The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 361: Why Dropping Divorce Rates Are Not Always Good News with Dr. Amelia Kelley Mar 19, 2026

Show notes

TEDx speaker, author, neurodiversity and mental health advocate, and host of the Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, and she brings over 20 years of clinical experience to everything she does. We have done some incredible episodes together, and this is no exception.

Amelia recently brought to my attention a study exploring the impact of Kentucky's 50/50 shared custody ruling, which has been credited with dropping divorce rates by 25% or more. Articles are celebrating the decrease in divorce. And that is exactly what alarmed us.

Here's why: Divorce rates are not dropping because people are happier in their marriages.

What this ruling is actually doing is forcing victims to stay in unsafe marriages because they are terrified of their children being alone with their abuser 50% of the time.

Now other states are looking at Kentucky as a model of success worth replicating. So we are digging into what this actually means from a trauma-informed perspective. What happens in the nervous system when the legal system puts the burden of proof on the victim. Why a child witnessing abuse meets the clinical definition of PTSD, and why courts are not looking at it that way. And what it does to a survivor, psychologically and physiologically, when they are told they must hand their child to their abuser half of the time.

This is a legal conversation, but we are not here as attorneys. We are here as trauma-informed professionals who see what this is doing to survivors every single day.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why dropping divorce rates are not always a good thing and what is actually keeping people from leaving (2:40)
The burden of proof is on the victim, and what that does to them psychologically (10:46)
What happens in the nervous system when you are told you must share your child 50% of the time with your abuser (12:00)
Why your attorney is not your therapist or divorce coach and why an interdisciplinary team matters (15:08)
Aimee Says AI, the tool built for survivors that helps document, organize, and categorize abuse evidence (18:16)
Why a child witnessing abuse is, by definition, a traumatized child and why courts don't see it that way (21:26)
How to find a therapist who will testify, and why you need to ask upfront before you need them (23:42)

Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley:

Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, professor, TED speaker, author, and neurodiversity and mental health advocate, as well as the host of The Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, supporting those impacted by emotional and psychological harm in rebuilding self-trust, clarity, and nervous-system stability. With over 20 years of clinical experience, she takes an integrative, science-grounded approach informed by IFS, EMDR, somatic and polyvagal theory, and ADHD research. She is currently writing her forthcoming book on ADHD treatment in women with Norton Publishing.

Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

Dr. Amelia Kelley's website Dr. Kelley on Facebook Dr. Kelley on Instagram Dr. Kelley on LinkedIn

Episode 353: Aimee Says Updates: How Women Are Documenting Abuse in Real Time with Anne Wintemute Episode 335: Making Your Trauma Responses Work For You with Dr. Amelia Kelley Article: Kentucky's Equal Custody Law Shows Why America Needs Shared Parenting Presumptions

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-361-why-dropping-divorce-rates-are-not-always-good-news-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

Episode 360: Stop Explaining Yourself: Why It Makes High-Conflict Divorce Worse Mar 12, 2026

Show notes

One of the things I see so often with women going through divorce, especially high conflict divorce, is this instinct to explain yourself, to clarify, to defend yourself, to make sure the other person understands what actually happened. But here's the problem: in a high conflict divorce, explaining yourself is often the very thing that keeps you stuck in the conflict. In this episode, I walk you through why the communication playbook that works in healthy relationships completely backfires when you're dealing with a high conflict personality, and what to do instead.

Here's the thing: high conflict dynamics operate like a fire. Explanations are oxygen. Every time you write a long response or try to defend yourself, you're actually blowing air into the flames. Every explanation keeps you in the engagement. Every defense keeps you in the arena.

You don't have to keep exhausting yourself trying to explain the truth to someone who has already decided not to hear it. You get to step out of that cycle and you get to move forward with a playbook that actually works in high conflict divorce.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why explanations don't resolve conflict in high conflict dynamics, they extend it
How your words become fuel: long texts, clarifying emails, and attempts to correct the narrative all give the other person material to twist, screenshot, and weaponize
The difference between the explanation mindset and the documentation mindset
The BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) and how to use it
Why silence isn't capitulating and why not every accusation requires a response

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=================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-360-stop-explaining-yourself-why-it-makes-high-conflict-divorce-worse/

Episode 359: Assessing High Conflict Divorce Risk with Sarah McDugal Mar 05, 2026

Show notes

Sarah McDugal is back on the podcast, and this time we're talking about what it actually takes to protect your children inside a family court system that often reframes abuse as "mutual high conflict" and makes the protective parent look like the problem.

Sarah is a clarity coach and founder of Freedom Navigator and Wilderness to Wild, where she works exclusively with protective parents navigating high-conflict divorce and custody battles. In this conversation, we talk about why the ways most of us instinctively respond—explaining, defending, and trying to get people to understand the truth—can actually work against us in court.

We also dive into Sarah's High Conflict Court Risk Index, an assessment designed to help parents understand early how likely their case is to become a long, drawn-out legal battle. The earlier you can see the terrain you're walking into, the more strategically you can move through it.

And we talk about the kids. One of the most powerful reframes Sarah offers is that protecting our children doesn't always mean shielding them from harm. Sometimes the greatest protection we can give them is helping them learn how to navigate difficult realities with clarity, resilience, and support.

If you're deep in a high-conflict case and feel like everything you do somehow gets used against you, you're not imagining it. The family court system is not what most of us think it is—and fighting it the way we naturally want to can sometimes make things worse. This conversation offers a different playbook.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why what family court labels "high conflict" is very often an abuser-victim dynamic, not a mutual conflict situation (5:28)
How you can shift the dynamics in court by changing yourself, not by trying to change the other person or the system (11:10)
The High Conflict Court Risk Index, what it assesses, who it is for, and why taking it early means you can start the right conversations sooner (12:28)
Why an interdisciplinary divorce team saves you time, money, and unnecessary damage (24:28)
What to do when your high conflict court risk comes back moderate to high, and where to go for support (23:30)
Why protecting your kids from all harm is not the goal and how to start teaching them to navigate tricky people and tricky situations instead (31:30)

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Learn more about Sarah McDugal:Sarah McDugal is a clarity coach and founder of FREEDOM Navigator and Wilderness to WILD. She works exclusively with protective parents in high-conflict divorce and custody battles.

In addition to a master's degree, Sarah holds certifications and training in: Master Certified Professional Coach (MCPC), Certified High Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver, High Conflict Institute, Certified Assessor: Danger and Lethality Assessment, Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing, Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment (DSTT) Training, Dr. Omar Minwalla, and APSATS Model for Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma (MPTM) Training.

After surviving nearly a decade of custody litigation herself, Sarah equips her clients with trauma-informed tools, court-ready case prep resources, and strategic battle plans to fight smarter for the long haul — without losing their sanity, their kids, or their voice.

Known for her blend of ethical precision and empathetic strength, Sarah empowers protective parents to transform survival into strategy — guiding weary warriors to rise with endurance, resilience, and courage.

High Conflict Court Risk Index Freedom Navigator Website Sarah on LinkedIn Sarah on Instagram Sarah on YouTube Episode 109: DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugal

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Episode 358: Anger is Not a Communication Issue Feb 26, 2026

Show notes

Let's talk about something that sits at the center of so many of the conversations I have with women: men's rage is not a communication issue. It's a responsibility issue.

So many of us are taught to treat anger like something that can be solved with better tools, better timing, or more understanding. Something you can help fix. But when anger creates fear, when it's targeted, when it's tied to entitlement or control, we are no longer talking about miscommunication. We are talking about power. That realization can be destabilizing, even terrifying, because if it were just communication, you could work on it together. But when you find yourself managing someone else's moods, shrinking to avoid escalation, or feeling unsafe expressing yourself, the issue is no longer communication.

In this solo episode, you'll learn what it looks like to step back, observe behavior over time, and trust the information your body is giving you. Because until responsibility is taken consistently and independently, nothing changes.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How fear signals a power dynamic, not a communication breakdown
What it means when someone controls their anger everywhere except with you
Why couples therapy requires safety and equality and what happens when those aren't present
The difference between panic when access is removed and true accountability
How to recognize real change through sustained behavior, not short term effort
Why sex during separation can undermine clarity
How underlying beliefs about entitlement, control, and dominance fuel chronic anger
The role financial entanglement plays in keeping people psychologically stuck
How separation becomes a period of observation where behavior, not words, is the data
Why a calmer nervous system is meaningful information you should not ignore

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Episode 356: How to Assess Real Change When a Partner Promises Everything

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-358-anger-is-not-a-communication-issue/

Episode 357: The Truth About Mortgage Assumptions with Tami Wollensak Feb 19, 2026

Show notes

I'm welcoming back one of your favorite guests and one of mine, divorce mortgage specialist Tami Wollensak, because we need to talk about the house. Specifically… what actually happens to it in divorce and what your real options are. Mortgage rules have shifted, interest rates have changed, and the questions I hear from clients all the time still come back to the same thing:

Can I keep the house?

Should I keep the house?

Is it even possible?

Tami and I walk through the realities behind keeping the marital home, including what people misunderstand about ownership, how mortgage assumption actually works, and why the emotional pull to keep it has to be balanced with long-term financial stability. We also talk about what happens when plans fall through, how to build backup strategies into your agreements, and why sometimes the smartest move is stepping back instead of fighting to stay.

This conversation walks through the real financial and legal realities of what happens to the house in divorce. Because wanting the house and being able to keep the house are not always the same thing.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The biggest misconception about "wanting to keep the house" (2:18)
What mortgage assumption means and why you must ask the right questions (8:32)
Why home ownership isn't always the healthiest financial decision after divorce (23:14)
What happens when a mortgage assumption falls through and how to recover (41:32)

Resources & Links:

Assessing Change Worksheet Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

Tami's Website Episode 204: Take or Leave the House? With Tami Wollensak

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-357-the-truth-about-mortgage-assumptions-with-tami-wollensak/

Episode 356: How to Assess Real Change When a Partner Promises Everything Feb 12, 2026

Show notes

When you tell your partner you want a divorce and suddenly they promise everything, how do you know if it's real desire to change or just panic talking? You may be hearing apologies that sound deeper than anything you've heard before, promises of therapy, and urgent requests for time, all while you're stuck questioning yourself. Is this real? Is it different this time? Or is this fear talking? That confusion, the second-guessing, and the pull to pause your own healing just to see what happens are incredibly common.

In this solo episode, I walk you through how to assess change clearly and safely. You'll learn what real change actually looks like beyond words and emotional displays, why pressure and urgency are red flags, and why your safety and autonomy never become negotiable just because someone promises to change. Remember, you can keep moving forward with your own healing and planning without putting your life on hold while a partner claims they are working on themselves.

✨This episode includes a free downloadable worksheet to help you assess whether real change is actually happening. Grab it at kateanthony.com/assessingchange.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How to tell the difference between genuine commitment and a crisis reaction
What real change actually looks like in behavior, accountability, and time
Why your nervous system is data and how to use it to assess safety
How to observe patterns without gaslighting yourself or putting your life on hold
Why your safety and autonomy never become negotiable

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Resources & Links:

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-356-how-to-assess-real-change-when-a-partner-promises-everything/

Episode 355: Divorce Across Borders with Diana Romanov Feb 05, 2026

Show notes

Divorce can become significantly more complicated when culture, immigration status, or international law are part of the equation. I'm joined by family law attorney Diana Romanov for a conversation about what happens when divorce crosses cultural and international lines.

Diana brings a rare perspective to this work, shaped by her own immigration journey, her legal training, and practice across multiple countries. Together, we unpack how jurisdiction is determined when spouses live in different countries, how cultural norms shape power and decision-making in divorce, and why custody battles often look very different when one parent has been the primary caregiver for most of the marriage. We also dig into the realities of international relocation with children and how courts decide who can move, who can't, and why.

At its core, this is about understanding how power, protection, and parenting are negotiated when the rules are shaped by more than one system.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How Diana's international background and lived experience as an immigrant informs the way she practices family law and advocates for clients across cultural lines (2:06)
What "jurisdiction" really means in international and cross-border divorce (5:00)
How cultural norms around gender roles, finances, and marriage can deeply impact the divorce process (11:05)
Strategic realities behind custody negotiations, including when equal timeshare is about optics or money rather than actual parenting (13:08)
How international and long-distance custody and relocation cases are evaluated, including the factors courts use to decide whether a parent can move with children (24:46)
What parents need to understand about documentation, communication, and evidence in high-conflict and cross-border cases (34:40)

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Learn more about Diana Romanov: Diana Romanov is a San Francisco family law attorney, licensed in California and Germany, and a certified Family Law Specialist. Fluent in English, Russian, and German, she provides counsel, representation, and mediation services across cultural lines.

Previously a prosecutor at the Regional Superior Court of Berlin, Diana practiced with Beiten Burghard & Wegner and Linklaters Oppenhoff & Raedler. She earned the Justice and Diversity Center's Outstanding Pro Bono Award (2012–13) and was named a Super Lawyers Rising Star for her client care and legal expertise. Diana holds a J.D. in family law from Freie University School of Law (Berlin) and an LL.M. in US Legal Studies from Golden Gate University.

Born in Kiev and raised in Germany, Diana's multicultural background enriches her empathetic approach. Drawing on her own divorce experience, she founded a boutique firm to deliver personalized, efficient solutions in custody, support, mediation, alimony, and asset division.

Resources & Links:

Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Diana's website Diana on LinkedIn Diana on Facebook Diana on YouTube

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-355-divorce-across-borders-with-diana-romanov/

Episode 354: The Personal Has Always Been Political Jan 29, 2026

Show notes

Many women are grieving two things at once right now, a relationship that didn't protect them and a country that won't either.

There is a lot happening in the world right now, and none of it is abstract. Not for women. Not for our marriages, our divorces, our bodies, our safety, or our credibility. What we are witnessing is the lived, relational impact of rising authoritarianism.

In this solo episode, I wanted to take a moment to slow this conversation down and connect the dots between what women experience privately and what is unfolding publicly.

This is not about ideology or opinion. It is about power. It is about who is believed, who is doubted, and who is controlled. And it is about why so many women are feeling alarmed, not because they are confused, but because they recognize the familiar dynamics of control. They recognize the patterns.

For a long time, we were taught that politics lived "out there" in elections, legislation, and institutions we were never meant to shape, while relationships were framed as personal, private choices. That separation was not accidental. It was strategic.

Authoritarian systems depend on that divide, because when women's lives are framed as personal, our suffering can be dismissed as individual failure and our silence mistaken for consent.

This episode is a call to stay awake without collapsing, to stay aligned with what you already know, and to remember that awareness does not require constant activation. We do this together. We tap out and tap in for one another. The personal has always been the political.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why separating "the personal" from "the political" was an intentional strategy designed to keep women's suffering isolated and depoliticized
How women's exhaustion, self doubt, and depletion inside marriage are not personal failures, but political conditions
Why you cannot meditate, communicate, or self optimize your way out of systems built on unequal power
How naming harm becomes threatening to systems that rely on fragmentation and silence
How authoritarianism mirrors abusive relationship dynamics through control, denial, punishment, and gaslighting
Why women, especially Black women, recognize creeping control early and sound alarms before institutions do
Why backlash against women's clarity is evidence of lost control, not women being wrong
Why rest, regulation, and nervous system care are essential parts of resistance, not distractions from it

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Resources & Links:

Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Episode 95: Toxic Abuser-in-Chief: What Politics Has to Do With Your Marriage

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-354-the-personal-has-always-been-political/

Episode 353: Aimee Says Updates: How Women Are Documenting Abuse in Real Time with Anne Wintemute Jan 22, 2026

Show notes

When you're living inside an abusive relationship, one of the hardest things to do is see the pattern clearly while you're still in it. Everything feels confusing and destabilizing, especially when blame shifting, gaslighting, and constantly moving goalposts are part of the dynamic.

That's why I'm so grateful to welcome back Anne Wintemute, CEO and Co-Founder of Aimee Says, an AI-powered support and documentation platform that helps women understand what's happening in abusive dynamics. Anne and I talk about how women are using Aimee Says in real life to bring clarity to chaos, especially during post separation, custody battles, and ongoing co-parenting conflict.

We explore how identifying patterns as they are happening can be revolutionary, and how Aimee Says reflects women's lived experiences back to them in a way that validates reality. We also talk about how having all of your information in one place helps women create clear plans of action when preparing for mediation, working with attorneys, or deciding next steps.

Moreover, we talk about the changes and updates to the platform, some of which are a total game-changer for victims and survivors.

This episode is about seeing what's really happening, trusting yourself again, and having tools that help you stay grounded in truth.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How Aimee Says helps clarify patterns in abusive relationships (5:26)
How women are using Aimee Says in real life to document abuse (10:56)
Why blame shifting is the most common tactic women experience and how it keeps people stuck (12:04)
The connection between authoritarian leadership, power and control, and abusive dynamics (31:18)

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Learn more about Anne Wintemute: Anne Wintemute is the Co-Founder and CEO of Aimee Says, an AI companion for victims and survivors of controlling partners. When she's not working to hold perpetrators accountable, Anne can be found tending her urban farm or playing with her kids in Denver Colorado.

Resources & Links:

Aimee Says - DSG Listeners, Use Code: SurvivalGuide at Checkout to Get 2 Free Months

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-353-aimee-says-updates-how-women-are-documenting-abuse-in-real-time-with-anne-wintemute/

Episode 352: An Intentional Divorce Strategy for January Jan 15, 2026

Show notes

It's January, and you've made the decision to get divorced. The question now isn't whether you're moving forward. It's how. This is the phase that requires strategy, not emotion. Not because your emotions don't matter. They do. But right now, clear thinking matters more than anything else. In this solo episode, I share three things to help you formulate your strategy so you can move forward without creating unnecessary chaos, expense, or regret.

January is not a sprint. It's an orientation phase. This is the moment to shift your emotions into the passenger seat and let your strategic mind drive as you get clear on the reality you're in, gather the right information, and begin building the right team in the right order.

Waiting until after the holidays to move forward with divorce wasn't a delay. It was a boundary. Moving forward with intention now can protect you and your children long after the paperwork is signed.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why January is an orientation phase, not a race to file
What patterns in conflict, money, and boundaries matter most before divorce begins
What financial information to quietly gather now
How to think about custody awareness without rushing or overcorrecting
Why strategy should come before calling an attorney and how that saves time, money, and emotional fallout

Resources & Links:

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-352-an-intentional-divorce-strategy-for-january/

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