The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 380: When Supporting Your Trans Child Changes Your Marriage with Elle Baade Aug 06, 2026

Show notes

They say art imitates life, and this episode is a perfect example. My guest—and new bestie—is Elle Baade, author of the novel Consequences of Normal.

The book follows Jane, a mother fighting to find her voice and advocate for her child, who is clearly and joyfully transgender, while her husband insists it's only a phase. As Jane supports her child, the journey begins to reshape their entire family, including her marriage, and raises a much bigger question: What is normal, anyway?

While the novel is fiction, Elle is the mother of a transgender child herself. Jane's story draws from everything Elle has learned while raising her own child, as well as the experiences of the many parents she's met along the way.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

What inspired Elle to write Consequences of Normal and why this story feels especially important right now (2:44)
How a child coming out as transgender can affect a marriage, particularly when one parent is further along in understanding and acceptance than the other (8:39)
The devastating rates of self-harm among transgender youth—and why supporting a trans child isn't simply about affirmation, but can be a matter of life and death (15:14)
Why "normal" is a social construct, and how questioning it can open the door to greater honesty and authenticity (23:26)
The conversations Elle hopes this book will spark among families struggling to understand and support one another (31:42)

Learn more about Elle Baade:

After years of writing freelance for local and regional publications, Elle Baade now writes upmarket women's fiction about empowering women. She writes about unique family dynamics to show that we are all more alike than we are different and that there is no such thing as normal. Elle writes to open pathways for communication around hard things where women have historically been encouraged to stay silent. Elle is the mother of four children, one of whom is transgender.

Resources & Links:

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode 379: Kate On: What Boundaries Actually Are and How to Set Them So They Stick Jul 30, 2026

Show notes

If setting boundaries were easy, we wouldn't need podcasts, books, or frameworks to teach us how to make and hold them. Boundaries are hard. But they're also essential to keeping sanity, strength, and confidence before, during, and after divorce. In this episode, I break down what a boundary actually is, and why most of us were never taught it in the first place.

Most of what we call boundaries are actually requests, expectations, or desperate pleas for someone to finally understand how much they're hurting us. But that's not a boundary. I walk through Pia Mellody's framework from her book Facing Codependence, the difference between external and internal boundaries, and how a real boundary describes what you will do, not what you need someone else to do. From there, I get into consequences versus punishment, why follow through matters more than the perfect script, and why a boundary is never the same thing as a wall.

Boundaries are both internal and external, and they both protect you and contain you. It's not about becoming less loving, it's about creating space for love that doesn't require losing yourself. Maybe the most important boundary you'll ever set is the one inside yourself that says you will no longer abandon yourself to keep someone else comfortable.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why most of us were never actually taught what a boundary is
The difference between external boundaries and internal boundaries
Why a boundary describes what you will do, not what you need someone else to do
The difference between a boundary consequence and a punishment
Why your boundary isn't proven by whether the other person likes it or not
What to do if enforcing a boundary could put you in physical danger
Why follow through matters more than the perfect script
The internal boundaries you never have to announce to anyone

Resources & Links: The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody

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Episode 378: Legal Separation vs Divorce with Nicole Sodoma Jul 23, 2026

Show notes

Separation is one of those words that confuses, intrigues, and scares a lot of people. In fact, one of the first questions that comes up for many considering divorce is, "Should we legally separate first?" I wanted to break down what legal separation actually means, what it requires, and what it protects you from, so I brought back attorney and founder of Sodoma Law, Nicole Sodoma.

Nicole has built a career on helping people navigate the legal side of divorce without losing sight of the emotional side. We get into what actually constitutes legal separation, what happens if you stay married but live apart under an agreement, and why a postnup might be one of the most useful tools you might not have considered.

If you're standing at the edge of this decision, you don't have to have it all figured out today. Give yourself the information, give yourself the time, and find the right people to have in your corner. That's how you get through this well.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How legal separation can mean different things depending on your state (2:29)
What actually constitutes legal separation, and how that gets determined (5:30)
The benefits and drawbacks of filing for legal separation before divorce, in states that require it (10:00)
The upside and the risk of staying legally married while living apart under a mutually beneficial agreement, such keeping health insurance (12:55)
What a postnup is and how it can actually help save a marriage (15:50)
Reasons you might not want to separate yet (24:39)
Why putting space between a trigger and your response matters more than you think (32:29)

Learn more about Nicole Sodoma:

As a marriage-loving divorce attorney of 25 years, Nicole Sodoma has pioneered a way through the often- dreaded field of family law with integrity, compassion, and tenacity. Over the years, Nicole has risen to prominence as a national authority on divorce, custody, and co-parenting. However, Nicole never expected to go through a divorce herself. Through her professional and personal learnings, Nicole authored her first book, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY in 2022. The book is a witty, honest, and wildly relatable account of the stripped-down realities of marriage, separation, and divorce. While there's no denying that divorce sucks, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOUR'E SORRY serves as a reminder that although the journey can be wholly overwhelming and emotionally exhausting - it also doesn't have to be the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Nicole's new PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY Workbook is the perfect companion to the book or audiobook, featuring thought-provoking questions, inspirational quotes and must-have relationship worksheets, perfect for anyone navigating marriage, separation or divorce.

Resources & Links:

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Episode 377: Kate On: Unraveling Divorce Guilt Jul 16, 2026

Show notes

Guilt. So many women feel it intensely when they're contemplating divorce, or when they've already made the decision to leave. In this episode, I'm talking about the guilt of breaking your marriage vows, the guilt of doing this to your kids, and what to do when that guilt becomes overwhelming.

Women carry guilt as though they woke up one morning, looked around at a perfectly healthy marriage and a perfectly happy family, and casually decided to blow it all up. That's not what happened. By the time most women seriously begin contemplating divorce, they've usually been trying to save the marriage for years, asking for conversations, asking for counseling, trying every possible way to be heard and understood.

These stories deserve a closer look, and so does the question underneath them: whose voice is telling you that you should feel guilty, anyway?

What you'll hear about in this episode:

What marriage vows actually promise, and why abuse or emotional abandonment breaks them long before anyone files paperwork
Why "I'm doing this to my kids" ignores what they've already been living with, and how much they sense even unsaid
How to recognize whose voice is really behind the guilt, yours or someone else
Why feeling guilty isn't the same as being guilty, and how conditioning can make a healthy boundary feel wrong
The questions worth asking when the guilt gets overwhelming, including what staying would require you to deny

Resources & Links:

Episodes are also available YouTube! Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

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Episode 376: "Needy No More": From Anxious to Secure Attachment with Chris Rackliffe Jul 09, 2026

Show notes

I'm back with anxious attachment style coach Chris Rackliffe and he's got a new book, Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment. We pick up on our previous conversation about anxious attachment right where we left off a few years ago.This episode is about the label "needy", the butterflies that aren't what you think, and choosing yourself, in dating, in marriage, and in divorce.

Chris walks through his one degree method (for helping with decision-making over time), along with the five words he uses to teach boundaries: "that doesn't work for me." He also shares the practices he has his own clients do daily to rewire the nervous system and move from anxious to secure attachment, and breaks down the two parts of his book, the wounding and the work.

No matter how long you've carried the pattern, it is never too late to start again.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The label "needy," and the double meaning behind the title, Needy No More (2:38)
Why butterflies with someone new can be your nervous system sensing danger or unavailability, not attraction, and why slowing down to listen to your gut matters (5:54)
Why anxious attachment and divorce grief are so tightly linked (16:20)
What it actually means to choose yourself inside a relationship, starting with keeping your own commitments in early dating (22:44)
Chris's one degree method, an accumulation of small choices over time, and the five words he teaches for boundaries: "that doesn't work for me" (30:04)
The daily practices Chris has his clients use to rewire the nervous system: breathwork, cold exposure, and movement, and the difference between building presence and building tolerance (32:16)

Learn more about Chris Rackliffe:

Chris Rackliffe is an anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of the Needy No More podcast who has helped thousands of people across six continents end the cycle of anxious attachment and build the healthiest relationships of their lives.

Chris spent years caught in the exhausting patterns of anxious attachment: the hypervigilance, the people-pleasing, the devastating fear that love could be taken away at any moment. It wasn't until he discovered attachment theory that everything finally made sense. That understanding changed his life—and ultimately became his life's work.

Today, Chris works privately with clients through a structured, body-based coaching program built on the belief that lasting emotional security comes not from insight alone, but from small, deliberate daily actions that compound over time to permanently rewire how you feel, think, and show up in relationships.

He is the author of Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, available on Amazon now.

Resources & Links:

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Episode 375: Kate On: Finding Your Sense of Self After Divorce Jul 02, 2026

Show notes

What happens when you spend years orienting your life around another person and suddenly have to learn to live from the inside again? When I got out of my marriage, I had no idea who I was. I had zero sense of Self. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted, what my values were. I didn't even know my favorite color. I had all this time that technically belonged to me, and I had no idea how to inhabit it.

I do think a lot of women experience this after divorce, and I wanted to name it in this solo episode. Many women fight their way out of a marriage expecting to naturally return to themselves, and then realize they're no longer entirely sure who that Self is. By the end of this episode, I want it to be clear why freedom can feel so disorienting, why knowing what you want can feel impossible at first, and how the work of rebuilding a relationship with yourself actually begins.

This episode names how the disconnection happens in the first place, the slow narrowing that comes with emotional abuse, or with years of over-functioning for a partner who under-functions, until your own needs and preferences quietly disappear. It looks at why that emptiness often doesn't surface until the divorce is final and the crisis has passed, and why so many women fill that space with anything they can reach for instead of sitting in it. Finally, it points toward how you actually start to come back to yourself. Because finding yourself again isn't about returning to who you were. It's about learning, slowly and intentionally, how to live in the life you fought so hard to build.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The narrowing box of emotional abuse, or years of over-functioning for an under-functioning partner, and how a sense of Self disappears inside it
Why the disconnection often doesn't surface until the crisis passes and the pace of life finally slows down
The baby steps back to yourself, and the small, ordinary questions that rebuild the practice of wanting
Why choosing what lights you up can feel radical and even guilt-inducing at first
How language and community give you both the map and the space to begin

Resources & Links:

The Unbreakable Retreat, Sedona, Arizona, September 10 to 13: Early bird pricing until July 15th! Focused Strategy Sessions Independence Day sale, $250 off Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

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Episode 374: Winning: Rewiring Your Brain After Toxic Love with Jackie Miller Jun 25, 2026

Show notes

You left the toxic relationship. You legally divorced, you financially divorced, you physically moved out, and somehow they still have you. You wake up angry, ruminating, unable to stop thinking about what they did, and wondering what's wrong with you. The answer is nothing. Your nervous system changed while you were in that relationship.This episode is about what's actually happening in your body and brain, and the tools that get you free (and winning).

Returning guest Jackie Miller is the one walking us through it. She's a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, and host of the podcast Out of Crazy Town, and she has a new book out called Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love. She blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to help people break free from toxic relationship dynamics and build a life that feels peaceful, purposeful, and free.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The strategic way toxic exes keep you emotionally hooked after you leave, and why your nervous system stays stuck in response mode long after the abuse (3:02)
Why you have to understand the "why" behind your healing tools instead of just doing them because someone told you to (as Jackie says, "you need know why the antibiotic works to finish the whole course") (11:14)
The reminder that if you keep working on yourself, you really will move through the entanglement, even when it doesn't feel like anything is changing (17:55)
What happens when you're hijacked and spiraling, and how remembering your future gives your brain a map to follow (26:24)
How to disengage when a toxic ex is relentless, and start untangling yourself from the dynamic you were caught in (34:05)

Learn more about Jackie Miller:

Jackie Miller is a high-conflict divorce coach, speaker, author of Winning: Rewiring Your Brain and Reclaiming Your Life After Toxic Love, and host of the podcast Out of Crazytown. Drawing from her background in science and years of experience supporting survivors of post-separation abuse, Jackie helps individuals break free from toxic relationship dynamics, reclaim their sense of self, and rebuild a life rooted in clarity, confidence, and peace.

Through her work, Jackie blends neuroscience, psychology, and practical strategy to explain why healing after emotional control can feel so hard and how survivors can begin to retrain their brain, disengage from manipulation, and step out of survival mode. Her mission is to help people stop fighting for validation from those committed to misunderstanding them and start redirecting their energy toward their own freedom, power, and future.

Resources & Links:

Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

Jackie's website Jackie's book Jackie on Instagram Jackie on YouTube Jackie's podcast

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Episode 373: Solo Episode: What True Crime Gets Right About Abuse, and What It Gets Dangerously Wrong Jun 18, 2026

Show notes

Worst ex ever. The monster next door. The case nobody saw coming. That's how true crime frames these stories, as something extraordinary and shocking. But for a lot of women who have lived inside coercive control, domestic violence, emotional abuse, or post-separation abuse, these stories are anything but unbelievable. They're horrifying and devastating, but they are not unfamiliar. And that is the problem. In this episode, I want you to understand why true crime can be both validating and dangerous.

True crime can be validating because, when it's done well, it helps people recognize patterns they didn't have language for. It can give families and friends a vocabulary for what they're seeing. But I also want to put a lens on the dangerous side, because when these stories get sensationalized, when they're approached as "the worst ex ever," they keep us fixed on the dramatic ending instead of the ordinary warning signs that came before it. Women can't afford for the world to only understand danger after the worst has already happened.

I watch true crime all the time. Dateline, 20/20, 48 Hours, whatever limited series Netflix wants to serve me. So I'm not coming to this episode from some morally superior place. I watch it too. But I refuse to accept the idea that these cases are just shocking anomalies, because they're not. They are the most extreme outcomes of dynamics that women are navigating every single day in less visible forms.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The truth about how we handle violence against women: we require catastrophe before we grant a woman any credibility
How true crime, done well, becomes pattern recognition that helps women name danger before the rest of the world is willing to call it danger
What Gabby Petito's story shows us about the distressed woman and the calm, composed man, and how systems keep misreading who the real aggressor is
Why the "worst ex ever" phrasing is a trap
The connection between domestic abuse and public violence, and why the Secret Service is starting to name it misogynistic extremism
What responsible storytelling actually requires: naming the patterns by educating, not sensationalizing

Resources & Links: Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

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Episode 372: Understanding the Narcissistic Mind with Chelsey Brooke Cole Jun 11, 2026

Show notes

Understanding the psychology of a narcissist is the topic of conversation this week, with my guest Chelsey Brooke Cole. Chelsey is a licensed psychotherapist, expert in narcissistic abuse recovery, and bestselling author of If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakable Self-Worth. She specializes in helping people understand the psychology of narcissists so they can trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse.

Here's the thing about narcissists that can be so disorienting at first: they are fundamentally different from you. This episode gets into the psychology behind it all. Why narcissists operate the way they do, what the different types actually look like, how they show up in relationships, and what the path back to yourself really involves. Because understanding what you were actually dealing with is usually where the healing starts.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why narcissists are not like you: the personality trait most survivors share, and why it works against them. (2:16)
The trauma myth: does trauma cause narcissism? Chelsey shares her insights. (6:33)
Six types of narcissists: what each one looks like, and why the most dangerous ones often look the most harmless. (8:44)
How narcissists approach communication: what they're actually doing in conversations, and why it's designed to keep you stuck.(26:42)
The healing journey: the micro-shifts that actually move the needle, and where to start when you don't even know yourself anymore. (33:30)

Learn more about Chelsey Brooke Cole: Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and best-selling author of If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She specializes in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, with her work routinely featured in outlets like USA Today, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. Chelsey provides support to thousands of narcissistic abuse survivors each day through her speaking, writing, podcast, and comprehensive healing programs. She is the host of Restoring Resilience, a podcast dedicated to helping survivors heal and reclaim their lives, and the creator of Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse.

Resources & Links:

Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

Chelsey's websiteGet a free e-book copy of Chelsey's book: If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-WorthChelsey's Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Chelsey on Instagram

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Episode 371: Solo Episode: Before You Leave: How to Create a Safety Plan Jun 04, 2026

Show notes

You may have heard it so many times. "Make a safety plan." And every single time, the women I talk to say the same thing: okay, but what does that actually mean?

In this solo episode, I'm walking you through what a safety plan actually is, why it matters, how to contact a domestic violence agency or shelter before you're in crisis, and what kinds of help may be available even if you never spend a night in a shelter. We're talking about children, custody fears, documentation, technology safety, legal questions, and why leaving safely often requires more than courage. It requires information, support, and a plan.

When you're sitting in your house trying to think through all of this, the part of your brain that is figuring things out or making decisions isn't really working. You're in trauma. And yet you're supposed to make a plan. With what money? Which car? What documents? With my children? Without my children? What if the shelter's full? What if he tracks my phone? What if I leave and he says I kidnapped the kids? What if I stay and something happens?

By the end of this episode, I want you to understand what goes into a safety plan, who can help you make one, how to think about shelters and domestic violence agencies, and what questions to ask before you take any action, especially if you have children.

A safety plan is not about living in fear. It's about refusing to let fear be the only thing in the room. Fear says, "I can't." A plan says, "Here's what I need to know." Maybe not today, but one private step is enough.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

What shelter actually means and how to use it before you're in crisis
Technology safety: phones, tracking, shared accounts, and what not to do first
How to assess your risk and what goes into a safety plan based on that risk
Identifying your safe people and what "safe" actually means
Documents to gather: ID, financial records, car title and registration, and more
How to document incidents in patterns, not just isolated events
Building cash quietly: gift cards, separate accounts, and why money must be part of the plan
The physical exit: routes, keys, cars, kids, pets, and where you're actually going
Kids, custody fears, and why his threats are not legal advice
How to talk to an advocate or attorney about risk, documentation, and timing
Your go bag: what's in it, where it lives, and what to do if you can't get to it