Show notes
In the medieval tradition of courtly love, the aubade inverts the serenade. Where one heralds an evening arrival, the other laments a morning departure. In John Dunne’s famous poetic contribution to the genre, he chastises the sun for waking and so separating lovers, but consoles us with the notion that the power of the sun is ultimately subordinate to the imperatives of love. More bleak, Philip Larkin’s poem “Aubade” seems to abandon this indictment on behalf of love for one on behalf of self-love, perhaps even on behalf of life itself. Morning awakens us to both workaday drudgery and an awareness of our own mortality. As a consequence, life is harder to live by the light of day, the consolations of philosophy and religion notwithstanding, and vitality is confined to the sorts of evening revelry that make waking all the harder. Wes & Erin discuss whether life (and love) can be reconciled with human self-consciousness and all that it entails. Pre-order Erin’s forthcoming book “Avail” here: http://subtextpodcast.com/avail For bonus content, become a paid subscriber at Patreon or directly on the Apple Podcasts app. Patreon subscribers also get early access to ad-free regular episodes. Also from Wes: Curtain Times, a calendar of Boston theatre, classical, talks and readings. Follow:Twitter | Facebook | Website Transcript 0:19 Erin: or patreon.com/subtextpodcast. Okay, welcome to Subtext. This is part two of our discussion of Philip Larkin's poem Aubade. We got half a half a line into the second stanza, so we'll pick it up from there. The mind blanks at the glare created by our speed as we go through this poem. Okay, so we were just about to get to the lines. Oh, actually, in fact, I never read this second stanza Aloud. So perhaps I should. 1:01 Wes: Yeah. So why don't you read the stanza and then we. 1:03 Erin: Okay, here we go. The mind blanks at the glare not in remorse, the good not done, the love not given. Time torn off unused, nor wretchedly because an only life can take so long to climb clear of its wrong beginnings and may never but at the total emptiness forever, the sure extinction that we travel to and shall be lost in always. Not to be here, not to be anywhere, and soon. Nothing more terrible, nothing more true. 1:35 Wes: Okay, so as usual, I've been operating under a misconception because of my misinterpretation of. I had been thinking about death in life as wasted time and inhibited love. But he's denying that here. He's saying the mind blanks at the glare. Not because we are remorseful about unused time and love not given or because. And this is a great. This is a really great idea. Only life. And only life can take so long to climb clear of its wrong beginnings. The idea that we've been screwed up by our childhoods. Right. And a significant portion of our life involves trying to climb clear of. Of that so that we can really achieve what we want to achieve. So there's this kind of remedial aspect to some aspects of how we spend our time. And we only have one life to do it. So the question is, can we do all the remedial stuff and then get into AP calculus once we're done with that? But he's saying it's not that either. It's not that we have so much to overcome in our limited time, but just this idea that our extinction is. Sure. And I guess one might think that that deprives anything that we might do. No matter how productive we are, no matter how much love there is in our life, it perhaps makes it all meaningless, that we can't. None of that can be meaningful, if. Sure, extinction is what lies at the end of it. 3:12 Erin: You know, I think your reading is correct, though, because, I mean, I think it is on a certain level. First of all, the best phrase in the whole poem is time torn off, unused. And, you know, and we do get. You know, we do. We do spend some lines here really preoccupied with what he says. He's not preoccupied by. So, you know, again, I think he's. Through negation. He's. He's able to sort of occupy two states of mind at the same time. 3:42 Wes: Yeah. 3:42 Erin: But I do think, you know, I'm really interested in this idea of remorse as actually maybe a fantasy about more life. You Know, this is the idea that maybe somewhere, some other time, under some other circumstances, you could have had another life. Or it's kind of dreaming of a parallel life in which the correct choices were made, the achievements, you know, were many. I don't know. You know, in which everything went well. Right. And so this. This idea of. I think what he's thinking of as, like, deathbed remorse is actually a further stay against this idea of extinction, because it's actually a fantasy about another thread, a continued life, or just a different one, but still something that's more life. Right. And what he's talking about is shutting all that down because those kind of open up little wormholes of hope and possibility. The thing that's really the scary part is the extinction. And I'm not sure that I agree. I mean, not that it's my place to agree or disagree with the poem, but I think remorse can be a much scarier thing than the eternal dirt nap. I don't know. 5:01 Wes: Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, yes, there are nights when I wake up in existential dread. Oh, my God, I'm going to die. 5:10 Erin: Yeah. 5:11 Wes: And I. Unless one has some religious consolation for that, that can be quite piercing, but it's pretty rare. I actually used to do that as a kid, believe it or not. 5:24 Erin: That explains a lot. Yeah. 5:27 Wes: Like, oh, my God, I'm gonna die. But I think, yeah, most of us are concerned about what we can fit into life. This is one life to live, and how do we make it the best life that we can live, and how do we get as much love and work accomplishment and then good, which, of course, is the word that I ignore. Right. There's a triad here. Good love and time unused, which, you know, thinking of not just work, but anything we might do. So, of course, I ignored the good part. Right. The good not done. All the nice things we might have done for people or the. Or how we might have perfected ourselves ethically or improved ourselves ethically and been better people and proved, you know, maybe done something for justice in the world and things like that. So that's the part I ignored. But, yeah, so there's. There's a trio of these things. And I think, yeah, most of us think in those terms about when we're fearful about time passing, we're fearful about not being able to do enough of those things. 6:38 Erin: Did I ever tell you my. My panic attack in the Coolidge Corner theater story? 6:45 Wes: No. 6:47 Erin: So I think I've only had, like, one really extremely vivid reckoning with my own death. I mean, I think you know, obviously I have garden variety thoughts of death all the time, but I was in the Coolidge Corner Theater. I was watching The Old Man & the Gun, the Robert Redford film that came out maybe, oh, I don't know, five, five years ago now. Five, six years ago. 7:10 Wes: I haven't heard of it. 7:13 Erin: It's. I don't remember if it was good or not, because I. For whatever reason, I went to go, you know, this is Coolidge Corner Theater. Was like, you know, kitty Corner to my apartment. So sometimes I would just like, at the last minute just go in and see a movie by myself. And anyway, I was sitting in the theater. Redford came on the screen. I was shocked at how old he was. And suddenly I had a really. A really vivid experience of the fact that, like, I was actually going to physically die someday. And because Redford looked so old. So I guess if Redford's gonna die, I am, too. I don't know. And anyway, it was so upsetting and so vivid that I started, I guess, having a panic attack. Like, I couldn't breathe. And I actually had to leave the theater to calm down. And anyway, sorry, that's just a ridiculous. I just love telling that story. 8:14 Wes: I don't have to have a movie ticket to have that experience. I just have to look in the mirror. 8:21 Erin: No, but it's a Redford. 8:22 Wes: Who is that person? 8:24 Erin: I know there's something. 8:25 Wes: Well, that's what I used to look. 8:27 Erin: Exactly. 8:30 Wes: I was a model. Yeah. No, that's really interesting because it captures all of this at a visceral level. It's not just about. So what is it? Yeah, what is it about someone looking really old and Robert Redford in particular, that would cause a panic attack? What aspect of your mortality is that plugging into another world? Is it about the eternal dirt nap or is it about time torn off, unused, or which. 9:02 Erin: I think more the former, but also the idea that there is an initiation into death. I think there was also something kind of religious, too, in the fear that, oh, he has aged. We are all going to undergo aging. The manner of our death might be excruciatingly painful and drawn out. If things don't go so well for us, you know, we're not all guaranteed to die in our sleep. And then I'm going to have to give an account of what I've done. Like, I think it's all kind of in a ball for me. You know, it's all. It's all entwined together. And part of that could be my sense of faith. Which is also, like, I think, a really profound fear that he's not giving any attention to in this poem, which is like, what if. You know, what if you die? And then after you die, there's someone who has on divine videotape every single bad decision you've ever made in your entire life and then plays it back to you, and you have to give an account for that. You know, you have to pay for it. 10:12 Wes: I'd rather do the eternal. 10:14 Erin: Exactly. Right. Like, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, religion is just a way to make you feel better about yourself. Really. That's not my. Not my experience. 10:23 Wes: I would not want to relive all my bad decisions. 10:26 Erin: Yeah. So I think, you know, I think that was a big part of it for me, and I think it was. Yeah. I think it was induced by this idea that even Redford is getting old and is going to die. And so that means. That means it's going to definitely happen to mere mortals like me. And. I don't know. 10:44 Wes: I mean, anyone could have not gotten old. It would have been him, right? 10:48 Erin: Or Paul Newman. But Paul Newman's already dead, so unless he's just, you know, been assumed into heaven. 10:55 Wes: Is Paul Newman dead? 10:56 Erin: Oh, yeah. He's been dead for a while. 10:58 Wes: I had no idea. 10:58 Erin: Yeah, I thought, Joanne Woodward's still alive, but you surprised? 11:03 Wes: Oh, I was thinking Natalie Wood. I thought you were messing with me. Okay. 11:06 Erin: No, no, no, no, no, no. Joanne Woodward, his wife. 11:09 Wes: But Paul Newman, he was. Isn't he the one who put his head, face in the bowl of cold water to prevent aging? Or is that Robert Redford? 11:17 Erin: I don't know. I've never heard that. But I don't think Paul Newman would do ice dives. What? Really? 11:22 Wes: You don't think so? Okay, he's too manly for that. 11:25 Erin: No, he was so. He was so ambivalent about his own looks, and they caused him so many problems that you. I think it would have been. If I had to venture a guess, I would assume it would have been a relief for him to age a little bit, though. I don't know. With men, sometimes they look even better when they age. It's a whole thing. Anyway, the point being, I think that these thoughts that he's talking about of this kind of, you know, I'll call it like the deathbed remorse thoughts, I think that can't help but be tied to or come with, you know, in the caboose of. Or in the trunk of the car of extinction. Because it's about. What is this Extinction about it's the lack of continuation in one's life that means one wants one's life to continue. There's inherent remorse in the idea of extinction for what is lost. I think it's about more than just this idea that the screen goes blank and that's it, you know? 12:23 Wes: Yeah. I mean, we develop all these abilities, for instance, we learn all these things. This is always what struck me as this is the meaning aspect of it. Right. So there's the dirt nap aspect, but then there's the way in which everything that we might think is meaningful in some sense could be deprived of meaning by the fact that it's all going to be terminated. What's the point of becoming good at something if all of that work is for naught in some larger sense, because it can't be carried forward indefinitely. 12:54 Erin: Right, right. But isn't that also what gives. You know, we also wouldn't, say, develop any skills if we lived forever, you know what I mean? Like, there would be no. I don't know, there would be no point to becoming good at anything if any kind of excellence wasn't needed to give meaning to our lives, sustain our lives for the brief time that we're here. We could always just say, oh, we'll do it later. There's no urgency, there's no pressure to become great. I mean, I think like, death maybe takes away the. The meaning of becoming good at something, but it also lends the meaning for. At least for certain things. I mean, maybe not for like, you know, learning to play the piano, but certainly for making the most of one's time in certain crucial other ways. I mean, I think that includes playing the piano. But, you know, for argument's sake. 13:44 Wes: Yeah, that's a good point. I was thinking. And you know, if just thinking strictly in terms of accomplishment, people can be driven by prestige or they can be just driven by love of the work itself. But to the extent that we're driven by prestige, yet that's something that's time pressured. Perhaps it is the case that if we had an infinite amount of time to do any of those things, then it would become meaningless. And after all, the person who's a great novelist inside of 80 years, if I have an infinity to tell myself that I might be able to do that one day. Yeah, no, I think so. That's a good point. Before we move to the next stanza, just like this, these last two lines, not to be here, not to be anywhere and soon nothing more terrible, nothing more true. Makes me think there should be a Dr. Seuss version of this with drawings and just for kids. 14:46 Erin: Oh, the places you won't go when you're dead. 14:50 Wes: That's great. Everybody dies. 14:56 Erin: I really want you to become used 14:58 Wes: to the idea early. 14:59 Erin: Yeah. I really want you to write a series of children's books on the theme of mortality. 15:04 Wes: Actually, that is actually not a bad idea. 15:07 Erin: That would be horrid. Have you ever read. I had some of these books. Maybe. Maybe it was Hilaire Belloc wrote a couple of children's books on this theme or. I also loved the Edward Gorey, the kids dying in gruesome ways according to the Alphabet. You know, like A is for Arthur who was struck down by an axe or whatever, you know, and it shows, like all these kids being brutally murdered or dying in heinous ways. Anyway, I loved that when I was a kid. Kids are sickos. 15:37 Wes: All right, you want to read the next one? 15:40 Erin: This is a special way of being afraid. No trick dispels religion. Used to try that. Vast moth eaten musical brocade created to pretend we never die. And specious stuff that says no rational being can fear a thing. It will not feel, not seeing that this is what we fear. No sight, no sound, no touch or taste or smell. Nothing to think with, nothing to lo…
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