What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't

Key Couples Skills for Lasting Love Oct 30, 2024

Relationships take work, like anything worthwhile. This episode is going to help you develop skills as a couple. Just like the work of flossing your teeth is better than just brushing, there are skills one or both of you can learn to improve your relationships. Building trust is not an act of magic, it is built on being honest about disagreement and transparency. Creating a solid foundation that helps both of you feel like you are a team is a huge accomplishment.

Stress Less: Strategies to Soothe Your Brain and Find Balance Oct 16, 2024

Stress, is the ever-present companion for most of us in our daily lives. Chronic or excessive stress can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being. Your Brain can be an extremely useful tool in reducing stress. Relieve stress and you will enjoy life & live longer. In today's episode, we delve into the fascinating relationship between stress and the brain, exploring how this intricate dance shapes our mental and physical well- being.

Low Sexual Desire & What To Do About It Oct 01, 2024

Sexual well being can relieve stress & contributes to bonding with your partner. Yet it’s so easy to give up and not even try to begin talking about it. It’s the lack of communication about sex that is the real problem. Pleasure is the measure according to Emily Nagoski. Learn how to improve your sex life.

Unlocking Emotional Intelligence: Improving You & Your Relationships Sep 09, 2024

Understanding our own emotions is a whole lot of work, much less understanding someone else’s. Understanding our own emotions is a whole lot of work, much less understanding someone else’s. The process of successful communication and negotiation are closely linked to high levels of EQ. The good news is you can improve your emotional intelligence.

Navigating Relationships: Understanding Expectations and Projections Aug 20, 2024

Listen to understand projections & expectations which impact all of our relationships. We all have selfish expectations that cloud our perceptions. If we lack self-awareness then there is even more at stake. We all project aspects of ourselves onto other people, especially the parts of ourselves we don’t take ownership of…which easily contaminates relationships.

Thriving Together: Relationship Fun Essentials Jul 31, 2024

Fun is something that is all too often missing in relationships.Over several decades when I've asked couples, what do you want to do for fun as a couple, not as a family? The response is often blank looks or a downcast glance at feet. It was Plato who said, you can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

Attachment Anxiety: Tackling Insecurities for Healthy Relationships Jul 10, 2024

Attachment anxiety. Tackling insecurities for healthy relationships. Insecurities can rob us as individuals and in relationships. Insecurities feed everything from a shopping addiction so you look good on the outside or a secret life of porn because real people are confusing and too messy. Fighting our insecurities is a battle all of us share.

MORE FORGIVING LOVE Jun 19, 2024

Learn how to be more forgiving in love. Whether you are discouraged about dating or questioning whether your relationship is good enough, we've got some great answers in our interview today. Love sets up a lot of expectations beginning with our own fantasies of what love is supposed to be. When the truth is real love is deciding to do the work of being a better person because you love somebody else.

BUILDING STRONGER CONNECTIONS WHEN YOUR PARTNER WANTS MORE Jun 04, 2024

Connection is a tricky business. Creating and maintaining genuine connections within relationships is a multifaceted challenge that holds profound importance in our lives. The intricate dance of understanding, empathy, and communication often proves to be a mystery to all of us. Miscommunications, differing perspectives, and the complexities of individual personalities can leave us confused as to what happened.

Healing from Within: Understanding Self-Forgiveness May 20, 2024

Self-Forgiveness is an essential aspect of personal growth and well-being, as it enables individuals to move forward, heal, and cultivate a positive relationship with themselves. Forgiving oneself is important because it allows individuals to break free from the shackles of self-blame and regret. We all make mistakes, experience failures, and engage in behaviors we later feel really bad about.

Breaking Down Barriers: Overcoming Challenges in Sexual Intimacy May 01, 2024

Our sex lives are too easy to leave behind. It’s so easy to make excuses & dismiss opportunity with “I’m too tired.” Going without sex for long periods of time creates feelings of hurt & rejection that pile up to destroy connectedness. If a couple is unable to talk about sex then negative assumptions are silently stashed.

Communication Breakdown: Overcoming Challenges in High-Conflict Relationships Apr 16, 2024

Everybody can get stuck in repeating patterns of ugly disagreement. Frustrations run high & solutions seem impossible. Communication can so easily break down for so many reasons. The intensity of the unhappiness that never gets resolved leads to a familiar stickiness that neither feels able to dig out of... The good news is it is possible!

Feelings Unleashed: Understanding & Harnessing Emotions Mar 26, 2024

Emotions are messy and confusing - they can so easily take us for a ride. Loneliness can carry us into bad relationships. Our fears can keep us isolated. Our shame can ruthlessly feed self-doubt & self-torture. Our resentments & anger can keep us stuck. We are unable to communicate decently if we don’t have emotional balance. Listen & learn what to do about this difficult business of emotions.

Shame’s Stranglehold On You & Your Relationships Mar 05, 2024

Shame strikes at the core of an individual's self-worth. When individuals feel ashamed, they believe that they, themselves, are bad, rather than simply acknowledging that they have done something wrong, which is why shame can be a massive roadblock to healing for so many people.

DENIAL & SELF-DECEPTION DAMAGE RELATIONSHIPS Feb 08, 2024

Accepting reality and acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses is essential for personal development. By denying or distorting reality, individuals may miss opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and reaching their full potential. So lying to ourselves definitely stunts our growth.

How Couples Can Win with Finances Jan 16, 2024

Money & how to manage this difficult subject as a team instead of ignoring the problems or constantly fighting. Money is a powerful force that touches every aspect of our lives, and when it comes to romantic partnerships, it can be a source of unity or division.

In Pursuit of Wellness: Finding Your Best Therapist Match Jan 02, 2024

Therapy is a process that has to be honest…it is both an art & a science in my mind. It is impossible to grow if both of your feet are in comfort & support. You need to straddle the line between support, safety & being challenged or uncomfortable. Therapy requires that you be uncomfortable to learn new ways to look at yourself.

From Clashes to Connection: Using Disagreement to Deepen Relationships Dec 05, 2023

Agreement and harmony are too often celebrated as the cornerstones of strong relationships, it is only in the presence of healthy disagreement that truly adds depth, resilience, and growth to these bonds. Disagreement, when approached constructively and respectfully, can foster better understanding, promote critical thinking, and lead to enhanced empathy and connection. When people stop avoiding hard conversations and plunge in to the risk of disagreement there is a deep richness to the more honest conversation.

Sleep: Separating Fact from Fiction for Better Sleep and Stronger Relationships Nov 16, 2023

Sleep is a universal experience that affects everyone. Sleep is particularly relevant to relationships, as poor sleep habits can impact both partners and cause relationship stress. Sleep disorders can also affect sexual intimacy, emotional regulation, and communication within relationships.

Building Trust: The Foundation of Strong Relationships Oct 23, 2023

Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. It gives it its foundation, making sure everything else can fall into place and stay there. Without trust, relationships don't stand much chance for success - infidelity or poor communication can lead to disputes which often cause hurt feelings on both sides involved. So if you're looking for advice on building trustworthy bonds with those around you then come join us as we explore all aspects related to creating such an environment!

Unlocking The Secret To No More Arguing Oct 02, 2023

Couples need guidance for navigating conflict wisely and skillfully. Hearing what someone has to say is integral in communication, particularly when working through a conflict. Being able to really listen and take in another person's perspective can be the difference between resolving an argument or making it worse. Good listening means hearing them out without judgment, being curious instead of critical. Curiosity keeps the door open. Criticalness slams the door shut.

Relationships with Yourself & Others While In Recovery Sep 12, 2023

Recovery can be very difficult because of shame. Shame is an obstacle to healing for everybody. How do you face hard truths about your own dark side without drowning in the shame? Learn how to balance the footprint of shame that stomps on your soul. The only way to continue to respect that your partner’s generosity is used up is to recognize that actions speak louder than words. The work of recovery is totally worth it!

IMPROVE PARENTING TEENS & REDUCE STRESS ON COUPLES Aug 21, 2023

Parenting teens can be a struggle and an additional stress on relationships. Your sweet easy to maneuver children turn into road blocks & obstacles. Parents wonder what happened & where did they go wrong. It’s really not about what went wrong it’s about understanding you’ve entered a new world and you have to find the flexibility to do things differently. Teens are hungry for respect & the power to decide things.

Relationship Goals: Prioritizing Personal Fulfillment for Lasting Love Jul 31, 2023

We'll explore how prioritizing our own personal growth and self-care can translate into stronger and more fulfilling relationships with our partners. We'll also be sharing tips and strategies for cultivating a sense of inner fulfillment and well-being, and how to apply these principles to our relationships.

Unpacking The Benefits Of A Healthy Sex Life Jul 11, 2023

Insights from a Sex Therapist Expert. Why not prioritize your sex life and wellness? Listen if you are curious about how your sex life stacks up against the rest of America. Did you know that men feel greater distress when they're not content with their sex life? Communication is key if you are looking to improve satisfaction in your sexual relationship.

Creating A More Satisfying Relationship Jun 21, 2023

Relationships can be very confusing. We are taught reading, science, history & if we are lucky sex ed but not anything about what creates trust, why repair is important or how to communicate especially when we are vulnerable. Learning about connections, how to build them & keep them is sorely missing. This episode will fill that knowledge gap!

How To Make Conflict Work For Real Intimacy May 30, 2023

We all believe it is ideal not to fight, this is complete fantasy. The only way to have real intimacy is to be authentic about our differences instead of swallowing our secret truths. We all want to avoid the messiness of conflict and being uncomfortable which is short term thinking. We all make excuses easily "I didn't want to hurt you" which is really about avoiding hard conversations which leads to a mountain of resentments long term.

Embracing Conflict To Improve Your Relationships May 08, 2023

People love to avoid conflict because it is messy. Conflict makes people uncomfortable and they don’t like not knowing what will happen. Conflict is really important to growing up. My definition of growing up is honestly facing painful situations. Conflict offers an opportunity to grow up, and it’s certainly not easy. Learn in this episode how to step into conflict in a respectful way.

CULTURE AS A CONNECTION COUPLES CAN SHARE Apr 19, 2023

There are different ways for couples to be connected; mutual religion as a shared values system, all the many physical activities of tennis, rock climbing, dancing or kayaking. Having shared connections of the ways you enjoy life together really matters. Culture offers so much to anyone as an individual or as a couple. David Brooks describes a piece of art…"as a portal to a deeper realm of the mind…art has the potential to humanize the beholder.”

Ingredients for Relationship Longevity; Imagination, Attention & Gumption Mar 27, 2023

Longevity in relationships slips so easily through our fingers, it’s not a simple or small achievement, unless one partner is almost always submissive & not resentful about their wants being ignored. Two adults who are equal in sharing power over priorities, values & decision making have to be involved in constant work together over the decades. This requires partners have imagination, attention & gumption.

Empowering Men To Understand Problems In Relationships Mar 01, 2023

This episode is for men who want to do better but don’t begin or to know how & their partners who love them. Women often feel misunderstood & men feel like “What more can I do?” and giving up becomes the path with the least pain attached. This episode is to give men guidance on how to grow into even better versions of themselves…which I believe is the great purpose of relationships.

EXHAUSTED WOMEN & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT Feb 01, 2023

Tiredness is often a triangle of trouble that includes guilt & fears. Wading through those feelings is no small task. They stick to your soul like gum on the bottom of your shoe & contaminate your belief in yourself. It helps to remember that your feelings are not facts. Thoughtfully consider what is the evidence for your feelings & don’t put so much weight on them as accurate.

MOTIVATION FOR THE WORK OF LOVE Jan 02, 2023

What motivates you to have a better relationship or even a better life? Because it will take work. Do you do the work of loving someone? It’s work to accept the parts you find annoying or tedious - it’s work to make yourself understood - it’s work to listen to disagreement - it’s work to respect the differences. It’s work to to survive important values collisions. It’s work in a frantic/busy life to find one-on-one time to deepen your relationship instead of avoiding difficult conversations.

Let's Talk About Online Dating & The Data Dec 01, 2022

Dating is really hard work because there is so much uncertainty. Dating is a dance of two people not knowing each other & trying to figure out is it worth spending more of your precious time with this person. It takes time to really know someone. Dating can be both exhausting & discouraging if your interest is not reciprocated. Today's interview is with the Head of Global Communications for OKCUPID.

Male Depression & Emotional Inexpressiveness Nov 01, 2022

Often men keep from being vulnerable by being vague, especially about feelings. Feelings are avoided because they are confusing or hard to identify. Men often aren't encouraged to talk about their feelings. In fact, they're sometimes discouraged from doing so. Additionally, men often tend to shy away from vulnerable conversations. This cultural expectation can easily make things more difficult for men in relationships.

Understanding The Relationships Between Top Dogs & People-pleasers Oct 03, 2022

This is an ordinary relationship pattern and it offers a real opportunity for both people to grow & improve who they are. People-pleasers of course go along to get along, they are helpful & kind & often neglect their own needs. A Top Dog goes after their own wants with clarity & drive, and they can neglect others before they will neglect themselves. Opposites attract is exactly why this is a pattern that can be observed in so many relationships.

People-pleasing In Relationships & What To Do About It Sep 01, 2022

People-pleasing is all about being heavily lopsided in pleasing others as a way of gaining their approval & maintaining relationships. People-pleasing is of course on a continuum, at work in a subordinate role & to fit in socially it is very useful. Less useful are those people-pleasers who end up erasing their authentic self in relationships. People-pleasers have to learn to make conflict & disagreement bearable because this is normal. Stop & consider that conflict increases intimacy & your relationships will be less superficial.

Sex & Sexual Desire in Long Term Relationships Aug 01, 2022

Sexuality is a complex, crucial activity. Only on television where couples reach maximum orgasm easily. Our interest in sex naturally ebbs and flows over the course of a long- term relationship as we age or deal with life changes— It’s important to keep in mind that researchers have reliably found that individuals who accept these fluctuations as normal and natural are more sexually satisfied when they hit a bump.

MANIPULATION IN ALL IT'S COMPLEXITY Jul 05, 2022

Everybody manipulates to get what they want, even 3 year olds. Manipulation is part of our defense system. Manipulation are ways to win, to have power & control. There are caring & acceptable ways in trying to win games or a politician trying to win votes. Negative manipulations are all about avoiding vulnerablity & having power over others to win. There is always a choice to manipulate with caring or fighting dirty.

Individualism Hurts The US in Relationships Jun 06, 2022

Great relationships start with your relationship to yourself. You will be harsh with others if you are harsh with yourself. There are three parts to every relationship. There is you, your partner & the US. Learning to sacrifice in order to take care of the US is something that is not talked about enough in relationships. Individualism needs to be balanced by recognizing what's good for the US.

IN-LAW PROBLEMS & WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM May 09, 2022

Three out of four couples experience significant conflict with their in-laws. In-laws can help young couples or derail them on the path to relationship success. The biggest reasons for tension include in-laws giving unwanted opinions, partners taking their parents' side, and disagreements over how to discipline grandchildren.

Dating Advice To Find Success In Love Apr 18, 2022

Dating is a lot of work! It is all too easy to end up discouraged & want to give up because someone else has once again not followed through & just disappeared. Family & friends often don’t appreciate how painful & difficult the process of dating can be. There is so much pressure to find the right relationship that it can be hard to look for signs the relationship is a healthy one.

ANGRY MEN & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT Mar 22, 2022

What we want to focus on is, do I have too much anger? Do I get angry too easily? When I get angry, do I stay angry too long? Do I do destructive things when I get angry? So, rather than the anger itself, what we tend to focus on, is my anger making me unhappy? Is it making other people unhappy? Am I doing destructive or hurtful things when I get angry?

The Art & Work of Relationships Feb 03, 2022

A collection of wisdom on making relationships work over the decades. You’ve heard me say often “Love is wanting to be a better person for your partner.” So partnerships grow us into better versions of ourselves. There is purpose to being in relationships & it’s not about having an audience to applaud you. It’s about having faith that you need to listen to hard truths about yourself from someone you love. It’s not about taking the easy way out to stay comfortable. To be uncomfortable is the only path to growing up.

INSECURE ATTACHMENT & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT Jan 03, 2022

Everybody deals with insecurity & it has a huge negative impact on relationships. The focus for those who are insecure is what’s wrong with my partner? Secure attachment, is not about playing games, you’re not trying to win or have power over the other person. It’s not a perfect situation. Secure attachment means you’re able to navigate emotionally. It can’t be about relying on the other person to do this for you.

INTERCULTURAL RELATIONSHIPS: UNDERSTANDING THE COMPLEXITY Dec 01, 2021

In intercultural & in interracial relationships as well, you don't always know what you're getting yourself into. Often, it takes several years, several challenges, a lot of conflict within couples to really figure out what it is that seems to be the issue or why it even is an issue... Both individuals can maintain their cultural identities through negotiation, & also own their awareness of what their own cultural identities mean to them.

DIVORCE: THE FINAL OPTION Nov 01, 2021

Divorce often happens in year 6 to 10. research finds year 8 to be ordinary. In the 50s, it was called “The Seven Year Itch’. If your relationship is struggling in these years, it is an ordinary development. The essence of real love is wanting to be a better person. When someone turns their back on doing the work of change and growth, that's what repair of a relationship requires, then they are unwilling to do the work of real love.

Choices & Their Impact On Relationships Part 2 Oct 04, 2021

Life is chock full of choices. There are choices that are self defeating or even self destructive. Then there are choices that are life generating. It’s our choices that make up our life. It’s our choices that make the difference in having success in our relationships. Some choices don’t feel like choices because they are entrenched bad habits that usually comfort us in some way. Even when we feel we don’t have a choice, we do.

Healthy Self-Esteem Is Critical For Healthy Relationships Sep 01, 2021

Many relationships begin because one person is grabbing onto someone else to feel ok. Everybody wants to be loved, but the solution to this, is the age old wisdom that you have to love yourself first. Taking responsibility for our own choices & learning to accept both the good & the bad within all of us is key to self-esteem.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP BETTER? Aug 04, 2021

So often in relationships we are quick to focus our unhappiness on our partner. It’s their fault things don’t get better, right? It’s way too easy to blame others & not look at ourselves. This episode takes a look at what YOU can do, whether or not your partner is interested in improvements.

Silent Resentments & Unasked Questions Are Engines of Unhappiness Jul 05, 2021

Dig down underneath the resentments to communicate or begin the dead-end path to bitterness. Everybody has a choice about which direction to go in. We avoid the “risk” of asking real questions, so we can stay in the safe zone of not dealing with someone else. We have our imaginary conversations, we decide we know how it will turn out & we bail. Authentic conversation requires real effort in real life.

Trauma Affects Relationships Jun 02, 2021

Trauma deeply challenges our sense of safety and security in the world, which often has an impact on relationships. It’s natural for those who have suffered trauma to feel that building close relationships is frightening because they don’t want to experience more hurt. Someone who is coping with trauma may feel disconnected from themselves as well as their partner.

Responding Instead of Reacting When Communicating May 03, 2021

Responding is harder to do because it is more complicated than just defensively reacting. Respecting your partner is all about responding & reacting is only all about you. This episode will help you think about how to improve responding to your partner.

Erectile Dysfunction & Male Sexual Avoidance Apr 01, 2021

Erectile Dysfunction impacts relationships & couples don’t know how to talk about it & don’t have enough information about it, so this episode is all about correcting this problem. The Cleveland Clinic reports 1 in 10 men will experience ED in their lifetime & only 25% of men with ED receive treatment.

Money Harmony In Relationships Mar 03, 2021

Money & sex are the two things couples argue most about. Most couples don't want to talk about it because they fight. Budgets are like diets, they don't work. Learn here how to think about a spending plan. Instead of beating yourselves up for your past attempts at trying to talk about money, try acknowledging where each of you come from in terms of your family histories without judgment.

Poison Messages From Your Brain That Damage Your Relationships Feb 02, 2021

Everybody buries themselves in piles of doubt & insecurities that clutter up our lives & our relationships. Some of us cover things up better than others, but no one escapes obsessing about their fears & doubts. Facing your anxieties & insecurities by decontaminating your brain is achievable. Listen & learn how to do it!

Relationship Wisdom Jan 04, 2021

Relationships thrive when the 4 pillars of successful relationships are nurtured. The 4 pillars are Honesty, Respect, Generosity & Negotiating. Relationships are one of the most important parts of life & there are no classes in high school to help you learn how. Make no mistake about it, relationships are a lot of work because everybody is wired differently.

Relationship Wisdom Jan 03, 2021

Relationships thrive when the 4 pillars of successful relationships are nurtured. The 4 pillars are Honesty, Respect, Generosity & Negotiating. Relationships are one of the most important parts of life & there are no classes in high school to help you learn how. Make no mistake about it, relationships are a lot of work because everybody is wired differently.

AVOIDING THE SELF-SACRIFICE TRAP IN RELATIONSHIPS Dec 02, 2020

Self-sacrifice has been misinterpreted by too many, as the way to be the "best" partner you can be. For this episode I have Alicia Munoz joining me to discuss how you can use your own experience of pleasure and joy as a compass to guide you to being more fulfilled as a person, and therefore, a "better" partner. When I heard this topic, I immediately thought of the stewardess on the plane advising parents to put their own mask on first in the event of a plane crash.

Emotionally Unavailable Men/People In Relationships Nov 02, 2020

Emotionally unavailable men are something many partners experience. I think the greatest pain about this problem is that it leaves both people in a relationship feeling even lonelier. Today’s episode is to help us understand this dynamic & move towards solutions instead of giving up. Relationships can survive difficulties when there is a more balanced understanding instead of blame. Certainly women can also be emotionally unavailable.

Self Confrontation Will Improve ALL Your Relationships Oct 05, 2020

Self-confrontation is a rare commodity in human beings. It’s really hard to look honestly at yourself. Digesting hard truths about yourself is no easy task. We are all so good at telling ourselves it’s ok when it’s not. We justify why we did something, we make it ok, we make excuses for ourselves. Facing a harsh truth about yourself, makes you feel bad & that’s the point, the discomfort helps you to decide “I’m not doing that again."

What Gay Couples Have To Teach Us About Monogamy & Open Relationships Sep 02, 2020

Gay couples have insights to offer all couples. Interview with Michael Dale Kimmel author of The Gay Man’s Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage. He offers important ideas like what is the intention of your marriage? to have fun, share great sex or deepen an emotional connection to stay together for life? He also invites you to consider emotional monogamy if you are in an open relationship.

Manipulators & Being Manipulated In Relationships Aug 03, 2020

When you've been in a relationship with a disturbed manipulative person, regardless of where they are on the spectrum, you get into a real habit of looking outward far too much. All of your attention and energy is focused on what are they going to do next? How are they going to react if I say, or do this? You train yourself to look outside of yourself where you have no power or control. You have to learn how to build security within & invest in yourself instead.

Divorce Prevention 101 Jul 06, 2020

Divorce is letting the obstacles pile up to create a grand canyon of distance. Nobody lives in a paradise of love & agreement. If they do it’s still the beginnings or it’s a false reality where one person is swallowing too much or withholding who they really are. Loving enjoyment of each other combined with disagreement or conflict are both natural, ordinary patterns of being together.

Attachment Theory & Relationships Jun 02, 2020

Attachment theory is important because it's going to help you to understand your own relationships. Information is power and recognizing yourself in one of these attachment styles could really improve your future. If your parenting was unpredictable in childhood you might develop into an anxious attacher or also called angry & ambivalent; a clutching to get what you want. If you were ignored early in life you become an avoider or distancer because they learned they have to depend on themselves. The best attachers are secure, and so they don’t react so impulsively. Interview with Annie Chen.

Codependency, Let's Think About It As Self Love Deficiency May 06, 2020

Ross Rosenberg is important because he gave us a new way to think about codependency as self love deficient. He also explains why so many codependent people are addicted to being with the wrong partner, are afraid to be alone & often hook up with narcissists. He offers observe/ don't absorb as a technique to change & grow.

Quarantine Life & Solving Relationship Struggles Apr 07, 2020

When you are trapped together it can be easy to get stuck in obsessing about all the negatives that annoy you. Our brains love to hang onto negativity. Sometimes people miss that heady excitement of being in love which is different from actually living with love. Living with love means the work of acceptance. Acceptance of the annoyances because you are well aware of how annoying you are as well.

Relationships Require The Benefit Of The Doubt Mar 04, 2020

Relationships so easily end up in feeling critical of your partner or annoyed, that’s because living together exposes us to the other person’s dark side. Our brains encourage us to indulge our negativity. Add to that any resentments that have silently piled up which will feed stinginess. The resentments lie waiting in the dark to whack your partner off at the knees.

Partners Who Take Up Too Much Space in a Relationship & A Marriage Story (The Movie) Feb 03, 2020

Marriage is work because it’s a very tricky business for a marriage to get things right for BOTH people. That’s why marriage is hard work. The movie A Marriage Story gets a lot of things right. You watch how both Charlie & Nicole have responsibility for the demise of the marriage. Charlie is someone who takes up most of the space & Nicole allows it to happen.

Safety Has Exaggerated Importance In Relationships Jan 06, 2020

Safety is a way we lie to ourselves about what will work to have a better life & better relationships. We clutch at believing it is safer to avoid talking about problems with our partners. Choices made for safety are always choices made out of fear. Safety is about the false comfort that false beliefs offer.

Babies & Their Impact On Relationships Dec 02, 2019

Babies arriving home, don’t have to erase relationships. We all love babies, they are so great and they're so wonderful. They're also tiny bloodsuckers that demand enormous time and energy from parents. My guest today is Joni Parthemer who is going to share her ideas of how to prevent the parents' relationship from disappearing.

Choices & Their Impact On Relationships Nov 05, 2019

Choices define our lives & our relationships. Many of the choices we make are done without thinking or awareness because they are habits. What makes you more mentally healthy is being aware of having choices and making them. Listen & learn what choices will improve your relationship.

ADDICTION RECOVERY & RELATIONSHIPS Oct 01, 2019

Addiction recovery is too often only focused on the individual. There is an 8 year study that confirms greater recovery success when the relationship is intact & strong. The relationship needs to grow & do the opposite of Claudia Black's active addiction pattern "Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel". Couples can learn to practice expressing thoughts & feelings with each other.

Sex Life Boost Needed for Your Relationship? Low Desire Problem? Sep 04, 2019

Sex life Boost is something everybody can benefit from. It's too easy to let desire fade away. Listen to learn how to restore vitality. Novelty doesn't work. This interview with Stephen Snyder is really important to finding the energy to make your sex life matter.

Disappointment & Exaggerated Feelings Can Destroy Relationships Aug 05, 2019

Disappointment can be dangerous to relationships. We, as human beings can be very irrational when it comes to disappointment. We nurse our disappointments & they grow to take up too much real estate inside of us. Feelings are important to know who you are & how you are unique. Feelings are also often exaggerated & most often selfish. Learning to balance your feelings by thinking things through is a great goal to improve relationships.

Communicate Better By Understanding The Stories We Tell Ourselves Jul 02, 2019

Communication can be almost impossible with a partner if we only want to steer the story in our favor. Communication requires an openness to the validity of someone else’s story even if you don’t like it. Communication gets unstuck & we can communicate better when you are able to let two opposite things be true at the same time and let them sit quietly next to each other instead of trying to get one to win and erase the other.

Anger Management & Relationships Jun 04, 2019

Anger can be a huge problem in relationships. This episode asks what's important about anger management for relationships? Anger can be incredibly self absorbed & ugly. It's easy to fall down the rabbit hole of "I'm right" & needing to win. We all want the power to control & be the Top Dog. So listen to this episode to learn how to reign it in. Interview with Matthew Plotner.

Infidelity & Forgiveness: Interview with Dr. Janis Spring May 06, 2019

Infidelity is complicated & difficult to heal from. Dr Spring wrote the first book that defines infidelity as a loss of trust & a shattering of the self. The person who has been betrayed struggles to recapture their sense of themselves. The partner who had the affair needs to listen non-defensively, without interruption to the profound level of hurt. Quick apologies are not going to solve this for the person who is hurt & feels their life has blown up. Listen to learn what does work.

Date & Love Bravely; Interview With Dr. Solomon Apr 02, 2019

Date to learn more about yourself. Don't stay in the safety of passivity, watching who they are. Dates can be practice to grow. Think of "every intimate partnership as a classroom in which I can learn again and again about myself, about commitment, about integrity, about authenticity, forgiveness & about apology." Quote & Interview with Dr.Solomon

Misery In Your Relationship & 10 Ways To Fix It Mar 05, 2019

Misery can so easily build in any relationship. Misery zaps your energy to think & it's easy to indulge your sad feelings. The two of you as a couple can fall to the bottom of your priority list. The misery usually spills over into bickering & fighting with each other because we don’t kick the neighbor’s dog, we kick each other.

Fighting Can Improve Your Relationship Feb 05, 2019

Learn how fights can be turned into recovery and intimate conversations. In your fighting there are clues to what you are really suffering from that you have not been able to confide in your partner. Interview with Dan Wile who says "The heart of a couple relationship is saying what you need to say & feeling that it has gotten across. It is having conversations that work out."

Manipulated & Overly Generous in Relationships? Jan 07, 2019

There are many lopsided relationships where one person is catered to & the other partner is what I call overly generous. Partners like to be the nice one but getting stuck in the niceness can evolve into a giant hidden pile of resentments. There is a price to be paid for too much kindness, you can lose track of who you are because you are so busy pleasing others.

Sexuality for Women Can Be Improved! Interview with Emily Nagoski Nov 07, 2018

Sexuality can be a complicated business, very different from how easy it is on television. Interview with Emily Nagoski the author of Come As You Are. Find out what to do about low desire. Most problems with orgasm occur because frustration does not add fuel to the accelerator. In fact, Frustration hits the brakes in sex. Learn here how to improve your context to improve desire.

Love & Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples Nov 02, 2018

Love matters so much to people, how it goes wrong & how to put it right. Emotionally Focused Therapy is based on thousands of studies on human attachment, it basically gives us a way of understanding love. It's scary to reach for your partner and expose your softer feelings, because we're all scared of rejection and that's not because we're wimps or immature. It's because we're bonding mammals and our brains are wired to see cues of abandonment and rejection from the people we care about as danger cues, which makes it really difficult for people to be authentic in relationships.

Codependency Means Someone Gets Lost & The Relationship is Lopsided Sep 10, 2018

Codependency is a murky business. Codependency is always a part of the beginnings of every love affair. The beginnings are so enchanting for all of us. Your partner can do no wrong, they are absolutely brilliant. Codependency is a part of love & yet it can swallow love whole & make it disappear. Emotional dependency can be a healthy activity & a part of a healthy relationship as long as both partners are still individuals.

Partnership & Marriage Are Fragile Craft Aug 09, 2018

Partnerships & Marriage really require a lot from both people. Partnership demands that both people share their points of view & that we must reshape our own personal reality to be more accurate. This is truly very hard work because part of being human is favoring our own point of view. Yet, deep inside we know a single narrative cannot contain anything as complex as the truth.

Are You a Top Dog or Do You Cooperate in a Top Dog Relationship? Jul 09, 2018

A Top Dog relationship means you participate in a hierarchy of power by either swallowing & ignoring your more authentic self or by enjoying the role of being manipulatively in charge with your demands being met. The narrative of every couple must be written by two people, not one to have authenticity.

Love Means Paying Attention & Accepting Disappointment Jun 06, 2018

It’s so easy to start taking each other for granted. We develop habits of how we see each other & we make assumptions instead of being curious. When we don’t feel seen it’s really a big deal & we end up hungry. This definitely happens as the years pass & it’s your job to freshen things up. It is beyond foolish to imagine you will never be disappointed in your partner because they are so wonderful & you miss being saturated in romantic love. We all have ideas of who we want to be & who we expect our loved ones to be. But that’s just it; they are only ideas, mostly built on fantasies & illusions.

Ambivalent Marriages & Relationships, What to do? May 07, 2018

Couples stuck in ambivalence are secretly in love with maintaining the status quo. Not being wholehearted about either improvement or leaving, erases so many missed opportunities. Living with a constant level of unhappiness and resentments is like living with malaria. You can do the work to repair & restore vitality to your relationship. Listen for 11 things you can do.

Relationship Problems are Often Power Struggles Apr 09, 2018

Power struggles in relationships are totally ordinary & daily. Things can work in a couple where power is somewhat lopsided, but it will be boring & predictable if one person has all the power to make decisions most of the time. Sharing power is a dance in the messiness that is worth it to reduce arguments & fighting.

Together & How to Make it Last Over the Years Mar 06, 2018

Too many relationships have an over developed sense of the critic, was pointed out in this interview with Dr. Joseph Melnick. It’s easy to blame & tell people what they’re doing wrong. Instead of telling each other about what’s wrong, we need to restore trust with a curiosity about each other. He describes what he calls “cardboard relationships” that are like paintings you don’t look at any more. In the beginnings of relationships it’s so easy to be open & experimental. Then couples seem to lose interest in each other because routines can be deadening. Staying together requires work & learning new skills, to understand how you stop being interested in your partner.

Insecure? How it Contaminates Relationships Episode #41 Feb 08, 2018

Being insecure is something everybody struggles with. Insecurities are easily fed by fears when we believe we are misunderstood. Being insecure tests even the best of us. Insecurities can keep people trapped in emotionally masochistic relationships. Facing how we are unlovable can help us grow & change.

What Everybody Ought to Know for Relationship Survival Episode #40 Jan 08, 2018

We arrive in this world with very few skills to help us navigate relationships. It takes a few decades just to understand ourselves much less anybody else. I think long term loving requires that we give each other the benefit of the doubt. We all begin a bit too stingy & full of self interest.

Grief & Loss Survival in Relationships Episode #39 Nov 17, 2017

As we live our lives, we all experience loss, change and transition.

While we all know the grief associated with change, each grief looks and feels a little different. And, everyone grieves differently.

As you work through the losses, changes and transitions in your life you’ll find it’s helpful to be patient and gentle with yourself, because it’s not easy and it takes time.

The face of hope may change as you grieve. Hold it in your heart; keep it alive because you won’t always feel as bad as you do when your grief is fresh.

Blended Families, Stepfamilies; A Map for Greater Understanding Nov 07, 2017

Interview with Dr. Patricia Papernow, in her fourth decade working with blended families. Blended families are complicated, where adults may be thrilled to find a new love, children may experience that as a turning away from them. Loyalty Binds can create problems, which may work out better with a slower pace.

Pornography Addiction, Why it Should Worry You in Relationships Oct 17, 2017

Pornography Addiction has become a problem for many couples. It sets up unrealistic expectations that real life can't compete with. Porn addiction often becomes a powerful problem because it's easier than dealing with the messiness of human beings. Our brains love the pursuit of novelty which is available so immediately on the internet.

Connection & Disconnection, Learn How it Works Sep 19, 2017

In relationships we take the easy way out a lot. We lie & tell people what they want to hear instead of truth. We silently stash resentments & get divorced. We decide sex is a chore we don’t want to be bothered with. We dump our insecurities on each other to fix instead of fixing them ourselves. We let our anxieties run rampant & spill all over our partners instead of trying to learn how to self soothe. We tolerate disrespect & sometimes contempt instead of asking our partner to course correct. These are all negative patterns that lead to disconnection.

Relationships with Personality Disorders Aug 16, 2017

Personality Disorders are difficult in relationships because they have massive power through manipulation. So if you are in a relationship with a personality disorder, You must figure out how you give up your own power. You must learn how you participate in the dysfunction. It doesn't happen alone, it happens with you.

Boring Relationship? How to get Out of the Rut Jul 17, 2017

Boring relationships sneak upon us. It’s easy to make excuses, we’re too tired after work or busy with the kids. Relationships require work to keep them fresh. You have to be committed to trying new things out. The opposite of boring is being creative.The brain loves novelty so it’s really important to explore & experience something new.

Trust Demands a Softening in Attitude Jun 21, 2017

Trust means we give up our inclination to exaggerate our wounds out of self interest. We can be very self righteous which creates a distorted picture of what happened. We harden ourselves & adore our own expectations of how things should be in a relationship. The opposite of all this disconnecting energy is to soften and imagine the value of your partner's point of view.

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