A Codependent Mind

Latest Episodes:

S6 - #1 Chapter One: Codependent Beginnings Mar 21, 2024

Show notes

This episode, Brian reads Chapter One from the book, The Making and the Re-Making of a Codependent Mind.

The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

Buy now in paperback or eBook form: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1/

Chapter One frames codependency as learned, strategic, adaptive response to feelings of powerlessness, to emotional pain. It also covers the dynamics within Brian's family that gave rise to the codependent behaviors that would eventually cripple him emotionally and relationally for most of his life.

Based on the acclaimed podcast of the same name, follow Brian's transformative journey from codependency and despair to joyful, fulfilling and sustaining relationships. Gain guidance into examining your own life and crafting a personalized pathway to heal from codependency and trauma.

In Part 1 of his journey, Brian explores:

The family dynamics in his childhood that set the stage for codependent habits.
The long term effects of trauma, including its complex and chronic manifestations.
Threat responses (particularly freeze and fawn) and the connection to the behaviors that make up codependency.
The role of shame and fear in deepening his codependent habits.
How his codependent behaviors fostered isolation and perpetuated dysfunctional relationship dynamics.
The toxic interplay between narcissism and codependency, and the trauma bonds that ensnared him in relationships with abusive narcissists.

In Part 2, the re-making of a codependent mind, Brian describes:

What is on the other side of codependency? Is it worth it?
Healing from his emotional wounds by connecting with other people, repairing his emotional system and re-writing the stories of his life.
How he finally broke the codependent habits that prevented him from having the emotionally intimate relationships that he always craved.
Acquiring a new approach to romantic relationships.

S5 - #11 Codependency Voices: Money Talks Mar 07, 2024

Show notes

Money talks, as they say, and in this episode we hear about the financial dimensions of Brian's codependency. For most of his life, money was not a tool for Brian to express his values and achieve his life goals; instead, it was fuel for his codependent habits - people pleasing, caretaking, lack of boundaries. His financial codependency, not surprisingly, did not lead to financial health; it lead to debt, stress and shame. Recovering from codependency also involved a recovery from financial codependency and we explore what it took for Brian to form a new relationship to money, one that has taken him to solvency and beyond.

00:01:18 Codependency and Money

00:03:36 Financial Caretaking

00:05:38 Self-Centeredness in Financial Codependency

00:06:09 Throwing Money at Problems

00:10:09 Unveiling Financial Shame

00:10:37 Narcissistic Entitlement and Money

00:11:06 Facing Financial Resentment

00:12:48 Post-Divorce Financial Codependency

00:15:43 Using Money to Avoid Abuse

00:16:24 Financial Caretaking as a Coping Mechanism

00:17:12 Rationalizing Financial Decisions

00:18:52 Fear and Shame in Financial Choices

00:21:54 Overcoming Financial Codependency

00:25:17 Processing Financial Shame

00:30:22 Aligning Money with Life Goals

00:32:43 Conclusion and Book Announcement

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for liking, reviewing and following our podcast. It helps other people find us.

S5 - #10 Codependency Voices: Pets Feb 22, 2024

Show notes

We have described codependency as an interpersonal relationship dynamic, but in doing so, we may have inadvertently left out a whole category of relationships in which codependency can manifest - relationships with our pets. In this episode, we discuss the pets that Brian has had (dogs and cats) and the ways in which his codependent behavior habits showed up in those relationships. We also reflect on possible connections between narcissism and pet ownership.

00:00:45 Dogs and Cats

00:03:53 Codependent Behaviors with Pets

00:14:02 Boundary setting

00:16:18 Narcissists and Pets

00:22:52 Genuine caretaking vs codependent caretaking

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Do you have a pet story to tell? Let us know on instagram or Facebook. @codpendendentmind

Thank you for liking, reviewing and following our podcast. It helps other people find us.

S5 - #9 Codependency Voices: Nicole on the Helping/Healing Professions Feb 08, 2024

Show notes

Learn more about Nicole's coaching practice, Meaning in Medicine, here: https://www.meaninginmed.com/about

The Enneagram Test - free test. Be sure to select the "Classical Test." Read about your results through the Enneagram Institute here.

In this episode we explore the phenomenon of codependency within professional environments, particularly the healthcare field, with our special guest, Dr. Nicole Piemonte. A PhD holder in Medical Humanities, Dr. Piemonte has dedicated her career to the human facets of medical practice.

In this discussion, we delve into Dr. Piemonte's career origins and personal journey with codependency. She describes a prevalent pattern of trauma-induced codependency within the health sector, typically characterized by 'rescuing' and 'fixing' patients—a behavior that draws parallels with institutional people-pleasing and poses significant hindrance to effective care.

Further in the conversation, we examine how codependency—stemming from a deep-rooted need to be needed—leads caregivers to self-neglect due to their inherent desire to help others. Surprisingly, narcissism and codependency share this common root of trauma, offering a new perspective on the familiar trope of the narcissist physician.

Nicole sheds light on the falseness of the emotion-free detachment often seen in medicine. Arguing that compassion fatigue emerges from not feeling anything, rather than ‘feeling too much’, she emphasizes the role of emotional reconnection in aiding clinicians to regain self-contentment and fulfillment.

Nicole discusses how through supportive coaching and introspection, it's possible to replace these maladaptive coping mechanisms with healthier ones.

00:00:07 Exploring Codependency in Professional Spaces

00:10:26 The tendency to fix and rescue in medicine

00:14:03 Recognizing codependency in personal and work relationships

00:20:51 Caretaking and Codependency

00:23:11 Coaching and Reconnecting to Meaning and Purpose in Medicine

00:31:12 Reconnecting with Emotions and the Healing Path

00:33:11 Compartmentalization as a Life Strategy and its Consequences

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for liking, following and reviewing this podcast. It helps others find it.

website: https://www.codependentmind.com/

S5-#8 Codependency Voices: Rebecca on Self-Discovery Jan 25, 2024

Show notes

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode, Brian and Stephanie talk with Rebecca about the emotional complexities of self-discovery and growth within the context of codependency. We discuss Rebecca's relationships, her struggle with being vulnerability, and the challenge of being authentic with others.

00:01:24 Little 't' and capital 'T' trauma
00:08:58 Lack of safety
00:11:10 Choosing between relationships
00:18:03 Setting boundaries
00:25:00 Asserting the self in a relationship
00:35:45 Parental models

Thank you for liking/reviewing/following our podcast. It helps other people find it.

Find us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/

S5-#7 Codependency Voices: Chris on Happy Endings Jan 11, 2024

Show notes

Chris shares with us his story of codependency recovery. From a lonely, difficult childhood, through two marriages to disordered partners, through isolation, depression and despair, Chris found his way out of codependency and in to a loving, transformational relationship. His story, like as our other guests, offers both inspiration and hope.

Mentioned in this episode:

Podcast: Not I - Not Isolated Anymore: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/not-i

Book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brian, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Truma

Podcast: Esther Perel's Where Should We Begin?

00:03:03 Childhood
00:09:14 Romantic relationships
00:13:50 Isolation and depression
00:19:30 Second marriage - addiction and codependency
00:27:29 The love story
00:30:24 Codependent habits
00:36:23 Coming out of the codependency closet
00:42:19 CODA
00:49:00 Family relationships

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for liking/reviewing/following our podcast. It helps other people find it.

S5-#6 Codependency Voices: Bea on Isolation Dec 28, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, we talk with Stephanie's friend Bea, who has struggled with codependent behaviors her whole life. Her last relationship ended when she realized that it was not a relationship in which she felt seen or safe - her role in the relationship was to be the person her partner needed and wanted her to be and left no room for her authentic self. Since leaving that relationship, she has been in place of isolation. She very much wants to leave that state but is concerned about getting in to a relationship, whether a friendship or romance, where she is simply re-enacting the codependent dynamics that have governed her past relationship.

Stephanie and Bea have started a podcast to further explore Bea's journey in to and out of isolation. Search for "Not I - Not Isolated Anymore".

Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/not-i
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/not-i-not-isolated-anymore/id1723114201

00:00:55 Isolation
00:03:19 Fear of new relationships
00:08:52 Lived experience of codependency
00:11:57 Self-knowledge, seeing yourself
00:13:27 Relationship needs
00:19:13 Brian's attempt to retreat into isolation
00:24:28 Shame
00:27:16 Are relationships even worth it?

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

If you are interested in sharing your story with us, let us know at codependentmind@gmail.com

Thank you for liking/reviewing/following our podcast. It helps other people find it.

S5-#5 Codependency Voices - Narcissism and Codependency Dec 14, 2023

Show notes

In this episode we ‘hear’ from narcissists as Brian shares his hardwon insight into narcissistic behaviors coming from decades of friendships and relationships with narcissistic people. Building on conversations from previous episodes, we discuss the ways in which codependent behaviors and narcissistic behaviors overlap before reviewing the ways in which they form a toxic complementarity. And if you are still having difficulty spotting a narcissist, Brian offers examples from his past that illustrate the grandiosity, lack of accountability and entitlement that forms the backbone of narcissism.

Mentioned in this episode:

Codependency and Relationships: Dependency, Codependency and Interdependence

00:02:27 Narcissism vs narcissistic behaviors
00:05:49 Commonalities between narcissism and codependency
00:10:13 Differences between narcissism and codependency
00:13:48 Lovebombing
00:17:46 Spotting narcissistic behavior in relationships

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

If you are interested in sharing your story with us, let us know at codependentmind@gmail.com

Thank you for liking/reviewing/following our podcast. It helps other people find it.

S5 - #4 Codependency Voices - Taylor on self-(re)discovery Nov 30, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, we talk with Taylor about the roots of the codependent behaviors, their challenges in breaking free from those behaviors and finding a sense of identity, the lessons they have garnered and the insight they have achieved. Taylor shares their experiences with a chaotic upbringing, influenced by their mother's alcoholism, and discusses the challenges faced during childhood, such as dissociation and compartmentalization. The wide-ranging conversation touches on a number of subjects critical to understanding and coping with codependency including:

attachment styles
boundaries
reconnecting with your emotions
Al-Anon
identity work
journaling and meditation

Mentioned in this episode:
The Body Keeps the Score
The Crappy Childhood Fairy
Codependency Voices: Carly

00:01:10 Mother's alcoholism
00:03:08 Emotional dissociation
00:06:34 Fawn response and codependency
00:12:55 Dismissiveness
00:20:01 Attachment
00:24:05 People pleasing
00:26:45 Boundaries
00:30:02 Re-connecting with your emotions
00:37:25 Al-Anon
00:41:02 Identity work

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

If you are interested in sharing your story with us, let us know at codependentmind@gmail.com

Thank you for liking/reviewing/following our podcast. It helps other people find it.

S5 - #3 Codependency Voices - Brinn on addiction and attachment styles Nov 16, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, we hear from Brinn about her journey of self-discovery, including her exploration of codependency patterns, her family's dynamics, and her own relationships

Brinn talks about her family roles, her father's history as an adult child of an alcoholic, her sister's addiction struggles, and the impact these had on her. She shares her experience of repeatedly falling into similar relationship patterns and seeking understanding through learning about addiction, recovery, and attachment styles.

Brinn also discusses her work with affected family members, mainly parents and partners dealing with addiction, and emphasizes the significance of community in the healing process.

Brinn is now a Family Recovery & Relationship Coach. You can read more about her work here: https://www.brinnflagg.com/

00:01:55 Origins
00:06:28 Role in the family system
00:11:40 Public image
00:16:22 Relationship patterns
00:19:50 Codependents Anonymous
00:26:15 Role of community in healing
00:39:00 Healthy relationships

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

If you are interested in sharing your story with us, let us know at codependentmind@gmail.com

Thank you for liking/reviewing/following our podcast. It helps other people find it.

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