Your Mental Breakdown

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119. Sarah #34: The Sarah Whisperer: (Re)Parenting With Natural Consequences Jan 11, 2024

Show notes

Doug introduces the concept of natural consequences to Sarah as opposed to being judge and jury as a parent, even if the punishment fits the crime. Sarah acknowledges that she is not failing as a parent; rather, she is growing as a parent. She points out that her growth is carrying over to other aspects of her life. Sarah calls Doug "the Sarah whisperer," and Doug turns this around and reminds her that she is the one whispering to herself and growing. She is, in effect, actively re-parenting herself – and we hear it happening in this session. In the breakdown, Doug and Kenzie talk about how to know which direction to take a client during a session, especially when there are moments with multiple possibilities to process. Therapy is like a 'Choose Your Own Adventure' book – if only real life let us peek ahead at the options before choosing!

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Mentioned in this Episode:

Choose Your Own Adventure books: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/09/19/the-enduring-allure-of-choose-your-own-adventure-books

118. Sarah #33: Courage is Fear Walking Jan 04, 2024

Show notes

We're back! Doug is joined by Kenzie on the breakdown and they pick up right where Sarah left off in her therapy sessions. Sarah has been listening to podcasts featuring other people's experiences in cults, which gets her intellectualizing how growing up in a cult still affects issues of power and control in her life now. Doug helps Sarah get into the emotion by putting the focus on "her" own personal story and subjective relationship with "her" parents in the cult, rather than looking objectively at "one's" experience and "one's" parents. Doug tells Sarah a story about working with a teenager to highlight how someone can access their deeper feelings by allowing anger to come out first rather than suppressing it with restraint or punishment. Sarah is motivated to let anger come up and come out to get to the real feelings that she's compartmentalized.

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117. Sarah #32: Camping In Your Mind Jun 01, 2023

Show notes

We discuss the issue of "control" after it came up in our small talk about parties, drugs, and past behavior. Sarah sees clearly how the abuse she suffered in the cult as a child triggers her so profoundly in her current life. She is starting to make a connection of how setting personal boundaries can keep her safe, especially when anxiety comes. Sarah is now personalizing her experiences, as evidenced by her saying "I" at several points in the session rather than referring to the general "one" or "you." Doug tells a story about camping with his dog that helps Sarah express her own feelings about freedom and safety. It's a great benchmark moment in their therapy for Sarah to have identified a frame of reference for those feelings.

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116. Sarah #31: I'm Gonna Breathe, You Talk May 25, 2023

Show notes

Sarah was super busy at work, had drama with her ex, and then got Covid! In session, she expresses that it's hard for her to say no to anyone, especially her children. Doug helps her stay with the emotion and process "disappointment." Sarah recognizes that she had been running on adrenaline and that she needs to take care of herself. Doug highlights this as her having a personal boundary even in the face of disappointing her son. Is this the beginning of a new neural pathway in her brain that allows her to take care of herself and not constantly put others' needs ahead of her own?

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115. Drew #92: Living For Myself May 11, 2023

Show notes

Drew is feeling "confident alone" rather than "scared alone." He describes it like being the driver of the car of his own life and holding the steering wheel himself. He is less co-dependent and not feeling so impacted by triggers and the old wound of abandonment by mom. From this place, Drew is living for himself - although he drops big news at the end of the session indicating that he definitely won't be living just for himself anymore in about nine months!

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114. Sarah #30: Re-Personalizing Your Experiences May 04, 2023

Show notes

Sarah has sense memories in the present that trigger some traumatic experiences from her upbringing in a cult. She depersonalized her trauma in the cult as a defense mechanism, but she is now able to go through it in therapy. From this more secure and stable place, Sarah is starting to connect emotionally to her own life with understanding and compassion.

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113. Drew #91: The Challenge, Not the Fluff Mar 30, 2023

Show notes

Drew went back home to his parent's house to re-ground himself. He's been able to practice how to be present with his parents and not take on the full responsibility for their well-being. Although Drew feels more adult, Doug takes a tack of challenging him in session rather than the "fluff" of praising him and just using unconditional positive regard. Drew loves the challenge approach and is able to explore how he is starting to feel like an adult, but still acting like a child. In Drew's own words, he said, "I think I'm still learning how to be an adult in the process of learning how to be a parent, in the process of figuring out my childhood."

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112. Sarah #29: It's Actually Not Crazy Mar 16, 2023

Show notes

Sarah is learning not to take ownership of someone else's feelings. She is still owning her part in triggering someone, but she is starting to allow others to be not ok without having to fix it. Sarah is no longer accepting her old default that there's something's wrong with her, or that she needs to fix every uncomfortable situation. Doug points out that she is embodying the Carl Rogers quote, "When I accept myself as I am, then I can change." Sarah has accepted herself as a trauma survivor and is "lit tur uh lee" reshaping her brain.

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111. Drew #90: Being the Green Beret Mar 09, 2023

Show notes

Doug provides the space to let Drew complain about his job and his boss – something many of us can relate to feeling! Outside of work, Drew is feeling like a grown-up as he individuates from his parents. He is relating to his dad as a fellow adult rather than as a child that needs his father's approval. He's redefining the emotional ties he has to his family while he lives his own life for himself.

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