Where Do We Go From Here?

Latest Episodes:

"Talking About Sex in Church Broke Us" — Donna Freitas on Healing What Religion Couldn't Jul 15, 2025

Show notes

Author, scholar, and survivor Donna Freitas joins us for a raw and deeply thoughtful conversation on the ways purity culture, religious silence, and institutional failures around sexuality have left lasting wounds — and where healing might actually begin.

In this episode, we talk about:

📚 Donna's personal story of church trauma and spiritual silence
✝️ The impact of purity culture on desire, consent, and autonomy
🧠 Why Christian spaces still struggle to talk about sex without shame
💔 How writing became Donna's way back to something like prayer
🔍 The difference between sexual ethics and sexual rules
🧎‍♀️ What healing can look like when religion has been the source of harm
👀 The things that don't get said in evangelical and Catholic conversations around sex — and why they matter

This one is for anyone who's been handed shame in the name of God — and is still trying to sort through what's true, what's trauma, and what's worth keeping.

Donna Freitas is an author, researcher, professor, and leading voice in conversations around sex, consent, spirituality, and young adult faith.

Website: www.donnafreitas.com
Substack: @donnafreitas
Instagram: @donnafreitas.writer

Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast by Jessica Vanderwyngaard

For more content and to partner with the show: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Today's Host was EDJ - https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com/

Is It Time for a New Christian Sexual Ethic? Jul 08, 2025

Show notes

Is it time to reimagine a Christian sexual ethic? That's the big question Jessica, Kristen, and Emily take on in this bold, honest, and expansive No Hard Feelings conversation. Together, we dive deep into the history of Christian sexual ethics—from the Garden of Eden and ancient Israelite practices to purity culture and the modern church.

This isn't just a theology class. We're asking:

What was the biblical sexual ethic really?
How has marriage changed over the centuries?
What role did empire, patriarchy, and purity culture play?
What do we owe to queer theologians in rethinking Christian sexuality?
How can we build a framework that values consent, agency, dignity, and inclusion?

Whether you've left purity culture behind, are raising kids, are single in the church, or just want to better understand how we got here—this episode is for you.

🔑 Plus, Jessica shares a deeply personal vision for a new Christian sexual ethic—available exclusively on Patreon.

Join us for this no-holds-barred conversation. Because when it comes to faith and sex, there are no hard feelings—just open hearts and honest questions.

🔗 Links & Resources

Jessica's solo episode: A New Christian Sexual Ethic? → Patreon Exclusive
Episode with Brandon Robertson on queer theology → Listen now
Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod

Most Downloaded: Sex and Agency Jul 03, 2025

Show notes

Originally released as Episode 49.

This episode is all about one word: agency. Jessica and Devi revisit their conversation with Sheila Gregoire about what it really means for women to experience pleasure, make choices, and have autonomy in their sexual relationships. From obligation sex to pleasure gaps in marriage, we dissect the ways purity culture erased agency—and what reclaiming it can look like.

Purity, Paul, and Pride: A Queer Pastor Reimagines Christianity Jun 24, 2025

Show notes

Host: EDJ Guest: Rev. Brandan Robertson – author of Queer and Christian, TikTok pastor, theologian, and public speaker.

In this heartfelt and deeply thoughtful conversation, EDJ speaks with Rev. Brandan Robertson about growing up evangelical, discovering his queerness, and finding a theology that held both faith and identity. Together, they unpack:

Brandan's journey from Moody Bible Institute to affirming theology
The trauma of purity culture and conversion therapy
Why "obedience" and biblical literalism can be harmful
What the Bible really says about queerness – including the infamous word arsenokoite
Queer readings of scripture and the radical inclusivity of Jesus
How deconstruction can lead to more honest, expansive faith
What it means to let love—not fear—guide your theology

Whether you're curious, questioning, or walking your own road of reconstruction, this episode offers theological insight, personal stories, and radical grace.

🛒 Buy Queer and Christian: https://QueerChristian.org 📍 Follow Brandan: TikTok, Instagram, and more via QueerChristian.org 🔗 Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Do we still believe in "obedience" after purity culture? Jun 19, 2025

Show notes

In this Thoughts and Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ wade into the murky waters of what it means to engage with faith, critique evangelicalism, and still remain spiritually alive. It's part deconstruction, part spiritual therapy — with a side of sass.

They ask: Can you love Jesus but be done with church? What happens when purity culture gives way to embodied faith? And how do you hold grief and hope in the same breath when it comes to faith traditions that shaped you — and hurt you?

This conversation isn't tied up in a bow — and that's the point. If you're craving raw honesty and nuanced faith, this one's for you.

In this episode:

Church trauma and the long shadow of spiritual abuse
"Healing" and the commodification of it in Christian spaces
Why it's okay to say "I don't know"
The spiritual cost of being a "good girl"
Rebuilding a relationship with the divine on your own terms

Join the conversation and let us know your biggest takeaway.

Is Christianity Still Good News for Women? Jun 11, 2025

Show notes

Is Christianity still good news for women? It's a big question — and in this episode, Jessica is joined by Emily and Kristen for a thoughtful, vulnerable conversation that doesn't shy away from the tension.

Together, they explore:

🧠 How growing up in the church shaped their views on womanhood, sex, and submission
✝️ The parts of Christianity they've kept — and what they've had to leave behind
💔 The difference between Jesus and the institutions that claim to represent him
🧎‍♀️ Whether the "good news" can still be good when it's caused so much harm
🪢 And what hope, faith, and spirituality can look like after the unraveling

This isn't a theological debate — it's an honest look at what it means to be a woman who still wants to engage faith after everything. No easy answers. No hard feelings. Just an open conversation for wherever you're at.

Can You Still Follow God After Church Trauma? A conversation with Brenda Palmer Jun 04, 2025

Show notes

What happens when saying yes to God means leaving behind everything you built — and trusting Him in the silence?

In this deeply moving episode, Jessica talks with evangelist, author, and podcast host Brenda Palmer about her upcoming book The Journey of Yes. But this conversation goes far beyond the book.

Brenda opens up about growing up in purity culture, losing her church community after choosing to speak out, walking away from a thriving career, and learning to hear God's voice in the wilderness of financial uncertainty and emotional pain.

With wisdom, joy, and radical honesty, she reminds us:

That hearing from God is a process, not a lightning bolt
That obedience isn't about transaction, but transformation
And that our trauma doesn't disqualify us — it's often where God meets us

Whether you've walked away from church, are learning to trust God again, or are somewhere in between, this conversation is a breath of Spirit-filled air.

Where to find Brenda: https://www.iambrendapalmer.com/

Pre-orders: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/762936/the-journey-of-yes-by-brenda-palmer/

Where to find us: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Emotional Affairs & the First American Pope. A No Hard Feelings Chat May 15, 2025

Show notes

This episode of No Hard Feelings is one for the books: we're tackling two wildly different but surprisingly rich topics — emotional cheating in the age of smartphones, and the global significance of the first American pope, Leo XIV.

First, Jessica, Kristen, and Emily unpack what emotional cheating actually is (spoiler: it's not as cut and dry as you think). From secret texts and blurred lines to purity culture hangovers and relational ethics, we sit in the tension and explore the gray areas of emotional intimacy.

Then we shift gears to talk about the newly appointed Pope Leo XIV — what it means for the global church, the far right's response, and how Catholicism's center of gravity may be shifting away from Europe.

We don't offer all the answers. But we ask the questions with honesty, curiosity, and no hard feelings.

🎧 Support the show and get bonus content at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Pelvic Floors, Pain, Pleasure & Purity Culture with osteopath Rebecca Lovett May 01, 2025

Show notes

What if your pain isn't just something you have to live with?

In this episode, Jessica talks with osteopath Rebecca Lovett about pelvic floors, vaginismus, body shame, and the impact of purity culture on women's health. They explore how trauma can live in the body, why many women suffer in silence, and what it means to reconnect with your body — not just spiritually, but physically.

This conversation is honest, warm, and deeply practical — and it's here to remind you: your body is not a problem to be solved.

📍 Rebecca Lovett is a Melbourne-based osteopath with a focus on pelvic health and whole-body care. Learn more: rebeccalovettosteopath.com.au

Where Does Deconstruction Go From Here? Apr 16, 2025

Show notes

In this episode of 'Where Do We Go From Here?', host Jessica van der wyngaard introduces her new co-host EDJ, who shares her journey from Australia to America and her experiences with deconstruction in faith. The conversation explores the themes of grace, purity culture, and the importance of open discussions about faith and relationships. EDJ discusses her background in Bible college and how it shaped her beliefs, as well as her plans for future interviews and topics related to deconstruction and spirituality.

EDJ shares her journey of moving from Australia to America.
The concept of 'Thoughts and Prayers' is redefined in a communal context.
Deconstruction is a long and personal journey.
Bible college challenged EDJ's previous beliefs about faith.
Grace is a central theme in understanding one's relationship with God.
Purity culture has lasting impacts on relationships and self-perception.
Open conversations about sex and faith are necessary.
Deconstruction can lead to healthier perspectives on faith.
Future episodes will include interviews with various authors and influencers.

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