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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

Handling the News With Our Kids Jul 21, 2021

Show notes

The news is hard for anyone to escape these days– and that includes our kids. Even the littlest ones might see a stray notification on a parent's phone, or overhear something scary from a television that was left on. A lot of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. But if we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information.

We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids.

Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids?

NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary

Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me

Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Some other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Amy- My Kid Loses Everything! Jul 19, 2021

Show notes

All kids lose stuff sometimes. Some kids lose stuff all the time. Sometimes it's ADHD or general inattention. Sometimes it's just a slower development of executive function. No matter what, it's frustrating (and expensive). What's a parent to do?

A member of our Facebook group asked:

Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles!

The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue.

We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP!

For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shin guards, he won't be able to play, and he'll sure remember next time!– rarely work. Your child will feel chagrined, but be just as likely to forget the next time.

In this episode Amy suggests what has worked in her household, like

making reminders unmissable (put the reminder ON the doorknob, not hanging above it)
labeling everything that costs more than the label would (Amy uses oliverslabels.com)
use list-making apps and model using them yourself (Amy uses Workflowy)

and check out Carolyn Dalgliesh's ideas for helping forgetful kids get organized: http://www.carolyndalgliesh.com/

Kids do well if they can. Don’t give up on the checklists and the reminders if they don’t work right away. Keep your support system consistent– and non-shaming– and eventually your child will check for those shin guards before he leaves the field.

Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Heidi Murkoff on Maternal Health (And What We Can Do To Protect It) Jul 16, 2021

Show notes

Heidi Murkoff is a mother, a grandmother, and the author of the legendary What to Expect When You’re Expecting, with more than 19 million copies in print.

Heidi is also the creator of the What to Expect Project,a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping all moms expect healthy pregnancies, safe deliveries, and healthy babies.

In this interview we discuss maternal health for all women– and the clear and present need for improved maternal health care both in the U.S. and globally.

An easy way to help raise awareness: July 21 is Bump Day! Tag your "bump" (past or present) on social media with the hashtag #bumpday and tag @whattoexpect.

To find out more about the What To Expect Project and how you can get involved, go to https://www.whattoexpectproject.org/resources.

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Two other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Best Advice We'd Give Our Younger Selves Jul 14, 2021

Show notes

Youth is wasted on the young. We wasted our youth taking the wrong classes in college and layering imaginary agendas onto other people's dopey behavior. Sound familiar? We asked our listeners:

If you could time travel, what advice would you give your younger self?

Here's the best advice we all learned from doing things the wrong way!

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Two other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Margaret - What To Do When Kids Say They're Bored Jul 12, 2021

Show notes

One of the most important lessons from the pandemic may be "It is OK for kids to be bored".

A lot of parents fear boredom because of the whining and complaining that comes along with it - but in this episode Margaret argues that one thing we learned from all of our downtime during the pandemic is that there IS something on the other side of boredom.

Resist the urge to become the "cruise director" all summer long. Structure the day in loose blocks (yes - you can use your white board!) such as:

Clearly defined screen times
Clean-up time
Reading time
Kids choice (but no screens)
Movie afternoon
Family book club
Kids only sports
Board game time (kids only)
Board game time with an adult
Outdoor time (yes - even it is raining!)
Parent/Kid time (a time when parents are fully involved and active in their kids' play)
Bucket list activity (a fun activity that your child or your family has chosen - i.e. 'make Harry Potter chocolate frogs')

It doesn't matter what these times are but these kinds of categories will make it easier to "fill" the day without always listening to complaining about boredom - or having mom being always in charge of "what's next". When mom's presence is requested you can point out out that you are busy right now - but you will see your kids at "Family Sports Time" (for example)

You'll be sure to have a couple of exciting fun-filled days (like beach days or pool outings or a planned vacation) and that will break up the monotony of less-planned days but don't fear those "boring" days! Lean in to the boredom a bit and see what your kids discover!

Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Olivia Martinez-Hauge on Special Needs Parenting Jul 09, 2021

Show notes

Olivia Martinez-Hauge is a marriage and family therapist specializing in the treatment of families, couples, and individuals who are caregiving for children or adults with neurodiversity. She is also a licensed occupational therapist with over two decades of experience helping children and their families.

She is also a mother of three children, two with neurodiversity.

In this "Fresh Take" interview, Olivia explains

the grief and isolation that might come with special needs parenting
her own journey moving past those emotions by parenting "from a place of present"
the team of support that a parent of a special needs child needs
how we can change our friend groups, schools, and societies to be more supportive of families with children who have special needs

Whether you're a parent of a special needs or neurodiverse child, or just want to be a better friend to someone who is, you'll learn so much from this interview.

Find out more about Olivia and her work at The Center for Connection and Neurodiversity here: https://www.thecenterforconnection.org/

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Two other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Super-Awesome Mom Hacks Jul 07, 2021

Show notes

Time for some easy wins! Here of some of our (and our listeners') favorite hacks for

naptime
diapers
laundry
kitchen
sibling squabbles

and General Sanity Preservation. This stuff really works!

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Two other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

BEST OF: What Kind of Monster? Jul 02, 2021

Show notes

It's a "Best Of" episode that launched a movement: What Kind Of Monster? Or #WKOM, as the Fresh Hellions in our Facebook group call it.

Our highest calling here at What Fresh Hell is to serve as a safe space for our listeners to tell us what really, truly drives them up the wall. What kind of monster listens to videos on speaker? Keeps the keyboard clicks on their phone? What kind of monster takes up two parking spots? Puts empty cereal boxes back in the cabinet?

(Disclaimer: there is a monster in the mirror, as well. But we're not talking about that today so much... or ever.)

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

The Cozi Family Organizeris for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!

Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!

Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.

Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the codeFRESH at checkout to get $5 off!

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Two other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Birth Order: Can We Fight It? Jun 30, 2021

Show notes

We see birth order play out pretty clearly, both in our own families and in our families of origin. But is it a bad thing? Is it a thing to fight back against? Is there a way to make the older child less stressed, and the baby maybe a little *more* motivated? And is it a problem if our own birth order has shaped who we are as adults and how we parent?

We think the answer is: not really. These stereotypes are so ingrained because the effects of birth order are real. But that's not to say the things that result are all negative, or completely determinative, or that your middle kid is doomed to a life of unhappiness just because she was unlucky enough to get a younger sibling.

Still, awareness of the effects of birth order seems important, if only to catch ourselves when we're inadvertently reinforcing those roles. That's when we can give the youngest a little more responsibility, the oldest a little less– and let the middle kid pick what’s for dinner once in a while.

Interested in hearing more? Check out two of our past episodes:

"Birth Order- Parenting Each Child Best (More or Less)"

"Middle Kids"

Two other podcasts we're loving right now:

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.

Usual Winescome in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.

Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.

Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.

Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Margaret- When Is It Okay For Kids To Keep Secrets? Jun 28, 2021

Show notes

We sometimes feel nothing should be kept secret between us and our children, but that's not really true. We do need to talk often with our kids about the difference between inappropriate secrets (an adult asking them to keep something secret from their parents) and appropriate ones (the present we are hiding in the garage for Dad's birthday).

Today's question comes from our Facebook group:

How do teach kids when to keep secrets? Like not telling other kids about Santa, or how babies are made? Or how twhen not to talk about a topic, like puberty, with others?

Conversations about secrets should be ongoing. What is the difference between tattling and telling? When is it appropriate to keep a friend's confidence? What if you know a friend is in trouble, but you've been asked to keep it secret? Your child will likely need help navigating these types of dilemmas throughout their childhood.

One way to make this easier is to define a spectrum of secret-keeping. On side are secrets that are always inappropriate:

Adults asking you to do things that make you uncomfortable, and to keep that from your parents
Friends doing things that worry or scare you, and telling you not to tell anyone

On the other side are secrets that are always OK:

Surprises (We're taking Mom on a trip for her birthday next week but don't tell her yet)
Keeping magic alive for younger kids (Not telling little kids there is no Santa)
Private Things (Things that are going on with your body that are private)

Neither of these categories is absolute, which is why an ongoing dialogue is important. Help kids think about different types of secrets they might be asked to keep in advance. Talk with other family members and caregivers about the language used around secrets. Discourage grandparents from saying things like "This is a secret! Don't tell Mom!" when they take the kids out for treats.

Check out our earlier episode on secrets here:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/when-should-kids-tell/

In this episode Margaret references this link from Fatherly.com:

https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/how-to-teach-a-kid-to-keep-a-secret/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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