Where Do We Go From Here?

Latest Episodes:

On Premarital Sex Part 2: Reimagining Celibacy Nov 25, 2025

Show notes

In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy.

After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions:

What does celibacy really mean?
How is celibacy different from abstinence?
Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for "other people"?
And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between?

Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests:

Peter Valk

A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares:

What vocational celibacy is (and isn't)
How he discerned his call
Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression
How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family
Why discernment should be part of every Christian's vocational life

Dr. Dani Treweek

Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture:

The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence
How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness
Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality
The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence
How eschatology ("we will be like the angels") changes everything

Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought.

You'll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture.

✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

Equip Your Community – Peter Valk
Nashville Family of Brothers
Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry
Dani's doctoral work: The End of Singleness
Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz
Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood
Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)

On Premarital Sex Part 1: What are the rules when there are no rules? Nov 24, 2025

Show notes

In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex?

Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered:

How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook?
What counts as "sexual sin" if I don't use purity-culture categories?
How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment?
What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex?

…this episode is for you.

Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why "What do I actually want?" is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed.

You'll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope.

Whether you're dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion.

✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias' "Four Paradoxes of Sex" at wheredowegopod.com/partner

Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts
MathiasRoberts.com
Instagram: @mathiasroberts

What We Can Learn from a Somatic Sexologist Nov 19, 2025

Show notes

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality.

Lydia shares her journey from believing she was "broken" and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal.

This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence.

In this episode:

Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we're "born good at"
How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection
The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure
Why orgasm isn't the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy
What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love

Resources Mentioned:

Lydia Adéla's website
Bonnie Bliss — Somatic Sexuality Educator Training
The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch

Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard

Faith, Feminism & Pleasure: Rethinking the Christian Story of Sex Nov 12, 2025

Show notes

In this month's Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ dive into what's been stirring in our community conversations — from purity-culture myths about "saving sex for marriage" to what it means to reclaim feminine wisdom in a patriarchal church.

The hosts reflect on the latest No Hard Feelings discussion about abstinence and sexual compatibility, explore how our theology has shaped women's bodies and pleasure, and unpack insights from Edie J's interview with Angela J Harrington, author of Embracing the Odd Witch in the Woods.

They also take listener questions from Reddit — tackling Christian dating, women initiating relationships, and setting boundaries with partners navigating addiction.

And, as always, the episode closes with a moment of prayer in the spirit of the Anglican Prayers of the People, holding space for our world, our bodies, and our courage to question.

In this episode:

Does abstinence before marriage really equal better sex?
Re-educating ourselves about desire, consent & female anatomy
Deconstructing patriarchy and reclaiming feminine wisdom
Addiction, boundaries, and compassionate love
Women leading with courage in politics & faith communities
A prayer for grace in uncertainty and hope in the waiting

Keywords: purity culture, Christian sexuality, feminist theology, Angela Harrington, deconstruction podcast, consent education, female embodiment, patriarchy in the church, women's leadership, deconstruction and faith, Where Do We Go From Here podcast

Angela J. Herrington — Website: angelajherrington.com angelajherrington.com+1
Angela Herrington — Book: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy by Angela J. Herrington Google Books
Sheila Wray Gregoire — Bare Marriage blog/article: "Are Obligation Sex and Marital Rape the Same Thing?" Bare Marriage
France legal reform on consent — Article: "France's Assemblée Nationale backs bill adding consent to rape law" (Le Monde) lemonde.fr+1

Deconstructing Christian Patriarchy and Reclaiming Feminine Energy Nov 05, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, EDJ talks with Angela Herrington, author of Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Decolonizing the Sacred Feminine and Reclaiming Your Power. Together, they explore what it means to reconnect with feminine wisdom in a world shaped by patriarchy and Christian purity culture.

Angela unpacks:

The witch as a metaphor for women's ancestral wisdom and strength
How patriarchy and colonialism vilified feminine power and indigenous knowledge
Why rage and pleasure are essential parts of healing
The truth about Christian teachings on submission and mutuality
How epigenetics reveals generational trauma—and the science behind healing it
The difference between equality and equity in feminist theology

This conversation dives deep into spirituality, sexuality, and self-trust, inviting listeners to rediscover the sacred feminine in themselves—no matter their gender.

📘 Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods is available wherever you buy books. Follow Angela Herrington on Instagram and visit angelaherrington.com.

🎧 Listen to Where Do We Go From Here? wherever you get your podcasts, and follow @where_do_we_go_pod for more.

Does Saving Sex for Marriage Set People Up for Better or Worse Sex? - A No Hard Feelings Chat Oct 29, 2025

Show notes

In this month's No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen take a deep dive into one of purity culture's biggest promises — that saving sex for marriage leads to better, holier, and more satisfying sex. Spoiler: the data (and lived experience) tell a different story.

They explore:

The "sexual prosperity gospel" and why it set so many up for shame and disappointment
Sheila Wray Gregoire's landmark Great Sex Rescue study of 20,000 evangelical women
The "flip-switch myth" and how lack of education and consent led to painful first experiences
The 47% orgasm gap and how theology often reinforces it
How purity culture erased queer people entirely — and the lasting impact of that
What Christians can teach instead: consent, embodiment, mutuality, and choice
A surprisingly wise bit of secular sex advice: "Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't hand your unlocked phone to."

Whether you waited for marriage or not, this episode dismantles the shame, misinformation, and silence that shaped so many of our sexual stories — and offers a better, kinder path forward.

Referenced:

The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex
Dr. Camden Morgante's "Flip Switch Myth"
Santification and Sexual Satisfaction:
- https://ematerials.ulethbridge.ca/server/api/core/bitstreams/51cab0e8-67d7-48c5-923d-543a9873ff0b/content
- https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-19407-001
Guys We F**ed* podcast

Nobody Wants This Season 1 Recap Oct 23, 2025

Show notes

In this fun and thoughtful Where Do We Go From Here? conversation, Jessica and Devi revisit one of their favourite RomCom Recap episodes from Patreon — a deep dive into the Netflix hit Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody.

They explore why this show hit such a cultural nerve, how it portrays the complexity of love between two people from different faiths, and what it teaches us about emotional honesty, boundaries, and belonging.

From the "hot rabbi" to the spiral-inducing unanswered text, Jessica and Devi unpack how Nobody Wants This manages to make relationships feel real — messy, beautiful, and worth fighting for.

If you've ever wondered what healthy love looks like after religious conditioning or purity culture, this one's for you.

In this episode:

Why Nobody Wants This resonates so deeply with modern audiences
How pop culture is reimagining "good men" through characters like Noah
The parallels between religious devotion and emotional integrity
Why our culture is hungry for models of honest, emotionally mature relationships
The power of female introspection in romcom storytelling

Mentioned in this episode:

Nobody Wants This (Netflix)
Fleabag (Amazon Prime)
The Faith Adjacent Podcast

Why 'Waiting on God's Timing' Keeps Women Stuck and other thoughts Oct 15, 2025

Show notes

In this reflective and wide-ranging Thoughts & Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ explore the intersection of politics, faith, and deconstruction — from the rise of Christian nationalism in the U.S. to the way purity culture still shapes dating and marriage expectations today.

Together, they talk about:

How Christian nationalism differs between Australia and the U.S.
What the Charlie Kirk controversy reveals about polarization and online discourse.
Learning when to disengage from unproductive debates — and how that can be an act of wisdom, not defeat.
Why waiting for "God's timing" in dating can keep women passive and disconnected from their own agency.
Reflections on The Myth of Good Christian Parenting and the need to unlearn harmful discipline models.
Jessica's bittersweet announcement about stepping back from Where Do We Go From Here? and what's next for the show.
A closing prayer for peace, courage, and connection.

✨ Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, politics, or parenting, this episode offers grounded honesty, laughter, and a gentle invitation to keep growing.

Mentioned:

The Myth of Good Christian Parenting by Marissa Franks-Burt & Kelsey Kramer McGinnis
April Ajoy interview episode
Prayer by Dr Lisa Hancock

Grace for Parents, Healing for Kids - Chatting to the authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting Oct 10, 2025

Show notes

Guests:

Marissa Franks-Burt – Instagram | Substack
Kelsey Kramer McGinnis – Instagram | Substack | Writer at Christianity Today

About the Episode: In this episode, EDJ sits down with Marissa Franks-Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families. Together they trace how James Dobson's Dare to Discipline shaped decades of Christian parenting and why authoritarian, fear-based models continue to echo in today's influencer culture.

They explore:

How "good Christian parenting" emerged from post-1970s evangelicalism
Why the focus on control and obedience took hold
The theology behind corporal punishment and gender hierarchy
How religious parenting ideals became social media aesthetics
What it looks like to move toward empathy, autonomy, and grace

Trigger warning: Discussion of spanking, strict discipline, and religious trauma.

Book release: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting releases October 14, 2025. Pre-order bonuses include downloadable resources making the Christian case against spanking.

April Ajoy on Christian Nationalism and Star-Spangled Jesus Sep 24, 2025

Show notes

This week on Where Do We Go From Here? EDJ sits down with content creator, podcaster, and author April Ajoy to talk about her new book Star-Spangled Jesus: Christian Nationalism in America.

April grew up in purity culture as a pastor's kid, surrounded by the metaphors we all know too well—chewed-up gum, licked cupcakes, torn roses. But as her journey unfolded, she began creating satire on TikTok, co-hosting the Tim and April Show, and now writing a book that helps us understand how Christian nationalism took hold in America.

In this conversation, you'll hear:

April's personal deconstruction journey, from purity culture to politics.
What Christian nationalism actually is, and how it has shaped American evangelicalism.
Why purity culture and Christian nationalism often go hand in hand.
How April and her non-binary spouse live out a faith that embraces authenticity and hope.
Why she still chooses to ground herself in the words of Jesus.

EDJ also reflects on the contrasts between voting in Australia and the United States, and how compulsory voting changes the landscape of politics and faith.

This episode will help you name the forces shaping the evangelical church in America, and it offers hope that change and healing are possible.

Find April Ajoy online: