Your Mental Breakdown

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130. Drew #98: What Would Be Supportive to You Right Now? Mar 28, 2024

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Drew is feeling independence and individuation from parents, especially when he signs a lease on a new place without using them as the guarantor. He had a breakaway moment after mom didn't show up the way he wanted her to on a phone call. He felt solitude and the "solid-tude" of relying on himself not on his parents and the anxious-attachment style that often lets him down. Drew is experiencing what it's like to choose himself and put his needs first ahead of everyone else, instead of his old pattern of putting his needs last. Doug helps him understand what it means to show up for someone the way they want, rather than the way he wants them to show up for him. It's not about mind reading - it's about communicating what would be supportive to you and asking someone what feels supportive to them.

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129. Sarah #39: It Had to Start with Me (Healing the Inner Child) Mar 21, 2024

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Sarah is going through all the emotions with her teenager and the situation he got into at school this week. While she continues to practice using natural consequences to parent her kids, she is also allowing herself to have her own emotional experience. Sarah is re-parenting herself by letting her kids to come to her and giving them the space to feel their feelings and sit with it (something she didn't have growing up). She acknowledges the challenges of not acting on her instant reaction in these parenting situations, especially when interacting with her ex-husband. Sarah is able to stop and process before just going to her default protective mode to either fix the triggering event right away or bear the brunt of the consequences herself to shield her children (like she did for her siblings growing up in a cult). Sarah is healing her inner child!

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128. Drew #97: The Fire in Your Own Belly Mar 14, 2024

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Doug helps Drew focus on himself, not just the baby on the way. Drew admits that he isn't feeling joy in things the way he's used to feeling it and that it's taking him out of the present. Drew realizes that he's looking for the joy instead of being in the moment and letting the joy find him. This leads Drew to acknowledge the existential anxiety that he's also been feeling. Doug and Kenzie discuss anhedonia and sitting with clients when they are experiencing this feeling. They also talk about what happens when we may have missed something in a session as a therapist or feeling like our therapist missed something as a client. Have we missed something else, let us know… or if you've missed something, check out the podcast archives and listen to Drew and Sarah from day one of their journey in therapy!

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127. Sarah #38: Giving Yourself Permission to Feel Mar 07, 2024

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Doug helps Sarah move forward along a path toward her emotions. They discuss her learned pattern of being dismissive of herself and her feelings. The pursuit of data and facts that turns Sarah into the "justice warrior" is a defense mechanism to not feel the feelings. Doug uses an analogy with Spock and Kirk to highlight a spectrum of being logically driven versus being emotionally driven. Sarah connects this to how she can sound like a robot sometimes while suppressing and invalidating her own feelings. Doug invites Sarah to give herself permission to bring out her inner Captain Kirk so she can practice allowing her emotions to come up and out.

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126. Drew #96: Much Love Because Here Comes the Challenge Feb 29, 2024

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Drew is feeling like an adult and living in the world. He acknowledges feeling strength where he used to feel weakness in asking for help. He's getting support in his life by virtue of actually asking for help from others rather than doing everything on his own. Doug and Drew talk about the subtle differences between being an individual and being independent. Doug and Kenzie discuss the therapeutic relationship as a secure attachment. With this secure base to jump off from, Doug is able to challenge Drew, and Drew is able to explore his independence.

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125. Sarah #37: I Feel Like I'm Going to Think About It a Lot Feb 22, 2024

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Sarah is experiencing the difference between being of value at work and being the singular essential piece that also carries with it all the responsibility and pressure. She notices how she's starting to relax a bit and soften her edges when she isn't in complete control. Doug helps Sarah acknowledge how the control issue arose to protect herself as a child growing up in a cult, but it isn't serving her well now in her adult life. Doug invites her to come out of the protective shell to feel her own emotional experience rather than stay "safe" inside and keep her feelings internalized. Kenzie presses Doug to break down the abundant use of analogy and personal stories in session rather than stay in Sarah's own personal experiences and emotions. They find that the analogies, especially the airplane one, really do land for Sarah… do they land for you too?

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124. Drew #95: Digging Up That Old Polaroid Feb 15, 2024

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Doug and Kenzie talk about connecting to your inner child. Then in the session, Drew is adulting and creating distance from his parents while preparing to be a father himself. Doug digs deeper with Drew in the session to get to the emotions underneath all the progress we see and hear on the outside. Doug explains an analogy of photographs to show how we often perceive (and misperceive) people. There are polaroid snapshots from one instance in time and there are "Harry Potter" pictures that constantly move and change - but neither is a true moving picture of our actual life now. The images someone has in mind of us don't necessarily line up with how we really are now. We want people to see us and know us for who we are, but we are constantly changing. This gets murky when we put up walls and present false pictures to people, especially family members.

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123. Sarah #36: The Scooby-Doo Effect: Catching Up With Yourself Feb 08, 2024

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Sarah keeps learning and exploring in therapy – and her family is noticing the change in her and the progress she's made as a result. Doug explains how and why he uses stories and analogies so often in sessions. It's an effective way to make a concept less clinical and more relatable and memorable for clients. He names a sensation for Sarah, "The Scooby-Doo Effect," when the cartoon bodies get scared out of their skins then later join back together. This helps highlight the concept of how Sarah is now catching up with herself after being in a heightened cortisol state of fight or flight to get through an event or experience. From this place, Sarah can take stock of what she just went through and process it.

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122. Drew #94: Big Ol' Heaping Helping of Avoidance Feb 02, 2024

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Drew's adulting! He is practicing parenting himself, in preparation for his baby on the way. Drew acknowledges feeling anxious about how his parents will react to the pregnancy news he has yet to share with them. Doug challenges Drew to stay focused on himself and bring his emotions out to alleviate the anticipatory anxiety. Doug and Kenzie look at what it means to "Double down, don't shut down." We can hear Drew name and feel the feelings in the session and release some of the judgement he's been holding inside. As he says, "Being able to say it out loud helps me not avoid it."

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121. Sarah #35: Therapy is the Rehearsal for Life Jan 25, 2024

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Sarah follows up on last session's "wow moment" about using the concept of natural consequences rather than being judge and jury when giving a punishment. Sarah is re-parenting herself while effectively parenting her kids. People around Sarah are starting to notice a difference in her as a result of her processing in therapy and making previously unconscious habits and patterns more conscious. Doug helps Sarah uncover a moment in her past when her emotional expression was literally shut down by being told that "No one cares." We'll see if Sarah can give herself permission to go back to a time in her life when it was safe to express herself before she learned to shut it down.

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