The Family Lab: Experiments in Parenting and Home Management

Latest Episodes:

30 A Mom's Job May 04, 2020

Show notes

Motherhood is a loaded word, full of social, historical, cultural, and familial expectations and responsibilities. Yet, as we all know, there are no prerequisites and no formal training—not even a job interview—required to assume this position.

We've all read articles that break down the many hats moms wear while they juggle balls in the form of children and housework and birthday parties and jobs and side gigs. But rather than being intimidated and utterly overwhelmed by this long list of duties, we can choose to be liberated by it. Since no one person can possibly be good at all of them, we get to choose the ones that we're going to prioritize, which our spouses are going to take on (if we have one), what we're going to outsource to someone else, and which of the balls we're just going to drop.

We get to write our own job descriptions.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

"Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood," by Rebecca Brown Right, rebeccabrownwright.com

Marriagelaboratory.com (Celeste Davis)

Chantelallencoaching.com

Brookeromney.com

Your Kid—A Novel Problem

Raising Seabiscuit

All Joy and No Fun, By Jennifer Senior

29 The Great Reset Apr 14, 2020

Show notes

We've all experienced resets in our lives, both bad and good—things like job loss, illnesses, divorce, deaths, trauma, and tragic events like 9-11, and also positive things like marriage, moves, babies, graduations, new jobs. This time, Corona keeps pushing a giant reset button over and over—sometimes several times a day. No gatherings over 150, wait, make that 10. School's going online for two weeks. Make that a month. Make that the rest of the school year.

Uncertainty is one of the trademarks of this reset. The uncertainty of how long it will last, how many people we love will get this evil virus, if and when we will get it ourselves, and how our bodies will react. We're all constantly monitoring ourselves for signs of sickness, trying not to become a hypochondriac every time our throat tickles.

Sure, we could panic, and hunker down in fear. But we're moms—and we don't have time for that. We have mouths to feed, budgets to tighten, bottoms to wipe, toddlers to entertain—plus we're trying to channel our inner Little House on the Prairie as we manage our own one-room school houses and make cheese using the lining of a calf's stomach. OK, not that last part, but we are having to dig deep into our pantries and use stuff we didn't even remember we had. Hello SPAM.

In this episode I talk about several of the specific ways Covid-19 is resetting motherhood both temporarily and long-term.

Here are some of the resources I mention in this episode:

Articles:

"This Togetherness is Temporary" by Mary Laura Philpott

"Staying at Home With My Kids for Six Weeks: A Story About Boundaries." By Celeste Davis

"Coronavirus Is Not a Motherhood Competition." By Brooke Romney

Awesome video by the Heller family:

https://vimeo.com/404483016?fbclid=IwAR1C8ZodQJZbLoFfvp7sQa-nZA8B0InhK_h8gmtjE8AkRmFNoszSR_uuPS8

Podcast episodes:

"How To Be The Mom You Are (Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be)" Episode 16 of the 3 in 30 Podcast

"Homeschool Moms: "You've Got this. Here's What's Most Important," The Mom Hour Podcast

Meal Planning Workshop Mar 23, 2020

Show notes

I'm offering my complete Meal-Planning Workshop for free during the COVID-19 craziness, since we're all cooking at home more than ever. You can hear the entire introduction to the course in this podcast episode to see if it's something that will help you and your family. Go to howshemoms.teachable.com to enroll. God bless!

28 How She Plans Meals Mar 02, 2020

Show notes

It's 6 p.m. and you're staring, zombie-like into the fridge. You have no idea what's for dinner. In fact, it's hard to remember what you've ever cooked for dinner. What on earth do people eat?

In this episode, we'll hear from three moms with different approaches to meal planning. Kara Farnsworth uses an old-fashioned, analog system, using note cards to plan her meals. Janae Ku uses a digital system. And Hillary Hess takes a more casual approach than either of the other two.

For more meal-planning ideas and to create your own system, check out my new meal-planning workshop!

Links:

The How She Moms Meal-Planning Workshop

How Janae Plans Meals

How Kara Plans Meals

Sesame Street Video Clip: A Cookie Is a Sometime Food

27 Routine Experimentation--The Sequel Feb 17, 2020

Show notes

Back in August, I recorded an episode called Routine Experimentation, where I talked about several of the experiments I was conducting in my home laboratory with my five little guinea pigs (to switch to another animal analogy). This is actually one of my favorite things about motherhood--troubleshooting problem areas and figuring out creative solutions. I like to play the role of mad scientist.

Of course a lot has changed since last August, as tends to happen where kids are involved, so I thought it was time for an update on how those experiments fared, and to tell you about the new experiments I'm rolling out.

I'll first cover our three regular daily routines: morning, afternoon, and bedtime, and then talk about a few other experiments like allowance, housekeeping, and exercise.

26 How She Outsources Feb 03, 2020

Show notes

Outsourcing is a weirdly fraught topic for moms, partly because of cultural expectations of what we should be doing, partly because of gender stereotypes, partly because of whatever our own mothers did, but maybe even more because of the pressure we put on ourselves to do everything and be everything to everyone. Then there's the cost. In this episode we'll talk a bit more about some of the barriers to outsourcing and then we'll talk about creative ways moms outsource all sorts of jobs, on all sorts of budgets.

Links:

Full transcript at howshemoms.com
Best of Both Worlds Podcast, episode 8, Outsourcing
About Progress podcast, "Yes, You Can Outsource Your Normal Life."
Rachel Neilson's Declutter Your Motherhood Workshop.
Inc. Magazine, When to Outsource: 5 Decisions, by Michael Alter.

25 Your Kid—A Novel Problem Jan 20, 2020

Show notes

With as many kids as I have, and all the reading I do on the topic, you might think I'm somewhat of an expert on raising kids. Yes, I generally know how to keep them alive, clothed, fed, and sheltered, and I keep the family more or less afloat. But one thing that has surprised me the most about parenting is how many skills are not transferrable from one kid to the next. If they were, we'd only need one parenting book to teach us everything we need to know, instead of the hundreds that are out there.

But over the past couple of years, five different people have shifted how I think about this: Malcolm Gladwell, in his podcast, Revisionist History; Mary Reckmeyer, in the book Strengths-Based Parenting; Ross W. Greene, in his book, The Explosive Child; Brittney Smart, in her book, The Five-Minute Time In; and my family's own behavioral coach, Karly Allen.

Links:

Full Text of this episode at Howshemoms.com

Malcolm Gladwell's Revisionist History

A Sick Day for Amos McGee

Revisionist History Season 4 (Episodes 6, 7, 8)

Strengths-Based Parenting

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

The Explosive Child

The Five-Minute Time In

Monster-Free Mothering

How She Does Mornings Jan 06, 2020

Show notes

In this episode we'll talk about many different ways to approach mornings, from moms in all sorts of different situations, moms with little kids and moms with teenagers, moms who home school and moms who send their kids to school, moms with different work situations, moms who love mornings and moms who hate them.

As usual, you can access the full transcript at howshemoms.com.

Links:

How She Serves Her Community and Beyond Dec 02, 2019

Show notes

I have so many great stories to share with you in this podcast episode, from five different mothers who serve their community and the world in beautiful ways. I truly believe that being a mom is specialized training in how to identify and serve the needs of others—a skillset we can then take into our communities and the world, when the time is right.

Here are some links I mention in this episode:

Slade Family Christmas Video 2011

Slade Family Tiny Home for the Holidays Video

Micah Slade's YouTube Channel

JustServe.org

Aging Resources of Douglas County

Pikes Peak Challenge

Giving Quiz for Kids at Coloradocares.org

Light the World Giving Machines

Light the World Service Advent Calendar

Midlife Mixtape, Episode 54: Giving Circle Founder Jacqueline Jacobs Caster

Charity Water

How She Celebrates Christmas Nov 19, 2019

Show notes

Christmas is coming--portly goose and all--whether that fills you with glee or stress. Today we're going to dig into this dichotomy, and hopefully get rid of any dread. Christmas should be a season of joy and dare I say peace—even for moms. Fear not! You too can enjoy Christmas.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

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