Sex and Psychology Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 49: Divorce Sucks – How To Move On After Breakup Aug 27, 2021

Show notes

Divorce sucks. It can suck away your time and energy, your money, and, in some cases, even your will to live. So is there anything you can do to “divorce-proof” your relationship and avoid this kind of pain? And if you’re going through a divorce, how do you put the pieces back together and move forward in a healthy way?

For the answers, I spoke with Dr. Patrick Markey, a Professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at Villanova University. He is co-author of the new book F*ck Divorce: A Science Based Guide to Piecing Yourself Back Together After Your Life Implodes. We talked all about Patrick’s new book and dug into some of his fascinating research on human sexuality.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

How do you cope with the stress of divorce and breakup? What should (and shouldn’t) you do?
How do you most effectively support a friend or family member who is going through a divorce?
When should you stay on good terms with an ex vs. cut them out of your life completely?
How do you navigate divorce where there are kids in the picture?
When is the right time to get back on the dating scene, and how do you start over in a healthy way?
What can you do to reduce the risk of future divorce?
How does our interest in sex change throughout the year? Why is sexual desire seasonal?
How do our sexual interests change following political elections? (This is fascinating!)

To learn more about Patrick and his work, follow him on Twitter @patmarkey and check out his new book co-authored with Dr. Erica Slotter, F*ck Divorce.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 48: Sex On The Brain Aug 20, 2021

Show notes

Everyone’s brain is a little different when it comes to sex—and understanding how your sexual brain works is one of the keys to unlocking more pleasure and improving your sex life. That’s why this episode is all about the brain mechanisms that underlie sexual response, and it’s going to change the way that you think about sex.

I interviewed Emily Nagoski, the New York Times bestselling author of the books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. She is also co-author of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She combines sex education and stress education in her work to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What is the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response and why is it crucial to understanding our own sexuality?
Why do many people (but especially women) sometimes experience a disconnect between genital arousal and psychological arousal?
What’s the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire?
What can people do to boost sexual desire? And is there any role for medication in this?
How can you better manage stress so that it doesn’t kill desire?
What are some practical ways to improve your body image? And how can changing the way you see yourself give your sex life a boost?

To learn more about Emily and her work, visit her website at emilynagoski.com and check out her books Come As You Are, The Come As You Are Workbook, and Burnout.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 47: The Truth About Testosterone Aug 13, 2021

Show notes

Testosterone is one of the most misunderstood and maligned hormones in the human body. It gets blamed for toxic masculinity, sexual assault, aggression, and more. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology podcast covers what you really need to know about testosterone and how it affects us.

I spoke with Dr. Carole Hooven, who is a lecturer and codirector of undergraduate studies in the Department of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University. She earned her PhD at Harvard, studying sex differences and testosterone, and has taught there ever since. Dr. Hooven is the author of the fascinating new book T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

To what extent are sex differences a product of hormones and biology vs. socialization?
How does testosterone affect sexual behavior in men and women?
What can transgender persons taking hormone therapy teach us about how testosterone affects all of us?
What is the link between testosterone and sexual orientation?
Does abstaining from masturbation really increase testosterone in men?
How can a more scientifically informed understanding of testosterone benefit all of us?

To learn more about Carole and her work, follow her on Twitter @hoovlet and check out her latest book T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 46: The Sex Education You Deserve Aug 06, 2021

Show notes

It’s time to reimagine sex education and start giving people the sex ed they need—and deserve. So what should that look like? That’s the subject of my latest podcast with special guest Dr. Kristen Mark. We talk all about the sex ed that does and doesn’t work and explore tips on cultivating happier and healthier sex lives and relationships, including how to keep the spark alive and how to work through sexual trauma.

Dr. Mark is the Joycelyn Elders Endowed Chair and Professor in Sexual Health Education at the Institute for Sexual and Gender Health at the University of Minnesota Medical School. She is also a sex and relationship researcher and therapist, and an AASECT certified sex educator.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What does sex education look like around the world? Which models work, and which ones don’t?
Beyond reducing STIs and unwanted pregnancies, how can better sex education make society healthier overall?
Why should pleasure be a central focus of sex ed?
How can people in long-term relationships keep the spark alive?
What should you do if you and your partner want different amounts of sex? How do you bridge that divide?
How can bisexual people cultivate healthy relationships in the face of bisexual stigma?
How do you cultivate a satisfying sex life if you have a history of sexual trauma?

To learn more about Kristen and her work, visit her website at kristenmark.com and follow her on Twitter @Kristen_Mark

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 45: Why Marriage Is So Hard, And How To Make It Better Jul 30, 2021

Show notes

Marriage is hard. And, in many ways, it’s harder today than it was in the past because what we’re asking of our partners now is so dramatically different than it was before. Whereas marriage used to be about meeting basic survival needs, it’s become more about self-actualization. And so if we want to understand how to make the institution of marriage better, we have to look at it in the context of our ever-changing needs and expectations. That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about the science of marriage and how to cultivate happier and healthier marriages.

I interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He is also the author of one of my favorite books, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

How and why have our expectations for marriage changed over the last century?
How do we manage conflicting needs in our relationships, such as the need for excitement and surprise vs. the need for stability and security?
Can opening up a monogamous marriage help to save it?
How has the pandemic shaped marriage and relationships, for better or for worse?
How can we make marriage better? What can you do to keep it healthy and strong?
Should we be asking less of our partners?
How do you keep sex healthy and hot in a long-term relationship?

To learn more about Eli and his work, visit his website at elifinkel.com and check out his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 44: The Science of Kink, BDSM, and Fetishes Jul 23, 2021

Show notes

There are a lot of things people get wrong about kink, including the idea it’s inherently rooted in trauma and mental illness, that it’s abusive, and that kinky people can’t develop healthy relationships. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the science of kink, BDSM, and fetishes!

I interviewed a researcher who studies identity development, health, and well-being in alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What’s the difference between kink, BDSM, and fetishes anyway?
How common are kinky sexual interests?
What is the link between kink and mental health?
What’s the truth about how kink and sexual trauma are connected?
In what ways can kink be healthy, or even therapeutic?
Where do kinky sexual interests come from? Do they run in families?
Do kinky sexual interests change with age?
How should we think about kink—is it a sexual orientation or a leisure activity?

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 43: The Truth About Polyamory Jul 16, 2021

Show notes

People’s interest in polyamory is growing. For example, Google trends reveal that searches related to polyamory have risen significantly over the last decade. However, while interest is climbing, myths and misconceptions abound, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast offers a deep dive into the world of polyamory.

I interviewed Dr. Heath Schechinger. He is a Counseling Psychologist at the University of California Berkeley and also maintains a private practice. Heath is the Founding Co-Chair of the Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy within Division 44 of the American Psychological Association, and he is the Co-Founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

Who’s into polyamory and what are the different “shapes” that a polyamorous relationship might take?
What is “solo polyamory” and how does it work?
What are the unique benefits of consensual non-monogamy? What are the unique benefits of monogamy?
If you’re polyamorous and seeking relationship counseling, how do you go about finding an affirming therapist?
What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with polyamorous clients?
If you’re curious about exploring polyamory, what do you need to know? If you’re polyamorous, what do you need to know about maintaining healthy relationships?
What’s the future of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy? Will we eventually have legal recognition of multi-partner relationships?

To learn more about Heath and his work, visit his websites at drheathschechinger.com and polyamorylegal.org

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 42: The Decisions That Make or Break a Relationship Jul 09, 2021

Show notes

Getting into a relationship is much easier than getting out of one. People have a tendency to slide into relationships without putting in a lot of thought. But when it comes to getting out of a relationship, people may deliberate for months, perhaps years—decades even. So why is that?

This episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about how we make relationship decisions. I interviewed Dr. Samantha Joel, an Assistant Professor at Western University. Her research examines how people make the decisions that grow or break apart their romantic relationships. Sam has a fascinating body of work that I am so excited to share with you!

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

Can computer programs predict who we’re going to be attracted to before we ever even meet someone? Can these programs also predict which relationships are going to stand the test of time?
What are the factors that predict relationship happiness? What predicts when couples decide to break up?
Are people more afraid of missing out on an opportunity for love or being rejected?
Why do so many of us have such a hard time rejecting romantic prospects who aren’t a good match for us?
Is having sex with an ex-partner a good or bad idea? Does ex-sex prevent you from moving on?
Why is it easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one?
What happens when a couple decides to open up their relationship? Does it change the quality of that relationship over time?

To learn more about Sam, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @datingdecisions

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 41: The Secrets of Relationship Success Jul 01, 2021

Show notes

It is often said that the most important decision you make in your life is who you decide to have a relationship with—yet most of us are never really taught anything about how to make this decision. As a result, we typically learn how to navigate relationships through trial and error, but there are usually a lot of errors along the way! That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about boosting your relationship IQ by revealing the secrets of relationship success.

I interviewed relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski. He is a Professor at Monmouth University and author of the new book Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

How believing in the idea of a “soul mate” holds us back from finding relationship happiness.
Why it’s OK—and healthy—to be a little bit selfish in your relationship.
How too much closeness in your relationship can push you and your partner apart.
Why you shouldn’t tell your partner, “if you love me, you’ll change.”
How going for a partner who is way more attractive than you can produce a less stable relationship.
Why it’s important to embrace disagreement and conflict in your relationship.
Why breakups usually aren’t as bad as we think they’re going to be—and how to move on after a relationship ends.

To learn more about Gary, visit his website and check out his new book Stronger Than You Think.

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 40: Sexual Deception, Jealousy, and the Dark Side of Relationships Jun 25, 2021

Show notes

Although sex, dating, and relationships can bring us great joy, they also have a very dark side. For example, people sometimes lie or deceive others in order to have sex. And in dating and relationships, jealousy sometimes turns into violence. So why do these things happen in the first place? And what can we do to prevent them?

I interviewed Dr. David Buss, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is considered the world’s leading scientific expert on strategies of human mating and is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His latest book is titled When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

Why is sexual deception so common in the world of dating? What are the deeper roots behind this behavior, and what can we do about it?
How many people in relationships cultivate “back-up mates” in case things don’t work out with their current partner? Why is this behavior so common?
Why are we often drawn to partners with “dark” personality traits, such as narcissism?
Why is jealousy “the most dangerous emotion?” If jealousy causes so many negative effects, is it really an adaptive emotion?
Why is it important to consider evolutionary perspectives on human sexuality? Can adopting an evolutionary perspective help us to prevent sexual harassment and violence?

To learn more about David, visit his website and check out his new book When Men Behave Badly.

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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