Show notes
You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.
In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I interviewed Hayden Ahlbrandt, a certified Synergetic Play Therapist. Hayden shares some really helpful thoughts and strategies on both how we can prevent meltdowns and how best to support our child—and ourselves—once we find ourselves with a meltdown on our hands. We focus on connection, co-regulation, mindfulness, and creating safety.
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We talk about:
* 00:00 – Sarah introduces Hayden Ahlbrandt, certified Synergetic Play Therapist. Overview of meltdowns, regulation, and co-regulation
* 05:25 – Viewing behavior through a nervous system lens
* 10:30 – Understanding Meltdowns Through the “Pop Bottle” Analogy
* 12:00 – Why some days kids can handle more than others
* 1:00 – “Regulation Is Connection to Self” - Helping kids discover what naturally regulates them
* 20:00 – Why Regulation Tools Need to be Practiced Outside Meltdowns
* 22:00 – Preventing Meltdowns
* 24:00 – The Three Rs: Regulate, Relate, Reason
* 30:00 – Mindfulness and Co-Regulation
* 32:30 – The Parent’s Nervous System
* 36:00 – Aggression During Meltdowns
* 38:30 – Making the Environment Feel Safer
* 42:00 – Parenting Advice Hayden Wishes He’d Known Earlier
Resources mentioned in this episode:
* Hayden’s website
* Hayden’s IG @lowtideplaytherapist
* Synergetic Play Therapy Institute
* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player
* The Peaceful Parenting Membership
* Evelyn & Bobbie bras
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* Website
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* Newsletter
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Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast.
Today’s guest is Hayden Ahlbrandt. Hayden is a certified Synergetic Play Therapist who lights up at any opportunity to teach, educate, and support adults in how they can best support the children in their lives.
He specializes in meltdowns, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. Hayden shares some really helpful thoughts and strategies on both how we can prevent meltdowns and how best to support our child—and ourselves—once we find ourselves with a meltdown on our hands.
I think you’re going to find this episode really useful, no matter how old your child is. One thing I really appreciate is that Hayden sees meltdowns through the lens of the nervous system and in terms of regulation, dysregulation, and co-regulation.
I’m definitely going to be thinking about a phrase he shared: “Regulation is connection to self.”
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Links are in the show notes.
Okay, let’s meet Hayden.
Sarah: Hi, Hayden. Welcome to the podcast.
Hayden: Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here.
Sarah: Yeah, I’m excited to have you. I found you on Instagram, and I love all the reels that you make. I love your energy and how you show up for parents so they can show up for their kids. So I’m really glad to have you on the podcast.
Hayden: I appreciate that.
Sarah: Tell us about who you are and what you do.
Hayden: Yeah. Well, obviously, my name’s Hayden.
I’m a certified Synergetic Play Therapist, and I have my own play therapy practice. Like you mentioned, my Instagram has become something I’ve had a lot of fun doing. It’s really given me an avenue to work with adults and support them in how we support kids.
So I kind of have a two-pronged approach right now. I work with kids in my play therapy practice, but I also do a lot of speaking, presenting, workshops, and that kind of thing—giving parents the tools from the training I have so they can better support kids.
My specialization has really become focused on big behaviors and meltdowns. I also work with a lot of anxiety.
So that’s the quick elevator speech.
Sarah: Yeah, it makes sense because you have the kids for maybe an hour a week—or whatever your typical amount is—but then they’re off with their parents for all of the rest of the days and hours of the week.
If parents don’t know how to support them during that time, it probably makes your job not work as well, right?
Hayden: Yeah, definitely.
I always explain it as wraparound support. I think we can do so much in our time together and in our work during sessions, but things are just going to move so much quicker when parents are involved.
Ultimately, that’s how I view my work as a play therapist. We’re not trying to make drastic changes or fix things. We’re trying to help the child feel better because, typically, when they’re coming in, it’s because something in their world feels really big, really hard, or really challenging, and that’s coming out as behaviors.
Sarah: Right.
Hayden: I kind of view it that way. We’re trying to help the child feel better, which is going to help the whole family system feel better.
Typically, with the kinds of things I mentioned—if a child is having really big, intense meltdowns that are above and beyond what’s developmentally appropriate—it can be really hard on the entire family system: siblings, parents, whoever it might be.
I talk about it as creating as much wraparound support as possible because it’s going to help the child work through whatever feels clogged for them in that moment.
Sarah: What’s a Synergetic Play Therapist?
Hayden: Yeah. Synergetic Play Therapy is a modality, an approach—a specific type of play therapy.
The way I typically explain it is that we’re really worki…
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