The Best of You

Latest Episodes:

Episode 13: Criticism, Narcissism, and Boundaries—Dr. Alison Answers Your Questions Jul 28, 2022

Show notes

This week on the podcast, I’m answering 3 of your questions! All of these questions relate to dealing with our parents as adults:

1. How do you cope with an internal critical voice that came from a parent?

2. What is the next step after recognizing that my parents were narcissistic?

3. Am I disrespecting my parents when I set boundaries with them?

I discuss:

—What is an inner critic?

—How do we retrain an internal critical voice?

—What beliefs do we take in when raised by narcissistic parents?

—What is trauma-informed therapy?

—God’s heart for healing

—Boundaries 101 principles as an adult with your parents

Stay tuned for next week’s new series: Psychology Buzzwords Round 2 - Listener’s Choice Edition

Find a list of resources for this episode here

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

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Episode 12: Overcoming the Pain of Divorce Jul 21, 2022

Show notes

Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward.

She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn’t come out until after she’d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his.

Before we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points:

—If someone is telling you: “If you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn’t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)” that’s called *blame shifting* and it’s toxic.

—If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won’t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.)

Here’s what we discuss in this episode:

1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships

2. How doing all the “right things” didn’t work.

3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit

4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about

5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame

6. How Eryn learned to “date herself” and find validation apart from men

7. Why it’s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain

8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experience

Connect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving

www.eryneddy.com

www.soworthloving.com

Find a list of resources for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

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Episode 11: How to Start Loving Your Body Jul 14, 2022

Show notes

If you struggle with body image or how to make wise decisions on behalf of what you *actually* want out of your life, please do not miss this episode.

Christy Meeks provides such grounded, thoughtful, and focused insight into how she overcame the pain of weaponizing her body and learned to work with her body as a beautiful and unique gift. She is a wife, a mom of 5 children, and a body image coach.

1. How one painful moment in childhood changed the way she viewed her body for decades

2. The way exercise can be both a weapon and a superpower

3. How to find ways to physicalize emotional pain, so that it flows through our bodies

4. The pain of miscarriage

5. Why she decided to leave social media

6. How to translate self-awareness to action, so that we’re living our lives with intention.

7. How true freedom comes from the inner conviction that you are living the life that is right for YOU.

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here.

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Episode 10: What are limiting beliefs and how do I overcome them? Jul 07, 2022

Show notes

This podcast is a gold mine of rich, hopeful nuggets for anyone who has struggled to overcome limiting beliefs. My guest, Mary Marantz, is so gentle and thoughtful and wise as she reflects on the challenges of her childhood and the life she went on to create. It’s a beautiful tribute to the power of “both—and.”

We discuss these topics and more:

1. Different types of poverty

2. How the messages our parents give us and the desires of our own hearts can create painful inner conflict

3. The limiting beliefs we pick up without even realizing it—and how to break free from them

4. How to honor a parent while also disagreeing with them

5. The 10 scripts we all have to confront in our minds

6. The temptation—and the danger—of being the woman who always come through

Connect with Mary at www.marymarantz.com/quiz, or on Instagram @marymarantz

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode here.

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Episode 9: Hidden Pain and the Power of Facing Your Fear Jun 30, 2022

Show notes

This conversation is an absolute gift. Bianca is a powerhouse of wisdom who talks honestly about the hidden pain that both motivated her and almost got the best of her. She shares about the moment she passed out on her dorm room floor from carrying so much hidden pain—and how she began to face the fears that drove her.

You do not want to miss her encouragement for listeners with mother or father wounds and the commitment she made to herself to “die empty." We discuss these topics and more:

1. Will I struggle with feeling pain forever?

2. Why trying to “just be happy” doesn’t work.

3. How her first trip to counseling was a bust

4. How fear can motivate us in both positive and negative ways

5. The burdens of generational trauma that can add to our pain

6. The pressure she put on herself to heal so she wouldn’t pass on pain to her own children

7. How she learned to advocate for herself and “staffed” herself accordingly

Connect with Bianca at behindtheconfidentsmile.com or on

Instagram: @biancancotton & @behindtheconfidentsmile

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at dralisoncook.com/podcast

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Episode 8: Overcoming Addiction and Learning to Ask for Help Jun 23, 2022

Show notes

We are launching a new series on the podcast this week:

Real People Overcoming Real Problems!

You do not want to miss this very first episode with author, speaker, podcaster, and new friend of mine, Ashley Abercrombie who shares with me her story of overcoming addiction and learning to ask for help.

Ashley speaks candidly about the pain in her life, how she tried to numb it, and the divide that nearly shattered her until she learned to ask for help. And do not miss the last part of this interview where Ashley talks about how she's been getting through a period of extended isolation and loneliness these past few years.

We discuss SO MUCH in this episode—here are just a few highlights:

1. The various big “T” and little “t” traumas that can lead to addiction and painful patterns of self-soothing.

2. Why carrying your pain silently doesn’t work.

3. How Ashley finally found healing in safe community

4. Why failure is our friend

5. How to be helpful (and what’s not helpful) to people who are struggling

6. The wisdom Ashley would give her 20-year-old self now.

Connect with Ashley on Instagram

Ashley’s After Hours newsletter on Substack

Books by Ashley: Rise of the Truth Teller: Own Your Story, Tell It Like It Is, and Live with Holy Gumption Love Is the Resistance: Learn to Disagree, Resolve the Conflicts You've Been Avoiding, and Create Real Change

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode, at https://www.dralisoncook.com/podcast

Sign up at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection.

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

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Episode 7: Why are boundaries so hard to set? Jun 16, 2022

Show notes

The #1 question I get asked about is how to set boundaries.

They are so important and so powerful, and yet they are so hard to set.

We dive into the power of boundaries in this episode and I guide you through a real time exercise on taking that first step no matter what you are facing.

1. Why is it so hard to set boundaries?

2. What is the primary purpose of boundaries?

3. What 2 skills does boundary setting require?

4. What is the first step to setting boundaries?

5. What does the Bible have to say about boundaries?

6. An exercise to help you take a first step.

Key Take Away: Boundaries are not primarily about saying no to other people. Boundaries are first and foremost about safeguarding the heart, mind, soul, and body God has given you.

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/podcast/

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 6: Do I Really Have an Inner Child? What It Means to Reparent Yourself Jun 09, 2022

Show notes

What is this “inner child” we see everywhere? Do I really have one? Is this just woo-woo psychology or is there science behind it? Why does it matter? We’ll get into all of this today, including the power of memory in shaping who you are.

Here’s what we’ll discuss:

1. What is an inner child and do I really have one?

2. Is there any science behind it?

3. What is an internal family?

4. Who is the wise parent inside of you?

5. What does the Bible have to say about our inner child?

6. A 10 minute guided reflection to help you connect to a young part of yourself.

Key Takeaway: Like a wise parent, we can learn to parent the young parts of us. We can bring them to Jesus who invited the children always to come to him—without shame or judgment.

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/podcast/

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 5: What is codependency and why does it matter? Jun 02, 2022

Show notes

Do you get so consumed with the needs of others, that you lose sight of your own?

Do you struggle with focusing on caring for yourself?

There's no shame in codependency—I've struggled with it for years. And I believe nearly everyone struggles with it on some level. Learn the surprising antidote to codependency and how to take steps toward healthy dependence.

1. What is codependency?

2. What’s the difference between being kind and being codependent?

3. What are some examples of codependent behaviors?

4. 5 signs that you might have codependent tendencies.

5. 2 indicators you might be in a codependent relationship

6. 3 practical ways to move toward healthy dependence

Check out the Human Hope Podcast here

Key Takeaway: There’s a difference between being kind—and caring for someone else while causing harm to yourself.

Questions for reflection:

What keeps you from noticing and focusing on your own needs?

Which of the 3 steps offered at the end of this episode can you take to move toward healthy dependence?

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode at www.dralisoncook.com/podcast

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 4: What do I need to know about trauma? May 26, 2022

Show notes

Trauma is a bigger player in our lives than you might think.

It's the unacknowledged guest at every gathering of humans.

And if we could learn to understand it better, we'd create a kinder, more compassionate world.

In today's episode we discuss trauma:

1. What is trauma?

2. What are Big T and little T traumas?

3. How does trauma impact your relationship to yourself, others and God?

4. The shaming messages that often sneak in as a result of trauma

5. What does the Bible say about trauma and healing?

6. How do you begin to heal?

Questions to consider:

What if what happened wasn’t your fault?

What if you didn’t deserve that treatment?

What if there’s not something wrong with you?

What if you were created a beautiful soul made in God's image?

Is there any sliver of you that could believe that?

What if the heart of God is to heal?

You can find a list of all the resources mentioned in this episode, including trauma-informed care, at www.dralisoncook.com/podcast

Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection at https://www.dralisoncook.com/books/boundaries-for-your-soul

Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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