Where Do We Go From Here?

Latest Episodes:

Ask Jess Anything: Deconstruction, Sex, Motherhood, and Closure Jan 28, 2026

Show notes

In this special Ask Jess Anything episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess opens the vault and shares one of the most personal conversations from behind the Patreon paywall.

As Jess prepares to step away from the podcast she founded, she reflects honestly on purity culture, sex, faith, parenting, creative burnout, and what it's like to leave a space you helped build. Listeners submitted their questions with no topic off-limits, and Jess answers them with the clarity, nuance, and vulnerability that has defined the show for the past five years.

In this episode, Jess talks about why she's stepping back from podcasting, the emotional and physical toll of documentary filmmaking, her experience making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and her complicated relationship with Joshua Harris and the film's legacy. She also shares how purity culture did (and didn't) shape her marriage and sex life, how her views shifted after her first kiss and first sexual experiences, and how she's thinking about consent, bodies, and faith as a parent to young twins.

Jess also reflects on content creation, Patreon, monetisation, and the tension between integrity and algorithms in today's creator economy. This episode serves as both a thank-you to longtime listeners and a thoughtful handover as EDJ steps into the future of the podcast.

Some sections of this episode have been intentionally edited for public release, with a small number of moments remaining exclusive to Patreon for personal safety.

In this episode, we explore:

Why Jess is stepping away from Where Do We Go From Here?
What an "Ask Me Anything" revealed about her deconstruction journey
Purity culture, sex, shame, and agency
First kisses, first sex, and dismantling fear-based narratives
Parenting without purity culture
Creative burnout, documentary filmmaking, and boundaries
Patreon, paywalls, and the realities of independent podcasting
What happens to the archive and how to access it for a limited time

If you've been with the podcast for a short time or a long time, this episode is a moment of reflection, closure, and gratitude.

🎧 Note: A limited-time archive of previously paywalled episodes is currently available via Patreon before it is permanently removed.

Link for Collections:

Jess & Devi Show - $30USD

Jess & Friends Show - $10USD

I've got Questions for Erin Moon Jan 22, 2026

Show notes

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess sits down with Erin Moon, writer, podcaster, and author of I've Got Questions, for a deeply honest conversation about purity culture, faith deconstruction, curiosity, and what it looks like to stay tethered to God while letting certainty fall away.

Erin reflects on growing up fully immersed in evangelical purity culture, including the long-term impact it had on her body, marriage, and sense of self. She shares candidly about why deconstructing purity culture can take decades, how shame keeps so many people silent, and why asking questions is not a failure of faith but an expression of it.

Together, Jess and Erin explore why curiosity was discouraged in many evangelical spaces, how political power and Christian nationalism accelerated Erin's own deconstruction, and what it means to be "suspicious of certainty" while still loving scripture. Erin also discusses her work as Resident Bible Scholar on Faith Adjacent, the shift from The Bible Binge, and why humour, humility, and community matter when navigating heavy theological terrain.

This episode is for anyone who feels unmoored by faith questions, is re-examining purity culture, or is trying to stay connected to God without suppressing their doubts. It's also for parents, partners, and loved ones who want to better understand the deconstruction journeys happening around them.

In this episode, we cover:

Growing up "all in" on purity culture and its long-term effects
Why sexual shame doesn't magically disappear after marriage
How asking questions can deepen faith rather than destroy it
The role of politics and power in evangelical disillusionment
Being curious without demanding certainty
Reading scripture with humility and openness
Why community matters, both online and in real life
Erin's book I've Got Questions and the companion guided journal

Resources & Links:

Erin Moon's website: https://www.erinhmoon.com
I've Got Questions by Erin Moon: https://www.erinhmoon.com/book
I've Got Questions: Guided Journal: https://www.erinhmoon.com/journal
Faith Adjacent podcast: https://faithadjacentpod.com

If you've ever felt afraid to ask questions about faith, sexuality, scripture, or God, this conversation offers permission, honesty, and hope.

Rage Bait, "Childless" and the Gender Blame Game Jan 15, 2026

Show notes

What happens when algorithms profit from our outrage?

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess is joined by Emily and Kristen to unpack a piece of viral rage bait that sparked intense online reactions around dating, loneliness, and gender. Using a widely shared clip from a Diary of a CEOinterview as a case study, the hosts slow the conversation down and ask a different set of questions.

Rather than reacting, blaming, or feeding the algorithm, they practice what they call their No Hard Feelings muscle:

noticing emotional responses without immediately responding
fact-checking claims and statistics
zooming out to full context
questioning binaries like men vs women, single vs partnered
and sitting with nuance instead of certainty

The conversation explores how statistics can be used as authority without accountability, how loneliness is often conflated with relationship status, and why phrases like "childless women" are emotionally loaded and culturally shaming. The hosts challenge the idea that romantic partnership is the primary solution to loneliness and ask whether community, friendship, and social structures deserve more attention.

They also examine how social media incentives reward division, why rage bait spreads so effectively, and how engagement itself becomes a vote for more of the same content. Along the way, they discuss dating apps, emotional labour, shifting gender expectations, declining birth rates, and the difference between correlation and causation when it comes to health outcomes and relationships.

This episode is not about defending or cancelling anyone. It's about learning how to engage thoughtfully in a culture that thrives on outrage, and asking what kind of social, economic, and relational conditions actually make connection feel safe and chosen.

If you've ever felt angry, defensive, or exhausted after watching a viral clip about dating or gender, this episode invites you to pause, breathe, and think again.

From Purity to Power: Sex, Innocence, and the Legacy of White Christianity Jan 06, 2026

Show notes

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess is joined by scholar and author Sara Moslener to discuss her latest book, After Purity, and the deeper political, racial, and theological forces behind evangelical purity culture.

Sara argues that purity culture was never only about sex. It was about power. Drawing on years of academic research and firsthand stories from the After Purity Project, she traces how purity culture trained white women to equate obedience, self-denial, and innocence with moral authority, patriotism, and faithfulness. These ideals, she explains, are inseparable from Christian nationalism, white supremacy, and the politics of "innocence" in the United States.

Together, Jess and Sara unpack how purity culture relied on the myth of innocence while simultaneously hyper-sexualising girls and young women. They explore how evangelical movements claimed their work was "not political" while actively shaping national policy, sexual norms, and racial hierarchies. The conversation also examines the limits of white feminism, the problem of disembodiment, and why healing from purity culture requires more than reclaiming sexuality alone.

This episode is for listeners who want to understand why purity culture caused so much harm, how it intersected with race and power, and what it means to reckon honestly with faith, feminism, and national identity after deconstruction.

Topics include:

Purity culture as a political and racial project
Innocence, power, and Christian nationalism
White feminism and its limits
Disembodiment and bodily shame
Evangelicalism, race, and sexual ethics
The After Purity Project and lived experience

Core Readings Referenced in This Episode

After Purity — Sara Moslener
Pure — Linda Kay Klein
Making Chastity Sexy — Christine J. Gardner
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl — Harriet Jacobs
White Tears / Brown Scars — Ruby Hamad
The Myth of Colorblind Christians — Jemar Tisby

Learning to Trust Yourself to Deconstruct and Date Dec 30, 2025

Show notes

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture.

Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs?

The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection.

The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey.

This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear.

Topics include:

Christian dating after purity culture
Consent, agency, and sexual ethics
Celibacy as choice vs obligation
Deconstruction without deconversion
Dating privilege and power in church spaces
Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies
Faith, grief, and communal prayer

Christmas, Closets, and Consent: A Happiest Season Rom-Com Recap Dec 23, 2025

Show notes

This Christmas Eve, we're unwrapping a special gift for everyone.

Normally, our Rom-Com Recaps are exclusive to our Patreon partners, but for December we're sharing this one on the main feed as a thank-you and a holiday treat.

In this episode, Jess is joined by Bri from our Patreon community to recap and unpack Happiest Season. The 2020 holiday rom-com starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis set out to be a festive queer love story, but left many viewers divided.

We dive into:

The central relationship between Abby and Harper and why it frustrated us more than it warmed our hearts
The emotional cost of closeting a partner and where consent breaks down
Why Dan Levy's character delivers the most honest moment in the entire film
The chemistry that arguably should have changed the ending
Whether this movie was made for queer audiences or about them
How family pressure, image management, and unspoken expectations shape holiday dynamics

This conversation goes beyond a simple movie review. We talk honestly about coming out, family roles, emotional labour, and why "happily ever after" sometimes feels unearned.

If you love rom-coms, have complicated feelings about Christmas, or have ever watched a holiday movie and thought "wait… this isn't actually okay," this episode is for you.

🎁 A Christmas gift from us to you. Enjoy.

For access to the RomCom Recap of Saved! simply sign up as a free or paid member at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Can You Deconstruct Without Losing Your Faith Dec 10, 2025

Show notes

Summary: In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess, Emily, and Kristen take on one of the most timeless questions for Christians navigating doubt and deconstruction: Can you question your beliefs without losing your faith?

Jess shares reflections from making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye with Joshua Harris and a recent conversation with her boss who's struggling not to "throw the baby out with the bathwater." Emily walks us through James Fowler's Stages of Faith Development and Kohlberg's Moral Development, offering a developmental lens for understanding why deconstruction can actually be a sign of growth rather than loss. Kristen brings warmth and honesty to the emotional fallout of leaving evangelical spaces, exploring how community, inclusion, and re-reading Scripture through a "Jesus lens" can help rebuild faith on new foundations.

Together, the trio asks: What is the "baby" we're trying to keep? Is it Jesus? Love? Mystery? The creeds? And can we learn to hold uncertainty as a form of faith itself?

Timestamps: 00:00 — Intro: What even is the baby and the bathwater? 04:00 — Jess on Joshua Harris, Josephine Butler, and modern deconstruction 13:00 — Emily explains Fowler's Stages of Faith and what they reveal about deconstruction 30:00 — Where we are now: bouncing between Stage 4 and 5 35:00 — Kristen's story of leaving church and finding belonging again 48:00 — So what is the baby? Defining what's worth holding onto 57:00 — Ancient creeds, mystery, and rediscovering Jesus 1:02:00 — Closing reflections: curiosity, courage, and faith that grows up

Links Mentioned:

I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye documentary
James Fowler, Stages of Faith (1981) https://www.ngumc.org/files/fileslibrary/james+fowlers+stages+of+faith.pdf
"Religious Deconstruction: The Process, Themes, and Psychosocial Dynamics…" (academic dissertation) https://www.proquest.com/openview/ba405ff9b1a90e17f43a39de1ddf40b3/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y
Josephine Butler biography (When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams)
Patreon community: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Keywords for SEO: faith deconstruction, Fowler stages of faith, Joshua Harris, evangelical deconstruction, progressive Christianity, exvangelical podcast, Christian faith development, Kohlberg moral development, losing faith, reconstructing faith, deconstruction without deconversion, No Hard Feelings podcast

Starved of Desire: How Purity Culture and Diet Culture Intertwine Dec 03, 2025

Show notes

In this special interview, EDJ sits down with writer and cultural critic Anna Rollins, author of Famished, to talk about the haunting overlap between purity culture, diet culture, and the ways women learn to shrink themselves — in body, desire, and voice.

With honesty and nuance, Anna speaks about her own story, the systems that shaped her, and the practices she's now reclaiming. This is an episode for anyone who grew up equating holiness with self-erasure, or who has ever sensed that controlling the body is often a proxy for controlling sexuality, worthiness, and belonging.

In this conversation, we explore:

✨ The shared logic between purity culture and diet culture — and why both teach women that their bodies are a threat ✨ How thinness, obedience, and "good girl" energy become spiritualised ✨ Anna's journey through disordered eating and recovery ✨ Why evangelical spaces often reward self-denial but punish desire ✨ The shame-fear cycle that forms when food, sex, and worth collapse into each other ✨ How Anna rebuilt a relationship with her body, appetite, and autonomy ✨ The theological stories that keep harmful systems alive — and the better ones that can replace them

EDJ and Anna also dig into the deeper question this podcast always circles back to: What happens when we stop starving ourselves — physically, spiritually, and emotionally — and start living as whole people?

⚠️ Content warning: This episode includes discussion of diet culture, disordered eating, and a reference to sexual assault. Take care of yourself as you listen.

On Premarital Sex Part 4: Sin or Not a Sin? Nov 26, 2025

Show notes

In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together.

This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church's teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our "deconstructed" ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment

Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after "deconstructing." Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify.

You'll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant "unmarried"), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.

On Premarital Sex Part 3: Making Sexual Decisions with Wisdom — Not Fear Nov 25, 2025

Show notes

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind?

This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack:

✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset.

Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers.

This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom.

For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

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