What We Really Want: Conversations About Connection

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A Little Extra Helping with Greg & Stacey (Holiday Bonus) Dec 03, 2024

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After what we hope was a great Thanksgiving, please enjoy this "Little Extra Helping" of the podcast.
While recording the intro to Episode 23 with Carol Sheets, Stacey and I talked for quite a long time. Too long to include it all in the episode itself. But we felt like what we talked about could be helpful for other people, so we're sharing that entire part of our conversation with you now.
Don't forget to listen to Carol's episode, "The Gift of Empathy," and get caught up on all our episodes you may have missed.
#Greg Oliver #StaceyOliver #marriage #empathy #communication #therapy #counseling #recovery #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #sexualaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

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23 | Carol Sheets (aka "Carol the Coach"): The Gift of Empathy Nov 26, 2024

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People being introduced to today's wealth of resources for sexual addiction and sexual betrayal trauma recovery owe a lot to our guest. Carol Sheets, also known to her radio, podcast, and YouTube audiences as "Carol the Coach," was among the first therapists to become a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (CSAT). For years she has been offering encouragement, advice, and resources not only for recovering sex addicts, but also for their partners recovering from betrayal trauma.
In 2019 Carol released Help Her Heal: An Empathy Workbook for Sex Addicts to Help Their Partners Heal. This was a simple, practical guide to help recovering addicts understand the pain their partners experience with sexual betrayal, and to give them tools to develop the needed skill of empathy.
Carol also created a model for couple's recovery called ERCEM (Early Recovery Couple's Empathy Model), understanding that for couples who have experienced sexual addiction and betrayal to heal, BOTH partners eventually need to discover empathy for the other's past experiences with trauma. Her 2022 book Help Them Heal: Teaching You Both How to Heal Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal, helps couples navigate this difficult work and understand that there is hope for couples after sexual betrayal.
Some of the "initials" we talked about in the episode include:
CSAT - Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist
APSATS - Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists
ERCEM - Early Recovery Couple's Empathy Model
AVR - Acknowledge, Validate, Reassure (empathetic communication skill)
Greg & Stacey had a great conversation where Carol shared how she got started, how she remains committed to learning newer and better ways to help people, and she even took some time to talk through a recent trigger Stacey experienced. We're grateful for the lifetime of work Carol brings to people in recovery, and we believe you will be too.

#carolsheets #carolthecoach #helpherheal #helpthemheal #empathy #ercem #apsats #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversation
Carol The Coach's website
Carol's books (on Amazon)
Sexual Addiction: Strength/Hope/Recovery (Carol's podcast)

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22 | John Lynch: Actively & Uniquely Loved Nov 12, 2024

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Have you ever gotten lost in a conversation, unaware of how much time has passed, or even exactly what you were talking about? That's kind of how I felt talking with my John Lynch. It's easy to get pulled into John's warmth and sincerity, but he's also intense when talking about God's love for his children.
John co-wrote a book that changed my life several years ago. The Cure: What if God isn't Who You Think He Is and Neither Are You? had a radical impact on my life and recovery, and on how I saw God's love and grace. As someone who had spent most of my life trying to earn God's pleasure and approval, the way John and his co-authors described grace was a complete game-changer.
We talked not just about The Cure, but about another of John's books, On My Worst Day. It's a memoir of sorts, where John dives deep into his own life, and gives glimpses of what Jesus may have been thinking and saying to him throughout the story. There's something in there for all of us.
Whether the thing that has you discouraged is addiction, failure, unrealized dreams, whatever... John's words are a refreshing cup of cold water. I hope this conversation will help you today!
#johnlynch #johnlynchspeaks #thecure #truefaced #onmyworstday #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversation
John's speaking website (JohnLynchSpeaks)
The Cure (on Amazon)
On My Worst Day (on Amazon)
Andrew Farley's books (author John references in the conversation)

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21 | Kristen Miele: Sex-Ed Reclaimed (Bonus Episode) Nov 05, 2024

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One of the best ways parents can prepare their kids to live healthy, connected lives is to be honest and open with them about important topics. Few topics are more important for parents to bravely engage than teaching their kids about sex. And yet still so many parents are terrified and embarrassed to "go there." Moms and Dads, the time has come to stop using cutesy, slang terms that dance around anatomy and sexuality, and to get real with our kids!
Kristen Miele, founder of Sex-Ed Reclaimed, has been educating youth on the topic of sex for over a decade. She’s taught in hundreds of diverse settings in multiple countries. She heard Greg & Stacey speak at an online summit and reached out to connect, and we're so glad she did! Her curriculum is simple, honest, straight-forward, and really well-done.
Not very long ago, parents who wanted to sexually disciple their kids had a hard time finding good resources to help them. Thankfully, this is not the case anymore. Kristen has developed an incredible tool to help parents de-stigmatize conversations about sex, and to establish themselves as the go-to for good, true sexual information for their kids.
#kristenmiele #sexedreclaimed #sexuality #sexed #parenting #gospel #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation
Sex-Ed Reclaimed website
Sex-Ed Reclaimed on Instagram
Sex-Ed Reclaimed on Facebook

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20 | Sam Jolman: Sexuality Always Lives in a Story Oct 29, 2024

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There are times when you know you're hearing/reading/experiencing something very important. That's how I felt as I read through Sam Jolman's book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.
Men's sexual desire has been attacked, abused, neglected, and misunderstood for as long as it's existed. Men have been stereotyped as uncontrollable lust monsters who cannot control themselves. Purity culture and other harmful messages have made men feel guilty for being sexual creatures and for even having desire.
Men today are starved for sexual formation. They've been failed by parents, churches, and culture alike, leading to widespread shame, confusion, and brokenness in the area of sexuality. Sam's book helps men reconnect their God-given sexuality with innocence, awe, and joy, and shows readers how to celebrate - instead of struggle against - the gift of sexual desire.
In our conversation with Sam, we talk about how men can reclaim the gift of their sexuality with awe; how men who have misused their sexuality can take healthy ownership of the pain they've caused their partners, and so much more. Your sexuality always lives in a story, and the story God is writing is one that invites us to recover our innocence.
#samjolman #thesextalkyounevergot #storyformed #sexuality #masculinity #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation
Sam's website
Sam on Facebook
Sam on Instagram

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19 | Shawn Bonneteau: A Healthy Skeptic of Life Being Good Oct 15, 2024

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When I think of Shawn, I sometimes have to remind myself we've never actually met in person. Shawn is the kind of person who's easy to get to know quickly. He is kind & curious, and also open & vulnerable.
Shawn has a compelling sexual recovery story. Growing up impacted by family of origin trauma (like so many), Shawn turned to pornography as a comfort and became addicted. Like so many other young men, he experienced an unexpected physical impact - porn-induced erectile dysfunction. (Have you noticed lately how many ED medication ads we're seeing lately marketed for young men?) *Note: If you listen to the podcast with kids around, be aware that we use clear physiological descriptions in the ED part of the conversation. We hope this will offer you an opportunity to engage with your internet-connected kids on the important topic of porn.
Through embracing recovery and digging deeper into his own trauma story, Shawn began to experience spiritual, emotional, and physiological healing. Drawing from his own experience, he founded Secret Habit, offering porn recovery coaching from a Christian perspective. More recently, he joined Sathiya Sam's Deep Clean ministry as lead coach.
Listening to Shawn's story, we hope you'll hear things that make you feel less alone, and that give you hope that life can be more than what we often settle for. Healthy connection is for everyone.
#shawnbonneteau #secrethabit #deepclean #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation
Book a Coaching Call with Shawn
FREE resource: 90-Day P*rn Withdrawal Survival Guide
Porn Addiction recovery coaching with Deep Clean
Shawn on Instagram

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18 | Ashley Chesnut: Sending Up a Test Balloon Oct 01, 2024

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Ashley Chesnut moved to Birmingham with a certain future in mind. Graduate from seminary, then get a job as a professor and/or Old Testament commentary writer. But you know what they say about "the best laid plans..."
During her time in seminary, Ashley led a small group at her church, for single women. During that time, some of these women began to share about secret struggles with unwanted sexual behavior: things they'd never been able to share with anyone before.
Ashley began to discover both a gifting and a desire to walk alongside these women and support them toward healing and freedom. She has followed up that desire by getting additional degrees and certifications around trauma and counseling. In 2021 Ashley published a book, It's Not Just You: Freeing Women to Talk About Sexual Sin and Fight It Well. We talked about the way many people "send up test balloons" to see if we're going to be safe, and about the privilege and opportunity it is to be trusted with another person's story.
We have a great conversation with Ashley about how her path to where she is today, the joy of helping hurting people learn to connect with authenticity, her love for her "second home," Birmingham AL, and a lot more. Ashley is also the author of Down in the 'Ham (a children's book about Birmingham), and accompanying coloring books.
Check out Ashley's author link below, and PLEASE give us 5-stars and write a positive review wherever you get your podcasts!
Ashley's books on Amazon
#ashleychesnut #itsnotjustyou #downintheham #counseling #therapy #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #women #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

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17 | Betrayal Trauma Workshops (Bonus Episode) Sep 24, 2024

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What is a sexual betrayal trauma workshop? And why - if you are a woman going through the pain of having been betrayed by your husband/partner - should you consider attending one? In this BONUS episode, Greg & Stacey are joined by Paige and Brittney, two friends who are part of our Awaken community in Birmingham AL, to talk about their experiences in recovery and having attended our workshop.
Like we did when we addressed our Roots Retreat Men's Intensive in Episode 6 (with Adam, James, and Jason), we talked about the shared experiences of people who attend these weekend events, and why they can be so helpful in the process of recovery.
In this episode, Greg, Stacey, Paige, and Brittney talk about the two primary focuses of the Roots Retreat Women's Workshop: Understanding trauma and addiction. Trauma is an experience shared in some way by basically everyone, but many of us don't recognize the parts of our life that introduced us to trauma long before we were in relationship with our partner. Women who are sexually betrayed often experience that trauma "stepping on the exposed nerve" of unprocessed trauma they already carried. And coming to understand addiction can help women see that the inexcusable things their husbands/partners did often came from patterns that started long before they were together. All of this new or fuller understanding can help her as she heals and moves forward.
If you are a woman struggling in the aftermath of what you've discovered about your partner and are trying to determine what you need to do, and you think the Roots Retreat Women's Workshop may be helpful for you, please reach out to us. We'd love to help you in any way we can!
Check out our links below (including the workshop), and PLEASE give us 5-stars and write a positive review wherever you get your podcasts!
#betrayaltrauma #trauma #healing #affairs #sexualbetrayal #therapy #counseling #gospel #recovery #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #sexualaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

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16 | Tullian Tchividjian: Best Parts of God, Worst Parts of Me Sep 17, 2024

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Tullian Tchividjian is a name that elicits strong reactions from people, some positive and some negative. As the grandson of Billy Graham, he grew up in a family that was very familiar with public ministry. For years he has been a provocative voice in evangelical Christianity, writing books, preaching sermons, and using social media to promote a consistent and loud message of grace.
Then, in 2015, his life blew up. Revelations of an affair, the loss of his pastoral ministry, and a divorce added up to an extreme public humbling. And by Tullian's own admission, he did not handle it well. From a place of hurt, anger, and fear, he lashed out and received widespread criticism and condemnation within the Christian community.
At the same time, a few friends who were not willing to throw stones came around Tullian, loved him, spoke grace and truth into his life, and were instrumental in his repentance and healing. In 2019 Tullian returned to pastoral ministry as part of the founding of The Sanctuary, a church in Jupiter FL, where he hosts an annual conference called Fallen & Free.
We talked about his story, his fall, the "infamous" Washington Post statement from 2015, his healing & recovery, mixed motives, what recovery communities offer that the church is missing, and how the church could move toward becoming a safer and more gracious place for broken people.
Tullian's latest book, a memoir called Carnage and Grace: Confessions of an Adulterous Heart, was released in March 2024.
Check out Tullian's links below, and PLEASE give us 5-stars and write a positive review wherever you get your podcasts!
Tullian's website
Tullian's books on Amazon
Fallen & Free conference info
The Sanctuary (church) website
#tullian #tulliantchividjian #carnageandgrace #counseling #therapy #gospel #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

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15 | Gordon Bals: I Don't Think Those Tears Are Just Mine Sep 03, 2024

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Gordon Bals has a bit of a reputation around Birmingham Alabama. Many people have referred to him as "that counselor who cries with you." I can't think of too many higher compliments a person could receive.
Gordon founded Daymark Pastoral Counseling in Birmingham AL, and is on faculty at Beeson Divinity School. In the Fall of 2024, under Gordon's direction, Beeson has launched a new program, a Master of Arts in Christian Counseling. This new program provides a context where Gordon can train men and women to show up with the same empathy and kindness he has modeled for decades with his own clients.
We talked about how purposeful presence is more important than sharpening our skills, and about the joy Gordon now has training the next generation of helpful Christian counselors. And we talk about crying a good bit, too. 😊
Check out Gordon's links below, and PLEASE give us 5-stars and write a positive review wherever you get your podcasts!
Daymark Pastoral Counseling (Birmingham AL)
Master of Arts in Christian Counseling program at Beeson Divinity School
#gordonbals #daymark #daymarkpastoralcounseling #beesondivinityschool #beeson #counseling #christiancounseling #therapy #gospel #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

Support the show

Awaken's CONNECT Men's Weekend registration (Oct. 9-11, 2026)

Awaken website
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