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    Kids & Family

    Sunshine Parenting

    Camp Director, Mom, Author, and Speaker Audrey Monke and other youth development experts discuss summer camp, family life, raising thriving kids, and ideas for living more connected and happier lives.

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    Latest Episodes:
    [Encore] Ep. 108: Simple Acts of Giving Back with Natalie Silverstein Dec 11, 2020
    Show notes

    Show Notes

    Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    This is an encore presentation of one of my favorite episodes. Enjoy!

    In episode 108, I'm chatting with Natalie Silverstein about her new book, Simple Acts: The Busy Family's Guide to Giving Back. We talk about the importance of instilling the value of service and acts of kindness. She shares how she created a resource of volunteer opportunities for parents and children in her community and what led to her writing this book for families. It is full of ways to make time in your family's busy life for service and suggestions for making service part of your family's culture.

    Big Ideas
    • Doing service, acts of kindness, helping others is a wonderful way to grow empathy, compassion, and open-mindedness in young children.
    • Studies show that people who volunteer with their families as children are more likely to do so as an adult.
    • Studies also show that volunteering makes you happier and healthier.
    • There are many ways to give back which don't require scheduling, spending a lot of money, or volunteering formally. It can be incorporated into the things families are already doing: playdates, holidays, vacations, etc.
    • Involve your kids when deciding who to help, how to serve, and which charities to support. You can follow their lead and they will be more invested.
    • When we make service a priority, we find the time to make it happen.
    • There are people in need all year long, not just during the holidays.
    • Social media can be a helpful tool for people to promote positive messages and acts of kindness. It can also be a way to get family and friends involved in service.
    Quotes

    Natalie: "All of these life skills that kids get a camp are values that parents want to demonstrate and model at home."

    Natalie: "I do believe that this work begins at home with very young children. Anything we can do to incorporate these acts of kindness into camp life, into extracurricular activities, and most importantly, into our weekends in our free time, is really so important."

    Natalie: "It creates a foundation, a moral base for kids, from which they grow."

    Natalie: "Everybody has a laundry list of extracurricular activities and tutoring and sports and ballet and instruments and all of these things. We don't necessarily prioritize taking time out to say 'no' to some of those things and 'yes' to service and acts of kindness and volunteering together."

    Audrey: "It's a partnership. It starts at home and then you try to find places like schools, religious organizations, and camps, that also support and reinforce those values that you're trying to teach your kids.

    Audrey: "We can't do it alone. If we're all trying together to promote these things, it works so much better and our kids turn out a lot better, too."

    Audrey: "As individuals, we all have different things that bring us flow. I think just like regular work, our volunteering should also be something that's in our wheelhouse, things we enjoy doing."

    Natalie: "We are all moving through our days, interacting with other human beings. Teach your child to make eye contact with the person behind the counter, hold the door, thank the postman. There are things you can be doing at every moment, almost every day."

    Natalie: "This is not rocket science. I think the theme of my book is you don't have to change the world to change the world. You don't have to fly to Africa and build a school to make an impact on someone else's life."

    Natalie: "Give (your children) the opportunity and don't make it negotiable. Say, 'This is what we do. This is how our family operates. Find the thing that really speaks to you and then let's find a way for you to give back in that realm.' It just builds on itself for kids."

    Natalie: "Instead of saying you don't have time for something, change it and say it's not a priority and then see how that feels."

    Natalie: "We want to model our values. We want to live our values, perform service and acts of kindness, and just treat people the right way out in the world."

    Natalie: "These are all things that people can be doing if they're mindful of it. It needs to be intentional. Just like everything in parenting. We need to be thinking about what it is that we can show our kids every day as we walk through our lives that this is how we care about others because we hope that they care about us in the same way."

    Audrey: "If you find something that you really enjoy doing, then you'll keep doing it and it will bring you a lot of joy, too."

    Natalie: "You're helping others in the community, doing something substantive. But you're also creating really nice warm family memories and I think those are the things that people remember as adults."

    Natalie: "There are so many little things that kids can be doing You just have to keep your mind open to it and your heart open to it."

    Natalie: "You don't have to go out and do this huge, enormous, time-consuming, expensive thing. It's just the little things and they're like drops in a bucket. They add up and they fill the cup of your child's emerging character. It makes a difference in who they are."

    Natalie: "It's about mindfulness and keeping an open heart and an open mind and really just reminding your children to think outside of themselves."

    Natalie: "If we can get young people on social media channels to turn the narrative around such that we are putting up instead of putting down--promote the good and spread the good--that can be very powerful."

    Natalie: "If I'm hosting a play date and these kids are already drawing or painting or making cookies, that can have a service or kindness element built into it. Then even better, go for a walk in the community and deliver those cookies to the local firehouse. This is all part of making it social, making it fun, doing it with other people."

    Audrey: "It's just so important. We need to counter the negative. Cyberbullying is at an all-time high. If we can just get our kids to flip this and be more focused on what good they can do, then that would make this a kinder world."

    Natalie: "All of these life skills we learn are tiny drops in the bucket of a child's developing character. If you're not modeling this behavior, if you are screaming at the person behind the counter or the other driver in the car, the way you show your child how you hold the door, how you greet the postal worker by name, it's really powerful. By showing kids 'how we do it in our house', it sticks. It just sticks."

    About Natalie

    Natalie Silverstein is an author, volunteer and passionate advocate for family service. After a 15-year career in hospital administration, managed care and healthcare consulting, she now works as a freelance writer and editor with a particular focus on the non-profit sector and community service. Her first book, Simple Acts: The Busy Family's Guide to Giving Back, was published by Gryphon House on April 1, 2019.

    In September 2013, Natalie launched the first local affiliate of Doing Good Together (www.doinggoodtogether.org), a Minneapolis-based nonprofit with the mission of helping parents raise kids who care and contribute. As the New York area coordinator, she curates a free monthly e-mail listing of family-friendly service opportunities that are distributed to thousands of subscribers.

    Natalie is a frequent writer, speaker, and consultant on the topic of family and youth service, presenting to parents, educators, and children across New York City. She is also a contributor to parenting blogs, GrownandFlown.com, and Mommypoppins.com.

    Along with her husband, she is the co-founder of The Silverstein Foundation for Parkinson's with GBA (www.silversteinfoundation.org), a nonprofit focused on finding a cure for Parkinson's Disease in GBA mutation carriers, and serves as Executive Director and a member of the Board of Directors.

    Natalie earned an undergraduate degree in health policy and administration from Providence College and a master's degree in public health from Yale University.

    Links

    Doing Good Together

    #CampKindnessDay

    Simple Acts Facebook Page

    Related Posts & Podcasts

    Ep. 125: Transforming Schools with Positivity

    Ep. 117: Raising Good Humans

    Is Kindness the Secret to a Successful Life?

    Ep. 46: #CampKindnessDay with Tom Rosenberg

    Why My Family is Celebrating World Kindness Day

    Focusing on Kindness


    [Encore] Ep. 104: Know and Love Yourself AND Your Kids (Talking about Enneagram numbers!) Nov 27, 2020
    Show notes

    Show Notes

    Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    This is an encore presentation of one of my favorite episodes. Enjoy!

    At its core, the Enneagram helps us to see ourselves at a deeper, more objective level and can be of invaluable assistance on our path to self-knowledge.- The Enneagram Institute Website

    In Episode 104, I'm chatting with my daughter Meredith who--like me--enjoys learning more about herself and other people. The tool we discuss most is the Enneagram, which Meredith discovered last year through her employer and introduced to me and the rest of our family.

    Big Ideas
    • It is important for parents, and anyone who works with kids, to be self-aware.
    • Understanding personality types can help us to create healthier relationships because it affects the way we view the behavior of others, as well as our own reactions in different situations.
    • Empathy increases when we are more aware of other people's tendencies.
    • Each relationship is unique based on personality types. It is the parent's responsibility to adjust and to figure out where the child is coming from.
    • Noone can be defined by one personality test or type but learning about the different characteristics and identifying with types can be extremely informative.
    • We can't accurately assess other people's types just by observing their behavior. Personality test results are personal and best used for self-reflection.
    • Being self-aware helps us identify our weaknesses and strengths in relation to achieving our goals and in our relationships with others.

    The Nine Enneagram Types in their Family Roles

    Ones: family perfectionists

    Twos: family helpers

    Threes: family stars

    Fours: Shed light on family problems

    Fives: family experts

    Sixes: move between building family unity and rebelling against the family unit

    Sevens: family cheerleaders

    Eights: family protectors

    Nines: family peacemakers

    Quotes

    Audrey: "The theme of this podcast is about the importance for parents and anyone who works with kids to know themselves because your own self-awareness has a huge impact on how you view the behavior of others."

    Audrey: " You can have more compassion when you understand where other people come from and it changes your view of why they do something that may annoy you or that kind of thing."

    Audrey: "As parents, we are different with each of our kids because our kids each have different personalities. It's our responsibility to adjust and not our kids."

    Meredith: "I do think that the Enneagram, and with most personality quizzes once you find out what you are, you sometimes don't want to be that. I think its easier to focus on the downsides of that personality type and look at the good sides of other personality types."

    Audrey: "Remember, 'Comparison is the thief of joy.'"

    Audrey: "The more I've read about my type, the more it has freed me from some of my frustrations with myself. It has given me a better understanding of why I've done some of the things I've done and why I am the way I am. It actually makes me feel a little better."

    Audrey: "I like the whole idea that there are some things that just make me kind of unique and just because I don't do something the same way or view things the same way, it's still okay."

    Audrey: "I just think that self-awareness is a really important part of social intelligence and a lot of us don't have it. I really don't think I did until a few years ago when I started doing more strengths testing, this Enneagram, and the four tendencies. It's like all this stuff kind of comes together like a puzzle of self-awareness."

    Meredith: "It's a tool for yourself and maybe for your close family members and friends so that they can understand you better. It's not something that you go around asking people, 'What's your Enneagram number?' because sharing your numbers, sharing how you think, your weaknesses, the different lies you believe about your self, is actually quite personal."

    Audrey: "You really have to read the book to understand for sure the one (type) you are because oftentimes depending on how healthy you are and what you're doing, you may look like a different number."

    Audrey: "You really can't tell about someone else because you don't know what's going on inside of them."

    Meredith: "Being aware of Enneagram numbers has helped me to empathize with the way other people were thinking and for them to understand me, as well. It has made me more aware of myself and for example, how I can come off to others, even when I don't think I'm coming off as critical."

    Meredith: "It is helpful to be aware of the way my brain is wired, that I need to actively work to give myself grace, to be aware of my thought patterns so that I can see when I'm starting to be in a state of stress or a state of health because I'm taking on those qualities."

    Audrey: "For me, I'm prone to not rest in my emotions long or deep enough and that came out in the last few years with problems in my body. Like in my shoulder, my knee, I would always have some huge pain and it was because I had internal pain that I wasn't dealing with."

    Meredith: "Read an introductory level book. It's most helpful to read the descriptions in-depth and identify with one. I think that's more helpful than just taking a quiz and having it spit out an answer for you."

    Meredith: "You move around on the Enneagram a lot, sometimes to lots of different ones depending on if you're in a state of stress or security. So it's not like your number is locked in. You move around to your wings and then to other numbers too. It's normal to identify with lots of different qualities, but I think it's when you really identify with one number, you found the right one."

    Audrey: "It's fun to take them because any little insight that you gain is just more self-awareness."

    Meredith: "You have to give yourself grace because it's not like you can know what Enneagram or personality types all your kids or family members have, especially when kids are changing and forming in different ways. I think it's good just to be aware, but don't be too hard on your self."

    Audrey: "There can be certain personalities that may bring out your not-great parts, like when your kid has a personality that's so different from yours or one that clashes with yours. That can be really hard as a parent."

    Audrey: "A lot of parents have pain when they don't feel their relationship is really strong with one of their kids. But there is always reparation, especially if you take the time to learn a little bit more about each other and figure it out."

    Books We Discussed Different Personality, Strengths, and Tendencies Assessments

    The Enneagram is one of many different assessments that can give you more self-awareness. Here are some other popular options:

    Myers-Briggs

    Read more about Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies or take her quiz to find out yours!

    Related Posts & Podcast Episodes

    Ep. 28: Focusing on our Kids' Strengths

    4 Ways to Focus on our Kids' Strengths

    Celebrating Strengths

    Ep. 75: Begin with the (Parenting) End in Mind

    Ep. 59: 5 Ways to Help Kids Thrive during their School Years and Beyond

    Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child

    #oneword

    My One Word for 2019: Focus

    Want More Sunshine?

    Subscribe to my email newsletter to keep up with my podcasts, events, book club & resources, including favorites like my Ready for Adulthood Checklist.

    "It is remarkable to witness what happens when kids think and talk about a strength, often for the first time identifying it in themselves, and then learn how they can use that strength in different settings. When given a name to a part of themselves they recognize and intuitively know, kids gain a vocabulary to talk about themselves more positively."

    #happycampersbook


    [Encore] Ep. 61: National Adoption Awareness Month Nov 20, 2020
    Show notes

    Show Notes

    Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    This is an encore presentation of one of my favorite episodes. Enjoy!

    You don't have to adopt or foster a kid to help kids in the system. There is so much need. You can volunteer. Especially for older kids, you can provide scholarships or skills training… Don't forget these children in your communities. Just think about some way you or your family can contribute. It can even be as simple as taking a meal to a foster family.

    Audrey Monke

    In Episode 61, for November's National Adoption Month, I'm chatting with Anne Driscoll, owner of Branches Books & Gifts in Oakhurst, California. We talk about our families' experiences with adoption and share advice for prospective adoptive parents.

    Big Ideas
    • We compare and contrast international adoption and domestic foster care adoption. Which route to take depends on many factors, including the family's preferences, composition, and timing.
    • Many view the adoption process as a path to parenthood. For others, it is a way to offer assistance to children in need. For all adoptive parents, it's an emotional road and involves a lot of preparation, vetting, and waiting.
    • Advice for prospective adoptive parents:
      • Be honest about what you can handle.
      • Identify what strengths you have to pair with child's needs.
      • Be gentle with yourself.
      • Expect many highs and lows.
    • Volunteer Opportunities:
      • Independent Living Programs (ILP) for foster kids as they age out of the system
      • Teaching skills (cooking, financial management, hobbies, auto care, etc.)
      • Become a CASA – Court Appointed Special Advocates

    There are many ways to help!

    Quotes

    Anne: "It's a huge decision, not to be taken lightly because no matter what the scenario, there is still a sense of loss because they are not with their biological parents. There is a visceral emotion tied to it which you have to be aware of."

    Anne: "When you see (your child) succeeding and feeling good about themselves and hopefully starting to heal, it is the most rewarding thing ever."

    Audrey: "It has been one of my life's greatest joys and also one of my biggest challenges."

    Audrey and Anne: "We both love our kids dearly and they are such incredible human beings – so resilient, amazing and strong. They are going to do great things. It has been a privilege to have them in our families."

    Audrey: "The more years in, the better things get!"

    Links

    National Adoption Month. 2018 theme is: "In Their Own Words: Lifting Up Youth Voices."

    Today's Hoda Kotb Opens Up about her adoption

    20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

    The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis (recommended for all parents)

    The Whole-Brain Child and The Yes Brain by Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel

    CASA – Court Appointed Special Advocates

    Related Posts & Podcast Episodes

    Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child

    Ep. 95: Raising a "Yes Brain" Child with Tina Payne Bryson

    Ep. 123: Connection Comes First

    Ep: 136: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. on Showing Up for our Kids During COVID-19

    If you liked this episode, you might want to listen to Episode 31, where I interview Tosha Schore, co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges.

    Listen to Episode 55, my podcast on Raising Kids who Love to Read with Anne Driscoll.

    Read my blog post, Learning to Breathe.

    Adoption Resources

    AdoptUSKids

    Adoption resources at childwelfare.gov

    Heartbeat International

    About National Adoption Month

    Show Hope


    Ep. 165: Cultivating Kindness Nov 13, 2020
    Show notes

    SHOW NOTES

    Join my PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources.

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    Kindness is a character trait we value highly in our friends, family members, and co-workers, and yet our kids may not know how much we want them to be kind, considerate, contributing members of their community. For World Kindness Day (November 13 - the day this episode is being released), I'm doing a deep dive into simple ideas for raising kinder kids and creating a kinder world. Let's focus on kindness, not just today but every day.

    BIG IDEAS
    • 80% of the youth surveyed agreed with the statement, "My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my classes then if I'm a caring community member in class and school."
    • We need to focus on raising kinder humans.
    • Giving a compliment is a really simple way to spread kindness and also to show our kids a really, really important social skill.
    • "Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree."
    • It is really important that we have a growth mindset about the character trait of kindness and realize that it is a trait that we can cultivate in ourselves and in our children.
    • Something that we can control is ourselves and how we interact with and show kindness to other people.
    LINKS & RESOURCES

    Random Acts of Kindness - World Kindness Day

    QUOTES
    • "Take a few minutes to write uplifting, positive encouraging messages in a sticky note pad, then start leaving those messages around, whether it's in your own house, at a neighbor's house, on people's mailboxes, on windshields. You can leave these uplifting positive messages around as a simple and fun act of kindness."
    • "Camp Secret #8 in my book, Happy Campers is, Make it Cool to be Kind. In the chapter, I talk about the importance of us focusing, in our families, in our schools, in our camps, everywhere, on creating a culture where kindness is embraced and encouraged."
    • "Set an alarm to go off three times, when the alarm sounds stop what you're doing and call, text, or email someone simply to tell them how awesome they are."
    • "Compliment the first three people you talk to."
    • "Another act of Kindness that is something that kids can do is to write a handwritten note to their teacher."
    • "Just saying good morning to the people in your family or the people at work when you're in a meeting is so important."
    • "A really good way to do a family activity of kindness is to pick up some trash. Even if you just spend 10 minutes picking up some trash around your neighborhood."
    • "Leave encouraging notes around."
    • "Spend 24 hours or dedicate 24 hours to spreading positivity on social media."
    • "Giving an extra generous tip to a service worker is another way to do an act of kindness."
    • "Send flowers to a friend and I would just expand this that you can also just send a note to a friend."
    • "Really anything that you send or give that just shows someone that you're thinking about them is such an act of kindness and really can brighten their day and yours."
    • "Get your kids to focus a little bit more on kindnesses that they have seen others do by asking them to point out kind acts that they have witnessed or done themselves."
    • "It's also a great idea to talk with your kids about how they feel after someone has done something kind for them or after they've done something kind for another person."
    • "How do you want to be remembered by your classmates and friends?"
    ONE SIMPLE THING

    From pages 189-190 in Happy Campers (Camp Secret #8: Make it Cool to be Kind):

    RELATED POSTS & EPISODES

    Ep. 46: #CampKindnessDay with Tom Rosenberg

    Ep. 138: Unselfie with Dr. Michele Borba

    Ep. 114: Precursors to Gratitude

    How to Respond to Bad Behavior

    30 Days of Kindness

    Is Kindness the Secret to a Successful Life?

    Ep. 46: #CampKindnessDay with Tom Rosenberg

    Why my Family is Celebrating World Kindness Day

    Focusing on Kindness


    Ep. 164: Growing Gratitude Nov 06, 2020
    Show notes

    SHOW NOTES

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    In Episode 164, I'm chatting with my friend Sara Kuljis of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. We talk about family gratitude practices and lessons from camp for having more grateful families. At Thanksgiving, it's easy to remember to be grateful, but the habit of gratitude -- practiced at camp, at home, and in the world -- helps us to be happier all year long.

    BIG IDEAS
    • Gratitude is a muscle. We can build it with practice.
    • Research has shown that those who express gratitude daily have a more optimistic view of life and a healthier well-being.
    • Developing relationships with the people around us makes it easier to share authentic gratitude.
    • Model respect by thanking others, especially those who serve us.
      • Use their first names when possible.
      • Make eye contact
    Ways to show gratitude at camp or at home
    • Flower Sunday -- the practice of handing a daisy while sharing an affirmation or gratitude with another person. You give your flower away and receive a flower from someone who acknowledges an action or quality they appreciate. Using a token such as a flower makes a difference.
    • WOW Bulletin Board -- staff and campers send and receive notes to build each other up and express thanks.
    • Thankful Thursday -- a note, text message or phone call to someone expressing thanks can become a helpful habit.
    • 3 Good Things -- share three good things that happened at the end of each day.
      • Commit to sharing them with friend or family member via text. It helps with accountability and makes it easier to remember.
      • Go around the dinner table and share with your family or friends.
      • Write them down in a journal before bed, or share three things you are thankful for first thing in the morning.
      • This habit can not only strengthen your gratitude muscle but also deepen your relationships and improve your outlook on life.
    • Gratitude Jar -- keep slips of paper for family write down things they are grateful for and collect the scraps in a jar.
      • Share the memories collected over the year at New Year's Eve or at Thanksgiving or anytime.
      • Attach the messages to a bulletin board or even to the Christmas Tree!
    • Warm Fuzzies -- Take a sheet of paper for each person, write their name on it and pass it around. Have everyone write down what they appreciate about that person.
      • Be specific. It is nice to recognize precise actions or character strengths we appreciate in others.
    • Go around the table at mealtime and share 3 good things, something you are grateful for (besides friends and family) or something you are grateful for about yourself
    • Ask children to think of ways they would like to show gratitude for others. Children have really good ideas themselves.
    QUOTES

    Audrey: "We cannot raise grateful kids if we are not promoting our own gratitude."

    Audrey: "It's important to remember that it's not just about completing a task, like sending a text or writing in your journal. It's about taking the moment to feel thankful. We need to take the task out of it and feel the gratitude."

    Sara: "At the end of the day being grateful makes me kinder and softer to those around me."

    Sara: "There's a lot of not-feeling-good-enough in the world. I enjoy helping people identify their natural talents and the natural goodness that is built in them and being intentional about building those into strengths for making a positive impact in the world."

    More Gratitude Resources and Ideas

    My Pinterest "Gratitude Board"

    5 Ways to Avert Thanksgiving Disappointment

    Raising Grateful, Not Entitled Kids

    A Grateful Family is a Happy Family

    Gratitude Revisited

    Feeling Thankful

    3 Reasons to Give Your Kid a WOW Today

    Grateful Campers are Happy Campers

    Learning to Enjoy the Little Things

    Teaching Kids Gratitude Rather than Entitlement: Berkeley News/Christine CarterGiving Thanks can Make you Happy, Harvard Health

    The Science of Gratitude: More Benefits Than Expected; 26 Studies and Counting, Happier Human.com

    7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round, Forbes

    30 Days of Gratitude, Writeshop.com

    Kind over Matter

    Why Gratitude is Important

    One Simple Thing

    TAKE A THANK YOU WALK (Jon Gordon)

    "It's simple. It's powerful and it's a great way to start feeding the positive dog. How does it work? You simply take a walk... outside, in a mall, at your office, on a treadmill, etc and while walking you think about all the things, big and small, that you are grateful for. The research shows you can't be stressed and thankful at the same time so when you combine gratitude with physical exercise, you give yourself a double boost of positive energy. You flood your brain and body with positive emotions and natural anti-depressants that uplift you rather than the stress hormones that drain and slowly kill you." -Jon Gordon

    My Favorite

    One recent December, at age 53, John Kralik found his life at a terrible, frightening low: his small law firm was failing; he was struggling through a painful second divorce; he had grown distant from his two older children and was afraid he might lose contact with his young daughter; he was living in a tiny apartment where he froze in the winter and baked in the summer; he was 40 pounds overweight; his girlfriend had just broken up with him; and overall, his dearest life dreams--including hopes of upholding idealistic legal principles and of becoming a judge--seemed to have slipped beyond his reach.

    Then, during a desperate walk in the hills on New Year's Day, John was struck by the belief that his life might become at least tolerable if, instead of focusing on what he didn't have, he could find some way to be grateful for what he had.

    Inspired by a beautiful, simple note his ex-girlfriend had sent to thank him for his Christmas gift, John imagined that he might find a way to feel grateful by writing thank-you notes. To keep himself going, he set himself a goal--come what may--of writing 365 thank-you notes in the coming year.

    One by one, day after day, he began to handwrite thank yous--for gifts or kindnesses he'd received from loved ones and coworkers, from past business associates and current foes, from college friends and doctors and store clerks and handymen and neighbors, and anyone, really, absolutely anyone, who'd done him a good turn, however large or small. Immediately after he'd sent his very first notes, significant and surprising benefits began to come John's way--from financial gain to true friendship, from weight loss to inner peace. While John wrote his notes, the economy collapsed, the bank across the street from his office failed, but thank-you note by thank-you note, John's whole life turned around.

    365 Thank Yous is a rare memoir: its touching, immediately accessible message--and benefits--come to readers from the plainspoken storytelling of an ordinary man. Kralik sets a believable, doable example of how to live a miraculously good life. To read 365 Thank Yous is to be changed.

    Like listening to Audrey and Sara? Here are more of our episodes:

    Ep. 114: Precursors to Gratitude

    Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments

    Ep. 132: Creating Structure, Fun, & Connection

    Ep. 160: Cranky Young Adults Stuck in the COVID Vortex

    Ep. 153: Rethinking School & Education During the Pandemic

    Ep. 152: Putting on Your COVID Mask First

    Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships

    Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids' Strengths

    Ep. 23: Peaceful Mornings

    Ep. 15: Traits of Parents Who are Great to Work With

    Ep. 7: Family Pace & Space

    Ep. 3: Raising Resilient, Independent Kids


    Ep. 163: Finding the Beauty Underneath the Struggle with Niki Spears Oct 30, 2020
    Show notes

    SHOW NOTES

    Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources! This month's Patreon resource: 31 Simple Things: 31 of my favorite tips for happier, more connected families.

    Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    Wondering what to do about your personal - and our world's - current struggles? Niki Spears has practical strategies for finding the opportunities within our struggles.

    Niki is a former school principal who now works as an educator and change leader. She shares her passion and enthusiasm for creating positive school culture based on shared leadership. Niki is leading the charge to develop positive schools by sharing the importance of embracing a leadership mindset.

    Niki Spears is the co-founder of the Energy Bus for Schools Leadership Journey. She started this organization to bring the positive messages of Jon Gordon's book, The Energy Bus, to schools everywhere. Niki has spent over 15 years working in education. Once an elementary school principal, she now works full time as a teacher educator and change leader.

    The Beauty Underneath the Struggle: Creating Your Bus Story Book Description

    Life if full of struggles and challenges. Are you ready to use these moments as opportunities to grow? Join Niki and learn how to find the beauty hidden beneath. Often the darkest moments in life are the ones that motivate us to move out of victimhood and walk into our purpose.

    Beneath the personal struggle lies a chance to discover meaning and bliss. It's a matter of knowing how to transform challenges into impassioned change.

    On this journey to self-enlightenment, motivational speaker and author Niki Spears shares strategies to help you embrace struggles and recognize them as opportunities for self-discovery. Personal stories and testimonials from people like you, will motivate and inspire you to see struggles in a new way.

    The workbook feature will help you apply these techniques to your life right away, and by using the step-by-step guide, you can capture your own unique BUS story as you find the Beauty Underneath the Struggle.

    Struggles and challenges don't have to be negative components of life. Join Niki on this journey to help you write the next chapter as you transform the meaning of struggle to create your masterpiece.

    BIG IDEAS

    • We can view our struggles and challenges as opportunities to move into our purpose.

    • We each have a different lens through which we view our life stories, and changing the lens can change our life outcomes for the better.

    • Challenges and setbacks may be caused by other people or events in our past, but we can choose to stop spending our timing blaming and take responsibility for creating our positive future.

    • In the most challenging of circumstances (like this pandemic), we can improve our own lives by helping others.

    LINKS & RESOURCES

    • Connect with Niki and find out more about her work at nikispears.com.

    • The Map of Consciousness Explained by Dr. David R. Hawkins

    • The Success Principles by Jack Canfield

    QUOTES

    Niki: "What I explore in the book is talking about our perceptions, and rewriting some of those negative perceptions, our stories that we tell ourselves."

    Niki: "When I was a little girl, I grew up in a family where I didn't always feel valued and appreciated. And that story I was telling myself was really controlling everything that was happening to me in my adult life. I was blaming my parents. I was blaming my upbringing, and it was keeping me stuck."

    Niki: It's like I woke up and I said, 'You are going to have to start owning everything in your life.' If you continue to blame, you're giving the situation, you're giving the person, power over your happiness and your ability to create the life that you want. Once I started to take personal responsibility, everything around me started to change."

    Niki: "I want to teach people how empowering it is just to own your life experiences and embrace the struggle."

    Niki: "You create your world. So that could be a positive world based on your perceptions of what's going on, or it could be a negative experience."

    Audrey: "It's a really challenging time. And a lot of people are feeling very negative about their lives, about our country, about everything."

    Niki: "I want you to look at struggle in a new way, as an opportunity that's going to propel you to move into purpose. Because struggle is not a negative term at all. If we look at struggle, and we break it down, struggle is a verb that says that we're still moving in the face of adversity."

    Niki: "We have to look at things that are happening around us as an opportunity for us to showcase our best selves."

    Niki: "In these moments of challenges, there are great opportunities for us to show up and to show out. And so that's what I want to encourage everybody to do. Instead of looking through a negative lens, look and see, where can you help?"

    Niki: "We cannot compare ourselves to someone else. Our journey is totally our journey."

    Niki: "And so it's not necessarily always something that you do, but just to contribute a positive self, to smile, to say hello, to write a nice letter to someone, those are, those may be small things, but they serve in a big way. So even recognizing the people who are doing the big things and just being their cheerleader could be part of what you do in your story."

    Niki: "I think you need to look at what are some things in your life that you're unhappy with right now, think about those. Be honest with yourself, be willing to go there with yourself, be vulnerable. What are those things in your life that don't bring you the love, peace and joy that you want? Then ask yourself, who's responsible. And if you're holding someone else responsible, or you're holding some event responsible, I want you to cross it out and put "me." You put yourself there and you have to practice that."

    Niki: "You've taken ownership. You're no longer blaming your parents, blaming your bosses, your friends, or COVID. But now you understand that even though these things may not be your fault, it is your responsibility to do something about it."

    Audrey: "Even in families, it's like, you know, the conflicts are happening and people have misunderstandings over sometimes silly things because we're spending so much time together. So it's just being able to, again, just take that pencil and just say, wait, I can still be calm. I can still be loving. And I don't have to like take in something that someone saying perhaps out of anger or whatever it might be."

    Niki: "And I think that in this moment now that we're so divided, that it gives us the opportunity to kind of test ourselves in that area where we can listen to different points of views without feeling angry, and all these other emotions that can come into it, but just listen, and let it flow through, but don't let it impact, you know, your mood and how you feel and, and those kinds of things."

    Audrey: "I really hope other people will pick up your book or hear your words and really find the beauty underneath their struggles. Because as you've inspired us, there is always something to be learned or to be gained, to come out the other side stronger, more resilient, even with the worst of stuff."

    IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE...

    Ep. 125: Transforming Schools with Positivity

    Ep. 108: Simple Acts of Giving Back with Natalie Silverstein

    9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults

    The Power of Compliments

    ONE SIMPLE THING

    Pick a 30-Day Challenge to do for the next 30 days (or a designated month)

    Pick something that, if you do for 30 days consistently, will improve your well-being or move you closer (small step by small step) to a goal you have. It can be anything! Ideas include something creative, intellectual, relational, spiritual, or health-related.

    Some tips:

    Be realistic - make sure it won't take you more than 5-10 minutes max to do or it's likely that you won't get it done (especially as you're building the habit).

    Pick something enjoyable, that you've been wanting to do but just haven't fit in to your daily routine yet.

    Here are some ideas:

    • Read for a certain amount of time or a certain number of pages, every day for 30 days.
    • Call or text a friend every day for 30 days.
    • Walk a minimum number of steps every day for 30 days (use a fitness app to keep track).
    • Drink a minimum amount of water every day for 30 days.
    • Practice some kind of mindfulness for 5 minutes every day - can be staring out a window, meditating, listening to music, or using a meditation app (like Calm or Headspace).
    • Work on a creative project for 10 minutes every day - drawing, sewing, woodwork, painting, needle work, baking, etc.
    • Write down 3 things you're grateful for every day.
    • Use cash only for 30 days.
    • Do one Random Act of Kindness per day for 30 daysSome popular, challenging 30-Day Challenges: NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writers Month Whole 30
    MY FAVORITE

    The Pomodoro Technique

    The Pomodoro Technique helps you resist all of those self-interruptions and re-train your brains to focus. Each pomodoro is dedicated to one task and each break is a chance to reset and bring your attention back to what you should be working on.

    The core process of the Pomodoro Technique consists of 6 steps:
    1. Choose a task you'd like to get done.
    2. Set the Pomodoro (timer) for 25 minutes.
    3. Work on the task until the Pomodoro rings.
    4. When the Pomodoro rings, put a checkmark on a paper.
    5. Take a short break.
    6. Every 4 pomodoros, take a longer break.
    SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING!

    If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas we talked about, please share!

    Would you consider leaving a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes? Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting!

    Would you like access to bonus podcast episodes & resources? Join my squad on Patreon!

    Here's to raising a generation of kids who become thriving adults AND modeling for our kids what thriving adulthood looks like!


    Ep. 162: The Power of Selectively Ignoring Behavior Oct 23, 2020
    Show notes

    SHOW NOTES

    Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for special perks, including bonus podcast episodes, exclusive posts, and resources! This month's Patreon resource: 31 Simple Things: 31 of my favorite tips for happier, more connected families.

    Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    Frustrated with your kids' (or your partner's) behavior? Dr. Catherine Pearlman discovered, over her many years of coaching parents, that often the best way to curb an undesired behavior is to give it less attention. In this episode, I talk with Catherine, who is the founder of The Family Coach and author of Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction, about the helpful strategies Catherine has shared with countless parents in her columns, speaking, and coaching practice.

    In Ignore It, Pearlman outlines the occasions when ignoring behavior is appropriate, how to reengage when the behavior stops, and how to praise and reinforce desired behaviors. I was, of course, happy to hear that Pearlman also has vast summer camp experience as a camper, counselor, and director!

    IGNORE IT! Book Description

    This book teaches frustrated, stressed-out parents that selectively ignoring certain behaviors can actually inspire positive changes in their kids.

    With all the whining, complaining, begging, and negotiating, parenting can seem more like a chore than a pleasure. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, syndicated columnist and one of America's leading parenting experts, has a simple yet revolutionary solution: Ignore It!

    Dr. Pearlman's four-step process returns the joy to child rearing. Combining highly effective strategies with time-tested approaches, she teaches parents when to selectively look the other way to withdraw reinforcement for undesirable behaviors. Too often we find ourselves bargaining, debating, arguing and pleading with kids. Instead of improved behavior parents are ensuring that the behavior will not only continue but often get worse. When children receive no attention or reward for misbehavior, they realize their ways of acting are ineffective and cease doing it. Using proven strategies supported by research, this book shows parents how to:

    – Avoid engaging in a power struggle

    – Stop using attention as a reward for misbehavior

    – Use effective behavior modification techniques to diminish and often eliminate problem behaviors

    As Pearlman says, the book is for parents of kids from 2-21, but the techniques might also be useful in other settings, including with adults who have difficult behaviors!

    BIG IDEAS

    • Pay more attention to what our kids are doing right than what they're doing wrong.

    • Know when to ask for help is a parenting strength.

    • Ignore bad behavior to make your parenting more enjoyable.

    • Ignore (and don't comment on) certain behaviors to improve the parent-child relationship, especially with teens.

    • Sleep is crucial for our kids (and for us) and impacts mood and behavior.

    LINKS & RESOURCES

    • Where to connect with Catherine and find out more about her work: The Family Coach Website Facebook Instagram

    • Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.

    QUOTES

    • Audrey: "I didn't think it would be as applicable in my own life. Since my youngest kids are now 13 and 16, but I found it really applicable."

    • Catherine: "It's not how it looks on Facebook. Everybody really is going through something. They just don't talk about it, but I see it. So I know that everybody's going through stuff."

    • Catherine: "When our kids start whining or complaining or arguing with us after we've already said no, and we've explained why, then we ignore their behavior and as soon as they stop, we reengage with them. It's very simple."

    • Audrey: "Once you know what you do want them to be doing, you can reinforce that and really get it to happen more often."

    • Catherine: "I think it's nice in my adult life when I do something nice for someone and they say, 'thank you.' It's nice when I do a great job at work and my boss says, "Wow, you did a really great job." All of those things help motivate me to continue to do a good job so if we're realistic, we all need that."

    • Catherine: "What happens is when parents aren't on the same page, kids use it to their advantage always. They know exactly how to work the system, how to get mom and dad against each other and to basically get what they want or to get forgotten about while mom and dad are arguing over the little thing."

    • Catherine: "Kids are really chronically overtired and that can account for a lot of mood issues. It can account for academic performance, depression, lots of issues for kids, just not getting an extra hour or two of sleep."

    • Catherine: "There's nothing my kid can say that will let me have them keep their devices in their room because I know exactly what's happening on them and nothing good is happening at 3:00 AM on their phones."

    • Catherine: "I live for camp. I was a camper. I was a counselor. I was a camp social worker and a Camp Director. I love camp. I send my kids to camp. I'm a big believer in the wide variety of benefits for camp."

    IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE...

    Raise Thriving Kids Parenting Course

    Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child

    Ep. 95: Raising a Yes Brain Child with Tina Payne Bryson

    Catch Them Doing the Right Thing

    Focus on the "Do"s

    ONE SIMPLE THING

    "Try to live every day as if it was the final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life." -Tim (main character in About Time)

    Learning to Enjoy the Little Things A Grateful Family is a Happy Family: 5 Gratitude Practices

    MY FAVORITE

    How much sleep do we really need? sleepfoundation.org

    SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING!

    If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas we talked about, please share!

    Would you consider leaving a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes? Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting!

    Would you like access to bonus podcast episodes & resources? Join my squad on Patreon!

    Audrey


    Ep. 161: An Inside Look at Sunshine's Parenting Oct 16, 2020
    Show notes

    Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources!

    Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    This week on the podcast, hear directly from my kids about their thoughts about my parenting. My guests are my oldest and youngest kids, Gretchen (age 26) and Owen (age 17). They happen to be the only two of our kids at home with us during quarantine. We talk about life at home together during COVID, how my parenting has changed over the years, and their thoughts on rules, fairness, screen time, early bed times, siblings getting along, independence, and much more.

    BIG IDEAS

    • Parenting can get more "relaxed" over the years so that sometimes kids in different birth order positions have some different experiences.

    • Understanding different family member's personalities can help you better understand areas where there are repeated arguments and learn how to better respond to each other.

    • The oldest child often feels the burden of doing everything first and not having anyone to "follow."

    • Sleep is so important!

    • Seek support and advice from parents with kids your oldest child's age so that you can better understand and relate to what they're going through.

    Photo Gallery LINKS & RESOURCES

    • Ep. 135: Advice & Ideas from Teachers During COVID-19

    • Ep. 82: Sibling Conflict, Part 1

    • Ep. 86: Conflict Resolution Skills for Siblings (and Everyone Else!)

    • Ep. 104: Know and Love Yourself AND Your Kids with Meredith Monke

    • Ep. 34: Advice on College, Transferring, and How to Support Your Kids with Their Decisions with Charlotte Monke

    • Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns

    • Raise Thriving Kids

    QUOTES

    • Audrey: "I actually went to boarding school for high school and I really credit that experience with why I even ended up wanting to run a camp."

    • Gretchen: "I remember when I was 13, almost every PG 13 movie I watched was researched beforehand if I was going to go to the movies with friends, I felt like there was more investment in what I was going to see."

    • Gretchen: "Even when I did have a phone, I remember truly keeping it off all day at school, all through high school and middle school, unless I needed to contact anyone. But because it wasn't a smartphone, it was purely for communication."

    • Owen: "I remember the big thing was probably limiting screen time on the computer. When I would come home from school, it would just turn off after 30 minutes."

    • Owen: "Video games, I think for a while I had my video games screened before I could buy them."

    • Audrey: "One of the things all parents really want is for their kids is to at least eventually get along."

    • Gretchen: "Historically, it's like a ton of teasing, which fortunately I've turned out fine."

    • Owen: "There's a lot of advantages. I think there's, what I just feel like, there are a lot less rules."

    • Audrey: "Do you think there might be a correlation between being more responsible and mature and independent because you had these older siblings?"

    • Gretchen: "I feel like because you're just dragged around in the car so much. I feel like you do need to be a more flexible person when you're younger."

    • Audrey: "Well, you guys both know how important sleep is, right? If there's anything I've taught you in life, don't you feel better with a good night's sleep?"

    • Gretchen: "The positives would for sure be reading every night and consistent family dinners, at least for some days of the week, depending on what works for people."

    • Gretchen: "And for sure bedtimes too, at least when people are younger, I can't think of a major parenting fail."

    • Audrey: "It tends to be a firstborn thing, I think, although not, I'm sure it's not always, but really trying to set a really high standard."

    • Owen: "We stay connected. It's just I'd rather be at school."

    • Gretchen: "It's been awesome. I think as someone who lived very independently for seven or eight years, I was very surprised by how much I love being home. And I love having this time with my parents and my brother. It's just such a unique opportunity that oftentimes you don't get in the middle of your twenties, to have family time again. So I'm definitely appreciating it and not planning on leaving anytime soon."

    • Audrey: "Selfishly, I'm really enjoying it too, but mostly I feel bad for Owen because I know it's not as enjoyable for him."

    • Owen: "It's not terrible."

    • Audrey: "'It's not terrible.' By the way, that's like the highest form of a compliment from a 17-year-old."

    IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE...

    Raise Thriving Kids Parenting Course

    Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns

    Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids

    Who's Not Ready for College?

    ONE SIMPLE THING

    This week's One Simple Thing tip is to set short term, one-week goals rather than lofty, year-long ones.

    MY FAVORITE

    Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live, Too, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

    SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING!

    If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas we talked about, please share!

    Would you consider leaving a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes? Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting!

    Would you like access to bonus podcast episodes & resources? Join my squad on Patreon!

    Audrey


    Ep. 160: Cranky Young Adults Stuck in the COVID Vortex Oct 09, 2020
    Show notes

    Check out Sara & Audrey's Raise Thriving Kids Course!

    Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources!

    Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    This week on the podcast, Sara Kuljis and I talk about the challenges of having young adults (high school and college age) stuck at home during a season of their lives when they are most wanting to separate from us and be with their peers. In this episode, we talk about how to better understand and cope with our young adult children's behavior, especially during COVID.

    ABOUT SARA KULJIS

    Sara is a good friend, fellow camp professional, and a regular podcast guest on Sunshine Parenting. Sara is the mother of three young adults (two college students and one high schooler) and a Gallup Strengths Coach. She is the owner and director of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. Sara offers popular parenting workshops in Southern California, including one we do together (Raise Thriving Kids).

    BIG IDEAS

    • COVID has in many ways, robbed young adults of the opportunity to really lean into where they naturally are in their developmental stages.

    • Parents can help honor losses. I think it's important to name, What makes me sad? What makes me frustrated? Why do I feel angry? And not all young people know how to identify where those feelings are coming from.

    • Feeling the loss with them, holding it with them or telling them that it's okay to feel yucky about those things. I think that's a really important role that a parent can play, hold losses without judgment. I think it's also important that we need to acknowledge our own losses,

    • This COVID season might be a season for some of us to be thoughtful and to kind of step back and look under the waters, even reach out for some professional help if necessary.

    • We as parents, for some of us, we may need to let go of some of the smaller battles or the smaller concerns. It's not about the GPA perhaps this semester or this year. It might be more important to focus on a healthy relationship and how to manage stress and how to be supportive.

    LINKS & RESOURCES

    • Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns

    • Jim Burns "Doing life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out"

    • Raise Thriving Kids

    QUOTES

    • Sarah: "You know, for some young adults, older teens, and college students, COVID has ended up being kind of a gift for them."

    • Audrey: "Knowing that this is not something that as an adult, we can say, 'Oh well, I didn't get to go on this vacation this year, but we can go in a couple of years so we can get it back.' For these kids and that age, they won't get it back. So that's sad. That's a real loss that is hard to even fathom because we didn't go through this at their age."

    • Audrey: "I think that's one thing that we need to remember through all this, even though their behavior and their response might irritate us, I think really digging deep to that empathy of realizing how different it is for them going through this then it is for us as adults."

    • Sarah: "I really felt compelled to kind of remind myself of the developmental stages that these young adults are in and go back to the root. Why and how is this young adult needing to behave this way? Where's this coming from? And it's great to realize and to remember that the developmental stages that these young adults are in are times where they are searching and ready and wired for autonomy and self-reliance and some new independence."

    • Audrey: "I've talked about this a lot with parents is that you have these children and you nurture them and you raise them and really your goal is to make yourself not necessary. Which is a weird job. Have a job where the end goal is to not be needed anymore."

    • Audrey: "We need to recognize that we have some ambivalence about our kids growing up and becoming their own people."

    • Audrey: "I think that's on both sides, we have to really do some adjusting and thinking about how this is impacting us and our families."

    • Sarah: "As best as we can remember not to take their crankiness, their uncooperativeness, their irritability, maybe their silence, or their anger personally."

    • Audrey: "It's really the same kind of communication stuff that we need to be doing all the time with our kids regardless of their age. That whole validating things, sometimes parents get it wrong. Where if our child is sad about something, even if it seems unimportant to us, we need to validate the feeling and not undermine what they're going through."

    • Audrey: "If we want our kids to keep talking to us about things we can't diminish what's important to them, which is maybe different than what's important to us."

    • Audrey: "That's what I think a lot of times we do that as people, whether it's with our children or another relationships, we react to what was said or the eye roll or whatever it is. And then we've missed that opportunity to connect over something much more important."

    • Sarah: "As parents, we start as caregivers and then they get a little older and then where their coach and then we move into that consultant stage."

    • Sarah: " To sum up everything, this is messy. But with thoughtfulness and with a real partnership with our young adults, I think we can be okay."

    • Audrey: "Many adults are going through hard things right now. So I think we can also model for our kids in terms of if we need some counseling or some support to show them that it's okay to do that. And that lots of people are doing it right now."

    • Audrey: "So I just want to encourage people that everyone's going through a hard time. And even if people are posting happy photos, there's some strife going on inside homes everywhere right now. And we need to just realize that that's human nature when you're stuck together for a long time. And especially when kids who are meant to be out and about and spreading their wings have had their wings clipped."

    IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE...

    Raise Thriving Kids Parenting Course

    Ep. 152: Putting on Your COVID Mask First

    Ep. 153: Rethinking School & Education During the Pandemic

    Ep. 132: Creating Structure, Fun, & Connection

    Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns

    Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids

    Who's Not Ready for College?

    ONE SIMPLE THING

    This week's One Simple Thing tip is to start (or continue) a Daily Family Sharing practice. You can read about it more in this post: How to Have a Closer Family in 5 Minutes a Day

    MY FAVORITE

    A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens, Katie Hurley, LCSW

    Description of A YEAR OF POSITIVE THINKING

    Transform your thoughts and find the confidence to navigate your teen years with positive thinking

    Being a teen can be an emotional roller coaster. When you're overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations from your friends, family, social media feed, teachers, and even yourself, it's normal to have thoughts and feelings like This is too hard or I'll never measure up. With A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens, you'll discover how to overcome these anxious thought patterns, and build a happier, more positive mindset to achieve your goals.

    Let go of stress with relatable prompts and reflections―all grounded in positive thinking and positive psychology strategies. Find a daily dose of motivation through insightful quotes and affirmations designed to encourage you to embrace happiness one day, one thought, and one year at a time.

    This guide to positive thinking includes:

    • Pockets of joy―Practice positive thinking in the moment with this beautiful, easy-to-navigate, and portable book.
    • Achieve your dreams―Insightful quotes and affirmations will help you remember your strengths, stay motivated, and reach your goals.
    • Teens like you―From self-esteem issues to social media stress, you'll discover prompts to help you through a wide range of issues teens face every day.

    Find confidence, courage, and clarity on the road to adulthood with positive thinking.

    SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING!

    If you enjoyed this episode and know of others who would be encouraged by the ideas, please share!

    Leave a review for the Sunshine Parenting Podcast on iTunes! Reviews are very important for helping podcasts find their audiences, and I would love your support in helping people find Sunshine Parenting!

    Would you like access to bonus posts, resources and podcast episodes? Join my squad on Patreon!

    Audrey


    Ep. 158: The Science of Attachment with Bethany Saltman Sep 25, 2020
    Show notes

    SHOW NOTES

    Join the Sunshine Parenting PATREON squad for bonus perks, including bonus podcast episodes and exclusive posts and resources!

    Join Audrey's email subscriber community for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    Bethany Saltman, this week's guest, is the author of Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment. Bethany is an author, award-winning editor, and researcher. Her work has been in The New Yorker, New York Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, Parents, and many other publications. Bethany also works as a best-selling book coach, a communications director, and an in-demand mindfulness mentor, consulting writers and entrepreneurs at all stages of their creative process. She helps her clients envision and execute projects, from book proposals to content development and messaging to Big Ideas, and more. A longtime student of Zen, Bethany is devoted to the fine art and game-changing effects of paying attention. She lives in a small town in the Catskills with her family.

    BIG IDEAS

    • Being a Zen (or Buddhist) parent

    • How to come to terms with who we are as a person and as a parent.

    • Steps for being in the moment with our kids and returning to ourselves.

    • How meditation (noticing the thought, let it go, return to your breath/body, return to your intention to be a kind and attuned parent)

    LINKS & RESOURCES

    • Where to connect with and find out more about Bethany and her work: Website Instagram Twitter LinkedIn

    • Bethany's Flowers Fall: Field Notes from a Buddhist Mom's Experimental Life column (Chronogram Magazine)

    • Dr. Dan Siegel

    • Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

    • The AAI (Adult Attachment Interview)

    QUOTES

    • Bethany: "I learned that secure attachment is not what I thought it was, and it's much bigger, it's much more forgiving, it's really much more empowering than Dr. Sears would ever have you think."

    • Bethany: "That's the beautiful thing about this work is that it really directs us so much deeper than those superficial feelings."

    • Bethany: "It's a very primitive orientation towards security and towards safety."

    • Bethany: "Just let anything happen and stop talking. In time, your senses will return and you'll come back to yourself."

    IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE...

    Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

    Ep: 136: Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. on Showing Up for our Kids During COVID-19

    Ep. 103: How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids

    Good Things Come to Those Who Breathe

    Ep. 97: Parenting the Challenging Child

    Ep. 151: Dealing with Uncertainty & Building Resilience with Dr. Nicole Beurkens

    ONE SIMPLE THING

    This week's One Simple Thing is one of the "Sticky Note Solutions" from Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults.

    MY FAVORITE

    Half Time: Moving from Success to Significance by Bob Buford

    SUBSCRIBE TO SUNSHINE PARENTING THANKS FOR LISTENING!

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    Audrey


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