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    Health

    The SelfWork Podcast

    I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 30 years, TEDx speaker, and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or that it somehow suggests you can't fix your own problems. My team is very honored that nine years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question as well as interviews with outstanding guests, authors, and experts, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there (ranked as a top .5% internationally) I keep it short, casual, and focused on "what you can do about it." I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.

    Advertise

    Copyright: © DrMargaretRutherford.com

    • Apple Podcasts
    • Google Play
    • Spotify

    Latest Episodes:
    SelfWork YGTG: The New FDA-Approved Treatment for PTSD Nightmares Jan 12, 2021
    Show notes

    There’s an exciting new product on the market – especially for anyone who has suffered with horrible PTSD-based nightmares. I should first tell you I have no relationship with the makers of this product. But since I've treated many patients with both PTSD and CPTSD, I know how exhausting and frightening these nightmares are. It’s a newly approved product by the FDA for just this use; however, it requires an Apple Watch. I’ve used hypnosis fairly effectively in the past for these kinds of traumatic nightmares – but there are many who don’t understand hypnosis and/or it doesn’t work completely or for a long enough period of time. The testimonials are meaningful, as the research was done with veterans of war and this is the first relief many of them have had from these intrusive and almost constant events.

    Important Liinks:

    Episode 206 What Dreams Are Made Of

    Article announcing Nightware's FDA approval

    Nightware's website

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    213 SelfWork: Continuing The Convo About Your Struggles in Therapy Jan 08, 2021
    Show notes

    Thank you to all of you who contacted me these past two or three weeks! This week’s episode is a conversation – not literally - but I’ve heard from so many of you about the last couple of SelfWork podcasts, I wanted to respond. You sent me your stories of your own struggles with a therapist, especially about termination and boundaries; I was very moved to address the core issues of what went wrong and discuss them in more detail.

    The listener email is actually two other responses I received about people pleasing - and how that trait had affected therapy. I was reminded that there was even more to it than Episode 212 had covered!

    Important Links:

    SelfWork Episode 210 on Leaving or Staying In Therapy

    SelfWork Episode 212 on People Pleasing

    Article by Dr. Clifford Lazarus in Psychology Today on common mistakes

    WebMD Link to serotonin syndrome

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    212 SelfWork: Pros and Cons of People Pleasing Jan 01, 2021
    Show notes

    Wow. Sometimes when I pick a subject for SelfWork, I have to dig deep to find research that I can bring that will add clarity or give you what’s new out there on the subject. People pleasing? There are YouTube videos galore and all kinds of other resources. Most everyone agreed on how it starts - with an anxious/insecure attachment to a parent. We'll define what exactly a people pleaser is, and focus on some issues in therapy that are very specific to those who struggle with being uncomfortable not being the "giver" in the relationship.

    The listener email today is fascinating. It's about growing up in a narcissistic family and being handed a role to play - the golden child, the scapegoat and the invisible child being the most common. Her healing began when she began to let go of that old dynamic – and she asks if growing up in a narcissist family might be correlated with perfectly hidden depression.

    Important links:

    SelfWork episode 062 on Enmeshment

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    Amy Morin's Psychology Today article on signs you're a people pleaser

    Amy Stoneson's article on her own blog on what makes a people pleaser

    Healthline article on attachment style

    How to stop being a people pleaser on Medium

    Randi Fine's excellent article on roles of children in narcissistic families

    Randi's wonderful podcast on anxiety! A Fine Time for Healing

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    211 SelfWork: A Conversation with Anxiety Slayer's Shann Vander Leek Dec 28, 2020
    Show notes

    Here's a bonus episode for you during the holidays! I couldn’t think of a better guest than Shann Vander Leek. She’s the cohost of the extremely popular podcast AnxietySlayer and the website AnxietySlayer.com. Her gentleness and broad knowledge of all things calming is incredible. She and her partner Ananga have created a complete experience of teaching you the how-to of what you can do right now about your anxiety, through words and music, meditation and calming practices. What I especially love about this episode is that Shann demonstrates some actual techniques you can try while you’re listening as she and I - and now you - do them together.

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    210 SelfWork: When How and Why You Should Leave Therapy.. Or Not Dec 25, 2020
    Show notes

    Today's SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, focuses on why, how and why you might choose to end therapy, or more concisely, to leave a particular therapist. We'll cover some "good" reasons to leave, reasons that either have to do with the success you've experienced or reaching your goals, as well as the ones that have to do with disappointment with or even misbehavior or unethical behavior by the therapist themselves. But we'll also focus on the reasons why you might justify leaving, when in actuality, it may not be in your best interest to do so. I’m a huge believer in the power of good therapy. But it’s not always good. And we need to address how you know when it’s time to leave – or not.

    The listener email is once again quite different. I’ll read from a letter I received from a man who’s serving time in prison, He reached out in a very special way – and I thought you’d like to hear.

    Important Links:

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    Good article in Psych Central about reason to leave or not leave therapy

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    209 SelfWork: 3 Questions To Ask Before You Trust Your Gut Dec 18, 2020
    Show notes

    I'd planned to do this episode of SelfWork on developing trust in others. But as I researched the question, I realized that first, you have to make sure you can trust your own decision-making. And your gut. I found the work of Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman (who made the most sense to me) on how you can determine if you can trust your gut or not. There are three questions that need a "yes" answer before you can jump into believing that intuition of yours - and today, on this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll find out what those three questions are. And I offer a five-step process to work your way through those three questions, as well as adding a few ideas of my own.

    The listener wrote in for this week described a very painful relationship with his therapist, that had led him to feel even more shame for a porn addiction. Luckily, he was able to recognize what was going on and he left that therapist. I decided I couldn't address such a huge topic - how to handle conflict or disappointment with a therapist - with only an email answer. So I'm going to address this very important issue in Episode 210 of SelfWork.

    Important Links:

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    Psych Today article by Andrea Bonoir,

    Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

    A short summary of Blink.

    Daniel Kahneman's book on Audible Thinking Fast and Slow

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    208 SelfWork: "Is It Worth It?' When Rumination Drags You Down A Rabbit Hole Dec 11, 2020
    Show notes

    Sometimes my own life offers a topic to me; I was definitely struggling to not be dragged down by my own rumination this past weekend. So many of us are spending hours worrying about Covid, politics, the future, finances, about jobs. The list is endless. So today, in this episode, sponsored once again by BetterHelp, we’re going to talk about rumination. Is it ever helpful? Or is it something that’s dragging you down a rabbit hole of negativity?

    The listener email is different this week in format. I was very touched by Kat Cardy, an artist in the UK, who sent me a poem she’d written based on her identification with perfectly hidden depression. I asked her permission to use it and she said yes! It’s lovely… and my heart was very full when she sent it.

    I was interviewed on a podcast called Seize the Moment by two New Yorkers,, Alen Ulmann and Leon Garber. What I didn’t know was that they’d both not only read the book, but identified themselves on the spectrum of PHD; in fact, Leon revealed that he himself had at one time been suicidal, and had told a psychiatrist there was something wrong. The doctor looked at him (he’s a very verbal, friendly guy) and said, “What? No way… you’re not depressed.” We’ve got to stop this from happening.. So they brought their own experience with it to the interview and I learned so much from them. You will see the link to the YouTube interview in the show notes.

    Important Links:

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    Quotes from Dr. Michael Greenberg, a psychologist who specializes in OCD

    An article by Medical News Today, listing potential triggers for rumination

    Dr. Guy Winch talks about ruminating in this PsychToday article:

    Psych Today article by Kathryn Gordon listing eight ways to eliminate negative painful rumination.

    Kat Cardy's poem:

    Unlocking. Unlocking doesn’t happen all at once. First there’s just emptiness. A lack. A missing. A guarding. A hardening. The reason unknown, but it’s presence noted; Pain caused, joy blocked, love evaded, disconnect... Hurt encapsulated in silt till a heavy rock replaces the alive and vibrant. Continuing unexamined, or else denied outright, And The Lock, Stays. Shut. But should attention settle here, intention stop to lend some care, Either lock, or key, or both is found, A mystery perhaps, but with meaning profound. Then one day it clicks... you may not even realise it, But inch by inch that great key turns, That, frozen for years, begins to stir. A fraction here; I see you, dear. A sliver there; I know you’re near. That solid rock which spirit hid, Oh so slowly turns clear instead. Inching forth, I feel your hurt. And turning more, I know your worth. Glowing embers re-kindle again, The breath of attention nursing flame Til one day, The lock falls away. That light of a soul kept hidden so long Shines forth like a beacon; I’m here, I belong That great treasure guarded all these years, Finally displayed for all to see, A fragile thing, alive and singing, a bird, uncaged, released and free. Unlocking doesn’t happen all at once. But it can happen, if you are patient, kind, and strong.

    The Seize The Moment podcast interview

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    SelfWork YGTG (You Get the Gist); What's Emotional Bandwidth Dec 09, 2020
    Show notes

    YGTG is five minutes of jam-packed info about one concept or idea or behavior - and today it's about emotional bandwidth. People are using the term emotional bandwidth to reveal that they can't tolerate certain emotions or discussions. It's a short cut way of saying, "I can't be there for you right now." But when does it become an almost too impersonal or detached way of absolving yourself from a commitment? It may make something seem almost like a technical glitch rather than a personal choice to withdraw from a commitment that would take emotional maturity and growth. Or rather than the more vulnerable, “I don’t think I can learn how to be the person I thought I could be.”

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    207 SelfWork: How to Break Away from Emotional Paralysis Dec 04, 2020
    Show notes

    Challenging your assumptions can lead to remarkable change – and can break emotional paralysis. On SelfWork today, sponsored by BetterHelp, we're going to talk about doing the dishes. Yes you heard me – dishes. One of my FB closed group members very aptly posted the story you're about to hear as a way of coping with the stress of the pandemic – to look at your own life through a different lens and see how you could manage your struggles differently – by challenging your own rules/assumptions. When you do, it can bring huge relief, and a tremendous jumpstart to your hope for change – and change that lasts. It's called "second-order change" in psychology and it can be very powerful.

    Our listener email today is from a woman who’s writing about being dominated both at home and at work – I’ll let you listen to her email and see what you think. I was struck by a couple of things – and hope to offer ideas that will be helpful.

    Important Links:

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    Episode 191: Stinkin Thinkin

    Second order change Quote and Explanation

    Original link to Kate Scott’s piece on Quora

    Book entitled Boundaries

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    206 SelfWork: What Dreams Are Made Of Nov 27, 2020
    Show notes

    Whether or not you believe that dreams have meaning (and almost half of Americans think that’s true…), you probably have had many types of dreams. Today, in another episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we're going to talk about the diverse categories of dreams – and then the proposed “meaning” of those very dreams. We'll look into what can bring nightmares on as well as the most recent research on what's termed "lucid dreaming." Early psychiatrists certainly believed and espoused that dreams had unconscious meanings – that they are created by the part of our mind that lives in the background of our consciousness but influences and guides us. So today we’ll talk about nine categories of dreams and then travel into the land of what dreams may mean.. maybe for fun or maybe, for those of you who have a strong relationship with your dreams, to employ them for healing.

    Our listener email today is from a young woman who’s suffered multiple traumas in her life… sexual abuse and her mother’s dying right in front of her.. Terrible things. And she wonders how to heal.. and if she can have hope..

    Importants Links: We have a lot of them today!

    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

    A Psychology Today article on dreaming

    Book by Preston Ni.. and referenced article

    Quote from Dr. Kelly Bulkeley

    Information about the cause of nightmares on WebMD

    YouTube video on dreaming

    What dreams may mean article in VeryWell Mind

    Very recent research at MIT on lucid dreaming

    C-PTSD information on VeryWell Mind

    You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

    And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!


    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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