So, Here's My Story... - TopPodcast.com

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Ep198: Replay - In Sickness and In Health Apr 06, 2021

Show notes

REPLAY OF EPISODE 69: When illness befell the Hume household, Jodi learned an important lesson about empathy, and how bad we can be at empathizing if we haven’t experienced something for ourselves. It turns out, empathy involves more than emotional intelligence.

Why is that important for business?

So often in business, we jump to conclusions about the motivations, experiences and decisions of others. Sometimes, this lack of empathy is a matter of needing to develop some emotional intelligence. But perhaps more often, it is simply a lack of knowledge or a need to ask more questions.

Lack of empathy is often a lack of curiosity. We think we know what we are looking at and don’t take the time to do additional diagnostics. In the moment when you want to be frustrated with a behaviour, there is power in being willing to ask a couple of questions.

In this way, empathy in general is more like a shared understanding as opposed to an emotional response. If you don’t understand why someone has a problem with something, maybe it’s because you don’t understand the problem enough.

This lack of empathy often lives in a blind spot and usually isn’t a conscious choice we make. It is important to pay attention when our inner dialogue is dismissive – and where we are making assumptions about other people – if we want to develop our ability to share understanding with other people.

Resources Mentioned

Empathy Exams, by Leslie Jamison. http://www.lesliejamison.com/the-book/

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Ep197: You-Shaped Feedback Mar 30, 2021

Show notes

How do you pick a mentor? What is necessary to being a good mentor? And do you still need a Sherpa if you have already summited the mountain?

Why is that important for business?

Mentors or NA sponsors are something that successful people use to succeed in business and sobriety. But once you’ve “made it”, do you still need on?

A mentor isn’t someone that gives you the answers. A good mentor or sponsor is there to help you avoid falling into your usual traps, and keep you focused on the line of thinking that got you to the summit in the first place. They need to know and understand you so they can help you evolve. There is a weight and gravity that comes with the title, and they need you to be able to not figure out if something is a good idea, but if it is a good idea for you. They need to know you well enough not to necessarily answer, but to help you re-orient you back to yourself.

Once you are reoriented, you often know what the next thing is. And they need to be able to recognize what a valuable failure for you is, as well as invalid (or not good for you right now) success. Mentorship is getting them back to who they are so they can make whatever decision is right for them. Even if a mentor thought they had all the right answers for themself, they should be insightful enough to see that they don’t have all the answers for someone else.

And this isn’t (just) about accountability. Sometimes, what people need is to be nudged into action, but sometimes what they need is to let their own processes unfold. There is an art to knowing the difference. Accountability is only valuable if it is action in the right direction.

You need a mentor who gets who you are so their feedback is you-shaped.

Other resources mentioned

Dismantling the Myth of the Self-Reliant CEO: https://www.fastcompany.com/3060235/dismantling-the-myth-of-the-self-reliant-ceo

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Ep196: Training Your People to Fetch Pillows Mar 23, 2021

Show notes

It turns out, you can train a dog to stop barking if you train him to retrieve throw cushions instead. Let’s find out how that trick can work with humans.

Why is that important for business?

When you see a behaviour you don’t like – barking at the door, for instance – you may have better luck stopping it by introducing a new replacement behaviour – fetching pillows - than by focusing on the barking. It can be much more effective to train a dog to do something instead of training them not to do something.

And it just might be the same for those of us on two legs.

But it is important to not step over the part where the dogs had training. “Do this instead” works best when the “instead” is clearly communicated and sufficient or necessary training occurs. Like here.

Be aware that in every interaction you have, you are training people how best to interact with you and how to get what they want from you. If you respond to an email immediately, for instance, you are teaching someone that that is a fast and efficient way to get what they need from you. When you notice that subconscious training is happening all of the time, you can direct it to encourage the behaviour you want more of.

But beware – the conversation is important. Though often people can figure out things on their own through reinforcement “training”, you may need a Care and Feeding conversation to make the behaviour stick. And before you do that, you need to recognize not only what isn’t working, but what behaviour you would like instead.

That frustration, of seeing what you don’t want, and turning it into an opportunity (what you do want), is what being an entrepreneur is about. If you act like an internal entrepreneur in your own company, you can look for the frustrations and find an opportunity to change things for the better.

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Ep195: Brakes vs. Breaks Mar 16, 2021

Show notes

A lot of car ads discuss the importance of going from zero to 100, but rarely they talk about how well they go from 100 to zero. And it turns out, neither do businesses.

Why is that important for business?

Business owners focus a lot on growth, scalability and everything to do with speed, power and velocity. But safety, or measured initiatives, aren’t as sexy. Sometimes, to go fast, you need to build your brakes up so you don’t spin out on the curves.

Braking is an art in and of itself.

We have to learn to ebb as hard as we flow.

Look at the meme below, and consider honouring all of the parts of endurance, including the pausing. Leaning back is often accompanied by guilt or the need to justify. But what if you asked yourself, “what do I need to do right now to do my best work? Is it pushing forward or leaning back?”

When you take the guilt out of the conversation, and consider that – on a racetrack and in business too - knowing when and how to brake is part of completing the race.

There is a large Venn diagram overlap between break and brake, but only one involves guilt. Maybe there is a brain hack there – tell yourself you are using your brakes, not taking a break. And how much do I need to brake/break before it has served its purpose? There is an art in applying just enough brake to maintain speed.

Other resources mentioned

“Winning with Accountability: the Secret Language of High-Performing Organizations” Henry J Evans https://dynamicresults.com/winning-with-accountability/?fbclid=IwAR1vpKExjUby8RE7iVnoqpjfGr7zhRYjc8b8e6Zbpi-Qt5FIBkiEvGVo9O0

Dr. Hallowell: https://drhallowell.com/

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Ep194: Verve & Business Opportunities Mar 09, 2021

Show notes

When you see a business opportunity, it’s natural to focus on the potential return on investment, and the consequences if it doesn’t work. But it’s important to remember another key question: what happens if it does work?

Why is that important for business?

When examining a business opportunity, we need to look at what happens if it fails, but also, what happens if succeeds. If you were to imagine yourself celebrating everything working out from the opportunity exactly as designed, would you be happy or excited?

What kind of business joy would be inherent in the successful venture?

Especially during these COVID times, businesses have fought really hard to get to ask the question: is this the kind of work we want to do? But if you have that ability, it is important to consider the difference between work that you get to do and work that you have to do. It’s a discipline to ask those questions and remember that you can ask those questions. While turning down opportunities can feel like a luxury, sometimes you have to consider all of the costs (not just monetary) of that work. The more you take on things that bring your energy down, the more you are decreasing the chance of getting more of the work you want.

As a leader, you are always modeling what questions can be asked and should be asked. And just because a question is not being asked doesn’t make the need for the question go away.

Other resources mentioned

Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle podcast conversation: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/glennon-doyle-brene-on-untamed/

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Ep193: Actionable Clarity Mar 02, 2021

Show notes

Overwhelmed with all the plates you have to keep spinning as an entrepreneur? It might be time to examine some of those plates and see which ones you don’t actually need to be spinning.

Why is that important for business?

In business, you have a lot of decisions and things you need to be aware of, and all of them have a weight. But sometimes, you are worrying about things further down the decision tree that won’t actually come up if you make some of the more pressing decisions. It can help with overwhelm to examine all of the decisions you have weighing on your mind and consider which ones you actually need to make right now.

It might also be true, in pandemic times, that you have some degree of planning apathy because you can’t possibly know what’s coming at all. In that case, you might just need to examine what you do have some degree of control over and focus there.

It can be hard to see when you are stuck in either end of the continuum, though, which is why you need some outside help sometimes – it’s difficult to read the label from inside the bottle. What you need is clarity on what actions you can take, because paralysis (either from planning apathy or overwhelm) is rarely a valuable place to stay in. Even if the action you decide to take first is rest or intentional inaction.

It is important to find actionable clarity so that you aren’t stuck in paralysis.

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Ep192: Expectations & Insulin Feb 23, 2021

Show notes

Whether you are responding to a college applicant or your insulin-dependent wife, sometimes it can be a thin line between building expectations and letting them build expectations in a vacuum.

Why is that important for business?

There are many times in business where you are going to be confronted with your own and your client’s uncertainty. And while it is usually important to share what you know early (and be okay not knowing much), you also don’t want to set people up for disappointment with early information that may not be accurate. And a lot of this might depend on the stakes being discussed.

In episode 158, we talked about the need to communicate, even without an answer. And it can be especially important to map out the client experience and find points of high anxiety where extra communication might be welcome. But it’s also critical to be aware of the expectations you can be setting up.

Some people need to calibrate their chances, with percentage likelihoods, for example.

The important thing to keep in mind is that you want to share what you do know in a way that is helpful, by answering the questions that are in your audience’s minds. Not addressing them at all is allowing them to fill in the vacuum with their fears. But tread carefully between building expectations and letting them build false expectations in a vacuum.

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Ep191: Am I Getting Warmer? Feb 16, 2021

Show notes

Feedback is important, even (maybe even especially) if it is negative. But in the absence of something that tells you when you are getting warmer, it can be hard to find the right path.

Why is that important for business?

In business, whether it is among work colleagues, employers or clients, you need help to understand how to do a good job. If you only ever get expressions of dissatisfaction, without any inkling of what is working, it can make it nearly impossible to meet expectations. It’s like playing the “colder-warmer” seeking game – if you only ever get told you are “colder”, never “warmer”, you can’t find the spot. You need some kind of signal to navigate towards, not just away from.

You need some feedback as to where the value is.

This can’t be formulaic or prescriptive or it can backfire. But if you notice a good thing, you should mention the good thing. If you want to lead people to something, you have to add some “warmer”. This isn’t about compliments, which are usually about the person, but about positive feedback on the action.

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Ep190: Protecting Your Referral Cred Feb 09, 2021

Show notes

Referrals – they’re the lifeblood of business, so they say. But how do you make sure you keep your referral cred (much like street cred, but with referrals) when you can’t assess the quality of the work of the person to whom you are referring?

Why is that important for business?

When you are referring out, it is usually because that is not your area of expertise. So how do you know the person is good?

Making a referral is about trust. You have to assess whether you believe them to be generally competent, and whether or not you trust them. Look at the type of questions they ask, the way they take care of clients, and the way they make an effort to understand and address their client’s specific needs. You have to separate the process from the results, because you can’t always evaluate results objectively. What each person considers “good work” is different. There are objective aspects, but a lot of it is subjective, and those are the parts that you communicate when referring to a person. You have to manage expectations. Then you’ll have to trust people to make their own choices from that information.

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Ep189: Overwhelm and the Stomp Feb 02, 2021

Show notes

Business and life are full of moments of overwhelm and disorientation. And in those moments, we need to take a moment to identify what works to help us locate some grounding. We need to find our stomp, or our spit.

Why is that important for business?

We’ve all found ourselves spinning in circles, not knowing which way was up. Like if you are caught in an avalanche, the thing you need to do before you do anything else is orient yourself. And sometimes, that means spitting to find out which way gravity is pulling. Or when you’re dizzy, sometimes it is just stomping to reminding yourself of the one thing you know – where the floor is. You need to narrow your perception to that one thing, and there is where you get your bearings.

In work, it might be finding that thing amongst all of your work tasks that gets you in the flow (even if that is a spreadsheet).

That thing that reorients you often needs to be a very physical thing. There is no such thing as level without a physical reference point.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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