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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

Ask Margaret -My Daughter Says She Thinks She Looks Fat Sep 14, 2020

Show notes

Margaret answers this week's listener question:

"My daughter (5 years old next month) has started saying “I look fat in this sweater” and “I don’t want to look funny” when getting dressed. My daughter is a healthy weight and she is VERY active. I am unsure of how to manage/navigate these comments. I really don’t want her to have body image issues or to be dealing with this at such a young age. I have been very conscious since her birth not to comment on her appearance, and instead to reinforce the things her body does, saying things like “your legs are so strong to bike up the hill” or “your body needs to rest now because it worked so hard today." I rarely say “you look so pretty"; instead I say “that’s a great outfit you picked”. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this so soon. Help!"

Almost all of us have struggled with eating and body issues at some point in our lives and it is important for us as parents to reframe the way we talk about food and our bodies and to model body acceptance (put on that swimsuit and get in the picture mama!)

It's also important to answer questions asked. Don't shy away from responding to kids who ask if they look fat– talk honestly about how bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and why and how our bodies change.

In this episode, Margaret this article from A Mighty Girl.

Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!

questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Fresh Take: Tina Payne Bryson on "The Bottom Line For Baby" Sep 11, 2020

Show notes

This is the first of our new "Fresh Take" episodes, in which we'll offer longer interviews with some fascinating parenting experts. (And some super-hilarious people as well.)

We loved this chat with Tina Payne Bryson, author of the new book THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY: From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Suck to Tummy Time—What the Science Says.

This book is an A-Z guide for common childcare controversies and questions—and the science (or lack thereof) behind them.

Should you swaddle? Is circumcision necessary? Is breast really best? We discuss it all in this episode, but here's what Bryson says is the REAL bottom line:

“Ultimately, knowledge is power. Inform yourself. Then trust yourself. After all, you know your child better than anyone.”

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson,is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice. She is the co-author of two New York Times best sellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children.

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The Constant Negativity Is Getting Old Sep 09, 2020

Show notes

Negativity is a biological imperative–we're wired to pay more attention to the bad things around us in order for us to survive. Still, some among us are a little more Debbie-Downer than others. And the problem is, that negativity is contagious. After six months at home with a whining preschooler and an eye-rolling tween, the negativity is getting old. Real old.

Our listener Keri posed this question: "How do y’all deal with the constant negativity of having little kids? I just finished dealing with my 5-year-old’s whining and attitude (“I’m getting tired of you, mommy!” Feeling’s mutual, kid!) and now the toddler is whining and crying. It feels like they take turns and there’s very little time when one or the other isn’t bringing the negativity. As someone who doesn’t do well in a negative atmosphere, it really gets to me."

In this episode, we discuss strategies both for stopping negativity in its tracks and for resisting its pull. There's lots to be down about right now. But if there's going to be a reset in our homes, it's probably going to have to start with us.

Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Dr. Daniel Amen for Additude: Why We Crave the Drama That Sabotages Relationships

Catherine Moore for Positive Psychology: What Is The Negativity Bias and How Can it be Overcome?

Kevin J. Roberts: Negativity

Dr. Stuart Shanker for The MEHRIT Centre: “Reframing” Challenging Behaviour, Part 1: Blue Brain, Red Brain, and Brown Brain

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Ask Margaret - My Two-Year-Old's Tantrums Are Breaking Me! Sep 07, 2020

Show notes

Margaret answers this week's listener question:

"I’m struggling so much with my 2 1/2 year old's behavior. She can be really sweet and fun, but her tantrums and clinginess have become really hard for me to deal with mentally. It feels like everything is an argument, everything I say is “NO!”

I’ve tried ignoring her tantrums and she just continues to scream for upwards of 30 minutes and follows me around throwing herself at the ground. I’ve tried empathizing with her and comforting her through tantrums and she continues to scream. I make sure she is fed regularly, naps, has a consistent bedtime. I have ended up in tears multiple times this week just because I’m so emotionally drained dealing with her all day.

Am I doing something wrong? I’m having such a hard time being a stay-at-home mom when others seem to have it more together than me. Please tell me this gets better, I’m really struggling."

Tantrums are to be expected in toddlers, but frequent tantrums that are leaving both mom and toddler in tears? Not so much. A great technique is to verbalize what your toddler is upset about while otherwise remaining neutral. With this technique, consistency is key - making sure that you don't get into a dance with your toddler - and that tantrums shut down the "mommy machine".

In this episode, Margaret mentions Dr. Harvey Karp's book The Happiest Toddler on the Block.

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We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman) Sep 02, 2020

Show notes

Uh, we did not sign up for this. Did we? Yes, in sickness and in health, yada yada yada, but nowhere in our long-term commitment plans with our spouses was there any indication that we would spend months on end working from home and together 24/7.

Studies prove that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. The time apart makes us biologically motivated to mend that separation. Plus, a partner who's been traveling for a week might come back with some interesting stories. When you're already sharing every moment of every day, the sparkle in your relationship might be a little harder to come by.

Remember when we had to plan date nights? The best tip we've heard for getting through these times may be to flip that on its head: put a YOYO dinner on the calendar. You're On Your Own. Frozen lasagna or cereal or nothing. Doesn't that sound heavenly? It's okay to schedule a little separation right now, whenever and wherever that can happen.

We talk other quarantine love lessons with our guest Damona Hoffman, host of the podcast Dates and Mates. Damona suggests getting through this time by structuring self-care– the kind that helps us bring our best selves to these challenging times, more than the kind that's the chardonnay that makes us cranky and tired by 8:15. (Hmm, maybe she's on to something.) Start listening here: https://damonahoffman.com/dates-mates-podcast/

Here are links to other research and writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Jessica Grose for NYT: Missing the Partner You See 24/7

MIT Technology Review: Data Mining Reveals First Evidence That Absence Really Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder

Jennifer A Theiss, Ph.D for Psychology Today: Factors That Prompt Turbulence in Romantic Relationships

Heidi Stevens for Chicago Tribune: Dealing with conflicts and teen angst

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Ask Amy- I Feel Guilty Not Playing With My Only Child Right Now Aug 31, 2020

Show notes

Amy answers this week's question:

"I’m the mom of a three-year-old only child and I HATE playing pretend. I understand that our parents didn’t play pretend with us. I understand that under normal circumstances it isn’t necessary for parents to play pretend with their kids. But I'm raising an only-child in the midst of a pandemic where there aren’t any other social outlets besides myself and It makes me feel like I’ve entered into a bad improv class that I can’t escape. HELP!"

Under normal circumstances, parents can (and should) push back on the expectation that they be their children's constant playmates. But right now, things are different. Here are some strategies on how to make the playtime you spend with your child more enjoyable, as well as some ways to make the times you have to say 'no' easier for your child.

In this episode, Amy.mentions Dr. Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting

as well as our episode "Do We Really Have To Play With Our Kids? When Parenting Feels Relentless" https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/do-we-really-have-to-play-with-our-kids-when-parenting-feels-relentless-episode-105/

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Okay, We Might Have Overthought That One Aug 26, 2020

Show notes

All mothers overthink sometimes. But isn’t that our job description? To look at our baby and whatever she’s holding and think: how is she going to injure, burn, ruin or cause disaster to herself by interacting with that object?

There’s an industrial complex set up around motherhood that makes its money when we feel off-balance and insecure. If we “want what’s best” for our baby, then shouldn’t we make sure that everything around him is superlative?

Then the rest of society mocks us relentlessly for the very helicoptering and overthinking that all those stories about murder hornets caused us to undergo in the first place.

But okay, yes: from redshirting to breastfeeding to left-handed scissors, here are are a few of the parenting topics that, looking back, we and our listeners just MIGHT have overthought.

Amy’s book When Did I Get Like This? is on this exact topic. Have you read it yet? Grab it here:

https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780061963964

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Ask Amy- Why Does My Kid Always Want To Pretend He's the Bad Guy? Aug 24, 2020

Show notes

This week Amy answers a question from Danielle on FB:

Does anyone else have a kid that always wants to play the “mean” guy? My almost 3 year old son always wants to play the villain, and hardly ever the hero or “nice guy”. Is this normal? Or am I raising a future bad boy?

Yes, this is very normal. Psychologists call these preschool preoccupations “extremely intense interests,” and studies have proven they are much more common among boys than girls. We talk about little boys and their obsessions in this episode, if you'd like to hear more:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2018/10/dinosaurs-and-trains-and-superheroes-and-nerf-guns-boy-obsessions-episode-77/

The obsession with Jafar and Captain Hook won't last forever. In the meantime, Amy has ideas on how to frame it for your little one!

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Ditching What Doesn't Matter (With Guest "The Lazy Genius") Aug 19, 2020

Show notes

Momming is hard. Whether we’re stressed perfectionists or hot messes, our homes and relationships get happier when we do what matters, skip what doesn’t– and clarify what goes in what pile for each of us.

Our guest, Kendra Adachi, is better known as "The Lazy Genius." Her new book is THE LAZY GENIUS WAY: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn't, And Get Stuff Done. Kendra says we don't need a new productivity plan; what we need are new ways to see.

In other words: stop feeling bad that you're not adhering to All The Systems. Make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly you.

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Ask Margaret - How Can I Get My Kid to Be Interested in More Activities? Aug 17, 2020

Show notes

This week Margaret advises a listener who is worried that her 8-year-old does not seem to have a wide enough range of interests. Is there anything she can do to help him expand his interests beyond screens, half-hearted participation in Scouts and basically chilling out most of the day?

Check out this episode and see if you agree with Margaret's advice.

Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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