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    Games & Hobbies

    Square Roots – THE Classic RPG Podcast

    Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they’re the fun kind of dumb, and that’s what counts.

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    Latest Episodes:
    Yakuza Part 2 - It's Like Pokémon If You're A Pervert Dec 09, 2019
    Show notes

    We get lost in the weeds of Sega's open world brawler RPG in this episode of Square Roots. While Matthew is lost in dangerous enemy territory, Vanessa recounts a horrifying beetle experience, Johnny wishes for a sexy wrestling game that will never happen, and Jim takes the swrong kind of cough medicine.

    This Week: We finish Chapter 5 of Yakuza! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

    Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

    Contact Square Roots!

    Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Yakuza Part 1 - White Queso Velveeta Clan Dec 02, 2019
    Show notes

    What are the Yakuza? Vanessa, Jim and Johnny aren't quite sure, but they try to talk it out using Kraft company metaphors. Also: Johnny fails at simple math, we get our first taste of the Majima Everywhere system, and have a hard time memorizing the 80 people you're introduced to in the first three chapters.

    This Week: We finish Chapter 3 of Yakuza! Next Week: We finish Chapter 5!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

    Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

    Contact Square Roots!

    Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 5 - You Get One Chance, Baby Nov 25, 2019
    Show notes

    Jim's track got drank by audio vampires, but we just struggle on and edit him out! On this episode we fight real live werewolves, set the lasers to "human", and find a cabbie who will drive us to the ending of our choice!

    This Week: We finish Vampire: The Masquerade! Next Week: We finish Chapter 3 of Yakuza 1!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at:

    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

    Contact Square Roots!

    Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 4 - Flesh Goblin Buttholes Nov 18, 2019
    Show notes

    This week on an exciting, vamp-filled episode of Square Roots: Vanessa fights a street shark with a Japanese demon hunter; the game wants us to pick a fight with a polite Kuei-Jin; Matthew presses 1 through all the dialogue; Johnny completely misremembers game dialogue with way more slurs; the game completely breaks several times and SO MUCH MORE!

    This Week: We rescue Gary's buddy and recover the sarcophagus! Next Week: We finish Vampire: The Masquerade!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at:

    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

    Contact Square Roots!

    Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 3 - It's Pronounced Zoobilee Zoo Nov 11, 2019
    Show notes

    In this exciting episode of Square Roots Jim disappears, Johnny doesn't know how to pronounce Tzimisce or Hamill, Vanessa's descent into Vampire the Masquerade mythology madness continues, and Matthew meets more pallete-swapped Toots / Sworkers. This Week: We find the Nosferatu warren and head to Chinatown! Next Week: We rescue one of Gary's buddies and get a phone call from him.

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at: YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 2 - This Podcast Is A Creepypasta Now Nov 04, 2019
    Show notes

    Jim stumbles upon a secret room in Troika's Vampire: The Masquerade that we're not entirely sure exists in this sprawling episode of Square Roots. Also: Johnny is uncomfortable with the plaguebearers quest, Chunk gets his time to shine, we sneak on to a ship with very broken doors, and a raptor makes us nervous.

    This Week: We spend a night at a museum and head to Hollywood! Next Week: We find the Nosferatu warren and head to Chinatown!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at: YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 1 - Sexy Ventriloquist Dummy Oct 28, 2019
    Show notes

    CW: Mental illness, sexual assault

    Finally, Vanessa's greatest wish comes true and we start the sexy vampire chronicles of Troika's RPG classic: Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines: The Undying: Reckoning: Turn to the Dark: Revengeance. Join Eponia Shade, Chad Cemetary, Claudius Scares and Mathiu Vamp Zandt as they learn all about the rules of Vampire Prom, find out that there are plenty of stakes in this scenario, and disarm a violent offender. Also Matt skips a vital tutorial and Jim isn't totally sure he's playing the right game. This Week: We head out of Santa Monica after exploderizing a factory! Next Week: We spend a night at a museum and head to Hollywood!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at:

    YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/ Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Suikoden Part 6 - Tinkles & Windy Oct 21, 2019
    Show notes

    Before we finish Suikoden, ask yourself this: are you ready for front gate and back gate action? We gather our forces, recruit 108 stars, transcend mortality, deal with Anne Geddes, find a spy, meet our new mom, and give Emperor Barbarossa breakup advice.

    This Week: We finish Suikoden! Next Week: We head out of Santa Monica after exploderizing a factory! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Suikoden Part 5 - An Inappropriately Named He-Man Villain Oct 14, 2019
    Show notes

    3 Ninjas kick back and join our party in this patricidal chunk of the Konami JRPG Suikoden. Join Kun To and all the other sluts for justice as we duel McDohl's father, we recruit Alan Greenspan, abandon children, get the requisite sarcastic sword, get on a James Bond tangent, and finally, finally kill a vampire.

    This week: We kill Neclord and recruit Milia in the Dragon's Den. Next week: We finish Suikoden!

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Suikoden Part 4 - Deadly Grandma Oct 07, 2019
    Show notes

    Watch out - Sexy Grandma has ranked up in the lethal arts. Also: gambling financing an army, some big losses, Teo finds out his son is really into bears, reckless spore use, and so much more!

    This Week: We get to the secret factory! Next Week: Milia joins us in the Dragon's Den.

    Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

    Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

    Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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