The Self-Driven Child

Latest Episodes:

What I Learned About Motivation From "Ghost Buster" Yegor Denisov-blanch Feb 04, 2025

Show notes

What if some of the people on your team weren’t actually working—but just good at looking busy? In this episode, I sit down with Yegor Denisov-Blanch to discuss a fascinating and troubling trend in the tech world: ghost engineers. These are software developers whose productivity is so low that they barely contribute—yet they manage to stay employed. Yegor, a researcher dedicated to improving software engineering performance, dives into what causes this phenomenon, why it’s more common than you’d think, and how it affects company culture, team morale, and overall efficiency. But instead of just calling them out, his goal is to understand why this happens—and how to fix it.

We also explore how the same disengagement issues that plague workplaces show up in schools. Yegor shares his own unconventional education journey, having dropped out of the traditional system at 14, teaching himself to code, and later excelling in university. What does this say about the way we measure productivity and success—not just in work, but in learning?

Episode Highlights:

[00:49] - What exactly is a ghost engineer, and why are companies unknowingly paying them?

[03:41] - The research behind software engineer performance and why measuring it has been difficult.

[06:38] - How ghost engineers operate—are they just lazy, or is there something deeper going on?

[10:41] - The surprising psychological and workplace culture factors that push employees toward disengagement.

[15:22] - The role of trust in the workplace and why micromanagement can actually increase disengagement.

[23:30] - How remote work has changed productivity—for better and worse.

[25:18] - Yegor’s unconventional education journey: Dropping out of 8th grade, starting a business at 14, and later graduating top of his class.

[32:24] - How personalized learning and self-directed education could prevent disengagement in students before they enter the workforce.

[40:30] - The bigger mission: Not just exposing ghost engineers, but fixing the system so they don’t need to exist.

Links & Resources:

Are ‘ghost engineers’ real? Seeking Silicon Valley’s least productive coders: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/12/08/ghost-engineers-programming-productivity-coding/
Stanford Research: Measuring Software Engineering Productivity: https://dpe.org/sessions/simon-obstbaum-yegor-denisov-blanch/stanford-research-measuring-software-engineering-productivity/

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Student Autonomy in School: Yep, It's Possible! Jan 24, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, I sit down with Amy Buckman, an incredible educator and school counselor from Ohio. Amy has spent 19 years helping students navigate everything from mental health challenges to career counseling, all while motivating them to achieve their goals. We dive deep into the concept of student autonomy and how it’s transforming schools through an innovative three-year grant program aimed at fostering student engagement and agency.

Amy shares how her district is reimagining education by focusing on what really motivates students, exploring concepts like Flex Fridays, and even shadowing students to understand their daily challenges. If you’ve ever wondered how schools can adapt to meet the needs of a changing world while supporting kids’ mental health and academic growth, this episode is packed with insights you won’t want to miss!

Episode Highlights:
[03:13] - Amy shares her background and her role as a school counselor.
[08:29] - Discussion on the three-year grant program promoting student agency.
[14:17] - Insights from shadowing students to better understand their school day.
[22:35] - How Flex Fridays aim to spark deeper learning and engagement.
[30:55] - Overcoming systemic barriers to create better learning environments.
[37:05] - The impact of giving students a voice in school decisions.
[42:07] - How passion-driven learning leads to happier, more motivated students.

Links & Resources:

Student Autonomy & Engagement: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-disengagement-gap/
A School of Our Own: https://thenewpress.com/books/school-of-our-own

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Disengaged Teen Part 2 Jan 14, 2025

Show notes

In this follow-up episode, I continue my conversation with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, authors of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. We dive deeper into the strategies parents and educators can use to support kids who feel stuck in “passenger mode.” From fostering autonomy to the importance of relational health, Rebecca and Jenny share actionable insights grounded in science and their own life experiences.

We also explore what it takes to help kids move from disengagement to becoming true “explorers,” igniting curiosity and confidence. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or simply passionate about education, this episode offers powerful takeaways on how to redefine achievement, support mental health, and create environments where kids can thrive.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] - Kicking off Part 2: How nagging impacts kids’ learning and why relational health matters.
[2:29] - Tips for parents to help kids stuck in “passenger mode.”
[5:09] - The importance of pursuing interests—even if it’s crocheting or skateboarding.
[7:50] - A pottery class transforms one student’s approach to learning and growth.
[13:05] - The role of relational health in building resilience and curiosity.
[17:37] - Technology, sleep, and setting boundaries at home.
[21:23] - How curiosity can help kids engage deeply in school and beyond.
[30:58] - Easy, practical strategies for teachers to support autonomy and agency in classrooms.
[34:08] - Final reflections on creating an environment where kids can learn, feel, and live better.

Links & Resources:

Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Disengaged Teen Part 1 Jan 07, 2025

Show notes

Are you worried about how engaged your child is in school and their learning? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with two powerhouse guests—Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson—authors of the book The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Together, we dive into the alarming trends of disengagement among kids as they transition from tots to teens and why so many high schoolers feel disconnected from their education.

Rebecca and Jenny share their personal experiences, surprising research findings, and practical strategies that empower kids to take charge of their learning. We discuss the crucial role of agency in fostering curiosity and resilience, why high achievement doesn’t have to come at the expense of mental health, and how even "problem kids" can thrive when they find their spark. This is Part 1 of our conversation, and you won’t want to miss it.

Episode Highlights:
[0:50] - Introduction: Why teen disengagement should concern us all.
[2:00] - Meet Rebecca and Jenny: Their unique journeys into education and child development.
[10:13] - The shocking statistics on student engagement: Why it plummets after third grade.
[18:24] - Agency and engagement: The secret sauce for learning success.
[21:23] - Four modes of student engagement: Passenger, achiever, resistor, and explorer.
[28:11] - The neuroscience of nagging: Why it shuts down problem-solving in teens.
[32:31] - The primal need for respect: How it shapes teen development and parent relationships.

Links & Resources:

Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Independent Travel: A low-cost, high-impact way to prepare teens for college and life Nov 22, 2024

Show notes

Ready to ignite your child’s wanderlust? In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with the incredible Blake Bole, an expert in self-directed learning and international travel for teens and young adults. From unschooling to transformative travel experiences, Blake shares how navigating the world independently helps young people develop autonomy, financial responsibility, and stress tolerance—essential skills for life. We explore the power of independent travel, the magic of gap years, and how simple, unstructured adventures can foster confidence and resilience.

Episode Highlights:
[00:56] - Introducing Blake Bole: A lifelong traveler and advocate for unschooling and alternative education.
[03:22] - What is unschooling? Blake explains this full-time self-directed learning approach.
[06:25] - How travel fosters independence and resilience in young people.
[08:59] - The importance of managing money and decision-making during travel.
[12:07] - Stories of thrift and teamwork among teens learning to feed themselves on a budget.
[18:38] - The transformative power of gap years and independent travel experiences.
[28:01] - Overcoming fears about safety and risk in travel for young people.
[34:22] - Micro-adventures and creative challenges that foster self-reliance.
[42:45] - Blake’s “Gap Year Launch Pad” program: A structured way to start independent travel.
[48:03] - The lifelong benefits of developing autonomy, mastery, and purpose through travel.

Links & Resources:

Blake’s Website: https://www.blakeboles.com/2016/10/take-self-directed-gap-year-zero-starting-funds/
The Nurture Assumption: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nurture_Assumption

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The SAT, ACT, and Other Four-Letter Words: What Do You Say When Your Kid's Scores are Low? Nov 12, 2024

Show notes

Let’s talk about a reality that many parents and teens face: handling disappointing standardized test scores. It’s a topic that stirs up all kinds of feelings—stress, doubt, frustration—and how we as parents respond makes all the difference. I share how common phrases, despite being well-intentioned, can unintentionally add pressure or shut down meaningful conversations. You’ll walk away with a better understanding of what to say to your teen when they’re disappointed and how to be that steady, supportive presence they need most. Whether it’s the PSAT, SAT, ACT, or any high-stakes test, your words matter and can make a world of difference in guiding them through it.

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Introduction and why test scores stir deep emotions for both kids and parents.
[3:15] Understanding the language of support: what to avoid and why.
[6:00] “But you’re smarter than this”—how this phrase backfires and what to say instead.
[10:20] Shifting from dismissive comments like “It’s just anxiety” to more validating responses.
[13:45] The problem with labeling mistakes as “stupid” and how to reframe them as learning opportunities.
[16:30] Why “I don’t care as long as you did your best” can feel like hidden pressure.
[19:00] Building trust and resilience by being a non-judgmental, safe base for your teen.

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

A Sense of Control Continued: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress Nov 05, 2024

Show notes

In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children.
[2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help.
[5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation.
[8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress.
[10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth.
[12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory.
[15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention.
[17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence.
[19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

A Sense of Control: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress Oct 24, 2024

Show notes

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Bill Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? We dive into the challenges parents face around academic pressure, mental health, and helping kids find their way without being overwhelmed by stress. Bill shares powerful insights on why a sense of control is so essential to young people's mental well-being, and we explore practical strategies for fostering resilience, decision-making, and problem-solving skills in children.

This episode is perfect for parents, educators, or anyone working with kids who wants to learn how to support them better without adding more pressure. If you're looking to understand how to motivate your kids without micromanaging or forcing change, you’ll love what we have to share. Tune in as we unpack the importance of being a “consultant” to your child and how building strong, empathetic connections can reduce stress and improve mental health.

Episode Highlights:
[00:00] – Introduction to the episode and discussing the importance of the parent consultant approach.
[2:33] – The connection between academic pressure and adolescent mental health, and why it’s a global issue.
[5:58] – Why a sense of control is key to mental health, and how we can foster that in our kids.
[8:17] – How increasing a child’s sense of control improves both their learning and decision-making.
[9:14] – Five key principles for parents to raise self-driven children, with connection being the foundation.
[11:48] – Exploring the consultant approach: empowering kids to solve their own problems.
[21:53] – How to reduce stress for both you and your child by changing the way you approach decisions.
[24:31] – The power of letting kids make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Grades, Rakes, and Reflection: Helping Kids Do Less To Do Better - With Teacher & Writer Tim Donahue Oct 08, 2024

Show notes

In this episode, I sit down with Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and a writer, to dive into the pressures of grade inflation, the impact on student resilience, and why kids today feel overwhelmed by academic and extracurricular demands. Tim’s unique perspective, drawn from years in the classroom and as a published writer, sheds light on how grade inflation and the drive for high grades may actually be compromising students' learning and mental health.

Together, we explore how students and parents can navigate the academic landscape to foster genuine learning, creativity, and stress tolerance. Tim also shares his insights on the importance of doing less to achieve more, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes reflection and meaningful engagement over relentless achievement.

Episode Highlights:
[04:12] - Discussing grade inflation and its effects on teaching, learning, and the integrity of feedback.
[08:13] - The role of resilience in education and how students benefit from realistic feedback, even if it means lower grades.
[12:00] - How inflated grades can deprive students of vital information about their strengths and weaknesses.
[17:18] - Examining the disconnect between high school and college expectations, and the effect on students’ mental health.
[23:37] - Tim’s passion for “less is more” and the importance of brevity and reflection in learning.
[36:39] - The impact of recreational screen time on student well-being and the hidden benefits of spending time in nature.
[43:27] - Finding peace and mindfulness through activities like raking leaves and the restorative power of nature.

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Brainless Education: A Conversation About the Brain Science Too Often Ignored in Most Schools Oct 01, 2024

Show notes

Welcome to The Self-Driven Child podcast! In this episode, I chat with Dr. William Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child, to explore the concept of “brainless education” and why the way we approach learning in schools often overlooks the very organ meant to do the learning: the brain. We explore how prioritizing stress reduction, sleep, and autonomy for students can revolutionize not just their academic success, but also their mental health and intrinsic motivation.

Together, we discuss how giving kids more control over their learning and personal lives can foster better stress tolerance and deeper engagement with education. Dr. Stixrud shares research-based insights, and we provide actionable ideas on how educators, parents, and students themselves can shift toward a brain-friendly approach.

Episode Highlights:
[01:58] - Dr. William Stixrud explains the low levels of student motivation and mental health issues
[04:30] - How schools often act as a major source of stress and anxiety for students
[06:12] - The success of Transcendental Meditation for medical students and its positive effects on learning
[08:48] - The three pillars of healthy brain function: learning, mental health, and motivation
[09:24] - How stress impacts the prefrontal cortex and executive function
[12:27] - The importance of the hippocampus and the damaging effects of stress on memory
[18:56] - The critical role of sleep in memory retention and emotional regulation
[20:45] - How sleep deprivation increases stress and worsens anxiety
[25:41] - Developing a sense of control and its importance in mental health
[31:59] - Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation: how autonomy enhances learning
[37:16] - Supporting autonomy in schools and how it improves student outcomes
[42:19] - The argument for making homework optional and ungraded to reduce stress
[44:01] - Final thoughts: fostering a brain-friendly environment for students

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

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