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    Arts

    The Worst Bestsellers

    We read stuff so you don’t have to.

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    Copyright: Copyright © Worst Bestsellers 2024

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    Latest Episodes:
    Episode 74 – Sweet Valley High Jun 05, 2017
    Show notes

    Double Love by Francine Pascal

    Flashback Summer is back! With Kait camped outside of the Imperial Theater waiting to see Dave Malloy in Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812, Becca stepped in to join Renata and their guest Kristi to discuss Double Love by Francine Pascal, the first of a great many Sweet Valley High books. Renata and Kristi were shocked to see that the series they remembered fondly from their childhoods begins with a kidnapping and assault. Becca, meanwhile, was shocked that anyone actually read these. Pull your gold lavalier necklace out of storage and return to Sweet Valley!

    Promotional note: Come see us live at the Freepoint Hotel in Cambridge, MA on June 20th at 7pm!

    Thank you note: Thanks to Doug for sponsoring our Patreon! Check out his blog, What Did the Woggle-Bug Say?

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: “I Once Was Miss America” by Roxane Gay

    Forever Young Adult’s Sweet Valley High Drinking Game

    Lavalier

    High school sororities and fraternities

    Candy pairing: Becca says Warheads Extreme Sour, Kristi says cotton candy or Sugar Daddies, Renata says Mountain Dew.

    Coming up next: Horse Shy (Saddle Club #2) by Bonnie Bryant.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 73 – Diary of an Oxygen Thief May 22, 2017
    Show notes

    Diary of an Oxygen Thief by Anonymous

    Kait, Renata, and their guest KL (@momebie, @LaraEckener) read Diary of an Oxygen Thief by Anonymous. They’re glad the author hasn’t revealed his identity, because otherwise it might be too hard for us to resist the urge to go egg his house. This is a rambling tale of a man who hates and hurts women and doesn’t get nearly as much comeuppance as we would have preferred. Listen now to find out how much we wish The Rock and/or Wolverine could have saved us from this book!

    Content warning: Almost everything imaginable. This book contains child abuse, child sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, self-harm, and pretty much every other intense topic you can imagine.

    Apologetic note: Apologies for the annoying audio issues in the first half of this episode! Renata had the wrong microphone settings and she is very, very sorry and promises never to do it again.

    Promotional note: Come see us live at the Freepoint Hotel in Cambridge, MA on June 20th at 7pm!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: How ‘Diary of an Oxygen Thief’ Went from Self-Published Obscurity to Bestsellerdom

    Candy pairing: Kait says an expired, moldy Yorkie bar, KL says salt licorice, Renata says chewed up gum stuck to the floor of a bar.

    Coming up next: Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love by Francine Pascal.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 72 – Red Queen May 08, 2017
    Show notes

    Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

    Kait, Renata, and their guest Anna (of LCARS Librarian and Women Write About Comics) read Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. It’s a confusing melange of everyone’s favorite YA dystopia tropes, like “love triangle,” “government-sponsored competition,” and “manic pixie blood girl.” Listen now for the return of Fucking, Marrying, Killing, and a discussion of dystopian menstrual blood art!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: This Woman Is Using Her Own Period Blood To Create Beautiful Photographs

    Candy pairing: Anna says red velvet candy corn, Kait says generic grocery store knockoff candy, Renata says Shock Tarts.

    Coming up next: Diary of an Oxygen Thief by Anonymous.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 71 – The Shack Apr 24, 2017
    Show notes

    The Shack by William Paul Young

    Kait, Renata, and their guest Dolly (@loather, Withdrawn) read The Shack by William Paul Young. It’s about a man who meets God, but get this, God is a black woman who wants you to call her “Papa”! Did that blow your mind? Don’t worry, God turns back into a man when times get really tough. Please listen to this episode on your next drive out into the middle of nowhere!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: ‘I Have Deep Regrets’: Graphic Artist Who Designed ‘Shack’ Novel Renounces Book

    This American Life #304: Heretics

    The Shack (2017) on IMDB

    Candy pairing: Dolly says Peeps Oreos,Kait says a chocolate cross, Renata says Cadbury Creme eggs.

    Coming up next: Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 70 – The Notebook (LIVE at Trident Booksellers!) Apr 10, 2017
    Show notes

    The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

    Kait, Renata, and their guest Margaret H. Willison (Two Bossy Dames, Appointment Television) read The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks for a special live episode recorded at Trident Booksellers & Cafe in Boston! If you’re familiar with the movie, you might be surprised at some of the book’s more upsetting twists and turns. If you’re a doctor, you might be surprised to hear that love cures Alzheimer’s! Thanks again to Trident for having us and to everyone who turned out to see our live show!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: Photo Roundup from the Live Show

    A Brief History of Rachel McAdams’ Time-Traveling Dating Obsession

    Nicholas Sparks on The Choice, Religion and Love After Divorce

    Legend of Zelda: Lon-Lon Ranch

    The Rock: The Notebook 2

    Noah’s Crab Hands

    Candy pairing: Kait says fancy candy jewelry, Margaret says Werther’s originals, Renata says Crybabies sour gum.

    Coming up next: The Shack by William Paul Young.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 69 – Tinglers Mar 27, 2017
    Show notes Redacted in the Butt by Redacted Under the Tromp Administration by Chuck TingleTaken By The Gay Unicorn Biker by Chuck TIngleIt’s our 69th episode, nice! Returning guest & hardcore lady buck Jennie read 2 Tinglers with us: Redacted in the Butt By Redacted Under the Tromp Administration and Taken By The Gay Unicorn Biker, both by the Hugo-nominated author Chuck Tingle. Please help us prove love by listening to this NSFW episode!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: ChuckTingle.com

    Proving Love: An Interview with Dr. Chuck Tingle

    Chuck Tingle’s AMA

    Kait’s highlights of Chuck Tingle’s AMA

    Fanfiction 101

    Candy pairing: Jennie says band candy, Kait says an edible garter, Renata says Japanese omiyage candy.

    Coming up next: The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 68 – Cookie Meets Peanut Mar 13, 2017
    Show notes

    Cookie Meets Peanut by Bethenny Frankel

    Storytime Underground Joint Chief Cory joined us to discuss the fact that writing picture books is way harder than most celebrities think it is! We read Cookie Meets Peanut by Real Housewife/Adult Skinnygirl Bethenny Frankel, illustrated by Daniel Roode. Let us tuck you into bed with the story of an extremely irresponsible pet owner!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: Bitch Sesh: A Real Housewives Breakdown Podcast

    Paws for thought? Bethenny Frankel tries to get dog to read her new children’s book on a stylish outing in the Big Apple

    Skinnygirl, Fat Wallet: How Bethenny Frankel Earns More Than Any Other Real Housewife

    Selected Illustrations: (click to embiggen)

    Cookie Meets Peanut 1

    Cookie Meets Peanut 2

    Cookie Meets Peanut 3

    Candy pairing: Cory says Skinnygirl elderberry & sweet lemon gummies, Kait says a gold-leaf gummy dog, Renata says a Skinnygirl Cosmo.

    Coming up next: Redacted In the Butt By Redacted Under the Tromp Administration and Taken By the Gay Unicorn Biker by Chuck Tingle.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Bonus Episode II – Gossip Girl Mar 06, 2017
    Show notes

    Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar

    Thanks to our Patreon sponsors, we recorded a bonus episode about Gossip Girl (the novel by Cecily von Ziegesar as well as the TV show) with special guest Renata’s mom, Susan. We have to say: we enjoyed this dive into the lives of hyper-privileged Manhattan youths more than we thought we would, despite the fact that almost nothing actually happens in this book. Download this episode to your Swarovski crystal-encrusted Motorola Razr to hear us learn how the other half lives!

    Apologies: Whoops, the clanking sound in the background is all of the jewelry Renata’s mom wears, please excuse her beauty. Also, Renata mistakenly said Serena has a cat named Kitty Minky. In fact, Kitty Minky is Blair’s cat. We regret the error and apologize to the fictional cat in question.

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: ‘Gossip Girl’ Creator Spills a Major Secret About Chuck and Blair’s Iconic Relationship

    Serena/Blair Works on Archive Of Our Own

    Candy pairing: Kait says a half grapefruit & Pop Tarts, Renata says boozy chocolates, Renata’s mom says a single Tic-Tac.

    Coming up next: Cookie Meets Peanut by Bethenny Frankel.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 67 – The Chemist Feb 27, 2017
    Show notes

    The Chemist by Stephenie Meyer

    Kait, Renata, and Jeanne (@FangirlJeanne) read Stephenie Meyer’s adult romantic thriller, The Chemist. It’s a love story that starts off with torture (but like the 24 kind, not the 50 Shades kind) and ends with a Food Network reality show. It made us truly miss the Cullens. We hope you enjoy listening to this podcast, whether it’s from inside your Volvo, Jaguar, Hummer, or other type of vehicle that Stephenie Meyer might enjoy describing in detail!

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: Stephenie Meyer’s Great Chemistry With Jeremy Renner

    The Story Behind The Chemist

    Candy pairing: Jeanne says Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans (spinach), Kait says candy cigarettes, Renata says Pop Rocks.

    Coming up next: Cookie Meets Peanut by Bethenny Frankel.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


    Episode 66 – Violets Are Blue Feb 13, 2017
    Show notes

    Violets Are Blue by James Patterson

    Kait, Renata, and their guest Ryan Sandoval (author of The D.A.D.D.Y. Complex) read Violets Are Blue, the 7th book in James Patterson’s Alex Cross series. Intrepid detective Alex Cross investigates vampire-themed murders, as well as the body of every female character in the book. Join us as we sort ourselves into the four fetish houses: leather, rubber, Goth, and Victorian.

    Readers advisory: Here.

    Footnotes: You Must Remember This podcast

    How Did This Get Made? Vampire’s Kiss episode

    James Patterson: How the Bestseller Factory Works

    Sade’s Wikipedia page

    BookShots by James Patterson

    Candy pairing: Kait says Hershey’s kisses, Renata says a mixed bag of candy, Ryan says novelty wax fangs.

    Coming up next: The Chemist by Stephenie Meyer.

    * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

    (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)


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