The Babylon Bee

Latest Episodes:

That Story Show Crossover! Zombies From Jesus/Gas In Church/Defending Skeletons Aug 07, 2020

Show notes

In this special crossover episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan welcome the guys from That Story Show: James Kennison and John Steinklauber! This episode is filled with stories about misplacing children, skeletons, bombs, zombies from Jesus, casting out demons, and the wacky things that 4-year-olds do. In the subscriber portion, we finally get Ethan's disgusting pizza story and read some of our own subscriber submissions!

Stories Discussed

4 year old antics
Christians that aren't being a good witness on the road with their massive JESUS bumper stickers
There are some things the GOODWILL guys will NOT take
When zombies interrupt worship and romance
Autobot transforming piano tuners
An Innocent bomb threat
In defence of skeletons
Cookie Jerky
The quarterly casting out of the demons
What's wrong with The Smurfs?
Sandy Patty
Farting in church

Subscriber Portion

Ethan's disgusting pizza story
The Babylon Bee Subscriber submissions
The Ten Questions!

Brett & Erin Kunkle Talk Equipping The Next Generation/Youth Ministry Antics/Crushing Monks Aug 04, 2020

Show notes

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan talk to Brett and Erin Kunkle who founded and lead MAVEN, which is an organization that exists to help the next generation know truth, pursue goodness, and create beauty, all for the cause of Christ. They talk about how we need to update the flannelgraphs, prompt the next generation to ask why they believe what they believe, and help youth groups equip the next generation with worldview knowledge, apologetics, and deep theology. They also discuss discernment in how G-rated movies are probably rotting your kid's brain with cultural messages, screen time restrictions, and wacky youth group games and pranks that would probably land you in court nowadays. There's also sage marriage advice from Erin in the subscriber portion.

Topics Discussed

Brett and Erin Kunkle lead up a group called MAVEN which is a movement of students who know truth, pursue goodness and create beauty.
Flannelgraphs being updated for modern sunday school lessons
Parenting and youth ministry challenges
Teaching the Why and not just the What
Catechisms and deepening our relationship with God just be knowing who He is
Prompting the "Why?" questions as a parent, instead of waiting for them
Teaching kids to crush the monks with facts and logic
Blue-haired ladies on TikTok indoctrinating teenagers
Screen time restrictions for kids
Youth groups can be more than pizza and games
Intergenerational church experiences
Eating bugs for the kingdom and handling dead animals
G-rated movies are rotting your kid's brains
Narrating life for your kids to help them see what's going on around them

Subscriber Portion

Holy Smokes
Marrying a single parent with kids
The Ten Questions

Doug TenNapel Guest-hosts! Christian Art In Hollywood / Mythical Riots / Gavin the Grinch - News Show 7.31.2020 Jul 31, 2020

Show notes

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by good friend Doug TenNapel to talk about the week's big stories like John MacArthur standing up to the real-life grinch, the government favoring Caesar's palace over Calvary Chapel, and conservatives being gaslit to believe in the riots being real. Doug TenNapel also talks about Christian art in Hollywood. This episode might be our most flower-bedded yet.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Doug spill on behind-the-scenes stuff writing and showrunning VeggieTales, take a question from a subscriber on Christians using discernment on what media to enjoy, and have Doug undergo the ten questions!

Interview Show: Dan Crenshaw Talks Eyepatches/Mob Democracy/Unscientific Lockdowns Jul 28, 2020

Show notes

Kyle and Ethan talk to Representative Dan Crenshaw. He is the representative for Texas' second congressional district and the author of Fortitude: American Resilience in the Era of Outrage. They discuss the importance of knowing a good eyepatch guy, the difference between a democracy and a republic, and try to decide what was more chaotic: Afghanistan or CHAZ?

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

Don't forget to pre-order the new Babylon Bee coffee table book!

Topics Discussed

Glass eyes bearing secret symbols
Knowing a good eye patch guy
Cancel culture
Democracy Vs Republic
Democrats, Republicans, and tribalistic partisanship

CHAZ or Afghanistan
The politicization of COVID-19
Federal Secret Police on American streets?
The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

News Show: Mask Pollution/Nick Cannon/Bee Prophecies Fulfilled Jul 24, 2020

Show notes

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 7/24/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week's big stories like Nick Cannon informing us all about the rotten savage mountain people in our midst, humanity deciding producing masks was more important than sustaining the earth, and all of the times the Babylon Bee has successfully predicted the future through its prophetic ministry.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discover a way to eat an entire civilization in a few bites and answer voicemails from subscribers.

Show Outline

Introduction

Stuff That's Good

Kyle likes Pandemic Hot Zone.

Ethan likes Jason Brubaker.

Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle, Jason Brubaker and Doug TenNapel once did a podcast.

Weird News

Swarm of flying ants spreads across London, Kent and Sussex

Man unearths 'witch bottle' with teeth inside - but is urged to 'put it back'

Frustrated in lockdown? Send your scream to Iceland. Wait, what?

Man throws 19 chopsticks into archery target for\Guinness record

Sea gull rescued with face mask wrapped around legs

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

Summary: In a move that's being called "unprecedented tyranny," Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores.

But really, Walmart told everyone to wear masks in their stores.

Shout out to Jimmy Humphrey for submitting the headline idea

Story 2

Nick Cannon Quits 'Masked Singer': 'I Need To See A Person's Skin Color Before I Pass Judgment'

Summary: Nick Cannon has stepped down from his position as host of The Masked Singer, saying he doesn't know how to judge someone's singing voice without first seeing the color of their skin. The move comes just days after Cannon totally owned white people on his podcast, calling them "sick animals," and "rotten little mountain people."

Hey, that last part is mostly true! Cannon was fired by ViacomCBS for crazy anti-white, anti-semitic comments. Though he was not fired by Masked Singer.

Adam Ford seems to have started the controversy with this tweet: https://twitter.com/Adam4d/status/1283087941271801861

Story 3

10 Safety Tips For Going Back To Church

Topic of the Week

Fulfilled Babylon Bee Prophecies

Hate Mail

We are serenaded by someone who doesn't like what we do. Give his video some likes and positive comments. The world would be a better place if people who disagreed with each other created stuff instead of destroying stuff.

Subscriber Portion: Mailbag and CHIRPS

A subscriber mailed The Bee some bug chips. And two other subscribers sent The Bee audio questions, so Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag!

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Kira Davis talks White Guilt, JK Rowling, and COVID Christianity Jul 21, 2020

Show notes

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Kyle and Ethan welcome back Kira Davis! They discuss how white people are making black people feel awkward in an effort to stamp out racism, J.K. Rowling and the TERF wars, and how the rules of Quidditch make no sense to our resident expert on games, Kyle Mann.

Topics Discussed

White people making black people feel awkward to stamp out racism
Accepting doughnuts from strangers
Poisoned Halloween candy
Black people who support Donald Trump
COVID lockdowns and civil disobedience
Churches trying to navigate the lockdowns and being a voice in the community
The Walking Dead and creepy horror movies
J.K. Rowling and TERF wars
Sexuality, social contagion, and making life-changing decisions at age 12
Looking for identity in brands and labels
Old tweets coming back to haunt people
The rules of Quidditch don't make sense to Kyle
Enjoying entertainment without agreeing with all of the creator's personal ideologies
Christians in Hollywood and Kira's unhealthy obsession with celebrity culture

Subscriber Portion

The Ten Questions
Kira tells an insane story involving a spider in her garage

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Bully Culture, Bible Adventures, and Boogaloo Skunks Jul 17, 2020

Show notes

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/17/2020.

In this week's episode of the Babylon Bee podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week's big stories like Christian knockoffs of secular products being bad, people on the right side of history who are on the wrong side of God, boogaloo skunks, and how are current culture is just the free market of people's fists meeting other people's faces.

Show Outline

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee podcast with your hosts Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicolle, the two funnymen behind a lot of the stuff you read on The Babylon Bee. They're not as funny here as they are when they write satire, so get used to disappointment.

Stuff That's Good

Stuff that's good update: Kyle is finishing up Avatar The Last Airbender and it's amazing

Kyle likes Journey to the Center of the Earth

Ethan likes Blood Father

Weird News

Dog left 'looking like alpaca' after biting pet groomer halfway through haircut

Shopper spotted using paper bag as face covering - and others have used knickers

Family found man declared 'dead' still alive after breaking into hospital morgue

Pizza Shop Owner Thwarts Robbery By Tossing Pie At Suspect

Sealed copy of 'Super Mario Bros.' auctioned for a record $114,000

Mysterious 'vampire-slaying kit' including pistol and knife up for auction

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Man On Right Side Of History Surprised To Find He Still Went To Hell

Summary: A local progressive was very careful to only advocate for the most progressive politics and be an activist for all the popular new social justice causes. So, since he was so clearly on the right side of history, he was very surprised to find after he died that he still went to hell.

Story 2

Op-Ed: There's No Such Thing As Bully Culture, It's Just My Fist's Free Market Response To Your Stupid Face, Dweeb

Summary: Local lunch money thief and wedgie specialist Biff O'Doyle wrote in a recent op-ed that Bully Culture is not real -quote- 'It's just my fist's free-market response to your stupid face, dweeb' -end quote

tory 3

Here's What's Problematic With Each Of The NFL's 32 Team Names

Well, the PC police have come for the Redskins. But we at The Babylon Bee feel they did not go far enough. There is white supremacy and racism everywhere in the NFL, with every single team in the league having some kind of offensive stereotype in their name.

We hereby call on every team in the league to change their name for the following reasons.

Topic of the Week

Why is Christian stuff so bad?

Bee article: If You Like Secular Things, Try These Christian Alternatives That Are Almost As Good
Why is Christian stuff so bad?

Hate Mail

We get a reponse to a sponsored newsletter blast speaking out against antifa and get accused of being Christo-fascists.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag!
Bonus weird news filled with projectile penguin poop

Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle's awesome animated music video Lunaractive-Mission To The Moon

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

The Woke Cult: The James Lindsay Interview Jul 15, 2020

Show notes

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to James Lindsay, one of the actors involved with the Greivance Study Papers affair in which they got a bunch of peer-reviewed papers published by inserting woke language into stuff they just made up. They talk about the cult of wokeness, its ideology and its tactics, and also about how the landscape of Christianity is kind of like Narnia to an atheist.

Lindsay's latest book with Helen Pluckrose is Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made Everything about Race, Gender, and Identity―and Why This Harms Everybody and is available for pre-order.

Topics Discussed

The State of academia and the workplace
White fragility
Brown fragility
White neurosis and the 'racial cray-cray'
Minoritized
Building a bullet train to the bad old times
Woke-ism as a new or replacement religion and its parallels with cults
NewDiscourses.com and James' ever-changing encyclopedia of work terminology
Finding identities that unify everyone in religion (supernaturally) or nationally or in humanity (naturally) vs. fracturing over identity groups that must speak "authentically" or else get cancelled
Politically black vs racially black?
Why does BLM want to eliminate the western nuclear family?
The academic origins of intersectionality, critical theory, etc.
Traditional theory and critical theory- the normative vision and seeking out problematics
Wokeness from false consciousness
Atheists and Christians are friends now?
The left eating itself- the fracturing of critical theory and trans/queer theory and post-colonial theory- Subscriber Portion

Quizzing James Lindsay on woke terms in his encyclopedia
Critical theory meets the church i.e. Emerging Church 2.0 (More institutionally powerful and worse)
The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Birthday Party On Mars Jul 10, 2020

Show notes

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/10/2020.

Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann and Creative Director Ethan Nicolle are joined by The Babylon Bee Senior Writer Frank J. Fleming to talk about the week's big stories. Frank has a new book Superego: Fathom which is a sequel to Superego. They talk about the week's big stories like Kanye West declaring a run for the Presidency, how modern Americans are definitely morally superior to slaveowners from 200 years ago, and why a Russian grandmother was caught smearing poo on playground swings. They also talk about how the rich and the powerful can say whatever they want and then in the subscriber portion talk about all of Frank's problematic writings.

Show Outline

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan come down from their high of celebrating freedom by almost blowing themselves up and letting their kids play with fire.

Weird News

Driver fights off snake with just a knife and seatbelt while speeding at 76mph

Germany goes nuts over sausage vending machines

Alligator with missing limbs shows up on Florida family's porch

Escaped pigs cause traffic chaos on Virginia highway

Cat falls asleep in washing machine and miraculously survives 12-minute cycle

Woman, 90, caught smearing 'poo' on children's swings in bizarre protest

Stomach-churning footage shows an elderly woman smearing what appears to human faeces on a children's swing she wants removed.
Gavin Newsom could do this. Layering the skateparks with excrement.

Married woman, 32, used doctored baby scans bought on eBay to fool her 18-year-old lover into thinking he was the father of her child and let his family bring the boy up as one of their own

Stuff That's Good

Kyle likes Robot Jox.

Ethan likes The Napoleon of Notting Hill by Chesterton.

Frank likes Hamilton.

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Kanye West Seizes Opportunity To Be Most Rational, Coherent Presidential Candidate

Summary: Noticing a lack of rational, coherent, sane presidential candidates, Kanye West announced this weekend that he will be running for president. The move surprised everyone who hasn't been paying attention to 2020 at all so far.

The real story: Kanye West actually announced his presidential run -- though it's not clear if he can actually still run.

The Forbes interview

Story 2 - Nation That Kills 3,000 Babies A Day Feels Morally Superior To Slaveowners From 200 Years Ago

Summary: Leftists who support killing 3,000 babies a day were trying to virtue-signal but quickly ran into a problem: there's no one alive to whom they can feel morally superior. So, the movement was forced to look to people from 200 years ago to find someone they could somewhat credibly criticize for moral failings: slave owners

What is it about humanity that makes us think the sins of other ages are so much worse than the sins of our age?
Most people go with the crowd, how do you know you would not?
It is like Chesteron's picture of the cad who climbs up to the top of a castle turret then kicks down all ladders that got him there.
Real abolitionists who paid the price at the time

Story 3 - New App Reminds You To Look Up From Your Phone To Check If Your Kids Are Still Alive

Summary: The tech world is abuzz after the announcement of a new smartphone app that could save millions of lives. The new app, called Kid-Alyve, will remind parents to look up from their phones every so often to confirm that their children are still breathing.

-Parenting is crazy

Topic of the Week

Cancel Culture / Harper's Letter

Hate Mail

LOVE MAIL

Subscriber Portion

Bonus Frank Stories And The Ten Questions

Story 1

Innovative New Process Turns Vegetables into Meat by Feeding Them to Cows

Story 2

Superman Criticized for Unrealistic Portrayal of Journalist as Heroic

Story 3

Retraction: Those Kids We Accused Of Holding A KKK Rally Were Actually Just Playing Duck, Duck, Goose

Christian In Portland: The Drew Dyck Interview Jul 07, 2020

Show notes

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Editor-in-chief Kyle Man and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk to Drew Dyck about whether criminals are real, being saved from a life of stealing deodorant, and invading Canada. Drew is an acquisitions editor at Moody Publishers and a contributing editor at CTPastors.com, a Christianity Today publication for church leaders. He's the author of Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science, Yawning at Tigers: You Can't Tame God, So Stop Trying, and Generation Ex-Christian: Why Young Adults Are Leaving the Church…and how to Bring Them Back.

Topics Discussed

Sending your book ideas to Drew
Arguing with people on Twitter about abolishing the police and whether criminals are a thing
Spicing up your testimony by stealing deodorant
Milk in a bag
The weirdest thing about Canada
Portland is stuck in the 90s/Portlandia
On the difference between a beat poet and a slam poet
When bookstores were a thing
Christian stores bestselling "Jesus junk"
Where ANTIFA will set up their gulags
God isn't safe but he's good, like Aslan
Self-control in everything but buying Drew's books
Mental illness in the church
Remembering the Emerging Church movement
What's better: fur babies or actual babies
Writers retreats never help
On not psychologizing your opponents
The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected