The SelfWork Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SelfWork's You Get the Gist - Is Your Biological Clock Ticking? Oct 21, 2020

Show notes

This "The Gist" is coming out on my own birthday - so perhaps that's why I wanted to know more about what makes our biological clocks tick a bit louder. Pregnancy and midlife obviously jump to mind as probably the most well-known times when your sense of time and maybe even urgency about it may influence your choices. So we'll talk about how to manage that ticking - so you make good choices instead of ones you'll come to regret.

Important Links:

Thought Catalogue's funny piece on a conversation a woman might have with her uterus.

Article on tokophobia

Rutgers study on the male biological clock

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

202 SelfWork: Finding the Right Thing to Say Oct 16, 2020

Show notes

People who are in crisis, whether it's mental, emotional or physical, usually report a very similar path to me. At first, everyone is there. Food and flowers are delivered after a death; people offer to take your kids if you’re recovering from surgery, or you had a car wreck, or your home was damaged in a tornado. If your friends know you’ve broken up with your significant other, you get texts and funny memes sent to you.

But what happens a few weeks after that? A silence usually descends. And you’re left to cope on your own. When the loss or the struggle is chronic – when you're in for a long haul, the silence can be even more deafening.

So today in this episode sponsored by. BetterHelp, we’re going to focus on how to listen. How to figure out the right thing to say. How to get tuned in.

Our listener email for today poses a very direct question about holding onto the past and not being able to work through grief and loss. Instead even years later, this listener feels overwhelmed by suddenly losing the life she’d worked very hard to create and now can’t seem to live in the present.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Emma-Marie Smith's article on what to say (and not say) when someone is depressed

Symptoms of complicated grief (Mayo Clinic)

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

201 SelfWork: A Conversation with Terri Cheney, author of Manic and Modern Madness Oct 09, 2020

Show notes

I had the great pleasure of talking to New York Times best-selling author, Terri Cheney, a couple of weeks ago. She's come forward the last few years to reveal her struggle with severe bipolar disorder in books that are as transparent as they are dramatic. I read her her newest book, Modern Madness, and frankly couldn't put it down. And even though I've been a clinician for over twenty-five years, I learned so much from her vivid explanations and revelations about just what goes on inside someone's mind when they cycle from struggling with thought of suicide to high-flying mania.

Terri's former profession was as a highly successful entertainment lawyer, with clients such as Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson. She now advocates for mental health awareness and leads a campaign to #TellMeWhereItHurts - urging people to ask questions and really listen to the answers from those who need compassion and to be seen for themselves, not their disease.

I know that this will be helpful to anyone who listens. And maybe, you'll choose to say, "Tell Me Where It Hurts" yourself. It's a beautiful gift to give someone who struggles emotionally and mentally.

Important Links:

Modern Madness

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

200 SelfWork: How To Face Your Own Self-Doubt (200 episodes later...) Oct 02, 2020

Show notes

When I began looking for how to shape this 200th episode of SelfWork, I wanted to share my own major self-doubts about creating SelfWork. Was I truly an expert? What if I made mistakes? But that wasn't the worst. There was one more that was even stronger... so I turned to the wisdom of Maya Angelou for some help. And I received it from her - and will share it today with you.

We’re going to talk about confronting self-doubt. We all have insecurities; even the people that don’t look like they do – do. But why does self-doubt stop some people and not others? What gives self-doubt power?

But today is also about celebrating 200 episodes of SelfWork, as I had to conquer my own substantial self-doubt to begin. Several of you sent in recordings and emails telling me what SelfWork has meant to you, and I will include a couple of them. You were kind and oh so generous. I also have an amazing team to thank - there are really no words to say how much each of them means to me. Their talents make SelfWork what is has become. And their talents and your presence will help it to grow into something even stronger and better.

But let’s get to the topic of confronting self-doubt in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp – and what can be the result. And then we’ll celebrate!

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Tribute to Maya Angelou

Article by Margie Warrell in Forbes

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

SelfWork: You Get the Gist... What In the World is Nomophobia (hint.. you may just have it) Sep 29, 2020

Show notes

Today's "You Get the Gist" is about nomophobia. And you have to listen to find out what it is. (There's a test for it in the show notes below...) I admit it. I have it. Not a severe case, but I'm as guilty as the next guy. So what follows is what it is and as always, what you can do about it. So now, you get the gist.

Important Links:

Here’s a test to see if you have it, created by Iowa State University.

American Academy of Sleep Medicine article on sleep and nomophobia.

Psychology Today great article by Susan Weinschenk on our brain chemistry and how it responds to our phones.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

199 SelfWork: Trauma. Bonding: When Trust Is Manipulated and Destroyed Sep 25, 2020

Show notes

What is a trauma bond? How does it form? Why is it important for that dynamic to have its own label or name” Trauma bonding happens when trust is highly manipulated; when commitment and trying to make a relationship work is used against someone as a way to keep them in denial or disbelief that a relationship is harmful to them. I’ve been there. I still have never revealed all that happened in that relationship; so much of it is now such clear abuse, I’m flabbergasted I didn’t see it for what it was. But I didn’t. Or I did, but then my need to ‘make the relationship work’ went to work.

I’ve found some authors who’ve written about it to help shine some light on the why and the how…Patrick Carnes may have been the first and we’ll give his definition of trauma bonding as well as the broader one. It’s also been associated or talked about as “the same” as Stockholm Syndrome, which we'll discuss.

Our listener email for today is from someone who wants some answers about enmeshment and what she terms “covert narcissism” – It sounds like she’s the daughter and feels enmeshed or has been told perhaps she’s enmeshed with him. It’s very much like our topic so I thought it meshed well with the topic.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist provides an article on trauma bonding

A BBC article on Stockholm syndrome

An article in VeryWellMind.discusses features of covert narcissism

Wikipedia article on trauma bonds

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

198 SelfWork: Debunking the Myths About Suicide Sep 18, 2020

Show notes

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and I want to be a part of debunking what are commonly believed myths concerning suicide. I also want to make sure you're safe. If you become triggered, here's the link to all the suicide services that are known in every country that provides them. It helps to reach out – that’s been proven over and over… so please if you need to talk or text someone, click that link.

I've chosen twelve myths that are common to hear and then give the facts. Sometime the experts disagree or issues are more complex, but it's so important to stop saying that suicide is selfish or that only people with mental illness die by suicide.

The listener email for today is from someone who couldn’t find grief on the feeling wheel that I discussed in the suck it up episode – which was really an episode on not sucking it up… She’s overwhelmed by grief and doesn’t know how to get through it…

Important links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Article about the pandemic’s effect on suicide worldwide

Shahnaz study 2018

Dr. Kristin Fuller for The NAMI Blog

An article to help you learn and understand the warnings signs

Article on suicide by Magellan Health resource

NPR article about What’s best with teens and kids

193 SelfWork: Conversation with John Moe (The Hilarious World of Depression)

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

197 SelfWork: Explaining Radical Acceptance Sep 11, 2020

Show notes

Radical acceptance is a termed that describes a way of being - acknowledging the reality of what is happening rather than fighting it emotionally and thus, causing yourself, and perhaps even others, more suffering. I very much like a Carl Rogers quote that Tara Brach, author of the 2003 best-seller, Radical Acceptance, used in her book; “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Radical acceptance takes that idea even further – that accepting what happens in your life also brings a much greater ability to cope rationally with it.

The listener email is from a therapist who’s dating someone who sounds severely depressed. And she doesn’t know what to do. I’ll see if I can come up with a couple of ideas for her – and all you “helpers” (and I’m one of them) get helped yourself.

And this episode is once again sponsored by BetterHelp!

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Blog post about empty nest called Separate Houses

Article by Margarita Tartaskovsky in Psych Central.

Excerpt from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

196 SelfWork: Turning Being PIssed Into Something Productive Using DBT Sep 04, 2020

Show notes

Today we’ll be focusing on anger in relationships. I've seen anger completely mismanaged and it can sabotage what started out as a relationship with much potential. We'll discuss some basic characteristics of anger that are vital to know, as well as a specific dialectical behavioral technique called DEARMAN - which is an effective way of remembering and practicing how to communicate with others about your anger, disappointment or frustration.

Our listener email today is from someone who heard my interview with Chris Do on YouTube. She asks what to do when she’s getting a divorce and how to handle a sense of isolation and lack of money. These are practical problems so many people have – and it can seem as if there’s no way to help yourself. But you can look for what you have control over.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Blog Post on anger

Explanation of the DEARMAN technique

More specific examples of DBT and D-E-A-R-M-A-N

Book by Spradlin on DBT and its effectiveness

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Important Links:

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected