Stay ConnectedWe talk about the career of Charlize Theron, one movie at a time. We’ve basically copied Denzel Washington is the Greatest Actor of All Time, Period (which is the greatest podcast of all time, period), but for Charlize Theron.
New episodes whenever there are new Charlize movies!
Immortals! Suicide by science! An old premise with new ideas and explanations! Charlize punches and swings axes with the best of them in another new adaptation of a graphic novel, it's The Old Guard!
Revisit a time before orange was allowed on Fox News! Then watch a monster get toppled by the hot women he coveted! We're reviewing Charlize's 3D printed nostril plugs AND her ability react without moving her face!
If you were to meet them in real life you'd think they were a family of obsessive compulsive magicians, but fear not! They're only animated here so the effect is diminished!
We're back and surfing the crest of Charlize's blue wave! Love is love, even between a goddess and a schlub!
Now we've done the Theronathon, we're turning our attention to the most beloved actor in the world...
Fall in love with a belligerent pixie dream girl in our sort of final episode! (For now, until Charlize comes out with her next movie, of course.) Surprising takes abound on this collaboration with a sarcastic Keanu Reeves and we sum up our thoughts on our girl's whole career as best we can!
A full compliment of R. Jr (with the triumphant return of Justin Tunney) relentlessly chases the greatness of the simplest but most spectacular entry in Charlize's career!
It's The Alien Advocate! It's homicidal K-PAX! It's Rosemary's Baby... FROM SPACE! Special guest Sara Kantner helps us diagnose just what the heck is up with Johnny Depp's hair!
Skillful curmudgeons unite to solve a murder and become aware of a national existential crisis! You know, like in the Bible!
30% spoiler free! We are rejuvenated after our last few reviews by a late entry from the Young Adult team!
Mike Rubino brings some expertise to our analysis of Woody Allen's influences, which somehow do not involve being hypnotised into making a movie every year.
The law of averages determines that if you make enough movies you'll eventually make at least one that's... as awful as this. Woody Allen earns his reputation as a sex pest and makes us want to avoid following our hearts in a densely appalling tale about nothing!
Explode your pearls and climb a ribbon to the future. What started as a joke is now an actual episode. A limousine is a car. A podcast is sound. Is this in France?
The first one's always a little rough, so don't feel bad. Instead feel bad that this show commented on issues that it itself was perpetuating!
Pick a thing to be about, movie! What genre are you? Are you a scam? We're on to you Charlize and Woody!
A new release! 50% spoiler free! A great cast propped up by someone other than Charlize!
Our no. 1 fan Tracy McNeil brings her legal expertise and gets us fired up (!) for the horrific, dejecting struggle for incremental justice for women.
Do you like your superheroes irresponsible? Well sober up and step into a lot of unexplored metaphors and implications!
Join us on a journey of self discovery where we learn that our tolerance for tasteless movies has slackened somewhat!
(Insert Disaster Here) and be miserable! This week's somber episode discusses the value of art with no hope and the most pragmatic techniques for surviving the apocalypse. Band together and be friendly, basically!
Robots! Science! Infanticide! Consider respecting sentient machines, or not being wasteful, or standing up to corruption, but mostly just fight for a little bit!
Say hi to your dying mother for us! This mumblecore prototype tries to be The Godfather but ends up more like a depressing and awkward soap opera.
We're back and living our best life with our true love Abby Fudor! We're gonna laugh, we're gonna skate and we're gonna murder to keep it all together!
Chris Maxwell and Brad Davis of the podcast High on Film join us in reviewing a seasonally appropriate casino heist and multiple homicide as silly and explosive as a Christmas pudding soaked in Calvados!
In an alternate universe where ceiling mounted video conferencing was better in 1997 than Skype is now, Charlize is a series regular on a show about an 11 person private investigation firm run by Edward James Olmos. We briefly cross into that world this week by watching what seems to be that shows failed pilot!
A beloved and respected man turns out to be a monster enabled by the institutions that benefit from his talent. We couldn't have picked a worse movie in our attempt to escape that topic!
Unfulfilling lives peppered with infidelity and self harm are inexplicably scrambled when a pretentious screenwriter decides to direct his own work.
These comedians are duty bound by an unbreakable oath to always produce 90 minutes of sketch every week, so just quietly ponder the value of comedy instead of actually laughing, because that's the way it's always been done!
Will we just say this show is great even though it's a comedy that doesn't make us laugh? Will we seem like we're dumb if we don't? Let's assess and evaluate! We're Eval-Ass-Aters!
Jog in place for a minute and catch your breath, we're recapping! Any regrets, surprises or things you'd change about this experience? We lay all out all of ours that we can think of, but it's late so there's also a lot of rambling.
We get two of the funniest people in Pittsburgh to help us dissect all the ways Seth MacFarlane fails to be funny in the west.
Seth MacFarlane drifts aimlessly in the void of modern optimistic sci-fi. For some reason Charlize joins him, but you shouldn't unless you like all the elements of your entertainment to be lame.
Straight talking, straight forward and straight to video, all with good reason! This is the closest we think our girl will ever get to a Lifetime movie, but it's got the casting, outfits and even a few performances to exceed our expectations.
Experience Sean Penn's pretentiously vile, depressing and utterly vacuous depiction of conflict in Africa, inexcusably told through the lens of an unconvincing love story between two white saviors. A movie so unentertaining that it seems deliberate, we're not quite sure what to make of it!
Michael Richards, what was ever the appeal of you? This week we see a comedy, in very significant inverted commas, in which the heroes commit a litany of offenses including sexual assault. But you know it's awkward, wacky and charming because one of them is clumsy!
We finally have an episode with the soothing presence of Justin Tunney, and the giant gorilla of incompetence has stopped playing hide and seek with the mic input!
This week we flutter about, frustratingly thin and carefree in the face of fascism and the plagiarism of better movies.
The Creator of our AMAZING theme tune, Alex Reed brings some uncharacteristic professionalism to our analysis this week! Charlize fights ninjas to the sound of big poppy earnestness!
This week we accidentally challenged our beliefs in the right to free assembly and the effectiveness of protest with the help of Charlize's cliched and melodramatic character arc. This should be good, we should support it! What happened, Stuart Townsend?
Slow down and catch your breath, then have it taken away again by some of our favorite action movies with ladies in the lead. This week we take a quick break from Charlize to drink in some other badass women. We've got spies in the city and the forest, MMA fighters in the present and racist cyborgs in the future!
Smash the system! Break the rules! Just don't watch the trailers! We're so excited that Sean Collier got us into an early screening of Charlize's new punk spy movie. She kicks so much ass you can practically feel the bruises!
Incest! Murder! Pedophilia! Save your soul and run! This week we have devilish comedy superstars Liz Labacz and Abby Fudor of Frankly Scarlett (with our very own Robin Hitchcock) advocating for everything in this movie with the addition of Hilarity! While we try to resist their overpowering and seductive ways they take us with full force and give us a plot summary that'll scar us for life.
We regret to inform you that 15 Minutes can feel longer than 2 Days in the Valley when going on a nonsensical murder and movie making rampage. Our villains shouldn't have any chance of becoming famous, but will they? Does anyone even remember this movie?
Make a maverick decision that leads to two different lengths of journey through the machinery of fame, or stay home and seduce your dentist! It's the 60's, there's catchy tunes and chimps impersonating The Beatles!
Strenuously step towards validation and go bravely into the depths of this very ordinary and not particularly challenging biopic. We admire the most extraordinary drunken eye rolling and question the legitimacy of having competitive breath holding apparatus in a bar!
Flee with special guest Sean Collier to protect your remaining eye from monsters like an undercurrent of systemic racism and some brutally emotional gut-punches. This gorgeous and wondrous adventure will take you through a uniquely non-specific feudal Japan, that's populated inexplicably by white people!
Go back in time and discover the sister you never mentioned before, then come forwards in time and attempt to talk about a movie that has no inspiration behind it! Child soldiers, 3D ice printing and oily scorpion tails can all be extrapolated from the fairytale Snow White, apparently.
Learn the true origin story of this podcast as we celebrate Charlize's fabulous feast on the scenery of this YA-esque take on a classic fairy tale. YOU WILL DO THIS FOR ME, LISTENER.
ALERT: We may have reached peak Charlize. Journey back to your unappealing roots and affirm your irresponsibility with us, and special guest Alex O'Brien, as we talk about the reason we're doing this whole podcast!
Fail to discover the meaning of life... IN SPACE! Don't go and see Alien: Covenant, listen to us talk about how Damon Lindelof is a hack instead!
Soft-shoe into the sunset with Will Smith as he not very mystically helps a rich white guy play golf well using the power of meaningless gibberish. That'll be five dollars, you know like in Hindu scripture!
The Cider House DOMINATES our contempt for about 40 minutes in this episode. A movie about how hard abortion is for rapists and the most joyless adventure of all, where the moral is apparently to be decisive and shun rest of the world!
Come and have an inoffensive time with us as we cheerfully steal gold and plot to have our betrayer tortured by Ukrainian mobsters! You know, like they did in the 60's!
Charlize fights Vin Diesel and his muscular crew of muscle car drivers with delightful results.
Aeon Flux wows our intellects and disappoints our hearts with it's great ideas and terrible everything else.
We review the Pulp Fiction/Lethal Weapon knock-off in which Charlize isn't very good, but James Spader is.
Our first episode! We're not very good yet, but neither is this movie!
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