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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

Ask Amy: I've Got a Bedtime Staller Sep 25, 2023

Show notes

How do we get our savvy stallers to get ready for bed in a reasonable amount of time? Amy gives a listener some tools for speeding up a bedtime slowpoke.

Nici came to our Facebook group to ask:

"Please help this mom of a very smart and savvy 11-year old who is some kind of Jedi master of STALLING. He knows it’s bedtime. He doesn’t want to go to bed. But instead of outright complaining, he subtly and consistently stalls his bedtime by doing little tiny things to stall the process. Pointing out each little thing he’s doing in order to stall is annoying and only makes him dig his heels in more. I love him so much, and I know this is all probably a ploy for attention, BUT COME ON. I feel like we give him a LOT of attention throughout the day and in general. What can I do?"

What is your kid getting out of stalling? Maybe they do want to just stay up later. It could be that his bedtime needs to be rolled back by half an hour.

You can also try doing the unpreferred activities before the preferred one. All the bedtime stuff (homework, shower, pajamas, teeth, whatever it is) comes before the preferred activity (TV, gaming, time with you).

When something with a kid becomes an ongoing struggle, the best place to start is to ask these two questions: what can I add? What can I take away?

You might add external motivation, rewards, a later weekend bedtime.

You might take away your presence while he stalls, the dog that is there to distract him, the sugary treats that might be revving him up.

Work these dials one at a time, and have patience. Once you figure out a kid's secondary gain, and/or the currency that motivates them, things will usually fall into place.

Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!

For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.

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Fresh Take: Minna Dubin on Mom Rage Sep 22, 2023

Show notes

After Minna Dubin's New York Times essay on mom rage went viral, she received hundreds of messages from other parents, thanking her for daring to explore something most of us would rather pretend doesn't exist. Dubin was therefore inspired to write the new book MOM RAGE: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood, to explore what exactly mom rage is, where it comes from, and what we can do about it.

Minna'swriting has appeared in the New York Times, Salon, Parents, among others, and as a leading feminist voice on mom rage, Minna has appeared on MSNBC, Good Morning America, and NPR.

In this interview, Minna and Amy discuss:

Why mom rage is a complex multi-phase physiological and psychological cycle that starts long before we explode
The societal neglect of mothers, and how it contributes
What does—and doesn't—work to mitigate our mom rage

We discussed Minna's original essay, and our own takes on mom rage, in this additional episode.

Here's where you can find Minna:

@minnadubin on IG, Twitter, Threads
https://minnadubin.com
Buy MOM RAGE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781541601307

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Best of: Sick Day Hacks Sep 20, 2023

Show notes

One day out of school? Fine, here’s the remote. But by day four of a low-grade temp— just enough to keep the kid home— most parents get rather desperate for ideas. We are both unfortunate experts on the topic of kids’ sick days, and here's what we've learned.

This is a "Best Of" episode from the pre-Covid days. If your kid might have Covid, definitely ignore any "they're probably fine, just send them" advice you may hear in this episode!

Amy and Margaret discuss:

what you should already have around the house in anticipation of those “Mommy, I don’t feel well” moments
why sick days are not the time to introduce a new skill
why we must always beware secondary gain

Here’s links to some research and articles with great ideas for sick-day kids that we discuss:

Stephanie Morgan for Momtastic: 10 Activities When Sickness Has You Stuck At Home
from NPR: Should My Slightly Sick Child Stay Home? The Rules Often Conflict
and most importantly, this sobering read, from Heather Murphy for the New York Times: Fish Depression is Not a Joke

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Devorah Heitner on Growing Up in Public Sep 15, 2023

Show notes

How do we help our kids navigate the possibility of going viral online for one little mistake? Devorah Heitner, author of the new book Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World, explains how we can protect our kids online without invading their privacy.

Devorah Heitner is a leading authority on raising resilient and kind kids in our always-connected world. Her writing on kids and technology has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post, among others.

Devorah, Amy, and Margaret discuss:

what accountability for mistakes should look like for kids
what drives parents to overtrack their kids online - and the consequences
mentoring versus monitoring our kids' digital activity

Here's where you can find Devorah:

Instagram: @devorahheitnerphd
Twitter: @DevorahHeitner
Website: devorahheitner.com
Buy GROWING UP IN PUBLIC: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593420966

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Back-to-School Back-to-Ones Sep 13, 2023

Show notes

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.

Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness as well.

Amy and Margaret discuss:

To make lunch or not to make lunch
How to keep outfits clean at breakfast
The best time to grocery shop

Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode:

Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast!

Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Margaret: How Do You Get Your Kids to Part with Their Toys? Sep 12, 2023

Show notes

How do we get rid of the giant dollhouse or racecar track that our kid insists they ALWAYS play with? (Even though they don't.) Here's how to clean house while remaining on your kid's team.

A listener on Facebook asks:

"How have you been able to get your younger children to part with toys? I’m trying to get rid of the giant four-foot dollhouse we were gifted several years ago. My daughter is 4 and I think she only ever played with it 3 or 4 times (years ago), yet she is so attached to it! Did I mention it’s huge?! Oh and I hate it! I typically get rid of things they don’t play with when the they aren’t around, but this is like a piece of furniture and she’ll definitely notice its absence."

There are two paths to getting this dollhouse out once and for all, Margaret explains. Playing the role of teammate and the role of benevolent dictator.

Playing teammate means asking for your kid's help on how to get the dollhouse to someone who would appreciate it more. Playing benevolent dictator means acknowledging your child's love of the toy while holding firm on your stance of getting rid of it.

Margaret prefers the teammate approach - your kid should feel heard, but they should also know you're in charge and have final say in the toy department.

It's a good idea to rotate your child's toys out of site for a bit so that once they come out again, they feel new and exciting. And check in with your child regularly about which toys they're actually playing with to help them understand what's most important to them.

Here's the link to the resource Margaret mentions in the episode:

Birute Efe for Kidsactivities.com: "10 Ways to Get Rid of Toys without Drama"

Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!

For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Amy: My Child Is Not Nice to Her Grandparents Sep 11, 2023

Show notes

How do we teach our children that it's not okay to say mean things about family members, especially in front of them?

Diana emailed us to say:

"My 5-year-old daughter has a clear and strong preference for my in-laws versus my own parents, I think because she saw more of them when she was little, so is more comfortable with them. It hurts my feelings and also hurts theirs. She is very honest about her feelings and will say that she doesn’t want them to come over, doesn’t want them to sit next to her, doesn’t want them to stay when they do come over.

I hoped by seeing them more she would warm up and she usually does have a good time with them once she settles in, but she’s still saying hurtful things. I would greatly appreciate any advice on making the situation more manageable."

When children are expressing repeated resistance to spending time with certain grownups, it's always important to rule out whether there's another, more serious and unexpressed reason for that resistance. Once that's been ruled out, consider what secondary gain your child might be receiving from saying these things.

Most 5-year-olds are old enough to have empathy, and understand when they've hurt others' feelings. It's also an age by which kids can usually learn to control their impulses. A child who is saying rude things to their friends and teachers, and not just at home, might need a little scaffolding around impulse control, and learning more appropriate ways to express her frustration. In that case, these hurtful comments can become teachable moments for fostering emotional intelligence.

On the other hand, if only one person or setting is the location for these rude comments, then you know that it is in your child's control to express their frustrations differently. Model what you expect, hold the line, and you should see improvement.

For more resources and ideas, check out this article:

Amy Morin for VeryWell Family: 10 Ways to Handle Disrespectful Behavior

Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!

For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Dr. Emily Edlynn on Autonomy-Supportive Parenting Sep 08, 2023

Show notes

How do we reconcile the desire to give our kids independence with the desire to protect them from the world? Dr. Emily Edlynn, author of the new book Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children, explains how we can let go of the anxiety-driven controlling impulses inherent in modern parenting.

In this interview, Dr. Edlynn and Margaret discuss:

The intersection of autonomy-supportive parenting and neurodiverse kids
What an autonomy-supportive environment looks like (and what gets in the way)
Tools we can use to prevent overparenting

Here's where you can find Dr. Edlynn:

www.emilyedlynnphd.com
@DrEmilyEdlynn on IG, Twitter, LinkedIn
The Art and Science of Mom, Emily Edlynn, PhD on FB
Buy AUTONOMY-SUPPORTIVE PARENTING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781641709767

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I've Got a Mom for That Sep 06, 2023

Show notes

Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z

We've got a mom for that! We asked our listeners what specialties you're the go-to people for. In this episode we discuss those unique and useful talents, from being the one who can pack an entire sectional into an SUV, to being the one who can make dinner for six out of a basically empty pantry.

To that end, if you'd like to be the mom for that, Amy recommends Sam Sifton's book No-Recipe Recipes in this episode.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Margaret: Should I Quit the School's Group Chat? Sep 04, 2023

Show notes

"I am part of a WhatsApp chat with other parents in my child's nursery. It's not set up by the nursery, nor does it seem to have all of the parents in it. The problem is it's very unpleasant and dominated by a small minority of very vocal complainers. It's causing me some anxiety and some distrust of the nursery which objectively seems unwarranted. What can I do?"

Group chats are a double-edged sword. Some are amazing, like the What Fresh Hell Facebook group, and some are anxiety-causing and more trouble than they're worth.

It's not your job to convince the other parents that they're being too negative - it IS your job to opt out for your own sanity and mental health, though. And it's perfectly fine to do so.

You can quit completely or just mute notifications and go in to ask a genuine question every once in a awhile. It can occasionally be useful to know when certain events are happening or if there is an early dismissal, for example.

Ultimately, engage with the conversations that are useful, and excuse yourself from the unhelpful negativity and complaining - you'll thank yourself later!

Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:

For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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