The Topical

Latest Episodes:

Baboon Couple Sues National Geographic For Distributing Private Sex Tape Dec 04, 2020

Show notes

Hear why a lawyer for the primates is arguing that by publishing the video, NatGeo has caused her clients irreparable harm.

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Study Finds Adults Over 50 Should Get Colonoscopy To Determine Whether Aliens Are Controlling You From The Inside Dec 03, 2020

Show notes

Hear why you or a loved one could be at increased risk of being piloted by an extraterrestrial like a fleshy, human skin puppet.

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Nation’s Long-Haired Old Men In Flowy Linen Shirts Announce You Are Loved Dec 02, 2020

Show notes

Hear why these gentle elders are adamant that their love for us all needs no reason, just as a sunrise need not a reason to be breathtaking.

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Inside The Sacred Temple Where ‘People’ Magazine’s Ancestral Editors Choose Their Sexiest Man Alive Each Year Dec 01, 2020

Show notes

From George Clooney to Michael B. Jordan, People magazine publishes this attention-grabbing feature every winter. But how do they do it? We’ll take a look inside the holy site where the coveted hunk is chosen each year.

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Newly Uncovered DNA Evidence Frees Thousands Of Damned Souls From Hell Nov 30, 2020

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Hear how justice was finally served for those wrongfully accused of greed, glutony, and premarital sex.

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American Obesity Epidemic Traced To Single Heavyset ‘Mayflower’ Passenger Nov 26, 2020

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On this special Thanksgiving Day episode, hear how your own tendency to overeat and your aversion to exercise could stem all the way back to one 327-pound Plymouth Colony settler named Jeremiah Alden.

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Humane Society Urges Americans To Opt For Shelter Turkey This Thanksgiving Nov 25, 2020

Show notes

Hear why some animal activists are asking people to consider giving one of the thousands of lonely turkeys trapped in an animal shelter a nice, warm forever home this Thanksgiving.

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Anti-Jacketers Rally Outside Burlington Coat Factory To Protest Liberal Cold Weather Conspiracy Nov 24, 2020

Show notes

Hear why members of the growing movement are calling cold weather nothing more than a leftist hoax made up to force Americans into thick down layers.

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Monsanto Lab On Lockdown After Scientists Find Shattered Tomato Containment Unit Nov 23, 2020

Show notes

Hear why Monsanto authorities are still struggling to apprehend the tomato due to it’s unusual size and strength.

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Hormel CEO Dares Anyone To Try And Come For His Chili Empire Nov 20, 2020

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Hear why if you come for the crown of Hormel CEO Jim Snee, King of Chilli, you best not miss.

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