The Topical

Latest Episodes:

New Paternity Leave Policy Would Allow Fathers To Take Off Work If They Need To Appear On ‘Maury’ Oct 12, 2020

Show notes

The progressive new policy grants potential fathers eight days to fly out to a taping of the popular daytime talk show so they can determine if they are off the hook for the next 18 years or if their old side piece is trying to trap them out of revenge.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Report: Kangaroo At Petting Zoo Can’t Be Good Oct 09, 2020

Show notes

Oh yeah, that’s definitely not good. We have the latest on this marsupial that could only have been acquired through some particularly sketchy means.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

DNC Concerned Warm, Cozy Beds On Brisk November Morning Could Keep Voters From Going To Polls On Election Day Oct 08, 2020

Show notes

Hear how Democratic officials are looking to lure snuggled voters out of their beds and to the polls this fall.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Piece Of Shit From Nearby Town Marries Bitch From High School Oct 07, 2020

Show notes

Like, for real. We have the latest on how these two dumbasses reconnected, and you’re not going to believe it.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

NASA Discovers Evidence That Life Could Exist Outside America Oct 06, 2020

Show notes

Could there be potential lifeforms lurking in the mysterious void that lies beyond the U.S.? We have the latest on this monumental discovery.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Small Town Ravished By Alejandro Oct 05, 2020

Show notes

We have the latest on the hot-blooded heartthrob that made landfall two days ago, sweeping hundreds of men and women off their feet.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Study: Pitbull Owners 10 Times More Likely To Bite Pedestrians Than Owners Of Other Dog Breeds Oct 02, 2020

Show notes

New data today is backing up claims that pitbull owners, on average, tend to be more aggressive and territorial than owners of German shepherds or rottweilers.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Local Residents Express Concern Over Homeless Shelter Being Built On Their Planet Oct 01, 2020

Show notes

Hear why citizens across the globe are displeased with a local nonprofit’s plan to build a new homeless shelter in such close proximity to the planet’s many schools, homes, and parks.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Congress Aids Those Struggling With Depression By Implementing New National Suicide-Prevention Conga Line Sep 30, 2020

Show notes

Hear why placing your hands on another person’s hips and swaying rhythmically, even for just a few beats of the drum, can be greatly beneficial for one’s mental health.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

White House Vows To Have Something To Stick Into Your Arm By October Sep 29, 2020

Show notes

Initial timelines have estimated a Covid vaccine could be available by early 2021, but according to the White House, we may have something even sooner. Hear why the Trump administration believes they will have some kind of sharp thing to puncture your skin and inject you with before the election.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices