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    Kids & Family

    Sunshine Parenting

    Camp Director, Mom, Author, and Speaker Audrey Monke and other youth development experts discuss summer camp, family life, raising thriving kids, and ideas for living more connected and happier lives.

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    Latest Episodes:
    Ep. 183: [Tough Twenties] Foundational Health Habits with Charlotte, Age 25 Nov 09, 2023
    Show notes

    In the Tough Twenties series, I'm interviewing young adults, answering questions submitted by listeners, and sharing resources and tips related to thriving in young adulthood and beyond. Whether you're an adolescent or a young adult in your twenties, or you're parenting a young adult, I know you'll be encouraged by this series.

    In this episode my daughter Charlotte, age 25, and I talk about one area that can be challenging during the transition to adulthood - taking care of health. This episode was motivated by the following listener question:

    How do I manage the transition from college to the "real world"?

    If you have a question or topic you'd like us to cover on the Tough Twenties series, please submit it here.

    "We all are allotted 24 hours in the day, and we're choosing how we spend every one of those hours...What are you doing in some of those hours that you could cut down on slightly?" -Charlotte

    Foundational Habit #1: Sleep

    "Going to bed early is sleeping in for adults." Laura Vanderkam, Why You Need a Bedtime (Harvard Business Review)

    "For adults, getting less than seven hours of sleep a night on a regular basis has been linked with poor health, including weight gain, having a body mass index of 30 or higher, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and depression." How many hours of sleep are enough for good health? Mayo Clinic

    "Experts recommend that adults sleep between 7 and 9 hours a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours a night may have more health issues than those who sleep 7 or more hours a night." How Much Sleep is Enough? National Institute of Health

    Foundational Habit #2: Nutrition

    Eat your breakfast!

    Managing blood sugar

    Foundational Habit #3: Exercise

    "Find an exercise routine that you enjoy and that's fun for you." Charlotte

    "Call a friend while you're on a walk." Charlotte

    "Find something to get your body moving, and if you can be outside and get some fresh air and vitamin D while you're doing that, it's even better." Charlotte

    Foundational Habit #4: Manage Alcohol & Drug Use

    "It's important to evaluate what your relationship with alcohol is." -Charlotte

    Alcohol and Young Adults Ages 18 to 25, National Institute of Health

    Related Posts & Episodes:

    Ep. 180: [Tough Twenties] Charlotte, Age 25

    Conversations Before College: Honest Talk about Alcohol

    [ENCORE] Ep. 124: Promoting Mental Health with Dr. Jess Shatkin

    Ep. 56: Off the Clock with Laura Vanderkam

    Links:

    @charchareats (Charlotte's Holistic Health & Wellness Instagram)

    Download "Ready for Adulthood Checklist"


    Ep. 182: [Tough Twenties] Gretchen, Age 29, on Relationships Nov 02, 2023
    Show notes

    Navigating dating and romantic relationships - and figuring out how to decide who to commit to and marry- is one of the biggest decisions of the twenties. In this episode, I'm chatting with my daughter Gretchen, age 29, about her romantic relationships in her twenties, what she's learned from her own experiences and her observations and discussion with other young adults, and from the book, The Defining Decade (Meg Jay, PhD).

    Get in touch:

    Submit an anonymous question for the series

    Download my "Ready for Adulthood Checklist"

    Previous Tough Twenties Episodes

    Ep. 180: [Tough Twenties] Charlotte, Age 25

    Ep. 181: [Tough Twenties] Ready for Adulthood

    Links:

    Choose Wisely: 8 Questions to Ponder Before you say "I Do" (post I read from in this episode)

    "Think hard about who you marry. It's the most important decision you will ever make."David Brooks, Commencement Speech

    "My strong advice is to obsess less about your career and to think a lot more about marriage. Please respect the truism that if you have a great career and a crappy marriage you will be unhappy, but if you have a great marriage and a crappy career you will be happy." David Brooks, To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More than Career

    The Defining Decade, Meg Jay, PhD


    Ep. 181: Tough Twenties - Ready for Adulthood Oct 26, 2023
    Show notes

    The Tough Twenties series continues with a discussion of skills to work on to be ready for adulthood, a mindset shift for parents and young adults, and how to foster connection and friendships rather than competition.

    Resource:

    In this episode, I share about my "Ready for Adulthood Checklist"

    Listener Question:

    This week I give my response to this listener question, which was submitted on my survey:

    "How to see school/work/social gatherings as a common ground of building friendship rather than a competition of who is better (performance, looks, etc.)"

    Get in touch:

    Submit an anonymous topic request or question for the series

    Download my "Ready for Adulthood Checklist"

    Send me an email

    Related:

    Happy Campers Book

    Ep. 127: The New Adolescence with Christine Carter, Ph.D.

    [ENCORE] Ep. 159: The Social Dilemma

    Why Summer Camp May be the Secret to a Longer Life

    Ep. 171: Julie Lythcott-Haims talks about YOUR TURN: How to be an Adult

    Ep. 170: Adulting with Emma Liberman

    Self-Reflection Ideas:

    More of, Less of, Same of (MO, LO, SO)

    [Encore] Ep. 119: Year-End Reflection Activities


    Ep. 180: Tough Twenties - Charlotte, Age 25 Oct 19, 2023
    Show notes

    It is not an easy time to be a young adult. In this new series on Sunshine Parenting, I'll interview young adults, answer questions submitted by listeners, and share resources and tips related to thriving in young adulthood and beyond. Whether you're an adolescent or a young adult in your twenties, or you're parenting a young adult, I know you'll be encouraged by this series.

    In this first episode of the Tough Twenties series, I'm chatting with my daughter Charlotte, age 25. We talk about Charlotte's early twenties and the pivots she's made so far as she navigated a college transfer, a challenging backpacking trip across Costa Rica, and graduating during COVID. We talk about what Charlotte's discovered about herself and her career goals.

    Get in touch:

    Submit a question you'd like covered in the series

    Free Download: "Ready for Adulthood Checklist"

    Related:

    Ep. 171: Julie Lythcott-Haims talks about YOUR TURN: How to be an Adult

    Ep. 170: Adulting with Emma Liberman

    [ENCORE] Ep. 85: Grit is Grown Outside the Comfort Zone (PEGtalk)

    Links:

    The Defining Decade, Dr. Meg Jay

    Using Lifestyle-Centric Career Planning To Pursue A Life You Love (YouTube Video by Cal Newport)

    Why Women Don't Apply for Jobs Unless They're 100% Qualified (Harvard Business Review)


    Ep. 179: Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell Aug 03, 2023
    Show notes

    HAPPY CAMPERS: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults is now available on Audible!

    Visit Sunshine Parenting for more episodes & resources.

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    In Episode 179, I chat with Phyllis Fagell about her amazing book, MIDDLE SCHOOL SUPERPOWERS: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times.

    ABOUT THE BOOK When things don't go right for a tween, it often feels HUGE: failing a test, being left out of a group chat, struggling with body image or identity, getting cut from a team. Middle school is often one of the rockiest times in a child's life, even without today's added challenges: a pandemic, the fear of school violence, divisive politics, and the scourge of social media. It's filled with physical changes, social pressures, transitions in family, friend, and school dynamics, and countless new experiences that can be overwhelming and scary. In MIDDLE SCHOOL SUPERPOWERS: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times (Hachette Go, August 1), Phyllis Fagell—a school counselor, Washington Post education column contributor, and the author of the definitive guide to this age group, Middle School Matters—offers a practical, evidence-based, and compassionate guide for parents and educators to help today's tweens navigate these always-formative years. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Phyllis L. Fagell is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a certified professional school counselor, a frequent contributor to The Washington Post and other national publications, and author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers. She is a school counselor at Sheridan School in Washington, D.C. and provides therapy to children, teens, and families at The Chrysalis Group Inc. in Bethesda, Maryland. Phyllis also speaks and consults on issues relating to parenting, counseling, and education.

    Ep. 178: Connecting More Deeply with Gretchen Ruch Jan 20, 2023
    Show notes

    HAPPY CAMPERS: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults is now available on Audible!

    Visit Sunshine Parenting for more episodes & resources.

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    In Episode 178, my daughter Gretchen and I share a few tips for connecting more deeply with friends, co-workers, family, and people we just met.

    Have a bold, specific purpose for every gathering

    In Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering (which I recently listened to on a two-day binge), Parker talks about the importance of being really clear on why we're gathering - whether it's a work meeting, a birthday celebration, or a walk with a friend or two - and to have a specific, bold purpose for every gathering we host.

    "Celebrating a birthday" or "Having a weekly check-in meeting" are not bold purposes, but are what Parker calls "categories." She makes a compelling argument that as hosts we often spend so much time and energy on food, decor, and logistics but we neglect determining why we are gathering. And that purpose or why is what makes the event memorable.

    Here are some examples I've come up with with for events with more specific purposes: Having dinner together to celebrate the past year and share our best tip for the next one. Sharing our projects for the next week and setting up accountability and encouragement partners. Telling stories about ourselves that others don't know so that we can get to know each other better. Celebrating a birthday by bringing (and reading aloud) notes of what we appreciate about the person.

    Parker notes that it's important to tell guests the specific purpose before the gathering, so as not to put anyone on the spot. A simple inclusion on the invitation will suffice.

    How are you really doing?

    In this episode of Greg McKeown's podcast, he talks about simple tweaks on the normal "How are you?" question that help get us beyond the usual, "fine," or "great!" He suggests instead using either,

    How are you really doing?

    or a three-part series: How are you doing on the surface? How are you doing in the middle? How are you doing deep down?

    Ask (or provide) Great Questions

    One of the most important skills for making and keeping friends is asking questions. I've written and talked extensively on the topic (see links below).

    In my book Happy Campers I provide a resource list of questions that are great to use with groups of kids (including in your own family). These are questions we provide to our camp counselors as we train them to connect with their campers and help campers connect with one another. You can read more in Connection Through Questions & access the free PDF here.

    Even with people we are close to, there are still things we don't know about them. Consider using good questions - and great listening - to grow deeper connections.

    Audrey & Gretchen's other chats

    The Magic Relationship Ratio

    Ep. 161: An Inside Look at Sunshine's Parenting

    Ep. 135: Advice & Ideas from Teachers During COVID-19

    Links

    Loneliness in America

    The Pandemic of Loneliness

    The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker

    The Greg McKeown Podcast Ep. 157: See Through People's Masks

    Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown

    Ep. 40: Frientimacy with Shasta Nelson

    Camp Secret #1: Connection Comes First (Free audio chapter from Happy Campers)

    Connection Through Questions (PDF resource from Happy Campers)

    36 Questions to Get Closer to Someone You Love

    Making Memories at Mealtime (Goodwin University)

    Mealtime Conversation Cards (Goodwin University)

    50 Family Dinner Conversation Starters (Six Sisters Stuff)


    [Encore] Ep. 119: Year-End Reflection Activities Dec 09, 2022
    Show notes

    Show Notes

    Subscribe for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families.

    This episode is a live recording of my chat with Sara Kuljis about some of our favorite year-end reflection activities. Joining Sara and me for this episode is Kate Rader, one of the participants from our Raise Thriving Kids Workshop. Kate is a stay-at-home mom to 3 adventure-seeking and fun-loving kiddos, Lauren and Caroline, identical twins who are 13 and Jack, age 10, wife to her college sweetheart Jeff and curious lover of books, podcasts, and conversations about intentional parenting and living.

    Here's what Kate had to say about our workshop:

    "It was just so wonderful to be in a room with people who care enough to be intentional about the choices they're making for their families and what they want for their families because it's a work in progress--and we're all working together."

    Big Ideas

    In addition to parenting books, podcasts, and coaching, workshops are a great resource for parents. Just as most people need continual training and education in their careers, parents can also take the time to learn and connect with others in order to feel invigorated. It is helpful to share what is working and to discuss best practices for strengthening family bonds. We talk a lot about the importance of self-care and modeling a balanced life for our kids.

    Today we discuss the ideas I shared in my recent post, 5 Simple Year-End Reflections:

    Create a Reverse Bucket List.

    Look back over your life and make a list of the cool things you've already done.

    100 Family Memories

    Brainstorm and make a list of what happened in your family this year.

    Pick a Quote of the Year

    Find a quote that resonates with you, or something motivational, looking back or looking ahead, a quote you want to live by.

    Select One Word that you want to guide you in the new year

    Be authentic and make it a word that is uniquely yours.

    Remember your Favorite Books or resources from the past year

    Take time to let the new things that you have learned (in books, podcasts, workshops) to percolate and apply the concepts or practices to your life.

    Pick one or two of these ideas that resonate with you. You can do an activity on your own or engage the whole family. Make the delivery of the idea fun and light. Allow people to be silly. Getting the family together over the holidays, expressing gratitude, and setting intentions together are my favorite ways to bring in the new year.

    Quotes

    Sara: "Sometimes parenting intentionally feels counter-cultural. When we're swimming upstream, to have fishies to swim with is so confidence building. It's reassuring, it's empowering. I've loved all the parents we have gotten to work with through this project because it has fueled me."

    Kate: "The regular accountability is equally as important to me as the one-day workshop. Whether it's via podcasts, recorded conversations, or live conversations, getting together at Starbucks, or whatever it might be, that's really beneficial in maintaining the kind of wonderful feelings that we got coming out of the workshop."

    Kate: "If we're going to develop a true family culture, we need to be intentional about spending time together as a family. And that time is harder and harder to come by."

    Kate: "Just being together, away, experiencing some new adventures has been a neat way for us to firm up our family culture and values and make memories together. That's been a key take away for me."

    Kate: "It's not about those grand gestures. It's about the thoughtful, meaningful moments where people take the time to appreciate their relationships."

    Audrey: "Even if you're not a person who gives affirmations, I really don't think there's a person in this world who wouldn't mind getting a nice note saying something that someone likes about them."

    Audrey: "Sometimes parents start thinking that their relationship with their child is supposed to be like a normal, reciprocal relationship. Expecting that you pour into this child and they're going to pour back to you, is not how parenting works. However, I'm seeing that once they're adults you may get more of the reciprocity than when they were kids. I get very filled up now by my adult children when they give me affirmations or send me a nice message--it's really great."

    Audrey: "You keep encouraging, even if you don't think it means something because I think it really is landing somewhere."

    Audrey: "Another activity could be taking a year's worth of fun texts, cards, and nice messages and putting them somewhere like in a scrapbook just as a great boost."

    Sara: "I love the idea of sitting down with the whole family and saying, 'let's look way back' because there is a chance that something that I didn't consider very bucket-y might have been really significant to my kids. I think it will remind us that it has been a rich life of experiences."

    Audrey: "I would challenge you to focus on yourself for your own reverse bucket list. Sometimes it's good to just think about for your own self-awareness and self-worth and knowing that you're enough just the way you are. I would suggest that the bucket list idea is more of a personal thing because it is recognizing the goals you've already achieved and the cool things that you've done, whereas the 100 Family Memories would be the things you're grateful for."

    Audrey: "The goal is to try to remember (as many as) 100 things so you get down to some of the minutiae and those are some of the funny, random, individual things that happened. It's been a really fun practice."

    Kate: "I think when you allow each family member to share their treasured memories from the year, it gives us insight into their personalities and their level of value and priorities, as well."

    Audrey: "I like spending time at the end of the year, really thinking through what my one word is, thinking about what was good this year and what is it that I want to take into the new year and feel more of, or do more of--I love the process."

    Audrey: "Determine the kind of person you want to be in the next year. Identify the characteristics of that best self. When you're being your best self, what does that look like? It has guided me a lot because once I pick a word, I then seek out resources and ideas to help me live that word better."

    Kate: "It's a neat way to put the focus on how you're going to spend your time, your energy, your reading, and research--all that good stuff. When it is meaningful, it really does carry you through the year and it gives purpose to how you're spending your time."

    Audrey: "It really hit me that my best contribution to my family, to the world, comes when I focus and take the time to do some research, reading, writing, thoughtful time, which is not a normal part of life anymore. You have to actually build in focus."

    Audrey: "There are so many new ideas and things you can do, but to really move the needle, all you need to do is just one. I am challenging myself this year to slow down on the consumption of new information and instead get out the books I've read, look at my highlights and just recap."

    Related Posts & Podcasts

    5 Simple Year-End Reflection Activities

    Learning to Enjoy the Little Things

    100 Family Memories

    #oneword

    My One Word for 2019: Focus

    15 Books for a Happier, More Purposeful Life

    Stop & Celebrate

    Ep. 68 12 Parenting Tips for Happier, More Connected Families

    Ep. 105 Live Above the Noise with Rob Reiher

    Resources

    Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist

    How to Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims

    One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

    Finding Fred Podcast


    [ENCORE] Ep. 63: Growing Gratitude with Sara Kuljis Nov 18, 2022
    Show notes

    Enjoy the little things because one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things.

    In Episode 63, I'm chatting with my friend Sara Kuljis of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. We talk about family gratitude practices and lessons from camp for having more grateful families. At Thanksgiving, it's easy to remember to be grateful, but the habit of gratitude -- practiced at camp, at home, and in the world -- helps us to be happier all year long.

    BIG IDEAS
    • Gratitude is a muscle. We can build it with practice.
    • Research has shown that those who express gratitude daily have a more optimistic view of life and a healthier well-being.
    • Developing relationships with the people around us makes it easier to share authentic gratitude.
    • Model respect by thanking others, especially those who serve us.
      • Use their first names when possible.
      • Make eye contact
    Ways to show gratitude at camp or at home :
    • Flower Sunday -- the practice of handing a daisy while sharing an affirmation or gratitude with another person. You give your flower away and receive a flower from someone who acknowledges an action or quality they appreciate. Using a token such as a flower makes a difference.
    • WOW Bulletin Board -- staff and campers send and receive notes to build each other up and express thanks.
    • Thankful Thursday -- a note, text message or phone call to someone expressing thanks can become a helpful habit.
    • 3 Good Things -- share three good things that happened at the end of each day.
      • Commit to sharing them with friend or family member via text. It helps with accountability and makes it easier to remember.
      • Go around the dinner table and share with your family or friends.
      • Write them down in a journal before bed, or share three things you are thankful for first thing in the morning.
      • This habit can not only strengthen your gratitude muscle but also deepen your relationships and improve your outlook on life.
    • Gratitude Jar -- keep slips of paper for family write down things they are grateful for and collect the scraps in a jar.
      • Share the memories collected over the year at New Year's Eve or at Thanksgiving or anytime.
      • Attach the messages to a bulletin board or even to the Christmas Tree!
    • Warm Fuzzies -- Take a sheet of paper for each person, write their name on it and pass it around. Have everyone write down what they appreciate about that person.
      • Be specific. It is nice to recognize precise actions or character strengths we appreciate in others.
    • Go around the table at mealtime and share 3 good things, something you are grateful for (besides friends and family) or something you are grateful for about yourself
    • Ask children to think of ways they would like to show gratitude for others. Children have really good ideas themselves.
    QUOTES

    Audrey: "We cannot raise grateful kids if we are not promoting our own gratitude."

    Audrey: "It's important to remember that it's not just about completing a task, like sending a text or writing in your journal. It's about taking the moment to feel thankful. We need to take the task out of it and feel the gratitude."

    Sara: "At the end of the day being grateful makes me kinder and softer to those around me."

    Sara: "There's a lot of not-feeling-good-enough in the world. I enjoy helping people identify their natural talents and the natural goodness that is built in them and being intentional about building those into strengths for making a positive impact in the world."

    More Gratitude Resources and Ideas

    My Pinterest "Gratitude Board"

    5 Ways to Avert Thanksgiving Disappointment

    Raising Grateful, Not Entitled Kids

    A Grateful Family is a Happy Family

    Gratitude Revisited

    Feeling Thankful

    3 Reasons to Give Your Kid a WOW Today

    Grateful Campers are Happy Campers

    Learning to Enjoy the Little Things

    Teaching Kids Gratitude Rather than Entitlement: Berkeley News/Christine CarterGiving Thanks can Make you Happy, Harvard Health

    The Science of Gratitude: More Benefits Than Expected; 26 Studies and Counting, Happier Human.com

    7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round, Forbes

    30 Days of Gratitude, Writeshop.com

    Kind over Matter

    Why Gratitude is Important

    Like listening to Audrey and Sara? Here are more of our episodes:

    Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships

    Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids' Strengths

    Ep. 23: Peaceful Mornings

    Ep. 15: Traits of Parents Who are Great to Work With

    Ep. 7: Family Pace & Space

    Ep. 3: Raising Resilient, Independent Kids

    Want to Watch this Episode on Video? Our Favorite Books About Gratitude


    Ep. 177: Story Teaching with Sarah R. Moore Nov 11, 2022
    Show notes

    Visit Sunshine Parenting for additional resources mentioned in this episode.

    Check out Audrey's book, Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults

    Sarah R. Moore is the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting and author of Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior. She's a public speaker, armchair neuroscientist, and most importantly, a Mama. She's a lifelong learner with training in child development, trauma recovery, interpersonal neurobiology, and improv comedy. As a certified Master Trainer in conscious parenting, she helps bring JOY, EASE, and CONNECTION back to families around the globe. Her heart's desire is to bring greater peace and healing to the world through loving and respectful parenting. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, & Twitter.


    Ep. 176: Summer Camp & COVID with Dr. Heather Silverberg Jul 13, 2022
    Show notes

    Sunshine Parenting host Audrey "Sunshine" Monke & pediatrician (and camp doctor) Dr. Heather Silverberg talk about how COVID is impacting kids this summer at camp.

    Want encouragement & simple strategies for raising thriving future adults? Check out Audrey's book, HAPPY CAMPERS: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults.

    Happy Campers on Audible.


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