listener. We then try to determine if love should always feel like a rollercoaster and how many kids is too many. Finally, we try to keep a listener from ruining her engagement. We end the show reading an Absolute Yourst from a man who is medicating himself and getting great results. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 39: Jess Rona Feb 03, 2018

Our guest this week is Jess Rona!!! Rona is an actor, comedian and dog groomer based in LA who famously shoots music videos using slow-mo shots of her doggy clients. Her ingenuity has garnered over 100K followers on Instagram (jessronagrooming) and she has been featured in the LA Times, Marie Claire and InStyle magazine. Her ability to turn everyday pups into overnight sensations has attracted a slew of famous puppy owners and Rona’s Instagram is peppered with celebrity dog-owners like Katy Perry, Tegan and Sara and Taylor Schilling. In Episode 39 we discuss LA auditions, following our dreams and anal glands. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, Jess helps us answer some listener questions! We start with a softball question and Jess is already very upset. We then help a listener navigate her relationship with a real-life 30-year-old Virgin! Finally, we try to figure out why it’s always so difficult to stop banging our co-workers. Jess ends this episode with an Absolute Yourst that makes Alison very uncomfortable. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 38: Dana's Angry: Part II Jan 28, 2018

EPISODE 38 – DANA’S ANGRY: PART II In honor of the Women’s March, Alison begins Episode 38 by pointing out AWP’s accomplishments and then compliments Dana incessantly. Unfortunately, Dana is too tired to reciprocate and claims to be “dead inside.” It’s all very inspiring. This week we hear from a few listeners who are very upset about our website and we also hear from a male listener who wants to clarify a few things regarding “duck butter.” By some miracle, another listener agrees with some of our recent advice! She then goes on to point out the things we missed. THANK YOU! After reading some feedback about Dana’s doppelganger, we end the feedback section by making a copy laugh! During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to help a woman determine whether or not she should move. Afterwards we meet an incredible woman who has come a long way but needs a little advice on how to make the next leap to relationship health. We end this episode with an Alison Absolute Yourst that pretty much solidifies her place in history as the “Worst Roommate Ever.” Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 37: Jewish Farmers Only Jan 20, 2018

I’m not sure why but this episode begins with Dana begging listeners to invite her to watch them give birth. This is followed by some listener feedback and we meet a listener who claims she can tell which part of Chicago Alison’s from based solely on her accent. We also learn about a woman’s experience with an eggplant-sized dildo. Then we meet our new bestfriend and celebrate the fact that we’re keeping the youth away from threesomes. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to figure out if a woman is using a man exclusively to fulfill her dreams of becoming farmer. We meet another woman who is trying to figure out if ditching her stalker makes her a bad person. And why can’t one listener get her husband to put down his God damn phone?! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?! Finally, Dana tries to convince Alison that there are certain places where drinking isn’t appropriate. NOT BUYIN’ IT, DANA! Fittingly, we end with a story about a woman whose drinking is making her think Jesus doesn’t love her. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Episode 36: We Have an Intern! Jan 13, 2018

EPISODE 36 – WE HAVE AN INTERN! Episode 36 is all about New Year’s Resolutions and Accountability. We decide to start by reading an email from a listener who teaches us about domestic violence and how we can see the warning signs and not victim blame. THANK YOU FOR TEACHING US A NEW LESSON! Our listener is referencing an email we received and did our best to navigate but it’s always so helpful to hear listeners offer a different perspective. We will now be including the National Domestic Violence Hotline information in all of our show notes along with the links to the Suicide Prevention hotline and National Eating Disorder Association which we have already been including. We also read an email from a listener who wants to help Dana with her Monkey Brain. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we decide to settle something once and for all: “Why does Dana call Dan Tipton by his first and last name?!” We also try to help a woman ditch her stalker mother-in-law and we get honest about what having a baby does to a marriage. We end this episode with an incredible creepy clown Absolute Yourst that’s going to make it pretty hard to top in 2018…BUT WE KNOW YOU SICKOS CAN DO IT! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/ "

Episode 35: Ben Jamison! Jan 06, 2018

EPISODE 35 – BEN JAMISON! Episode 35 is the spirituality episode! Our guest this week is Ben Jamison, author of the book: Church-Free Spirituality: How to Craft a Spiritual Practice Beyond the Bounds of Religion. Ben is a licensed spiritual counselor through Centers for Spiritual Living and has a Masters degree in Spiritual Psychology. You can read more about him at his website: http://www.benjamison.com/. Ben helps us answer some Absolute Worst Therapy questions about love, religion and spirituality. We begin by learning why all marriages need agreements and why anal should potentially not be on that list. We also try to figure out how sex and religion mix. Do they? Or are we all going to hell? Finally we try to keep a woman from murdering her priest. Despite being a spiritual guru, Ben asks us to help him with some perfection issues and Alison answers while cooking bread and cleaning the toilet. NO PROBLEMS HERE!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 34: The Holiday Show! Dec 30, 2017

Nothing says Happy Holidays like a slew of period stories! We also relive some fun AWP quotes and someone tells Dana that she’s a good friend (questionable). Our feedback section is so important to us and we love hearing from our listeners. In that spirit, we hear back from a woman whose tongue is dying. We read her original story in Episode 12: Love & Other Diseases and she has been sending us updates ever since. We are incredibly moved by her strength and courage. She is currently fighting cancer while pregnant and in Episode 34, she offers us a way to help. If you would like to donate to her GoFundMe page, it is here: https://www.gofundme.com/6mffn3-help-amanda-beat-cancer. During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to help AWP listeners navigate the holidays and this section is kicked off with some Family Christmas Misery, as one listener calls it. We also try to figure out how to maneuver around snoozy holiday small talk and try to convince our spouses to correctly purchase gifts for us. We end this episode with a Thanksgiving Yourst where one couple narrowly avoids being murdered. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 33: Life is Like a Scab Dec 23, 2017

In Episode 33 we got lots of feedback about our Male Perspective episode. Seriously…people are pissed. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we try to figure out when you should and shouldn’t get in a car with your mother-in-law. We then meet a woman who’s trying to get her husband to sit on her face…but in like a respectful way. Finally, we help someone mend a broken heart. Our Absolute Yourst segment starts with a Grecian vacation and ends with some marital discord. Afterwards, we meet yet another woman who has underwear problems. There’s no additional story after that and it definitely has nothing to do with periods. Finally, we meet some women in an Arizona Ross who are trying to feel better about themselves. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 32: Sick Dec 16, 2017

EPISODE 32 – SICK Episode 32 kicks off with an update on Alison’s life which continues to spiral out of control. While Alison tries desperately to find the silver lining, Dana, conversely, decides to divorce her husband over a mispacked lunchbox. We then launch into the feedback portion of our show where we meet a listener who needs some support with her body positive fashion Instagram (holychicmilwaukee) so we shout her ass out. Another listener insists that Alison pronounces her own name wrong and we meet yet another man who hates strip clubs. We also get an update from the woman who asked about a new job opportunity but only received advice from Alison about what type of wedding dress to buy. Sadly, the feedback section ends with Alison getting yelled at and being forbidden from using the word “sick” in the future. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we meet a woman who is exercising against her will. We then try to figure out how any of us can make friends. In an AWP first, we meet a Trump supporting Mormon man whose Absolute Yourst takes us by storm. We also get to hear about a listener’s worst date. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 31: It's Early. And Dana is Angry. Dec 09, 2017

Episode 31: It's Early. And Dana is Angry. by Dana Powell & Alison Royer

Episode 30: Sarah Baker (Dana's Doppleganger?) Dec 02, 2017

In Episode 30 we welcome Sarah Baker!!! You may recognize Sarah as Zack Galifianakis’ wife in The Campaign or from the NBC sitcom Go On or as Thea Cunningham in HBO’s Big Little Lies! This episode is all about how Sarah and Dana are such great friends that they have literally morphed into the same person. We talk about marriage, Xanax, and how to say goodbye. Sarah then helps us answer some listener feedback! First we address the issue of skinny girls. Then we meet a 30-year-old who’s looking for love in all the wrong places. Finally, we try to rid the world of alcoholism one drunken mom at a time. Episode 30 ends with an epic Absolute Yourst that includes Sarah Baker, The Office and a gaggle of unfortunate extras. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episoded 29: We're Not Qualified! Nov 25, 2017

During Episode 29 we realize that we may be ruining the youth after a listener writes in and tells us how we’re affecting her son. We also get some positive feedback from a listener who claims Alison’s vagina helped someone. This week Dana kicks off the Absolute Worst Therapy section with a problem that results in the loss of all her belongings. We then meet a listener who pitches a new AWP segment! She also asks for some guidance regarding her boyfriend’s kids. Our final therapy question shocks us so much that we end the show with the promise of returning with an expert and better answers. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Epiosde 28: The C Word. Period. Nov 18, 2017

We start to fear we’ll never reach Oprah-level success after kicking off Episode 28 by reading some listener criticism. We learn a lot, BUT IT STILL HURTS! Luckily we also read some feedback from a listener who we haven’t yet deeply offended. Yeah! During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we meet an Angry Italian Woman who is trying to navigate the world of bullying. Next we hear about a stinky employee, Alison loses her shit on Dana and we ban a topic for life. Finally, we meet a listener who suspects her partner of cheating and wants to know the answer to that age-old question, “Why am I so psycho?” We end this episode with the nicest, most adorable Absolute Yourst in AWP history. Alison and Dana then follow this up with their own Absolute Yoursts, proving that they’re literal terrible people. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

Episode 27: Desperately Seeking Dick Enters The Matrix Nov 11, 2017

Episode 27 begins with so much nice feedback that we cry!!!!! Literally no one is shocked by this. Our Absolute Worst Therapy section kicks off with a problem we have literally never heard before!!! We are blown away and hope so much that we can help our favorite new listener, Desperately Seeking Dick. We also help a woman determine if she should travel internationally, while pregnant, and with a skittish husband. Afterwards, Dana and Alison are torn apart by a question about where to spend the holidays. As usual, Alison continues to be right about literally everything. Alison then answers a pretty basic question because one of our listeners is too lazy to look it up themselves. Somehow this devolves into a pretty intense conversation about how we’re all living in the matrix. In the Absolute Yourst section, we meet a sweet woman whose vagina is broken. She takes us on an incredible journey and in the end, our vaginas end up hurting too. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 26: Absolute Yoursts: Part 1 Nov 04, 2017

As usual, we kick off this episode with some listener feedback! We discuss small victories and opulent wedding cakes. We get to hear if our advice worked on a woman who was shacking up with her boyfriend in Vegas as well as a girl who is determined to start a pants company with Dana! We also discuss monster cats, weed oil, and songs that help people. We fully dedicate this episode to Absolute Yoursts and kick it off with The Royer Trilogy. We then follow-up with a very comprehensive list of how to approach the homeless population. We also hear about a woman’s disastrous trip to Lowe’s, a terrible technique to get a guy’s attention, and a mom’s tortured journey to a child’s birthday party. Finally we hear the most terrifying catfishing story and Dana loses her shit. This episode culminates in a heartfelt apology to Neva. We love you, grandma! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

*Bonus Episode* LIVE at the Westside Comedy Festival Oct 31, 2017

We did our first LIVE show at the Westside Comedy Festival and decided to release it today as a treat for Halloween! Be safe and eat as much candy as you can!!! Happy Halloween!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 25: Ron Geren (A Male Perspective) Oct 28, 2017

In several of our previous episodes we reference a listener who clocked us for not including “the male perspective.” We finally invite this listener, Ron Geren, to be a guest on AWP and help us navigate the world of men. Ron is an actor, director, and photographer based in Venice, CA. He just recently wrapped the independent film "Dreamer" Written and directed by Nick Miller and Johnny Zwick. Ron is currently in rehearsal for the upcoming PRT production of "True West" by Sam Shepard. You can check out his photography at www.geren.photography. Ron expresses his concern that we’re therapizing our listeners and asks how we deal with the pressure. We then point out that our listeners are therapists too (literally, none of us are therapists) and we then read an email and article from a listener who was very upset that I said I had “mommy brain.” You can read the article in its entirety here: https://medium.com/@jennyhopkinsatx/working-for-two-c0513f07dcdb. Afterwards, we get some feedback from a listener who we can’t stop thinking about and of course this leads to Alison crying…again. In the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we hear from a man who wants to know how to get his wife to have anal. We then help another listener decide when enough is enough. Ron ends this episode with an epic Absolute Yourst which requires not only an apology to Neva, but also an apology to Ron’s mom. SORRY, MOM! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 24: Our Sassy Gay Friend (Brian Gallivan) Oct 21, 2017

Our guest today is Brian Gallivan! Brian has written for shows like Happy Endings and the upcoming Future Man on Hulu. He also created The McCarthys for CBS as well as the Sassy Gay Friend YouTube videos. They talk about Roseanne, therapy, improv and what is means to be successful. Brian also shares a beautiful story of how he met his boyfriend by following the advice of his therapist! He then helps us answer some listener questions! We start by weighing the pros and cons of attending one’s high school reunion. We also answer a question about working and commuting and Alison reconfirms her hatred of roommates. Afterwards, we meet yet another AWP people-pleaser and try to determine how she can escape her relationship. And finally we try to figure out if there’s life after 50. Episode 24 ends with some incredible Absolute Yoursts brought to us by Brian, ONE OF WHICH INVOLVES OPRAH!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 23: Fancy Chickens & Poop Wind Oct 14, 2017

Episode 23 is just another journey towards finding out if Oprah knows about us or not. We’re pretty sure she Tweeted at us but it’s hard to tell for sure. We kick this episode off by listening to some listener feedback which results in Alison yelling at everyone and then fangirling over Tim Gunn. We also read a specific question about Dana’s peculiar beauty regiment. As usual, the Absolute Worst Therapy segment is riddled with more questions about how we can trick our partners into having sex with us. We also meet a horrible boss and try to figure out what her problem is. Finally, we tap into a very serious subject (why do we always do this?) and try to help a listener navigate a relationship with a friend who is dealing with some very scary issues. We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst about a horrible first date. The story sends Dana into such a tizzy that she gives a passionate speech about her most strong and heartfelt convictions. She gets so upset that we pop over to Neva’s Corner (this is when Dana makes us apologize to her grandma) and try to make the matter right. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 22: Disney, Tits, & Dildos Oct 07, 2017

We kick Episode 22 off with incredible feedback from the guy whose wife wouldn’t have sex with him. We’re basically best friends with him now. We also get some ghosting advice followed by a compliment that results in Dana impersonating Alison…again. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we try to help a listener get out of his strip-club obligations. We then continue on the Titty-Train and discuss when big ole boobies are too much!!! Afterwards, we hear from a woman who’s trapped in a loveless marriage with a bad-boy and while this is concerning, Alison and Dana spend most of their response time trying to figure out the Oprah saying that perfectly sums up this behavior. We finish this episode by reading some Absolute Yoursts (these are YOUR absolute worst stories). We begin with an X-rated story that starts with Disney and ends with a dildo. Since we were already discussing the horrors of Disney, we follow that up with two more stories of childhood vacations gone horribly awry. Finally, we meet a poor man who describes himself as “not a bright person.” At first we feel bad for him but after hearing his story it’s pretty obvious that he his def dumb. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 21: Buckle Up For The Rollercoaster Sep 30, 2017

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month so we kick off Episode 21 with a heartbreaking and heartwarming story by UCB teacher and Los Angeles comedian Julie Brister (Twitter: @bristahsouljah). You can find the article in its entirety here: https://medium.com/@bristahsouljah/laurie-cbc634aaf8d9. We also read some feedback from a listener who confirms that we are actually helping people!!! This leads to Dana saying nice things to Alison and Alison freaks out. During our Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we talk about money…and how mother fucking dumb it is. But as always, we have a solution: https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/. We then meet yet another spouse who asks her partner for an open relationship, STOP DOING THAT! We read her question and try to get to the crux of the problem. Afterwards Dana regales us with an Absolute Yourst wherein she inappropriately touches a stranger and gets something off her chest. After all the malarkey, we are forced to once again apologize to Dana’s grandma, Neva. SORRY, NEVA! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 20: This One's For The Boys Sep 23, 2017

Episode 20 includes a lot of input from our male listeners and is then sprinkled with a little bit of breastfeeding talk by Alison. Alison and Dana continue to worry about the male perspective so they kick off the show by reading some listener feedback…FROM A MAN!!! Afterwards Alison gets some feedback about her “baby brain” FROM ANOTHER MAN!!! Also, we hear from a woman who has concerns about Dana…obviously. During the Absolute Worst Therapy session Alison continues to struggle with her emotional instability and Dana offers some support. They then read a problem FROM A MAN about some family issues coupled with anger issues. As usual, Dana and Alison are real divided on the solution to this one. Afterwards, we hear from ANOTHER MAN, NO BIG DEAL MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!! This poor guy got real bamboozled over a dick pic and we try like hell to lead him in the right direction. Finally, we try to figure out how many dates you have to wait until you sleep WITH A MAN! We end this episode with a few Absolute Yoursts (these are YOUR absolute worst stories) and we meet Dana’s spirit animal!!! Alison then goes on a non sequitur about eating disorders and Dana tries to decide if she has one. Our final Yourst is about peeing in the wrong places. It happens! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 19: Birthday Girls Sep 16, 2017

We start Episode 19 with some listener feedback and we discuss what an “apple body” is. We then end up on the subject of pants and it causes Dana so much anxiety that she starts double-fisting peanut butter. We also hear about another listener sex injury and then a guy writes in with advice for a previous listener’s problem and it’s obviously better than the advice that Dana and Alison came up with cause they’re basically the opposite of Oprah. Alison and Dana recently celebrated their birthdays. Alison is depressed and Dana tries to lift her up by listing all the things she’ll never be able to accomplish now that she’s almost 40. Helpful… We continue the Absolute Therapy session by helping a woman figure out why she hates all other women and also why she dreads dressing up. Basically she’s a Dana/Alison hybrid. Afterwards we meet another woman who is pregnant, angry and freaking the fuck out! During the Absolute Yourst segment of our show we learn a valuable lesson about when it’s appropriate to eat freezer caramels. We then meet a fun-loving gay man who recounts the horrific consequences of dating apps. This episode ends with a Neva’s Corner. This is where Dana makes Alison apologize to her grandma, Neva. Ultimately, Alison can’t remember what she’s apologizing for but they get there eventually. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 18: Alison's Mentor (Jeremy Brothers) Sep 09, 2017

In Episode 18 we welcome AWP’s 2nd guest ever! This week it’s Alison’s mentor aka Jeremy Brothers. Jeremy is the Artistic Director of Improv Asylum in Boston. We start by answering a “light and polite” question from an actor who wants to know when it’s ok to lie. Then we try to figure out how we can all support one another which results in Dana and Jeremy having to support Alison since she continues to be a literal mess. Afterwards, we try to help a listener navigate political conversations with horrible family members. And finally we try to figure out if you’re allowed to live with someone, even if you weren’t invited. Jeremy completely takes over the Absolute Yourst segment of our show and things get pretty dark. First he teaches us a great lesson about things you should not do while in jail. Afterwards we get to hear how he’s bad at haunted houses. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 17: Daddy Issues, Open Marriage, & A Hearse Sep 02, 2017

EPISODE 17 (DADDY ISSUES, OPEN MARRIAGE AND A HEARSE) Episode 17 begins with some listener feedback which reveals that we are mostly helping people except for one girl who is not impressed. Also, Dana gets yelled at for reading our emails which she has been forbidden from doing. We also get to revisit the concept of ghosting and try to determine how to avoid that shit. While answering the same question we get to delve into everybody’s favorite topic…Daddy Issues!!! We then try to help a husband get his wife to have sex with him again after a pretty severe draught. WE ARE SO ROOTING FOR THIS GUY!!! Dana kicks off the Absolute Yours segment (this is when we read YOUR absolute worst stories) by recounting a story about yet another bumbled car incident. We then hear another listener Yourst that involves a spicy chicken sandwich gone wrong. Finally, we hear about a listener’s crazy job and even Dana thinks it sounds insane which is saying a lot seeing as she is the crazy job queen. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 16: Cindy Walsh!!!! Aug 26, 2017

In Episode 16, we welcome our very first guest to the show!!! Alison gets so excited she forgets how to use her microphone. In our first episode ever, Alison revealed that her first therapist turned out to be Cindy Walsh from the hit 90’s show, Beverly Hills 90210. In this episode we welcome Carol Potter aka Cindy Walsh aka All Of Alison’s Heros Combined Into One Person. Cindy Walsh completely blows our minds in this episode. We discuss celebrity, sex, aging, marriage, adoption…the list goes on and on. Cindy Walsh also graciously answers some listener questions! We meet a woman who wants to know why she’s such a jerk and a man who wants to know when enough is enough. Finally, Alison and Dana take a crack at solving one of Cindy Walsh’s problems! Shockingly, they fall short but it ends up being worth it as Dana and Carol basically realize they’re the same person. THANK YOU CINDY WALSH!!! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 15: Drug Addicts Have Feelings Too Aug 19, 2017

In Episode 15, we start by celebrating our spot in the New & Noteworthy section of iTunes!!! Alison is convinced this placement will get Oprah’s attention and in true Dana fashion, she immediately shuts Alison down thereby crushing her dreams. They then read some listener feedback and become enraged on behalf of a couple who met a wretched douchebag at a party. During the Absolute Worst Therapy session, we hear a problem that ends up being a cautionary tale for Alison. We also meet a woman who is trying to be friends with other women and we discuss whether or not something like that is even possible. Finally, we discuss problematic roommates and, as usual, Alison manages to whittle this down to a life-lesson about drugs. We end this episode listening to an Absolute Yourst about a St. Patrick’s Day Parade that pretty much ends the same way all St. Patrick’s Day Parades ends. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 14: Who Is Floyd Collins??? Aug 12, 2017

The moment has come when Alison’s in-laws find out about her podcast. We discuss their reactions in Episode 14. We also once again address Alison’s inability to live her life successfully. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, we try to fix a listener’s joblem. Alison takes the lead on answering since Dana is literally terrible at jobs. Conversely, Dana takes the lead when answering a question about a listener’s living situation since Alison is terrible at roommates. In the Absolute Yourst portion of the show, we start with smart-girl porn gone horribly wrong. We also discuss fat bridesmaids and how being labeled as one is often unjust. Finally, we review the horrific injuries that occur during great sex and we learn who Floyd Collins is!!! Finally, we scurry over to Neva’s Corner. This is where Dana forces Alison to apologize to her grandma but today — Dana is in the hot-seat. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 13: Absolute Worst Therapy Part 2 Aug 05, 2017

The number 13 is historically unlucky so it makes sense that this episode starts with Alison telling on Dana to Oprah for misspellings and not understanding basic math. We also read some listener feedback and give a shout-out to our show’s mascot. Episode 13 is dedicated exclusively to a segment in our show called Absolute Worst Therapy wherein we try to solve listener problems. Our first question leads to a discussion about appropriate bagel store attire and we try to understand if it’s ok to be objectified. Afterwards we try to fix one of the most difficult issues we face in society — a bad haircut. Then we meet a man who is in love with two siblings but is forced to choose just one. I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS!!! We also once again discuss dildos and what you should do if you don’t have one in your immediate vicinity. Finally, we answer a question about Jamaica and weed smoking and find the solution in a Selena Gomez lyric. And then Dana blows Alison’s mind by reasonably answering a question about perfume allergies. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 12: Love & Other Diseases Jul 29, 2017

Episode 12 starts with a moment of triumph when Dana and Alison realize they’re inadvertently following Queen Oprah’s advice! All they want in the world is to learn from her teachings. We kick this episode off with some Absolute Therapy questions and try to determine if exercise can actually ruin a marriage. We also talk about people-pleasing and confrontation. Unsurprisingly, Dana chooses people-pleasing and once Alison realizes that doesn’t mean blow jobs, she picks confrontation. Finally, we ruin yet another relationship. During the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear about some fun listener diseases and Alison starts to feel moderately better about her spine fusing together! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 11: Sob Story Jul 22, 2017

In this week’s episode we do a quick catch-up and meet a listener who owns a bridal boutique and wants us all to learn the etiquette of trying on wedding dresses. We also address the age-old question — when is it ok to make a comment about somebody’s body? Also, if you’re not pregnant but someone asks you if you are, is it ok to murder them? In the Absolute Yourst segment, we hear some horrific war stories from women who have had babies ripped out of them. From there things devolve and Dana and Alison have an emotional experience that no one was prepared for. Buckle up! Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them anonymously through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 10: Weddings, Ukuleles, and Monocles Jul 15, 2017

By some miracle, Dana and Alison start this episode by BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER! It’s shocking but it feels good. In Episode 10, we discuss the horror of weddings and contemplate why they are unreasonably expensive. Also, why do no clothes fit literally anyone?! This week, we read a lot of Absolute Yoursts! Our first one involves dentistry — literally the worst — and our second involves a tibia aka a shinbone. The tibia story unravels to such a degree that we’re still not even really sure what happened. We also get to hear Dana’s arm-scar story!!! It involves a ukulele and a doorknob. And most importantly, we get a whole new introduction to Dana’s grandma, Neva. This episode ends with a very special Neva’s Corner (this is where Dana makes Alison apologize to her grandma). Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 9: Filling the Hole Jul 08, 2017

In Episode 9, Dana and Alison once again plead with Oprah to help them on their journey of fixing people’s problems. It’s unclear whether or not Oprah will intervene but Alison continues to stalk her on Twitter in the interim. Also, they elect one of their listeners to become their official mascot!!! In this week’s Absolute Yourst, we meet a modern-day hero who has to fight against the urge to pee. We then discuss Alison’s sexcapades and try to force Dana The Prude to tell hers. Turns out Alison has dated a couple? Unclear if that’s even a thing. Please listen and decide. During Absolute Worst Therapy, we continue to fix the world’s relationship issues and discuss dating married men, thinking about our exes, and deciding which one is “The One.” Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 8: Absolute Worst Therapy Part 1 Jul 01, 2017

Episode 8 is entirely dedicated to a segment of our show called Absolute Worst Therapy! This is where we read your questions and try our very best to offer meaningful and reasonable solutions. Our first listener is having an internal struggle in regards to her career and Dana and Alison are split on the solution. And, as usual, Alison has a million more questions. Also, the first question brings up some pretty serious P.T.S.D. from an experience Dana’s sister had and Dana basically unravels. We also ONCE AGAIN help a woman with her love life and try to determine if smiling/waving is the same as cheating. And in an unprecedented move, Alison offers what Dana calls the worst advice she’s ever given…which is saying a lot. To wrap things up, Alison and Dana debunk some theories from a list called “28 of the best pieces of advice that you’ll ever read.” Overall, someone made a list of things that might help society but Alison and Dana end up tearing it to shreds. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. **NOTE** If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Episode 7: Success: F**k the stairs. Take the Elevator Jun 24, 2017

It’s launch day!!! On May 27, 2017, Dana and Alison finally release their podcast and in an attempt to celebrate, they try to conjure things they’re grateful for so that they can revel in their success. As usual, things devolve, Alison realizes she’ll never be able to buy a house and Dana suffers PTSD from a childhood experience that involves bathing suits grouped by color. Overall, they try to figure out what the fuck it means to be successful. In the Absolute Worst Therapy session, Dana continues to act demure while simultaneously describing a vagina in horrific detail and Alison questions her therapist skills but then finds vindication while answering a listeners problem in regards to going back to college. During the Absolute Yourst segment, we realize why alcoholics shouldn’t have jobs and another listener reveals the worst birthday present ever. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter. NOTE: Suicide is very serious and we do not take it lightly. Please seek out help if you are feeling suicidal, depressed, or even contemplating taking your life. *****National Suicide Prevention Lifeline****** We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255

Episode 6: Reject Yourself Jun 17, 2017

Each week on the Absolute Worst Podcast, Dana Powell (Successful Comedian/Actor/Writer, Adequate Mom) and Alison Royer (Fledgling Comedian/Actor/Writer, Terrible Wife) seek and give free therapy by telling you their problems, asking you to tell them your problems, and then they just pray to God that any of it works out. They're basically the opposite of Oprah. In this week’s episode Alison and Dana explore the hilarious topic of stone-cold rejection and Alison teaches Dana what “ghosting” is. In the Absolute Worst Therapy session, Dana one-ups the first problem and Alison realizes she should start drinking again. When another listener gripes about turning 30, Alison reveals that she’s actually 65 and Dana talks about her golden years. Also, in this episode, Dana and Alison give themselves license to start prescribing drugs. Unclear whether this is legal but it feels right. During the Absolute Yourst segment, we talk about poop and Dana one-ups everyone again. Ugh…typical Dana. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

Episode 5: No Pictures! Jun 10, 2017

By some miracle, Dana starts this episode by praising Alison for doing something well. It’s disarming so proceed with caution. Afterwards, they delve into the mysterious world of being able to take pictures without looking literally crazy and eventually Dana makes Alison discuss something called “feelings.” During Absolute Worst Therapy, Alison once again offers up blow-jobs as the solution to everything and Dana makes her do a Neva’s Corner (this is when Alison is forced to apologize to Dana’s grandma because of her inappropriateness). This week’s Absolute Yourst HEALS!!!!!! That’s all I can say. Listen in and know that YOU’RE NOT ALONE…Dana. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

Episode 4: Pacino and the Poops Jun 03, 2017

This episode kicks off with a very special Absolute Yourst (these are YOUR Absolute Worst experiences) that involves Al Pacino, gluten, and an audition gone horribly wrong. Since Dana and Alison are licensed therapists (nope) they decide it’s their duty to unpack this particular Absolute Yourst, walk it over to the Absolute Worst Therapy segment and do their best to solve this very complicated and unfortunate problem. As usual, their therapy attempts devolve into stories of Dana’s sluttiness, Alison’s drunkenness, and everyone’s food issues — like all good therapy sessions should. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

Absolute Worst Podcast Episode 3: Jobs Blow May 24, 2017

Dana seeks advice on her job situation or moreso, wants to know how to be “good at jobs.” Ugh…she’s the worst. Dana and Alison also realize they’re potentially the same person. For instance, they both break appendages although it takes Dana longer to heal because she has bird bones. In addition to Dana’s nonstop demands that Alison apologize to her grandma, Neva, in this episode, she goes a step further and insists that Alison also apologize to her employers. This episode ends with an Absolute Yourst (these are YOUR Absolute Worst experiences) that involves a frog and a scared neighbor. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

Absolute Worst Podcast Episode 2: Alison's Ailments May 24, 2017

In this episode, we explore the multitude of physical ailments that Alison is suffering from and Dana teaches Alison what a sext is. She also concludes that she hates the way Alison says the word “Vagina.” Things get pretty heated, Dana impersonates Alison and ultimately they beg for solutions to make Alison feel better since Dana is definitely not helping matters. During the Absolute Worst Therapy segment, Alison gives advice by pulling from her years of experience as an out-of-control drug addict and Dana struggles to figure out what drugs even are. They also discuss exercise and how it’s bad for everyone. This episode ends with an Absolute Yourst (these are YOUR Absolute Worst experiences) and we’re once again transported to the deep-south, small town of Springfield, Missouri. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

Absolute Worst Podcast: Episode 1 The Dildo Theory May 23, 2017

In their very first episode, Alison tries to fix Dana's underwear problem and then enlightens us with a theory that she believes will cure the world of heartache. Dana finds the theory to be so offensive that she makes Alison apologize to her grandma, Neva. In the segment titled, Absolute Worst Therapy, they offer up some relationship and sex advice and Dana's solution to both is that you should always get on top. This episode ends with an Absolute Yourst (these are YOUR Absolute Worst experiences) wherein we’re introduced to the terrifying world of trimming cow hooves and Dana regales us with her deep-south, small town stories of birthing barns and chocolate covered cheesecake sticks...gross. Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

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