The Self-Driven Child

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Latest Episodes:

The SAT, ACT, and Other Four-Letter Words: What Do You Say When Your Kid's Scores are Low? Nov 12, 2024

Let’s talk about a reality that many parents and teens face: handling disappointing standardized test scores. It’s a topic that stirs up all kinds of feelings—stress, doubt, frustration—and how we as parents respond makes all the difference. I share how common phrases, despite being well-intentioned, can unintentionally add pressure or shut down meaningful conversations. You’ll walk away with a better understanding of what to say to your teen when they’re disappointed and how to be that steady, supportive presence they need most. Whether it’s the PSAT, SAT, ACT, or any high-stakes test, your words matter and can make a world of difference in guiding them through it.

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Introduction and why test scores stir deep emotions for both kids and parents.
[3:15] Understanding the language of support: what to avoid and why.
[6:00] “But you’re smarter than this”—how this phrase backfires and what to say instead.
[10:20] Shifting from dismissive comments like “It’s just anxiety” to more validating responses.
[13:45] The problem with labeling mistakes as “stupid” and how to reframe them as learning opportunities.
[16:30] Why “I don’t care as long as you did your best” can feel like hidden pressure.
[19:00] Building trust and resilience by being a non-judgmental, safe base for your teen.

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

A Sense of Control Continued: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress Nov 05, 2024

In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children.
[2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help.
[5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation.
[8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress.
[10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth.
[12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory.
[15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention.
[17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence.
[19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

A Sense of Control: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress Oct 24, 2024

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Bill Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? We dive into the challenges parents face around academic pressure, mental health, and helping kids find their way without being overwhelmed by stress. Bill shares powerful insights on why a sense of control is so essential to young people's mental well-being, and we explore practical strategies for fostering resilience, decision-making, and problem-solving skills in children.

This episode is perfect for parents, educators, or anyone working with kids who wants to learn how to support them better without adding more pressure. If you're looking to understand how to motivate your kids without micromanaging or forcing change, you’ll love what we have to share. Tune in as we unpack the importance of being a “consultant” to your child and how building strong, empathetic connections can reduce stress and improve mental health.

Episode Highlights:
[00:00] – Introduction to the episode and discussing the importance of the parent consultant approach.
[2:33] – The connection between academic pressure and adolescent mental health, and why it’s a global issue.
[5:58] – Why a sense of control is key to mental health, and how we can foster that in our kids.
[8:17] – How increasing a child’s sense of control improves both their learning and decision-making.
[9:14] – Five key principles for parents to raise self-driven children, with connection being the foundation.
[11:48] – Exploring the consultant approach: empowering kids to solve their own problems.
[21:53] – How to reduce stress for both you and your child by changing the way you approach decisions.
[24:31] – The power of letting kids make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Grades, Rakes, and Reflection: Helping Kids Do Less To Do Better - With Teacher & Writer Tim Donahue Oct 08, 2024

In this episode, I sit down with Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and a writer, to dive into the pressures of grade inflation, the impact on student resilience, and why kids today feel overwhelmed by academic and extracurricular demands. Tim’s unique perspective, drawn from years in the classroom and as a published writer, sheds light on how grade inflation and the drive for high grades may actually be compromising students' learning and mental health.

Together, we explore how students and parents can navigate the academic landscape to foster genuine learning, creativity, and stress tolerance. Tim also shares his insights on the importance of doing less to achieve more, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes reflection and meaningful engagement over relentless achievement.

Episode Highlights:
[04:12] - Discussing grade inflation and its effects on teaching, learning, and the integrity of feedback.
[08:13] - The role of resilience in education and how students benefit from realistic feedback, even if it means lower grades.
[12:00] - How inflated grades can deprive students of vital information about their strengths and weaknesses.
[17:18] - Examining the disconnect between high school and college expectations, and the effect on students’ mental health.
[23:37] - Tim’s passion for “less is more” and the importance of brevity and reflection in learning.
[36:39] - The impact of recreational screen time on student well-being and the hidden benefits of spending time in nature.
[43:27] - Finding peace and mindfulness through activities like raking leaves and the restorative power of nature.

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Brainless Education: A Conversation About the Brain Science Too Often Ignored in Most Schools Oct 01, 2024

Welcome to The Self-Driven Child podcast! In this episode, I chat with Dr. William Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child, to explore the concept of “brainless education” and why the way we approach learning in schools often overlooks the very organ meant to do the learning: the brain. We explore how prioritizing stress reduction, sleep, and autonomy for students can revolutionize not just their academic success, but also their mental health and intrinsic motivation.

Together, we discuss how giving kids more control over their learning and personal lives can foster better stress tolerance and deeper engagement with education. Dr. Stixrud shares research-based insights, and we provide actionable ideas on how educators, parents, and students themselves can shift toward a brain-friendly approach.

Episode Highlights:
[01:58] - Dr. William Stixrud explains the low levels of student motivation and mental health issues
[04:30] - How schools often act as a major source of stress and anxiety for students
[06:12] - The success of Transcendental Meditation for medical students and its positive effects on learning
[08:48] - The three pillars of healthy brain function: learning, mental health, and motivation
[09:24] - How stress impacts the prefrontal cortex and executive function
[12:27] - The importance of the hippocampus and the damaging effects of stress on memory
[18:56] - The critical role of sleep in memory retention and emotional regulation
[20:45] - How sleep deprivation increases stress and worsens anxiety
[25:41] - Developing a sense of control and its importance in mental health
[31:59] - Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation: how autonomy enhances learning
[37:16] - Supporting autonomy in schools and how it improves student outcomes
[42:19] - The argument for making homework optional and ungraded to reduce stress
[44:01] - Final thoughts: fostering a brain-friendly environment for students

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Parental (Over) Involvement & The Start of College - A Conversation with Jess Lahey Sep 03, 2024

In this episode of the Self Driven Child podcast, I'm thrilled to welcome back one of my favorite voices in parenting, Jess Lahey. Jess is a New York Times bestselling author, an educator, and someone who's been on the front lines of both teaching and parenting. We discuss the emotional rollercoaster that is the transition from high school to college—not just for our kids, but for us as parents too.
We talk about the balance between supporting our children and giving them the space to grow into their own people. Jess shares personal anecdotes about her own children's experiences, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs that come with this major life change. Jess gives insights on how to approach the first day of college, handle the inevitable bumps along the way, and most importantly, how to step back and let our kids take the reins.

Episode Highlights:

[00:42] - Introduction to the episode and guest Jess Lahey.

[3:25] - Jess shares her experience with her children's transition to college.

[7:09] - The importance of letting kids create their own identity in college.

[14:24] - How to support your child without taking over, and the power of apology.

[22:19] - Preparing kids for the unexpected challenges in college.

[26:19] - The importance of helping kids build competence and a sense of control.

[39:17] - Understanding why kids push away during major transitions and how to handle it.

Links & Resources:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/health/college-student-independence-wellness/index.html

https://www.jessicalahey.com/comingofageinthemiddle/2015/6/21/season-of-the-malcontents

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

What Do You Say? Why we LOVE Book #2! Aug 06, 2024

In this episode, I sit down with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud, to do an origin story into the key concepts from our latest book, "What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home". We discuss the crucial importance of connection between parents and children, exploring how empathy and validation can transform relationships and foster mental well-being. Bill shares insights from our research and experiences, highlighting the profound impact of close relationships on kids' stress levels and overall happiness. Tune in as we unpack practical strategies for effective communication and building stronger bonds with your children.

Episode Highlights:

[01:37] - Bill discusses the motivation behind writing our second book, "What Do You Say?".
[03:13] - The challenges of balancing control and fostering independence in children.
[06:57] - The unexpected mental health risks in high-achieving children.
[08:19] - The power of empathy and validation in strengthening parent-child connections.
[10:25] - How reflective listening can enhance communication and trust.
[12:25] - The importance of understanding before judging in parent-child interactions.
[18:27] - Real-life stories illustrating the impact of empathetic responses.

Links & Resources:

Get the book:What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by Dr. William R. Stixrud and Ned Johnson
Website: Get the Top 10 Tips from Our Books: https://www.theselfdrivenchild.com
Submit questions: Bill@theselfdrivenchild.com or Ned@theselfdrivenchild.com
High Schoolers College Prep: https://prepmatters.com/ or call (301) 951-0350

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Self-Driven Child: How We Got There (aka The Marvel Origin Story) Jul 09, 2024

Today we are talking about the roots of "The Self Driven Child" with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud. Discover how our understanding of autonomy and control transformed our approach to parenting and education. We explore the neuroscience behind stress and motivation, sharing our journey from initial insights to the profound impact our work has had globally. Join us as we recount our Marvel origin story and reveal the science and anecdotes that shaped our bestselling books.

Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist, joins me, Ned Johnson, as we discuss the key principles of our collaboration. From handling stress to fostering intrinsic motivation, this episode covers it all. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to our podcast, this episode offers valuable insights into creating a supportive environment for children and young adults.

Episode Highlights:

[0:34] - Welcoming Dr. William Stixrud and introducing the topic of autonomy and control.

[1:34] - The global impact of "The Self Driven Child" and the importance of a sense of control.

[2:12] - Discussing stress and its effects on the brain from Dr. Stixrud's early research.

[5:39] - How stress and control relate to motivation and mental health.

[6:28] - Personal anecdotes and professional experiences on stress and motivation.

[8:45] - The concept of autonomy in parenting and education.

[13:17] - The bi-directional relationship between stress and brain function.

[17:07] - Practical advice on supporting autonomy in children.

[20:24] - The impact of test preparation on stress and performance.

[25:38] - Addressing the physiological aspects of stress and anxiety.

[30:02] - Reflections on the journey of writing "The Self Driven Child".

[31:03] - Concluding thoughts and a sneak peek into the next episode.

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Choosing a New School: Why, When, and How Jun 18, 2024

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Self-Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, I sit down with the incredibly insightful Wendy Wilkinson, a parent educator and admissions expert with decades of experience. Wendy shares her wisdom on how to find the right school for your child, navigating the complex world of school choices, and understanding what makes a good fit for different types of learners. Whether you're a parent feeling the pressure of school admissions or just curious about the process, this episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] - Wendy discusses the initial reactions parents have when told their child may need extra support.

[00:40] - Introduction to the podcast and today’s topic on choosing the right school.

[01:47] - Welcoming Wendy Wilkinson and a brief overview of her impressive background.

[04:53] - Wendy shares her dream of helping families find the right school for each child.

[07:20] - Overcoming the challenges of school admissions and finding the right fit.

[10:56] - Exploring different types of schools and the importance of a tailored fit.

[13:19] - How to handle learning differences and finding supportive school environments.

[16:37] - Tips for parents on how to identify when a school change might be necessary.

[22:22] - The importance of involving children in school decisions.

[26:06] - Evaluating schools and understanding what makes a good fit.

[29:34] - Navigating the admissions process and understanding school selection criteria.

[37:57] - Advice for parents on filtering out noise and focusing on their child's unique needs.

[41:00] - Where to find Wendy and her team for personalized education consulting.

Links & Resources:

Connect with Wendy: https://www.schoolfirstnyc.com/

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 2 Jun 11, 2024

Welcome back to the Self Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, we're continuing our incredible conversation with Kaity Broadbent, head of learning at Prenda. Kaity's insights into creating nurturing learning environments are game-changing, and in this second part, we dive even deeper. We discuss the importance of relatedness, competence, and autonomy in child development and how these principles can transform both home and school settings. Kaity's passion and wisdom are truly inspiring—this is an episode you don't want to miss!

Kaity shares profound stories and practical strategies for parents and educators to foster a supportive environment where children can thrive. We explore the impact of adult-child relationships on brain development, the power of empathy, and the importance of giving kids autonomy.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] - Introduction to the episode and recap of Part 1 with Kaity Broadbent.

[00:55] - Kaity shares an analogy about creating nurturing environments for children.

[02:25] - The impact of unconditional positive regard on children's brain development.

[06:31] - Kaity's unique exercise with educators to highlight the importance of empathy and positive reinforcement.

[08:53] - Discussion on common but ineffective methods used to motivate children.

[10:03] - The role of stress and how it affects children's learning and behavior.

[12:57] - How comparing children to others and using rewards/punishments can backfire.

[16:26] - Strategies for parents to help their children navigate less supportive learning environments.

[18:23] - The significance of having at least one caring adult in a child's life.

[20:50] - Kaity's personal story about the importance of merit-based approval and its effects.

[24:01] - The difference between common and normal behavior in children and how to support them.

[29:58] - Where to follow Kaity Broadbent and learn more about Prenda.

Links & Resources:

Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/

Social Media: @PrendaLearn

KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 1 Jun 04, 2024

Today, I'm thrilled to have Kaity Broadbent, an extraordinary educator and parent, joining us. Kaity is the head of learning at Prenda, an organization dedicated to creating micro-schools that empower students and parents alike. In this episode, we dive into Kaity's unique approach to education, the psychology of motivation, and the incredible benefits of mastery-based learning.

Join us as we discuss how to transform the traditional learning environment into one that fosters autonomy, intrinsic motivation, and lifelong learning. Kaity shares her insights on the importance of relatedness, competency, and autonomy in education, and how Prenda’s micro-schools are revolutionizing the way kids learn. This conversation is packed with valuable takeaways for parents, educators, and anyone interested in the future of education. Don't miss out on part 2 of our conversation in the next episode!

Episode Highlights:

[00:30] - Introduction to Kaity Broadbent and Prenda’s mission.

[02:02] - Kaity's journey into homeschooling and micro-schools.

[04:33] - What is a micro-school and how does Prenda support student-centered learning?

[06:42] - The challenge of traditional classroom settings and the importance of individualized learning.

[07:59] - Explaining the "zone of proximal development" and its role in mastery-based education.

[10:03] - Real-life example of a student's excitement in mastering math through self-set goals.

[12:19] - Integrating self-determination theory into education: competence, relatedness, and autonomy.

[18:36] - The power of positive language and autonomy-supportive teaching methods.

[22:23] - The difference between controlling students and fostering self-governance.

[25:15] - Building trust and positive relationships with students and the impact on long-term influence.

Links & Resources:

Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/
Social Media: @PrendaLearn
KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Who’s Ready for College? with William Stixrud, Ph.D. Apr 23, 2024

In today's episode, we explore the complexities of an issue that's close to the hearts of parents, teachers, and students alike—college readiness. Alongside my friend and co-author Bill Stixrud, we discuss the crucial aspects that determine whether a high-school student is truly ready to take on the challenges of college life. We start by questioning the common rush towards college right after high school, bringing to light the concerning rates of dropout and burnout among college freshmen. Our conversation covers effective strategies for assessing and enhancing readiness, emphasizing the importance of emotional resilience and maturity over mere academic preparation. Listen in to gain insights into making the transition to college successful and sustainable.
Episode Highlights:
[2:26] College readiness and mental health challenges among students.
[7:05] College readiness, stress tolerance, and emotional resilience.
[12:21] Prioritizing life skills over academic achievement.
[14:40] College readiness and the importance of self-care for students.
[19:53] Importance of sleep for adolescent brain development and academic success.
[24:29] Executive functions, self-evaluation, and stress management in adolescents.
[30:10] Stress management and self-care for high-achieving students.
[35:08] College preparation and stress management for high school students.
Links & Resources:
Visit SelfDrivenChild.com for more resources on developing autonomy and resilience in children.
For further insights into college readiness and effective stress management strategies, check out the books “The Self-Driven Child” and “What Do You Say?” by Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud.
If today's discussion resonated with you, consider exploring our books and resources to better prepare for the college journey ahead. Remember to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast if you find our content valuable. Here's to nurturing a self-driven and resilient next generation!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Craziest Year Ever in College Admission with Jeff Selingo Mar 26, 2024

In this episode of the Self-Driven Child Podcast, we're discussing the ever-tumultuous world of college admissions with special guest Jeff Selingo, a seasoned expert and author who's spent over two decades exploring higher education. We’ll dissect the complexities of the admissions process, the heightened stress it causes students and parents alike, and ponder the crucial question: can anything be done to alleviate this pressure? Join us as we navigate through Jeff’s latest insights and offer a fresh perspective on making the journey to college less daunting.
Episode Highlights:
[02:41] - Jeff shatters any illusions of an improved admissions scene.
[03:16] - Reflecting on the evolution of early decision strategies.
[04:49] - How large universities and early action plans are complicating the admissions narrative.
[06:19] - Unraveling the strategy game behind early admissions.
[09:04] - Discussing the broader implications of the admissions calendar shift.
[13:20] - Commercial dynamics of college admissions and the priority list of institutions.
[15:43] - The quest for diversity in admissions post-affirmative action.
[17:35] - Examining the emotional and mental toll of the admissions process.
[19:04] - How colleges desire for a vast applicant pool.
[21:56] - Encouraging students to broaden their college search.
[23:30] - Debunking the myth of the “perfect applicant”.
[26:05] - Exploring alternative narratives and pathways.
[26:59] - The contradiction of the college application.
[29:25] - Big fish, small pond.
[32:58] - The lottery winner’s pressure.
[37:38] - The cycle of the same few colleges.
[40:13] - Advice to kids in the search and application process.
Links & Resources:
•Jeff Selingo’s past guest episode on The Self Driven Child: Episode 4: Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo
•Jeff Selingo’s Books: Dive deeper into the world of college admissions and student success with Jeff’s insightful publications. https://jeffselingo.com/
•Jeff Selingo’s New York Magazine Article: Inside the Craziest College-Admissions Season Ever
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Sleep-Deprived Teen with Lisa L. Lewis Feb 27, 2024

Listen in as I chat with Journalist Lisa L. Lewis about the importance of sleep for teens. We explore why sleep matters for learning, behavior, and mental health. Lisa also shares her pivotal role in getting California to pass a landmark law on healthy school start times. We covered everything from the science of sleep to practical tips for ensuring our teens get the rest they need. You won't want to miss this episode if you're looking to understand the crucial role sleep plays in your teenager's life and well-being.
Lisa L. Lewis is a leading expert on adolescent sleep who played an instrumental role in California passing a first-of-its-kind state law regulating middle and high school start times. Her book "The Sleep-Deprived Teen" is described by Ariana Huffington as "a call to action" and by Daniel Pink as "an urgent and timely read."
Episode Highlights:
[01:19] The issue with sleep deprivation on children and teens.
[03:15] An op-ed Lisa wrote helped catalyze major statewide revolutionary change around school start times in California.
[04:57] Lisa’s personal experience with her child in school starting very early in the morning.
[05:33] Lisa put on her Journalism hat and researched other schools and the research on sleep deprivation.
[12:26] Lisa highlights how being sleep deprived makes learning far more difficult across all stages.
[18:17] Beyond duration, irregular sleep seriously sabotages academic performance too.
[20:39] Lack of sleep eats away at teens' emotional resilience, exacerbating conditions like anxiety.
[25:26] Exploring the challenges and solutions for changing school start times to benefit teen sleep.
[30:43] Coordinated statewide change helps bypass complications related to sports scheduling across districts.
[37:40] One remarkable example: a Florida school saw disciplinary issues, absentee rates and more improve after start times shifted later.
[47:14] The importance of making sleep a family priority for both teens and parents.
Links & Resources:
•"The Sleep-Deprived Teen" by Lisa L. Lewis: https://www.lisallewis.com/book
•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hunt, Gather, Parent with Michaeleen Doucleff Jan 30, 2024

In this episode, I chat with NPR reporter Michaeleen Doucleff about her New York Times bestseller, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.
We discuss what Michaeleen learned by taking her three-year-old daughter to learn parenting strategies from three indigenous communities: the Maya in Yucatán, the Inuit above the Arctic Circle, and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. She talks about finding parenting relationships based on cooperation rather than control, trust instead of fear, and personalized guidance rather than standardized expectations.
Episode Highlights:
[00:37] Introduction of Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff and her book, "Hunter Gatherer Parent."
[01:53] Michaeleen's journey as a global health correspondent for NPR.
[06:34] Exploration of parenting practices in various cultures.
[10:11] Insights into the Maya community's approach to raising helpful children.
[19:29] Michaeleen's personal experiences implementing these parenting techniques with her daughter.
[30:39] Discussion on motivation and collaboration in parenting.
[44:13] The impact of emotional regulation strategies from different cultures.
[57:18] Addressing criticisms and the universality of these parenting methods.
Links & Resources:
•Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff
•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

New Year's Resolution: Aka, "How Do I Get My Kid To....?" Jan 16, 2024

In this episode, I have a great conversation with my co-author and friend Dr. Bill Stixrud about motivation and change, especially as we start a new year. We discuss the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how to help kids find their own internal drive.
Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and author. We have co-authored two books together - The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? He brings a wealth of knowledge about the adolescent brain and supporting kids' development.
Episode Highlights:
[02:18] - Sharing my own New Year's resolutions as an example.
[05:03] - Explaining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation.
[06:16] - Discussing natural consequences using a story about my tractor.
[09:39] - Connecting coping skills to motivation and change.
[11:27] - Talking about the ambivalence people feel around change.
[14:51] - Sharing a story about motivational interviewing and drug use.
[20:32] - Emphasizing you can't force someone to change.
[26:22] - Offering advice for parents who want to reset their approach.
[30:14] - Laughing about a story from our new book.
[33:51] - Wishing everyone a happy new year!
Links & Resources:
•The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
•What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

2023 Reflections Dec 27, 2023

I have spent over 25 years talking with parents about supporting their kids' education and wellbeing. After a turbulent few years dealing with the pandemic, I offer compassionate reflections on what I’ve learned about helping kids heal up before catching up academically.
Episode Highlights:
[02:22] - Kids tend to heal up before they catch up academically after disruptions like COVID.
[05:11] - Focus on balancing healthy inflows and outflows of stress for families.
[07:33] - Importance of parents being a non-anxious presence for kids.
[09:44] - Let kids solve their own problems; don't take over.
[12:11] - Anecdote about letting his son handle his own last-minute paper crunch.
[15:55] - Excelling in college after years of school struggles.
[19:22] - Kids want to do well even if they seem resistant.
[21:33] - Changing the energy from pressure to support with a struggling student.
[25:44] - Taking the long view and having confidence in kids.
[27:11] - Things can get better even after really tough years.
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Embracing Adulting: Insights from Julie Lythcott-Haims Nov 20, 2023

In today’s episode, I dig into the art of adulting with the phenomenal Julie Lythcott-Haims. Julie is not just a former Stanford Dean and a New York Times bestselling author; she's a beacon of wisdom for the youth and an advocate for the exhilarating journey of self-reliance. Tune in as we unravel the complexities of adult life, discuss the power of human connection, and explore the intricacies of finding your 'why'. deliciousness of adulting!
Timeline Summary:
[00:00] - Julie opens up about the terror and exhilaration of stepping into adulthood and the deliciousness of being in charge of your own life.
[02:46] - A warm welcome to Julie, as she joins the podcast, bringing her insights on the challenges of adulting in today’s world.
[03:10] - Julie discusses her motivations for writing her latest book and reflects on her role as a guiding dean to the younger generation.
[05:59] - The struggle and triumph of finding a voice that resonates with young adults.
[10:27] - Unpacking the concept of adulting.
[17:23] - The necessity of stepping out of your comfort zone to truly engage with life and develop resilience.
[20:13] - The courage to be transparent and the power of sharing vulnerabilities.
[30:46] - Julie's discussion with Irshad Manji about the moral courage in conversations and the power of listening.
[37:47] - The deliberate inclusion of diverse voices and experiences to reflect the vast tapestry of human life.
[43:36] - The significance of mentors and the impact of one caring adult in a young person's life.
Links & Resources:
- Julie Lythcott-Haims' TED Talk: ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting
- Books:
- "How to Raise an Adult"
- "Real American"
- "Your Turn: How to Be an Adult"
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Thanksgiving and Families: A Talk with Phyllis L. Fagell and Dr. Robyn Silverman Nov 16, 2023

This Thanksgiving episode tackles the inevitable family drama that comes with the holiday. I sat down with parenting experts Phyllis L. Fagell and Dr. Robyn Silverman to get their tips for navigating tricky conversations and situations with family members. We covered how to set expectations beforehand, validate kids' feelings without agreeing, use humor to defuse tense moments, and provide coping tools for when things go off the rails. The goal is to make the holiday more enjoyable for everyone - kids and adults alike! Tune in for practical strategies to make this Thanksgiving drama-free.

I was joined by two of my favorite parenting experts:

· Phyllis L. Fagell, school counselor and author of “Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times”.

· Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist and author of “How to Talk to Kids about Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier”.

Timeline Summary:

[02:00] How to set expectations with family beforehand.

[03:57] Understanding kids' sensitivity around changes in their appearance.

[06:09] Making sure adults are aware of their own triggers.

[09:36] Giving kids an “out” if conversations get uncomfortable.

[12:18] Redirecting family away from constant questions about school.

[14:06] Using humor and screens to diffuse tense moments.

[18:08] Coaching kids on sharing funny videos/memes.

[19:29] Helping kids not feel “on the spot” in conversations.

[22:10] Getting to know grandparents as real people, not just authority figures.

[23:08] Alternatives to repetitive questions about school.

[27:25] Validating kids' feelings when things go wrong.

[31:53] Agreeing on facts versus feelings.

[33:07] Using different coping mechanisms based on the child.

[35:05] Having distractions/diversions ready when things go downhill.

[35:50] Importance of food and blood sugar levels.

Links & Resources:

· Washington Post Article: Getting silly with your kids is vital. Here’s how to get play into your day.

· Phyllis L. Fagell: https://phyllisfagell.com/

· Dr. Robyn Silverman:

o Website: https://www.drrobynsilverman.com

o Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/DrRobynSilverman/

I hope these practical tips help make Thanksgiving a little smoother for your family! If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to rate, follow, share, and review. Happy Thanksgiving!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

A Non-Anxious Presence with Dr. William Stixrud Oct 24, 2023

I'm joined by my co-host and co-author of The Self-Driven Child Dr. William Stixrud to discuss how to be a non-anxious presence for your kids when things feel stressful and scary in the world. As parents and educators, modeling calmness and confidence helps children feel braver.

Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of the bestselling books The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? His work focuses on supporting kids to build resilience, motivation, and handle anxiety.

Timeline Summary:

[00:39] - Introducing the idea of a "non-anxious presence" and why it's so valuable for kids.

[02:43] - Where Dr. Stixrud first came across this concept and what it means.

[04:37] - Children look to parents' reactions in stressful situations. Staying calm helps kids feel confident.

[06:16] - Accepting worst-case scenarios while remaining motivated to support your child.

[09:23] - Taking care of yourself models self-care and brings equilibrium.

[11:06] - The benefits of scheduling prescribed worry time.

[12:40] - Dr. Stixrud's 50-year meditation practice for managing stress.

[15:43] - Rats turning a wheel to activate the prefrontal cortex and reduce stress.

[18:31] - Validating children's difficult feelings while emphasizing their competence.

[21:02] - Making home a safe haven and modeling handling hard emotions.

[22:35] - The recipe for developing resilience: stress plus rest and recovery.

[24:09] - Being calm helps other people manage crises better.

[25:50] - Good sleep gives perspective on challenges.

[27:27] - Wishing for peace in the Middle East. Moving towards non-anxious presence.

Links & Resources:

· The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson

· What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson

If you found this episode helpful, please rate, follow, share, and review the Self Driven Podcast. Being a non-anxious presence helps kids handle hard things. Look for opportunities to model calmness, confidence, and coping. Wishing you peace in unsettled times.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

How To Talk With Kids About Anything with Dr. Robyn Silverman Oct 03, 2023

In this insightful interview, I am joined by my friend and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to speak with child development specialist Dr. Robyn Silverman. We discuss her new book, How to Talk with Kids About Anything. We dive into tough but critical conversations like handling big emotions, building self-esteem, making mistakes, and forming friendships. Dr. Silverman shares valuable advice and scripts for connecting with kids through their triumphs and tribulations. Her vast experience and research is distilled into an accessible guide for parents and caregivers. Don’t miss her incredible insights on empowering kids to handle life’s ups and downs. This conversation overflows with compassion and tools to foster healthy communication.

Dr. Robyn Silverman is a renowned child and teen development specialist seen frequently on national television programs. Her podcast “How to Talk with Kids About Anything” offers incredible wisdom from leading experts. Dr. William Stixrud and I have been guests sharing approaches from The Self-Driven Child. Now we have the tables turned and get to ask Dr. Silverman about her must-read new book.

Timeline Summary:

[02:26] – Starting the podcast after being bullied as a child when adults didn’t know what to say.

[05:00] – The importance of giving kids words and understanding to handle life’s challenges.

[06:28] – Emotional inhibition and invalidation lead kids to become more dysregulated over time.

[08:33] – Discussing the benefits and catharsis of expressing sadness.

[09:47] – Anger often masks hurt; getting underneath to find the real issue.

[12:36] – Assuring kids of unconditional love, regardless of mistakes.

[17:11] – Identifying when sadness becomes persistent depression.

[19:39] – Allowing kids to go through the “tunnel” of hard feelings is better than taking those feelings away.

[22:58] – Fostering self-esteem by celebrating kids’ unique strengths.

[26:51] – Toxic perfectionism and low self-esteem start early and plague high achievers.

[30:15] – The power of observing vs praise in building kids’ self-esteem.

[33:08] – Guiding kids to recognize and leave toxic friendships.

[35:58] – Sharing stories of famous failures to reframe mistakes as learning.

[40:04] – Modeling imperfection and apologies fosters empathy in kids.

[44:40] – Long parenting relationships mean we keep learning as kids grow.

Connect with Dr. Robyn Silverman:

· Robyn’s Podcast: How to Talk to Kids About Anything

· Robyn’s Book: How to Talk with Kids About Anything

Links & Resources:

· Book: Raising a Kid Who Can

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

This Simple Fix Could Help Anxious Kids: A Conversation with Lenore Skenazy Sep 19, 2023

I’m thrilled to have Lenore Skenazy, founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, as my guest on the show today. Lenore has been sounding the alarm about childhood anxiety and overprotection for years, and she shares powerful insights from psychology professor Camilo Ortiz’s recent research on how independence - not just accommodation - can help anxious kids thrive.

Timeline Summary:

[00:53] - Introducing Lenore Skenazy and the Free-Range Parenting movement.

[02:09] – Lenore’s New York Times article about how we’ve increasingly deprived kids of independence.

[06:15] - Camilo Ortiz tried “independence therapy” with anxious kids.

[08:33] - This therapy works like cognitive behavioral therapy but starting with intrinsic motivation.

[14:13] - Overprotection may make kids scared, not the world itself being scary.

[16:19] - Taking away autonomy means no problem-solving.

[19:03] - Trying to protect makes kids anxious. Independence provides chances to gain optimism.

[24:32] - Activities create intrinsic motivation to overcome obstacles and build resilience.

[27:17] - We’ve taken the foot off the developmental brake.

[32:02] - Schools are ideal for “Let Grow” projects, normalizing independence among peers.

[33:33] - Holding kids back sends a dangerous message.

[43:32] - We must give kids freedom so they become brave, resilient adults.

Connect with Lenore Skenazy:

· LetGrow.org

· Free-Range Kids

· The New York Times: Anxious Kids Need to Learn Independence. Here’s How Parents Can Help

Links & Resources:

· The Croods Krispy Bear Dies!

· The National Library of Medicine: Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience

· Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic (with Jennifer Wallace) Aug 22, 2023

Today I talk with Jennifer Wallace, an award-winning journalist and author of "Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It." With an illustrious career that began at “60 Minutes” and her current role as a Journalism Fellow at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Jennifer brings a wealth of knowledge and a keen eye to the discussion.

Together, we discuss the intricacies of parental pressures, the weight of societal expectations, and the emotional toll it takes on children. As we navigate the turbulent waters of achievement and the idea of "never enough," Jennifer sheds light on the transforming landscape of parenthood and the silent battles our children face. Are parents unknowingly acting as conduits of social pressure? Can the prestige of a top-ranked college serve as a life vest in uncertain times, or is it turning into a lead vest drowning our children? Tune in for an episode filled with profound insights, backed by Jennifer's impeccable journalism and real-life anecdotes.
Timeline Summary:
[02:11] Shocking stats from nationwide parenting survey

[05:45] Overworked teen runs laps on 5 hours of sleep

[07:08] Relentless achievement culture like dystopian novel

[08:04] Vital importance of sleep for anxious teens

[11:04] Ned's "sleep stipend" motivates better rest

[12:25] Sleep fuels anxiety's fire

[15:21] Control and stress relation

[18:31] Giving teens autonomy improves grades

[19:41] 5:1 positive to negative interaction ratio

[20:24] Abandoning play and downtime

[22:39] Instilling balanced lives early on

[23:23] "Don't talk that way about my kid!"

[25:08] Not anti-achievement, just pro-balance

[25:40] PDFT - playtime, downtime, family time

[26:04] Parents as "social conduits"

[27:41] Zero-sum thinking and safety nets

[28:20] Teen already worried about affording food

[29:02] Regressing down Maslow's hierarchy

[30:34] The vital concept of mattering

[33:55] Actionable mattering framework

[35:02] Crumpled money "mattering hack"

[36:07] Teaching internal vs. external pride

[38:29] Nostalgia informing future direction

Connect with Jennier Wallace:

https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/

Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It

Links & Resources:

· The Long Walk by Steven King

· Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

· The Sleep-Deprived Teen by Lisa Lewis

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Is it Autism? (with Dr. Donna Henderson) Aug 07, 2023

In this enlightening conversation with the brilliant Dr. Donna Henderson, we delve into a topic that's close to my heart: autism. We attempt to debunk common misconceptions, discuss the true prevalence of the condition, and explore the challenges faced by those living with autism. Dr. Henderson also shares insights from her new book, "Is This Autism?" and offers an in-depth look at the key criteria for diagnosing autism. Whether you're a parent, a teacher, or just someone looking to understand autism better, this episode is packed with valuable information.

[00:41] - The common misconceptions about autism and the prevalence of autism.

[08:55] - A personal anecdote about having an autistic daughter and the challenges she faces. Dr. Henderson explains how autism is a "neurological mismatch," not a character flaw.

[11:26] - Discussion on the unique challenges faced by autistic individuals in social situations and the criteria used to diagnose autism.

[15:05] - A case study on a student with autism and how his condition impacts his social interactions.

[18:13] - Evolution of autism symptoms over time and whether individuals can "grow out" of it or learn to mask it.

[20:33] - Conversation about unique habits of autistic individuals, such as flexing toes in shoes during intense situations.

[26:05] - Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of an autistic character.

[34:20] - Discussion about the emotional and cognitive taxing that socializing can have on autistic individuals.

[28:09] – I share my experience as a boy with physical symptoms.

[41:46] – Cautionary tale about making presumptions about another person’s autism diagnosis.

[48:34] - Importance of educators being curious and open to learning about their students' unique experiences.

[49:38] - Dr. Henderson discusses her book, "Is this Autism?"

[50:01] - I share my experience as a parent.
Links & Resources

· Dr. Donna Henderson's Website: https://www.drdonnahenderson.com/

· Is this Autism? Book Website: https://www.isthisautism.com/
Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Lessons from a Middle School Counselor: Insights from Phyllis Fagell Jul 24, 2023

Ever wondered why middle school can feel like a turbulent ride not just for kids, but for parents too? In this episode, we dive deep into the world of middle schoolers with our special guest, Phyllis Fagell. Phyllis, a seasoned middle school counselor, shares her unique insights into the complexities of adolescence, identity formation, and the pivotal role that parents and educators play.
Whether you're a parent, educator, or simply curious about the intricacies of this developmental stage, this episode offers a fresh perspective. Phyllis debunks some common misconceptions about the middle school experience and provides valuable strategies to navigate this often misunderstood phase.
Timeline Summary
[0:00] How to talk with kids to build motivation, stress tolerance, and a happy home.
[6:38] Middle school is a phase of enormous growth and development, not suffering.
[10:51] What should we look for when we see bullying.
[15:00] Being different makes you a target in middle school, it’s associated with bullying.
[20:52] How to talk to your kids so they don’t feel like they’re disappointed in you.
[22:47] Where do we get the crazy idea that in order to help kids do better, we have to make them feel worse?
[26:21] What is it about the brains of kids at this age?
[33:52] When children identify with a core value, it improves academic performance in a way that persists.
[37:43] The importance of having male influences in a boy’s life.
[43:03] Why is it so hard for parents and schools to help kids with racial and ethnic differences?
[48:46] What’s the difference between a real apology vs. a “sorry”?
[57:03] Why is it so hard for parents to love their kids for who they are?
Links & Resources
- Phyllis's website: phyllisfagell.com
- Phyllis's book, Middle School Matters: phyllisfagell.com/middle-school-matters/
I hope you enjoy this episode of "The Self-Driven Child". If you found our conversation with Phyllis Fagell insightful, please take a moment to rate and follow our podcast, share this episode with others, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us bring more meaningful content to you. Thanks for tuning in!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Price You Pay For College with Ron Leiber Jul 17, 2023

In today’s episode, I have an important conversation with Ron Leiber, the Your Money columnist for the New York Times. He’s also the author of, The Price You Pay for College, the book we discuss during the podcast. He has some fascinating insights. I hope you will find them valuable!
[1:50] Introducing Ron Lieber
[3:01] Why he wrote The Price You Pay For College: An Entirely New Roadmap For The Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make
[5:16] How much does college actually cost nowadays?
[7:04] What is merit aid?
[10:09] The “Chivas Regal” effect
[12:14] Negative effects of merit aid
[14:08] The complexity of the college aid system
[17:45] Balancing expectations and cost
[23:23] What are the three things you buy when you pay for a college education?
[27:02] Different classes’ considerations regarding colleges
[32:25] Parents’ and teens’ reasons for college attendance
[34:29] Questions to ask & resources
[37:39] The value of attending a diverse college
[41:00] Psychological safety for marginalized people
[47:28] Crucial considerations for all parents of college-bound kids
[50:17] The financial serenity prayer
[52:04] Final thoughts
Links & Resources:
New York Times Your Money column by Ron Lieber: https://www.nytimes.com/column/your-money
Ron's book: The Price You Pay for College: https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/0062867318/
Thank you for joining us in this insightful discussion with Ron Lieber, where we dove into the complexities of college costs and the considerations every parent and student should make. From understanding the true price of college to navigating merit aid and creating psychological safety for marginalized groups, we hope this conversation has shed light on these important topics. We believe these are necessary discussions for fostering a self-driven child. Until next time, continue to explore, learn, and support your children in their journey to becoming self-driven individuals.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Addiction Inoculation: Protecting Our Kids in a Culture of Dependence Jul 11, 2023

In this episode, I speak with Jess Lahey about her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation, and what she learned from her work as a teacher at a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. Jess talks candidly about the effects of alcohol and drug use on developing brains and provides parents with tips for having age appropriate discussions about the topic with their children and teenagers. Jess also shares how genetics, parenting styles, and education can all play a role in both risk and protective measures against child substance abuse. Join us for valuable insights into navigating how to raise healthy kids and prevent substance use disorder in children.
Timestamps:
[02:11] Introducing Jess Lahey.
[03:27] What does an alcoholic look like?
[05:39] Defining “substance use disorder”.
[09:56] What should we know about substance abuse and developing brains?
[16:28] The role of genetics and epigenetics on substance abuse.
[21:33] Looking at the brain in early childhood and mindfulness.
[29:53] Substance abuse and arrested development.
[32:02] How to frame and encourage positive risk in adolescents.
[34:56] Jess Lahey compares different schools of thought in addiction science and substance abuse.
[38:49] What are the impacts of different parenting styles?
[42:56] The importance of self-efficacy.
[47:17] How to make education feel more relevant and connected for children and teens.
[52:47] Jess Lahey discusses the importance of family connection with examples.
[01:00:13] Jess Lahey talks about navigating her son’s friendship with a peer struggling with substance abuse.
[01:04:37] Final question and piece of advice.
After listening to our conversation, I hope you and your child are able to approach the topic of addiction and substance abuse with clarity and compassion.
Resources:
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Failure-Parents-Children-Succeed/dp/0062299255
The Addiction Inoculation by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Inoculation-Raising-Healthy-Dependence/dp/006288378X
Jessica’s website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Navigating Childhood Anxiety: Insights from Eli Lebowitz Jul 04, 2023

In today’s episode of The Self-Driven Child, I interview Eli Lebowitz, the creator of the concept SPACE, or Supportive Parenting of Anxious Childhood Emotions. He is helping parents and kids break the cycle of chronic stress. We discuss how to help our kids cope with uncertainty or a lack of control over situations. I’m so excited to share this conversation with you – Bill and I are huge fans of Eli’s work, and we feel so fortunate to spread the word about the SPACE concept. I hope you enjoy it!
Timestamps:
[2:48] Why he wrote Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD
[4:35] The pandemic’s effect on childhood anxiety
[6:10] Is it regular anxiety or an anxiety disorder?
[10:50] The value of coping mechanisms
[11:15] The heart of anxiety disorders
[13:37] Helping with anxiety comes from a place of love
[17:24] Empathy helps parents with this process
[21:22] How anxiety can present in families
[23:44] The NUTS and bolts of anxiety
[25:27] Addressing anxiety widens a child’s world
[27:58] The traps parents fall into
[35:38] Accommodations for anxious kids
[38:56] Moving toward letting kids feel anxiety sometimes
[42:47] Teaching kids to be the hero of their anxiety story
[44:05] The problems of always accommodating kids’ anxieties
[47:51] Preventing learned helplessness
[50:23] The value of a plan & where to start
[58:00] Final thoughts
Resources:
Breaking Free from Child Anxiety and OCD: https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Child-Anxiety-Scientifically/dp/0190883529
More about the guest:
Professor Lebowitz is the Director of the Program for Anxiety Disorders at the Yale Child Study Center, where she researches and treats anxiety in children and adolescents. His work investigates the genetic and hereditary factors that have a role in the onset and maintenance of anxiety and associated diseases. Dr. Lebowitz has written extensively on child and adolescent anxiety and is the primary researcher on several grant-supported studies.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Who's Ready For College? A Conversation With Bill Stixrud About a Mother's Concern Jun 27, 2023

Welcome to another exciting episode of our podcast, where I had an enlightening conversation with Dr. William Stixrud. We explore the fascinating world of neuroscience, education, and how stress affects learning. You won't want to miss this!
[2:56] ADHD and anxiety in teens.
[5:20] Taking the long view.
[8:59] Three questions to ask yourself about your child.
[11:24] College isn’t an entitlement.
[15:21] Where do you have some leverage?
[17:01] The language of silence in social media.
[20:44] How we connect with our kids.
[24:51] The importance of a non anxious presence.
Resources:
What Do You Say by Dr. William Stixrud & Ned Johnson: amazon.com/What-You-Say-Motivation-Tolerance/dp/B08SP4CQ57/
The National Sleep Foundation: thensf.org
The American Psychological Association's resources on stress: apa.org/topics/stress
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive with Stephanie Malia Krauss Jun 20, 2023

For parents, there’s always that juggling act we do for our kids where we must keep one eye on what is happening in their lives today, and one eye on what lies ahead. It’s stressful to think about what the future holds for our kids. After all, the world is becoming a harder and harder place to live in. My guest for this episode of the Self Driven Child Podcast is author, educator and similarly concerned parent Stephania Malia Krauss. She stopped by to discuss her book Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive and what she’s learned as a parent to become an expert juggler of her kids’ priorities today, and goals of tomorrow. We discuss everything from motivation, brain function, what experts are saying now and some inspiring success stories too.
[01:30] We meet our guest Stephanie Malia Krauss.
[02:30] Stephanie provides some background information about what inspired her book.
[07:35] Education and child development priorities need to be re-examined.
[10:30] The disconnect between education and parental/community goals.
[15:50] ‘Livability’ & ‘Lovability’.
[19:00] “Pockets full of red Maple Leaves.” What is truly valuable?
[25:28] The struggle for college preparedness.
[29:30] A true cause of childhood stress.
[33:00] Putting things in perspective through real human struggle.
[35:45] The importance of resilience.
[39:00] The benefits of listening and respecting our kids.
Resources

Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive by Stephanie Malia Krauss: https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Child-Life-Learn-Thrive/dp/1071884425
What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by William Stixrud PhD, Ned Johnson: https://www.amazon.com/What-You-Say-Motivation-Tolerance/dp/1984880365
Prep Matters: https://prepmatters.com/

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Peaceful Discipline with Sarah R. Moore Jun 13, 2023

When it comes to parenting, there are plenty of dos and don’ts experts will give you. But one thing most experts will agree on, including my guest for this week’s episode Sarah R Moore, is that discipline should be used sparingly, and only to teach. Letting children learn from their mistakes whilst getting them to move forward, and test their limits are things many parents struggle to ensure happen. Sarah, the author of Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior and an expert in gentle parenting joined us to discuss how parents can delicately, and with kindness, get their children to become self-disciplined whilst contributing to a peaceful and strong family connection.
[01:40] Introduction of our guest Sarah R Moore.
[06:05] The importance of being consistent and predictable with children.
[08:10] Negotiating as a part of any relationship.
[11:05] Emotional safety and a child’s mental health.
[15:14] What is Story Teaching?
[17:40] Why lecturing and yelling never work with children.
[23:03] Josh Compton’s Inoculation Theory.
[27:35] Being collaborative with children and it’s positive effects.
[34:30] The importance of being a non-anxious presence.
Resources & Links:
Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior by Sarah R Moore: https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Discipline-Teaching-Science-Behavior/dp/1643436759
Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills by Jane Nelsen, Ed. D:
https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Self-Discipline-Responsibility-Problem-Solving/dp/0345487672
Prep Matters: https://prepmatters.com/
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

The Art of Standing Out: College Admissions Tips from Becky Munsterer Sabky Jun 06, 2023

On today’s episode, I’m joined by Becky Munsterer Sabky, an author, columnist, and former director of international admissions at Dartmouth College. Together, we explore the college admissions process. From the importance of authenticity in college essays to extracurricular activities, we touch on what makes an application stand out from the rest. We also discuss Becky’s book, Valedictorians At The Gate and her viral New York Times op-ed piece Check This Box If You’re a Good Person. We highlight the college recruiting process and admission rates and consider why students shouldn’t measure their value based on whether or not they get into the best college. Tune in to gain valuable insights that will help you and your highschool student navigate the college admissions process.
[00:00] Why students shouldn’t view college admission as a prize.
[00:56] Intro- Valedictorians At The Gate by Becky Munster Sabky.
[02:44] Becky shares how college admissions officers evaluate applications, and helps students put their best applications forward.
[05:42] Talking numbers: application fees, recruiting, and admission rates.
[9:24] Three priorities that colleges are really after.
[12:00] The college athletics recruiting process.
[14:17] Becky talks about the story behind “Check This Box If You’re a Good Person” and writing her book.
[21:04] Highlighting the importance of authenticity in a college application.
[24:39] How important are extracurricular activities?
[28:39] Taking advantage of the opportunity to try new things in college.
[32:29] A story about a frog.
[36:35] The world is changing.
Resources:
Valedictorians At The Gate by Becky Munster Secchi- https://www.amazon.com/Valedictorians-Gate-Standing-Getting-Applying/dp/1250619033
Check This Box If You’re a Good Person- https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/04/opinion/check-this-box-if-youre-a-good-person.html
Prep Matters- https://prepmatters.com/
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Seven Steps to College Success: A Pathway for Students with Disabilities May 30, 2023

In this episode of the Self-Driven Child podcast, I engage in an insightful conversation with Elizabeth Hamblet, a seasoned college learning disabilities specialist. Elizabeth unpacks the challenges and pitfalls students with disabilities may face when transitioning from high school to college and the measures they can take to navigate this often overwhelming journey. With anecdotes, expert insights, and Elizabeth's first-hand experience, this episode serves as a roadmap for parents and students alike, providing them with the tools to foster independence and self-advocacy, essential skills for navigating college life.
[2:36] What are things that a lot of folks just don’t know about college?
[5:17] When your kid turns 18, they’re protected by the Federal Education Privacy Act.
[8:12] If you want to know your kids' grades, you need to ask them.
[12:42] What is a Note Taker?
[14:39] What is a case manager? What does it mean?
[16:34] What is the approach avoidance continuum?
[19:08] How do you respond to an interview that’s "scary"?
[21:54] What parents should be thinking about as they prepare their kids for college admissions.
RESOURCES:
LD Advisory - Elizabeth Hamblet's website with resources and services for students with learning disabilities. https://www.ldadvisory.com/

About Elizabeth - https://ldadvisory.com/about/
Prep Matters - Ned Johnson's test preparation, tutoring and college admissions planning services. https://prepmatters.com/
Remember that fostering independence is crucial for all students, but even more so for those with disabilities. The skills, tips, and knowledge shared by Elizabeth will undoubtedly help you or your child navigate the transition from high school to college with confidence and ease. This episode underscores that students with disabilities can indeed succeed and thrive in college, provided they are equipped with the right tools and support. As always, thank you for joining us. Stay curious and keep learning!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Coping Skills For Kids and Teens (and Parents!) with Janine Halloran May 23, 2023

In this episode, I speak with Janine Halloran about her books, Coping Skills for Kids Workbook and Coping Skills for Teenagers Workbook, and what she learned from working with kids as a licensed mental health counselor. Janine talks about the major categories of coping skills and provides parents with tips for helping their children implement effective coping mechanisms. Janine also shares the importance of play and movement to help self-regulate. Join us for valuable insights into helping kids connect with their feelings and how to cope with big emotions.
[01:40] Defining “coping skills” from a clinical standpoint and why having them is so important.
[05:33] The relationship between “play” and self-regulation.
[08:55] The importance of asking children “how would you like to solve this problem?”
[10:25] Teens being conflict avoidant.
[12:50] The major categories of coping skills from Janine’s book.
[16:03] Is there a difference between relief and release of stress?
[19:40] Discussing the idea of movement.
[23:05] Connecting physical feelings in our body with feeling emotions.
[26:30] Helping parents understand their children’s individual differences.
[28:28] Advice for parents on how to implement coping skills if their child is resistant?
After listening to our conversation, I hope you are able to help your child better understand their emotions and implement coping skills that work for them.
Resources:
Coping Skills for Kids Workbook by Janine Halloran- https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Skills-Kids-Workbook-Strategies/dp/1683731220
Coping Skills for Teens Workbook by Janine Halloran- https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Skills-Teens-Workbook-Helpful/dp/173338717X
Washington Post article: The crisis in American girlhood- https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2023/02/17/teen-girls-mental-health-crisis/
Janine’s website- https://copingskillsforkids.com/
PrepMatters Website: https://prepmatters.com/

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo May 16, 2023

In this episode, I speak with seasoned higher education reporter Jeff Selingo about his latest book, Who Gets in & Why: A Year Inside College Admissions, and what he learned about the admissions process from a year embedded in the admissions departments of three universities. Jeff debunks some of parents’ and students’ biggest misconceptions about the admissions process and provides tips for evaluating a school before applying. Jeff also shared his hopes for creating a better admissions process for all students. Join us for valuable insights into what college admissions officers are looking for and what factors influence their decisions.
[01:47] The impetus behind Who Gets In and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions
[03:58] Many students think about admissions backward
[08:17] The effects of diversity initiatives and athletics on the admissions process
[12:51] In admission circles, money matters
[19:04] There’s always a trade-off happening in admissions offices
[20:48] Moving toward a test-optional admissions process
[27:51] The admissions process is not meant to pit students against each other
[33:52] High schools are the unit of measure that admissions officers are looking at
[35:55] Students from the same high schools tend to apply to the same pool of colleges
[38:30] The truth about acceptance rates and “selective” schools
[39:50] How can families evaluate colleges before applying?
[43:40] Merit aid really isn’t merit aid
[46:31] Many things are not fair
[51:05] Hopes for a better admissions process
[56:58] There is life after college
After listening to our conversation, I hope you and your child are able to approach the college application process with increased confidence and reduced stress.
RESOURCES:
Jeff’s Website: https://jeffselingo.com/
Who Gets In & Why: A Year Inside College Admissions by Jeff Selingo: https://www.amazon.com/Who-Gets-Why-College-Admissions/dp/1982116293
PrepMatters Website: https://prepmatters.com/

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

About Half of Teens Cyberbullied: What Parents Should Know and Do, With Devorah Heitner May 09, 2023

On today’s episode, I’m joined by Devorah Heitner, a tech expert and author, and we explore the challenges our children face in the digital world. From the importance of mentorship in understanding our kids' digital lives to recognizing and dealing with cyberbullying, we touch on the complexities of the online world for kids. We also discuss fostering empathy in children, privacy concerns, and the role of technology companies. We highlight the significance of open communication, empathy, and mentorship in guiding our children towards responsible and safe digital usage. Tune in to gain valuable insights that will help you navigate your children's online presence.
[0:00] The digital world is a positive source of community for our kids, but every kid is going to have a negative interaction.
[6:41] What are some of the big picture issues that parents should know about and when and how to intervene?
[11:24] When should parents get involved with social media bullying?
[14:52] It’s none of my business what other people think of me.
[21:58] Part of our job as parents is to help our kids learn how to use these wildly powerful technologies in ways that are appropriate.
[26:27] When should parents work with their kids to solve their own problems and when should they step in?
[31:16] Most kids are not having these kinds of horrific experiences, but every kid is going to have a negative interaction.
I hope you find value in our discussion and that it provides you with useful insights into helping your children navigate the digital world safely and responsibly.
RESOURCES:
Screenwise by Devorah Heitner: https://www.amazon.com/Screenwise-Helping-Thrive-Survive-Digital/dp/1629561452/
Growing Up in Public by Devorah Heitner: https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Up-Public-Coming-Digital-ebook/dp/B0BPWPSWCY
PrepMatters website: https://prepmatters.com

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Stress-aging of Teen Brains: A Pandemic Insight with Katherine Reynolds Lewis May 09, 2023

In this episode of The Self Driven Child Podcast, I talk with Katherine Reynolds Lewis, an award-winning journalist, speaker, and author of "The Good News About Bad Behavior." We discuss the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on children's mental health, the importance of resilience and adaptability, and how parents can support their kids and themselves during challenging times.
TIMELINE SUMMARY
[2:18] Researchers at Stanford University were the first to compare MRI scans of teenagers’ brains from before and after the pandemic and found significant differences.
[6:15] Healing the long-term effects of childhood adversity.
[9:38] The slow maturation of the brain.
[12:57] Posttraumatic growth is a source of future resilience. It’s not in our heads.
[15:53] We can go anywhere from here and there’s a huge body of research on post traumatic growth and protective factors that can predict after a traumatic
[19:09] Mental health is a mental health issue.
[21:47] Knowing what you know, knowing what you want.
[24:42] How can parents and guardians find educational environments where their kids are getting positive and mental health work?
I hope you find this episode as enlightening and inspiring as I did. Thank you for joining me on this journey to better understand and support the mental health and development of our children.
RESOURCES:
Katherine Reynolds Lewis's book, "The Good News About Bad Behavior": https://www.amazon.com/Good-News-About-Bad-Behavior/dp/1610398386
Katherine's Washington Post article on the increase in adolescent suicide attempts
PrepMatters website: https://prepmatters.com

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Navigating Mental Health Challenges in Teens May 09, 2023

In this episode of the Self-Driven Child Podcast, I discuss the mental health challenges faced by kids and teens during the pandemic. I share the experiences of Rihanna Alexander, a mental health advocate, and high school senior who went from being a straight-A student to struggling in school. I also talk about the importance of empathy, validation, and emotional support for young people dealing with these challenges.
Main Topics:

Mental health challenges in kids and teens, especially during the pandemic
The story of Rihanna Alexander, a mental health advocate
The role of schools and teachers in supporting students' mental health
The importance of listening, empathy, and validation
The concept of post-traumatic growth and resilience
The importance of healing before catching up

Don't miss this powerful episode where I share the experiences of a young mental health advocate, discuss the role of schools and teachers in supporting students' mental health, and emphasize the importance of empathy, validation, and emotional support for young people dealing with these challenges.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Welcome to The Self-Driven Child Podcast Mar 08, 2023

Welcome to The Self-Driven Child podcast. I'm your host, Ned Johnson and co-author with Dr. William Stixrud of the book, The Self-Driven Child: the science and sense of giving your kids more control over their lives. And the book, What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home.
In this podcast series, my mission is to help parents raise kids with healthy motivation and resilience while facing life's challenges. Oh, and having more fun while doing it!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

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