The Place We Find Ourselves

Latest Episodes:

84 Parenting: How Your Story Is Affecting Your Relationship With Your Children Part 2 Mar 29, 2021

Show notes

Here's the bottom line with parenting: the past isn't dead; it's not even past. Your past experiences in life are profoundly influencing how you interact with, and parent, your children. Every parent knows what it's like to lose it with their children. But what's actually happening neurobiologically? What do you do when you realize that you've harmed your children? To financially support the podcast, please click here.

Support the podcast

83 Understanding Your Sexual Story (Bonus Episode) Mar 24, 2021

Show notes

I am joined today by Jay Stringer to talk about the relationship between our current sexual difficulties and our attachment histories. At some point in our lives, each of us will encounter difficulties in our sexual life. It might be the compulsive use of unwanted sexual behavior or a struggle to locate any sexual desire at all. Sexual struggles are rooted in our stories—and more particularly, our stories of attachment to our primary caretakers. If you want to explore this material in more depth, please sign up for the Sexual Attachment Conference on Saturday, April 24. You can sign up here.

Support the podcast

82 Parenting: How Your Story Is Affecting Your Relationship With Your Children Part 1 Mar 15, 2021

Show notes

Support the podcast

81 How To Get Your Life Back with John Eldredge Mar 01, 2021

Show notes

Last year John Eldredge wrote an important book called Get Your Life Back. In today's episode, John and I talk about my favorite parts of his book. In short, we talk about simple everyday practices that will help you get your life back. Why is this important? Because the pace of modern American life—even in the midst of Covid—often borders on madness. It doesn't feel like madness for many of us because we've lived life at this pace for so long. The pace feels normal. But the human heart was not designed to operate at 5,000 rpm's all the time; it wasn't designed to carry the weight that most of us carry.

Support the podcast

80 Relational Conflict: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Shut Down Part 2 Dec 21, 2020

Show notes

This is Part 2 of a discussion about what happens to your nervous system in the midst of relational conflict. When your body scans your relational environment and detects anything that feels remotely threatening, it triggers your nervous system to do one of three things: socially engage (i.e. talk to the other person), go into a fight/flight/freeze reaction (i.e. yell at the other person, run away from them, or just freeze up in a state of paralysis), or shut down (collapse into a state of hopeless despair). In today's episode, I explain why your body might opt to shut down. I also outline the difference between the freeze response and the shut down response. To financially support the podcast, please click here.

79 Relational Conflict: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Shut Down Part 1 Dec 07, 2020

Show notes

Your nervous system is constantly surveying your environment (think: relationships) to determine how safe and supported you feel. When your body scans the environment and detects anything that feels remotely threatening, it triggers your nervous system to do one of three things: socially engage (i.e. talk to the other person), go into a fight/flight/freeze reaction (i.e. yell at the other person, run away from them, or just freeze up in a state of paralysis), or shut down (collapse into a state of hopeless despair). In today's episode, I explain how your nervous system determines which response to choose… and why this matters for your interpersonal relationships. To financially support the podcast, please click here.

Support the podcast

78 When Parents Open The Door For Sibling Abuse Nov 23, 2020

Show notes

My friend Bethany shares one of her stories about sibling abuse. And, as is the case with virtually all sibling abuse, there is so much more at play than an older sibling harming a younger sibling. Harm from siblings never happens in a vacuum. An environment is created in the home by the parents that allows for and, in some cases, even invites, sibling abuse. Bethany graciously helps us understand how these dynamics played out in her home.

Support the podcast

77 The Episode In Which I Share One Of My Stories Nov 09, 2020

Show notes

Today I share one of my stories. My guest is Rachael Clinton Chen, but she's actually the host of the episode. As Rachael interviews me, I talk about how I began to engage my story, as well as what obstacles I have faced along the way. Then I read one of my stories and Rachael engages me about it. To financially support the podcast, please click here or here.

Support the podcast

76 Uncovering Intentionality: Did My Parents Really Mean To Harm Me? Part 2 Oct 26, 2020

Show notes

This is Part 2 of my conversation with Cyndi Mesmer. As you begin to name the ways your parents harmed you, it is very common to think, "Okay, I'll acknowledge that my Dad harmed me, but I don't think he really meant to do it. I don't think my Dad was trying to be cruel, he was just pretty oblivious and clueless." Cyndi invites you to reconsider this stance. What would it cost you to believe that your father hurt you on purpose? What would it cost you to believe that your mother said and did those things on purpose?

Support the podcast

75 Uncovering Intentionality: Did My Parents Really Mean To Harm Me? Part 1 Oct 12, 2020

Show notes

Cyndi Mesmer and I tackle the question of, "Did the people who harmed me really mean to do it?" Answering this question is more important than you may realize. If you are unsure about the answer to this question—or if you are convinced that your parents didn't mean to hurt you—it will be very difficult for you to access grief and anger about your wounds, both of which are necessary for healing. Check out Cyndi's blog post on Intentionality and Self-Deception.

Support the podcast

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

The Place We Find Ourselves

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected