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Latest Episodes:

Your Fear of Being Canceled is Hurting Your Art Feb 23, 2025

Show notes

Creatives, I’m looking at you. In today’s episode, I walk you through exactly how I lost my creative spark in the Internet’s sea of opinions and how I got it back. When did we forget that art is supposed to make us clutch our pearls? And how do we remember? If you want to stop praying to the altar of the comment section, this episode is for you. We’ll walk through 4 things that helped me start making chewy, brave art again.

You owe it to yourself to stop sanitizing your art. This episode is a messy, raw field guide on how to do that—from another creative climbing out of the same boat.

00:00 Intro

02:09 Preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Let’s hang on tour!

02:44 Are vulnerability and nuance needed for good art?

03:13 Did video kill the radio star? Will IG poetry kill literary poetry?

04:04 Taylor Swift’s quill, fountain pen, glitter gel pen buckets of art

04:40 Sugarcoated self love: helpful or hurtful?

05:28 Should we think about the audience when we make art?

05:42 Rick Rubin & “the audience eats last”

06:20 Is social media tainting our intentions as artists?

08:13 Art as an offering vs. art as an outlet

08:33 How to gut your art of meaning

09:20 My own experience navigating this, good and bad

11:47 Should artists care about views and engagement?

12:27 Microwaving our art to keep pace with the algorithm

13:52 Having no haters is not a badge of honor

14:45 “Bad takes” vs “good takes” and the erasure of nuance

15:10 Moral imposter syndrome and curated vulnerability

16:55 The big, messy mistakes we don’t hear about

17:33 Stop sanitizing your art

17:57 Ellen Bass & art that makes you clutch your pearls

18:31 Relax by Ellen Bass

19:11 Art for likes versus art for thought

19:36 So how do we take our brains back?

19:59 Break - with a big surprise!

23:47 4 ways to take our creative spark back

23:57 1. Notice the voices in your head

24:57 2. Temper vulnerability with respect for your privacy

26:07 3. Create art with urgency

26:21 A Little Life & commodified art vs art for art’s sake

28:42 Mary Oliver on getting distracted from your art

30:55 4. Get off your phone

32:00 How to start a fire, literally & creatively

33:57 Your art misses you

35:34 I ♡ your thoughts

36:27 Challenge: make something scary this week

37:14 You are not out of good ideas

MY LINKS

EPISODE LINKS

⁠Joy Sullivan’s poetry masterclass⁠⁠ - brought up so much thought and a big breakthrough for me. Dives into what it means to make vulnerable, surprising art.
⁠⁠Taylor Swift accepting Songwriter-Artist of the Decade at the Nashville Songwriter Awards⁠⁠, discussing her quill, fountain pen and glitter gel pen lyric categories
⁠⁠The Creative Act by Rick Rubin⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert⁠⁠ - two of my favorite books on the creative process, both talked about in this episode
⁠⁠Relax by Ellen Bass⁠⁠ - one of my many favorite poems by Ellen Bass, who IMO is the blueprint for writing gutsy, gritty poems. Could not recommend her books⁠⁠ Like a Begger, Mules of Love, and Indigo⁠⁠ more.
⁠⁠A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara⁠⁠ - the novel with the passage I read about commodified art vs art for art’s sake.
⁠⁠Upstream by Mary Oliver⁠⁠ - the book with the passage I read about getting distracted. If you need a reminder of the cost of hiding from your truth, read chapter 3.

The Confidence Code: 8 Shifts for Instant Growth Feb 16, 2025

Show notes

Confidence isn’t just something you have—it’s something you do. Today, we’re breaking down 8 small but powerful shifts that will instantly change how others see you and how you feel about yourself. These aren’t generic “believe in yourself” tips. These are super specific, research-backed tips that will instantly improve your confidence. We’re diving into original sources ranging from Plato’s the Republic to HBO’s Euphoria to ask: what does it mean to be a confident person? And how do you become one? If you want to show up in the next conversation you have as most magnetic, grounded, and comfy-in-your-skin version of yourself—this episode is for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

03:42 The philosophy of confidence

03:55 Plato’s virtue of the mean

05:30 Maddy from Euphoria on confidence

06:49 8 shifts for instant confidence

07:18 Break - with a surprise for you!

11:12 1. The power of the pause

13:35 2. Watch overactive listening

16:02 3. Open body language

18:29 4. Handshakes are hot

20:34 5. Rephrase mirrored questions

24:04 6. Slow blink rate

26:43 7. Watch upspeak

29:22 8. Call them by their name

32:32 Lightning round recap

MY LINKS

EPISODE LINKS

We're Drowning in Choices and It's Ruining Our Lives: The Paradox of Choice Feb 02, 2025

Show notes

We live in an age of seemingly infinite options. The internet has thousands of pages of search results for that thing you need to buy. Endless entertainment awaits on streaming platforms and social media. Dating apps offer a never-ending scroll of potential partners. So why does it feel impossible to find what we need? Why can’t you pick a movie to watch? Why is it harder than ever to find someone to love?

This episodes discusses the paradox of choice: the idea that more choices often make us less happy. Is more less when it comes to choices? If so, how can we live happily in an age of infinite options? Let's talk about it.

EPISODE OUTLINE:

00:00 Intro

01:51 What is the paradox of choice?

02:37 Stanford jam study

06:12 Dating apps

07:10 Decision paralysis

08:53 Opportunity costs

09:13 Sylvia Plath's fig tree allegory

12:08 Expectation inflation

15:05 So what do we do about it?

15:57 Break

21:01 Kierkegaard's leap of faith

22:10 The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

24:17 Nietzsche's amor fati

27:49 Satisficing

30:00 The next right thing

MY LINKS:

5 Types of Friendship Breakups & How to Get Through Them Jan 26, 2025

Show notes

Friend breakups hit different. They’re messy, heartbreaking, and rarely come with closure. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down five of the most common types of friendship breakups, why they happen, and how to survive them without losing your mind (or your faith in humanity). If you’ve ever mourned a friendship like it was a death, this one’s for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE:

00:00 Intro

03:21 1. The Mutual Drift

04:18 Aristotle’s utility, pleasure and virtue friendships

06:46 Dunbar’s number: how many friendships can we maintain at once?

08:25 Carl Jung & making friends while wearing a mask

09:40 Mollenhorst’s social pruning study

10:06 Getting through a mutual drift

11:51 Break - with a surprise!

15:23 2. The One-Sided Slow Fade

17:00 How to get through it on the receiving end

19:09 What if you’re the one who’s fading away from a friend?

21:22 3. The Formal Breakup

23:38 How to break up with a friend ethically

24:47 Getting through a friend breaking up with you

25:34 4. The Blow Up

26:42 Sartre & conflict as a mirror of the self

27:44 Getting through a friendship blowing up

28:21 Hegel & conflict as an engine for growth

29:26 5. The Sudden Ghost

30:23 Getting through being ghosted by a friend

32:06 Lightning round recap

32:39 The peak-end rule

34:02 Journaling prompts for processing a friendship breakup

34:33 Poem: To Strangers I Used to Know

MY LINKS

⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠ ⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠ ⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠

The Spiritual Reason You Can't Focus Jan 19, 2025

Show notes

Your attention is sacred. It’s also for sale.

Maybe the reason you can’t get off your phone or stop wasting your Saturdays streaming a show you’ll forget the moment you finish the last episode or do what you say you will isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s not because you don’t want it badly enough. It’s not because you haven’t locked in. Maybe the reason you can’t focus is bigger than you entirely.

Today’s episode dives into the hidden reason we distract ourselves from our own lives and leaves you with 5 bite-sized ways to reclaim your brain. My fellow doomscrollers, rotters, and TikTok ban mourners: this one’s for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE:

02:18 The spiritual source of distraction

02:29 I. Nietzsche: staring into the abyss

03:43 II. Kierkegaard: sickness unto death

04:46 III. Victor Frankl: the search for meaning

08:04 IV. Kali yuga: the age of distraction

09:16 Enter: the attention economy

10:15 The Dorito theory

14:23 So what do we do about it?

14:31 5 steps to take back your focus

14:42 Break - with a surprise for you!

18:14 Step 1: the art of unitasking

23:05 Step 2: giving attention vs having it taken

25:14 Step 3: Dorito vs dinner list

26:48 Step 4: Dorito ritual

29:18 Step 5: Focus ritual

31:24 Lightning round recap

MY LINKS:

SHOW LINKS:

10 Things about Dating I Wish I Knew in My 20s Jan 12, 2025

Show notes

This episode should be called ten HARD TO HEAR things about dating I wish I knew in my twenties because... oof. Buckle up. The dating scene in your twenties is the trenches. I wish I could go back in time and tell all this to younger me. It would save her so many hours and tears and good outfits on bad dates with people who don't like her. Instead, I'll tell you. I learned each of these lessons the hard way, but you don't have to! I present to you: 10 things I wish I knew about dating in my twenties.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

01:20 Break

04:09 If they treat you like they don’t care, they don’t

06:41 Someone not liking you doesn't make them a catch

10:06 Running at the first sign of conflict isn’t a flex

13:21 If you’re attracted to games, you’re the problem

16:36 Stop seeking closure from your exes

19:05 Don’t date their potential

20:14 Being single rocks

23:05 Love is not all you need

23:36 You can’t make them stay if they want to go

30:58 You can’t scare away the right person

33:39 Lightning round recap

LINKS:

8 Clues to Your Purpose Jan 05, 2025

Show notes

Feel like you’re meant for something more but can’t put your finger on what that “more” is? This episode is here to help. The bad news is: finding your purpose in a world full of distractions and expectations is hard. Like, super hard. The good news is: we’ve been struggling with this since the dawn of humanity, so lots of extremely smart people have piped up about it.

Clues to your purpose are hiding in unexpected places. Today, we’ll explore 8 of those clues, as proposed by some of humanity’s greatest minds. Consider this episode a field guide out of your existential crisis. Brought to you by me: your friendly neighborhood lawyer-turned-creative, fresh out of the trenches of living someone else’s life.

SHOW OUTLINE:

00:00 Intro

03:14 If you're looking for your purpose, look for...

03:42 1. What you loved as a kid (Nietzsche)

06:31 2. What makes you jealous (Nietzsche)

10:15 3. What puts you into flow state (Csikszentmihalyi)

13:00 Break

15:56 4. What you see everywhere

16:32 The Invisible Gorilla Experiment

17:30 The Cocktail Party Effect

18:34 Attention as Devotion (Mary Oliver and Simone Weil)

19:00 5. What makes you uncomfortable (Carl Jung)

20:56 6. What connects you to the world (Bhagavad Gita)

23:30 7. What you want your purpose to be (Albert Camus)

26:36 8. Here and now (Alan Watts)

30:07 Lightning Round Summary

MY LINKS:

10 Things Your New Life Will Cost You Dec 29, 2024

Show notes

So you have a dream, huh? You're in the right place. You've probably heard this quote from the brilliant Brianna Wiest: Your new life will cost you your old one. Today we're diving into it. As someone who walked away from an old life for a new one this year, let me tell you - there are costs. In the past year, I have completely flipped my life on its head. I walked away from my job as an attorney to dive into the murky waters of creative work. This episode will discuss 10 things your new life will cost you.

SHOW LINKS:

Your Dreams Are For People Like You - listen to the episode of Shawna Krueger's podcast, Leadership and Yoga
Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation, by James Doty, M.D.
Visual representation of Plato's Cave Allegory

MY LINKS:

"We're on a Floating Rock:" The Rise, Pros and Cons of Optimistic Nihilism Feb 12, 2023

Show notes

The floating rock mentality—nihilism with rose-colored glasses—is quickly becoming the zeitgeist of spiritually deconstructed young people. What is it? How did we get here? Cosmologically speaking, are we really just insignificant creatures on an insignificant floating rock? Is life meaningless? What are the pros and cons of believing that it is? Is optimistic nihilism going to turn you into Tyler Durden or Jobu Tupaki? What can we learn from Nietzsche, Albert Camus and Sisyphus? How do we find value in a potentially meaningless universe? Are spirituality and rationality mutually exclusive on this floating rock in space?

JUMP AROUND

I. intro

II. disclaimers (2:37)

III. floating rock mentality (6:48)

a. what is it? (6:48)

b. how did we get here? (9:37)

c. is it true, literally & cosmologically speaking? (11:41)

(ad break)

IV. nietzsche and nihilist philosophy (21:24)

a. sad early life (22:19)

b. sad love life (23:58)

c. nietzsche’s philosophical model (24:47)

V. the pros of purposelessness (29:45)

VI. the cons (35:27)

a. will you turn into tyler durden/jobu tupaki? (36:57)

b. volatile valuation of your own life (40:50)

(ad break)

V. finding value in a (possibly) meaningless universe (43:06)

a. sisyphus (44:13)

b. albert camus on sisyphus (absurdism) (44:47)

VI. how does god fit into all of this? (50:25)

a. pascal’s wager (51:22)

b. choosing between purposelessness & spirituality (58:09)

c. redefining spirituality (1:00:06)

SOURCES & REFERENCES

re: rise in disaffiliation from organized religion among Gen-Z and millennials: https://tinyurl.com/2p9d5474

re: size of the universe, super habitable planets, SETI Luyten B communications: https://tinyurl.com/3kmyy5av; https://tinyurl.com/3hdc8u8m; https://www.seti.org

“Important” by Ian McConnell: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRGqbRHa/

Rhett McLoughlin spiritual deconstruction podcast episode: https://tinyurl.com/yytywu4c

Re: biographical info about Nietzsche: https://tinyurl.com/ye28xbxe; https://tinyurl.com/2za4nsc4

Nietzsche referenced works: Human, All-too-Human (1878),The Gay Science(1882, second expanded edition 1887), On the Genealogy of Morality (1887)

re: Lou Salome, Nietzsche’s love interest: https://tinyurl.com/5bvdymd7; https://tinyurl.com/5598dycu

Fight Club (1999) directed by David Fincher; starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert; starring Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan and Stephanie Hsu

The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus

Pascal’s Wager: https://tinyurl.com/ftrrssth;https://tinyurl.com/7nkhw79b

Why Are We So Scared to Die? How Do We Get Less Scared? Feb 12, 2023

Show notes

Let’s talk about death, baby. Today we’re asking: Why are we so afraid to die? Are we 21st century humans any different than Gilgamesh (remember Gilgamesh)? Who’s the most afraid of death: baby boomers, millennials or Gen-Z? Should you freeze your brain in case future humans figure out how not to die? What’s death meditation? Can Victoria talk about her spiritual breakthrough without sounding unbearably woo woo? How do we get less afraid to die???

JUMP AROUND:

I. disclaimers 0:37

II. what is death anxiety? 5:19

III. the paradox of being human (ernest becker) 8:09

IV. trying not to die across history (from gilgamesh to cryonics) 12:50

V. afterlife beliefs: then and now 17:13

ad break (are you proud of me or annoyed or both??)

VI. demographic differences in fear of death 20:03

a. nationality 20:49

b. religion 24:15

c. age 26:27

VII. my experiences with death anxiety 30:37

a. fear of being buried alive 33:53

b. false memories related to death 37:22

c. fear of oblivion 39:02

d. spiritual crisis 41:51

ad break

VIII. my experiences with death meditation 43:38

IX. my ego nap 51:44

SOURCES:

definition of death anxiety: https://tinyurl.com/death-anxiety

Collett-Lester Fear Of Death Scale (CL-FODS): Cuniah M, Bréchon G, Bailly N. Validation of the Revised Collett-Lester Fear of Death Scale in a French Population. https://tinyurl.com/4sp6rh5k

re: the paradox of being human: The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker

re: trying not to die across history: The Epic of Gilgamesh; cryonics (https://tinyurl.com/yckp6jsf); monkey testicle transplant (https://tinyurl.com/3w3svbtm)

re: gen Z attitudes towards death:https://tinyurl.com/bdf2u9yx

re: nationality and religious divides in attitudes towards death https://tinyurl.com/m6f9mepx; the Multidimensional Fear of Death Scale (MFODS; Hoelter, 1979; Neimeyer & Moore, 1994), DePaola, Griffin, Young, and Neimeyer (2003); Duff and Hong (1995); Alvarado, Templer, Bresler, & Thomson-Dobson, 1995)

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