Sex and Psychology Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 219: It’s Time To Build A Better Condom Aug 29, 2023

Show notes

Condoms are one of the best tools we have available for protecting our sexual health. However, modern condoms leave something to be desired. It is so easy to point to problems with condoms that make them difficult to use, that increase the odds of making mistakes, and that reduce sexual pleasure. Better education around condoms could reduce some of these problems, but we also need to start building better condoms! So in today’s show, we’re going to talk all about condoms, including why it seems harder than ever to get people to use them and how to best promote correct and consistent usage.

My guest is Dr. Cynthia Graham, a professor of gender studies at Indiana University and a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute. She has been editor-in-chief of the Journal of Sex Research since 2009. Her current research focuses on male condom use, hormonal contraceptives, women’s sexuality, women’s sexual pleasure, sexual problems, and sexual health among older adults.

Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:

Why is it harder to get people to use condoms today than it was a few decades ago?
What are the most common condom mistakes/errors people make?
How can we make condom use more pleasurable?
Why does it seem so hard to build better condoms?
Which interventions are most effective at promoting correct and consistent condom use?

To stay connected, you can find Cynthia on Twitter.

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash.

Episode 218: The Psychology of Dick Pics Aug 25, 2023

Show notes

There is undoubtedly a dark side to dick pics, such as when they’re sent without consent or used as a form of harassment. However, when shared consensually, there’s a positive side worth acknowledging. This is the second part in a 2-part series on the psychology of dick pics. In the last episode, we talked all about the dominant (and negative) narratives we hear in the popular media about these photos. So, today, we’re going to talk about the rarely discussed positive side of consensual dick pics, as well as what makes for a good dick pic in the first place (hint: put a little effort into it!).

I am joined once again by Dr. Andrea Waling, a Senior Research Fellow at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health, and Society at La Trobe University. Her current research project, Men, Sex and Intimacy, explores how young, heterosexual men in Australia are navigating and negotiating intimacy, sex, sexual health and consent in wake of #MeToo politics. Her latest book is titled Exploring the Cultural Phenomenon of the Dick Pic.

Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:

What does it mean to think about dick pics reparatively?
How can dick pics be an avenue to intimacy?
What do women say are the qualities of a good dick pic?
How can dick pics help men construct a positive sense of self?
If you’re thinking about sending a dick pic to someone, what do you need to know?

To learn more, check out Andrea’s website and stay connected on Twitter and Linkedin. You can also read our review of her most recent book here.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2334-lehmiller

Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 217: A Cultural History of the Dick Pic Aug 22, 2023

Show notes

One of the most popular posts I’ve ever written on the Sex and Psychology blog was about why so many men send unsolicited dick pics to women. At the time, there wasn’t much research on the subject, but the data suggested that guys who do this are either clueless or narcissistic (or worse). This has fed a growing (and extreme) online narrative that all dick pics are bad, even when they’re sent consensually. So let’s take a closer look at the dick pic.

I have a two-part series for you about the science of dick picks. In this show, we’re going to focus on the cultural history of the dick pic and the four most common narratives we hear about dick pics in the media. Next time, we’re going to talk about a new way of thinking about dick pics, as well as their positive side when shared consensually.

My guest is Dr. Andrea Waling, a Senior Research Fellow at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health, and Society at La Trobe University. Her current research project, Men, Sex and Intimacy, explores how young, heterosexual men in Australia are navigating and negotiating intimacy, sex, sexual health and consent in wake of #MeToo politics. Her latest book is titled Exploring the Cultural Phenomenon of the Dick Pic.

Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:

Why write a whole book all about dick pics?
How do you secure government funding for research when you’re doing the “dirty work” of studying sex?
How has the cultural history of the penis shaped modern attitudes towards it?
What are the four themes about why men send dick pics that dominate academic work and public discourse?
Are dick pics always a form of harassment? Are men who send dick pics narcissists?

To learn more, check out Andrea’s website and stay connected on Twitter and Linkedin. You can also read our review of her most recent book here.

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash.

Episode 216: How Opening Up A Relationship Can Change You Aug 18, 2023

Show notes

There is an “awakening of self” that happens when people practice non-monogamy. This awakening has the potential to be exciting and exhilarating, but also frightening and destabilizing because you and your partner(s) may change in ways that you never anticipated. In today’s show, we’re going to explore a helpful model for understanding where each partner is during a relationship transition. This framework can serve as a useful practical guide when it comes to navigating the challenges that occur in the process of opening up or when exploring a new form of non-monogamy.

I am joined once again by Jessica Fern and David Cooley, the co-authors of the new book, Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. Jessica is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She is also author of the book Polysecure, which we spoke about previously on the show. David is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, who created the Restorative Relationship Conversations Model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.

Some of the specific questions we discuss in this episode include:

What does an “awakening of self” look like? How can opening up a relationship change you?
What are the 5 different stages in the process of self-awakening?
Why do partners sometimes move in different directions during a self-awakening?
In what ways is self-awakening a positive experience? In what ways is it painful?

To learn more, you can visit Jessica and David’s websites, and preorder Polywise here.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Thinking about opening your relationship? Get help from Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex and relationship education directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2333-lehmiller

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 215: Dealing With Differences In Relationships Aug 15, 2023

Show notes

We tend to be attracted to partners who are similar to us—and that makes sense. But no matter how similar you and your partner are, there are always going to be some areas where you differ. And while those differences have the potential to help a relationship thrive, they can also drive you apart. So let’s talk about navigating differences in relationships. In this episode, we’re going to focus on dealing with differences when you’re in a consensually non-monogamous relationship, but a lot of the information is applicable no matter what kind of relationship you’re in.

My guests today are Jessica Fern and David Cooley, the co-authors of the new book, Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. Jessica is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She is also author of the book Polysecure, which we spoke about previously on the show. David is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, who created the Restorative Relationship Conversations Model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.

Some of the specific questions we discuss in this episode include:

How important is similarity in relationships?
How can opening up a relationship amplify differences between partners?
How do you navigate communication differences in relationships?
Why is it important for partners to do an inventory of their similarities and differences?
How can non-monogamy help relationships thrive when big differences exist between partners?

To learn more, you can visit Jessica and David’s websites, and preorder Polywise here.

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 214: Common Sex Questions, Answered Aug 11, 2023

Show notes

If you ask any sex educator, researcher, or therapist what the most common question they receive is, they’re probably going to have a very quick answer. People ask us a LOT of sex questions—and the same ones have a tendency of popping up over and over again. So let’s talk about some of the most common things that people ask us about!

I am joined once again by Danielle Bezalel, also known as DB. She holds a degree in public health from Columbia University and is the creator, executive producer, and host of the Sex Ed with DB podcast.

Some of the questions we answer in this episode include:

Does penis size really matter?
How much is “too much” when it comes to masturbation?
What are some healthy ways to share your sexual interests with a partner?
Does “body count” matter? Should we care about the number of people our partners have had sex with?
If you’ve never had an orgasm before or are not sure if you’ve had one, what do you need to know?

To stay connected, you can check out DB’s website, and find her on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. You can also sign up for DB’s workshop “Building a Profitable Online Sexual Health Brand” here.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Explore your kinky side with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2332-lehmiller

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 213: The Business of Sex Aug 08, 2023

Show notes

Making a sustainable living as a sex educator is harder than it sounds. Despite all you’ve heard about how “sex sells,” it’s actually a much tougher sell than you might think! There are a lot of challenges to navigate when you’re talking about a controversial subject like sex on a daily basis, so let’s talk about being in the business of sex and how to build a thriving career in this area.

My guest today is Danielle Bezalel, also known as DB. She holds a degree in public health from Columbia University and is the creator, executive producer, and host of the Sex Ed with DB podcast.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

What are some common challenges of trying to “sell” sex education?
How do you talk about sex on social media without getting censored or banned?
How can you build a financially sustainable business as a sex educator?
How do you balance building industry relationships without giving away too much for free?
What are some of the best parts of being a sex educator?

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 212: What Sex Therapy Is Really Like Aug 04, 2023

Show notes

A lot of people have ideas about sex therapy that are totally wrong. For example, some people seem to think that the therapist is going to be having sex with you, or that they’re going to watch you have sex. This could not be further from the truth! So let’s talk about what sex therapy is and isn’t. In this show, we’re also going to explore who sex therapy is for, how long it typically lasts, how well it works, and much more.

I am joined once again by Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Dr. Vencill’s first popular press book is titled DESIRE: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which she co-authored with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

What are some common things people get wrong about sex therapy?
When someone visits a sex therapist for the first time, what might that first session look like?
How long might someone expect to be in sex therapy to resolve a sexual problem?
Who is a good candidate for sex therapy?
What does couples sex therapy look like?
How successful is sex therapy at treating and resolving sexual and relationship difficulties?

To stay connected, you can follow Jennifer on Instagram.

Looking for a sex therapist? Check out this page for a handy list of therapist locater tools.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Make oral sex your superpower with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Sign up today for Beducated’s FREE oral sex video training at https://beducate.me/lm2331-lehmiller

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 211: Tips For Improving Sexual Communication Aug 01, 2023

Show notes

The most commonly offered piece of sex advice I hear people give is to communicate more. While this advice certainly makes sense, simply telling people to “communicate more” can ring kind of hollow if it’s not coupled with information on how to do it. Most of us recognize the importance of communication; however, we don’t always do it because we often lack communication skills. So let’s talk about how to talk about sex!

I am joined once again by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. Along with Jennifer Vencill, Lauren is co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which we covered in the previous two episodes.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

How can partners get in the habit of talking about sex without it being a source of anxiety?
What are some strategies for bringing up sexual difficulties with a partner?
How can we express our “no’s” and hear a partner’s “no’s” in more productive ways?
What are some healthy ways to share our fantasies and desires with a partner?
How can you leverage non-verbal communication to express your sexual wants and needs?

To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren’s website and connect with her on Instagram.

Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 210: When You Want More Sex Than Your Partner Jul 28, 2023

Show notes

In the previous episode, we talked about sexual desire discrepancies, which occur when partners want different amounts of sex in a relationship. In that show, we focused on how to navigate this situation when you’re the partner with less sexual desire. Today, we’re going to focus on the flipside: what to do when you’re the partner with more sexual desire. No matter which side of the desire discrepancy you’re on, it can be a difficult situation to navigate, but there are lot of tips and strategies you can explore to help bridge the divide.

My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Dr. Vencill’s first popular press book is titled DESIRE: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which she co-authored with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

What is the role of gender in sexual desire discrepancies?
What does it mean to have “high libido” anyway?
How can looking at your own motivations for sex help manage discrepant desire?
What are the roles of self-pleasure and consensual non-monogamy in navigating desire discrepancies?
What can a high-desire partner do to be supportive of a partner who might have lower desire due to trauma?

To stay connected, you can follow Jennifer on Instagram.

Thank you to our sponsors!

CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started.

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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