The Place We Find Ourselves

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124 Spiritual Wounding: What It Is and How to Heal Part 1 Nov 07, 2022

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I am joined by KJ Ramsey to talk through her new book, "The Lord Is My Courage." KJ explains why it's so important to be honest and clear about the ways we have been harmed, and how our bodies often reveal truths about our trauma that our minds are afraid to speak out loud. Gabor Mate says that "Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness." KJ and I both love that sentence and share our thoughts about it.

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123 Is Hope Reasonable? Oct 24, 2022

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Many people with a history of trauma find themselves stuck. Stuck in a place of hopelessness about our own healing. It's this sense of "nothing significant is really going to change for me." The present ordering of your life—the way things are—claims to be the final ordering of your life. Drawing from the book of Jeremiah, today's episode explores the question, "What if God is free to create a new beginning in your life that is underived from your present circumstances?"

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122 A Pastor's Journey of Exploring His Story and Addressing His Trauma with Rich Villodas Oct 10, 2022

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I'm joined today by Rich Villodas, pastor of New Life Church in New York City. Rich shares a story of trauma that happened when he was 12 years old. He then explains how that traumatic experience was reenacted 30 years later. We also cover how and why Rich decided to explore his own story, as well as the importance of listening to our bodies in our day to day life. If you want to hear more from Rich, please check out his recently published book Good and Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole In a Fractured World.

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121 Why It's So Important To Understand Your Story Oct 01, 2022

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Cathy Loerzel joins me to talk about why it's so important to do the work to understand your story, particularly your family of origin story. In short, the three reasons are: understanding your story will allow you to experience healing, stop reenacting your past in the present, and discover what you are meant to do in your part of the world (discover your kingdom). Near the beginning of the episode Cathy shares a personal example of how her family of origin story is presently affecting the way she shows up in her marriage. I do the same thing at the end. What fun. Cathy and I will be co-leading the "Understanding Your Story Workshop" on Saturday, November, 19. It's virtual, via zoom. You can register at adamyoungcounseling.com.

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120 How To Engage Someone's Story Part 4 Aug 01, 2022

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This is the final episode in a four-part series on how to engage another person's story. We conclude by looking at the final seven tactics for effective story engagement. Tactic 6: Continually bring your dialogue with the storyteller back to the story they have shared. Tactic 7: Identify the storyteller's feeling of complicity in their abuse. Tactic 8: This is going to sound both odd and wrong: you have to amplify the storyteller's shame. Tactic 9: Notice when the storyteller turns on themselves… and name it. Tactic 10: Invite the storyteller to feel their grief. Tactic 11: Use data points from their story to build a case. Tactic 12: Explore their posture toward the boy or girl in the story.

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119 How To Engage Someone's Story Part 3 Jul 18, 2022

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In Part 3 of this series on how to engage someone's story, we look at five specific tactics you can use. Tactic 1: Explore the trauma before the trauma. Tactic 2: Explore triangulation. Tactic 3: Ask (good) provocative questions. Tactic 4: Invite the storyteller to be embodied as they are engaging with you. Tactic 5: Name and address betrayal, powerlessness, and ambivalence in the story.

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118 How To Engage Someone's Story Part 2 Jul 04, 2022

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This is part 2 of a series of episodes on how to engage another person's story. Today, we look at principles 3-7 of effective story engagement. Principle 3: Use the exquisite instrument that is your body. Principle 4: Always be monitoring the storyteller's affect. Principle 5: Your right brain matters much more than your left brain when you are engaging someone's story. Principle 6: Remember that there is always a reason for human behavior. Principle 7: Repairing rupture is more important than engaging their story perfectly.

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117 How To Engage Someone's Story Part 1 Jun 20, 2022

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Engaging another person's story is a skill that can be learned! Over the course of the next four episodes, I will explain how to engage another person's story well. Today, I discuss the first two principles of effective story engagement. Principle 1: Attunement is more important than engaging the story brilliantly. Principle 2: Kindness will take you further than skill.

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116 Restorative Practices: How to Care for Our Hearts and Bodies in the Wake of Trauma with John Eldredge Jun 06, 2022

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John Eldredge joins me today to talk about how to care for our hearts and bodies in the wake of trauma. Topics include how to navigate life when you feel deeply disappointed by God, how to access the mothering of God, and why it's so important to get a piece of paper and write down our losses so that we might grieve them. Today's episodes is based on John's new book "Resilient: Restoring Your Weary Soul In These Turbulent Times."

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115 Why It's So Important To Tell Your Story To An Attuned Listener with Curt Thompson May 23, 2022

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I am joined today by Christian neuroscientist Curt Thompson. In this vulnerable conversation, Curt and I talk about: why our brains change when we share our story with another human being who is attuned to us, why engaging your story is the single best way to become a better parent, and why it's so important to pay attention to the younger parts of ourselves.

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