A Codependent Mind

Latest Episodes:

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #9: Boundaries Nov 28, 2024

Show notes

Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from the start. Codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, dependency, all involve a struggle to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries. In this episode, we review we review the concept of boundaries, understanding it as a stand-in for self-protection and self-respect. We then go on to discuss how to use the metaphor of boundaries to create a relationship in which both parties are respected and protected.

Mentioned in this episode:

S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6d942938/s3-1-beyond-codependency-boundaries

S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us

No Man is an Island - John Donne

00:01:56 The Metaphor of Boundaries
00:06:34 Protecting Boundaries
00:09:20 Respecting Boundaries
00:21:52 Entitlement
00:25:25 Boundaries in Relationship
00:38:22 Examples of Relationship Boundaries

You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #8: Self Knowledge Nov 14, 2024

Show notes

In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions.

00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure
00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge
00:09:32 Consequences and shame
00:12:11 Shame relief
00:15:05 The codependency framework
00:20:15 Asking questions

You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #7: Truth Oct 31, 2024

Show notes

If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively.

Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.

Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling
00:08:39 What is Truth
00:11:07 'Telling it like it is'
00:14:45 Full Disclosure
00:16:49 How and When - Motivation and Effect
You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #6: Detective Work Oct 17, 2024

Show notes

Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?"

00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent?
00:04:49 Inner Lawyers
00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work
00:12:00 A Case Study
00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency
00:29:06 Case Study #2

Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.
You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

S7 - Relationship Tool #5: Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness Oct 03, 2024

Show notes

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage.

Mentioned in this episode:

Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust)

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior
00:04:55 Lying in Childhood
00:10:10 Narcissistic Lying vs Codependent Lying
00:12:30 Lying in Toxic Relationships
00:19:14 Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness in our Relationship
00:29:28 Relationship Work
Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps other find us.
You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

S7 - Relationship Tool #4: Curiosity Sep 19, 2024

Show notes

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship.

In this episode:

00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From?
00:11:14 Curiosity and Trauma
00:16:34 What Does Curiosity Feel Like
00:21:58 Curiosity in Romantic Relationships
Season 4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6b19fbb8/s4-1-codependency-and-relationships-intimacy)

Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us)

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind

Email: codependentmind@gmail.com

S7 - Relationship Tool #3: The Work Sep 05, 2024

Show notes

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship.

In this episode:

00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood
00:06:53 Conscious Attachment - Autonomy and Mutuality
00:13:14 Mutuality
00:17:25 Categories of Relationship Work

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind

Email: codependentmind@gmail.com

S7 - Relationship Tool #2: Empathy Aug 22, 2024

Show notes

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them.

00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy'
00:01:46 The empathetic system
00:05:12 Empathy and interpersonal disorders
00:09:33 Empathetic system malfunctions
00:17:43 Empathy as a relationship tool
00:21:50 Empathetic responsiveness

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

S7 - Relationship Tool #1: Lean Start Methodology Aug 08, 2024

Show notes

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 4. It is available now on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT

In this episode, we discuss a tool that is not generally applied to relationships - the Lean Startup Methodology (https://theleanstartup.com/principles). People with codependent habits often get in to relationships very quickly and then spend an enormous amount of time and energy 'making the relationship work.' Applying Lean Startup encourages us to redirect that energy into answering the question - 'should this relationship exist?' We discuss how to start your relationships in a Lean way and how we use the methodology in our lives.

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

00:04:03 The Lean Startup Methodology
00:08:41 Minimum Viable Products
00:11:49 Starting a relationship Lean
00:15:44 Dating Lean
00:19:55 Using Lean Startup to make life decisions

Thank you for listening!

S6 - The Book: Final Thoughts Jul 25, 2024

Show notes

Brian and Stephanie discuss what they learned in writing the book including the role of Brian's mother, the similarities between narcissism and codependency, the power of re-writing stories and the intrangency of the codependent habits.

Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

Thank you for listening, reading and reviewing!

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