Sex and Psychology Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 259: How To Change Your Relationship Jan 19, 2024

Show notes

A lot of people want to bring change into their love life, but they feel stuck. They’re ready and eager for change, but they don’t know how to do it or how to get their partner on board. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss practical tips for changing your relationship. We’re also going to talk about how to drop the societal imperatives that tell us what we should be doing and, instead, learn how to chart your own course.

I am joined once again by award-winning author Emily Nagoski. She wrote the New York Times bestselling books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. Her latest book is titled Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

If you’re ready for a change but your partner isn’t, how do you navigate that?
How can partners work together to create and maintain a sexual connection that lasts?
What are some new ways of exploring erotic pleasures with a partner?
What is the “magic trick” for accessing ecstasy, and how can we apply it to our sex lives?

Make sure to check out Emily’s website to find out more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 258: Creating a Sexual Connection that Lasts Jan 16, 2024

Show notes

When a relationship is new, the sex usually comes pretty easy. However, as the years go by, partners often find that their sexual connection declines. This doesn’t have to happen, though. There are science-backed ways of creating and maintaining a sexual connection that lasts. In this episode, we’re going to explore the three characteristics of relationships that sustain intimacy, how to cultivate lust in long-term relationships, and much more.

I am joined by award-winning author Emily Nagoski. She wrote the New York Times bestselling books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. Her latest book is titled Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What do people actually want from sex, and why is that important to think about?
Why is sexual novelty alone not quite enough to cultivate a strong connection?
How is pleasure different from desire?
How can creating an “emotional floorplan” make it easier for people to get into a lustful headspace?

Make sure to check out Emily’s website to find out more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Celebrate the progress you’ve already made with BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH today to get 10% off your first month.

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 257: How To Make a Sex Plan for the New Year (Essential Listen) Jan 12, 2024

Show notes

New year, new sex life. The transition between years is always a good time to stop and reflect, and that includes thinking about your intimate life. How are things going? Are you getting what you want? Does it feel like something is missing? Depending on how you answered these questions, it might be time for a sex plan. We identify our goals and plan a lot of things in our lives, but we often don’t approach sex with that same intentionality. For today’s show, we’re revisiting one of Sex and Psychology’s Essential Listens, which is my interview with Dr. Juliana Hauser from episode 155. Let’s make a sex plan!

Juliana Hauser is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, sex, and sexuality. In addition to running a private practice, Dr. Juliana is a nationally known expert in this area whose work has appeared all over in the media.

Some of the topics we discuss include:

What are some practical things you can do to develop a greater sense of sexual empowerment?
How can resolutions to boost physical and mental health enhance sexual performance and satisfaction?
How can you introduce more novelty into your sex life?
What resolutions can help someone be more present during sex?
What is a sex plan, and how can making one benefit you and your relationship(s)?

To learn more about Juliana, visit dr-juliana.com and follow @drjulianahauser on IG.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 256: The Problem With The 5 Love Languages Jan 09, 2024

Show notes

“The Five Love Languages” is a wildly popular, bestselling book that came out just over 30 years ago. Since its arrival, the love languages have become a massive cultural phenomenon. However, despite enormous popularity, there’s a surprising lack of scientific backing for the concept. In fact, research suggests that the key principles and ideas behind the love languages just don’t hold up. So is this still a useful framework for understanding love? Let’s talk about it.

My guests today are Drs. Amy Muise and Emily Impett. Dr. Muise is an assistant professor and York Research Chair at York University. She is director of the Sexual Health and Relationship (SHaRe) Lab. Dr. Impett is a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto and director of the Relationships and Well-Being lab. Amy and Emily have been close collaborators for nearly 14 years and they have published over 60 papers together on sexuality and relationships!

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What are the five love languages?
What’s the problem with claiming that there are only five languages to communicate love?
Is there any evidence supporting the idea that people who speak their partner’s love language are happier in relationships?
Are there more scientifically sound ways of understanding love than the love languages?
Is it okay to still like the love languages idea even if the data don’t support it?

Make sure to check out the Instagram pages for Amy and Emily’s labs, @share.research and @utmrawlab.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

It’s a new year, and I’m excited to announce a new edition of my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality! This is the third edition of the book, and it’s the biggest and best version yet. The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to the major theories and perspectives on sexuality and the vast diversity in sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist around the world. You can check it out here.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 255: Common Myths About Male Sexuality Jan 05, 2024

Show notes

One of the most popular tropes that you’re bound to encounter in writings about human sexuality is that men are simple, while women are complex. There’s a pervasive belief out there that sex is just easy for men in general because they’re always in the mood and sex is mostly a physical (not emotional) thing for them. The reality of male sexuality, however, is far more complicated, and we’re not doing anyone any favors by oversimplifying it. So in today’s show, we’re going to dive into common myths about male sexuality.

I am joined once again by Cam Fraser, who is a Certified Professional Sex Coach, Certified Sexologist, Registered Counselor, and Registered Tantric Yoga Teacher. As a coach, he helps men go beyond surface-level sex and into full-bodied, self-expressed, pleasure-oriented sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.

Some of the topics we explore include:

Why is the idea of male sexuality as “simple” a myth?
How do beauty standards affect men, and what are the implications of this for sex, dating, and relationships?
What do men who are anxious about their penis size need to know?
Are men always supposed to be turned on and ready for sex?
To what degree is sex emotional vs. physical for men?

You can visit Cam’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 254: What We Get Wrong About Men’s Bodies Jan 02, 2024

Show notes

A lot of men feel insecure about their bodies and sexual performance despite the fact that they fall clearly within the normal range. It’s easy for them to feel like there’s something wrong when they’ve never really been taught what “normal” even means. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss common things people get wrong about men’s bodies and how penises function, as well as things that men and their partners should know when it comes to sexual pleasure.

I am joined by Cam Fraser, who is a Certified Professional Sex Coach, Certified Sexologist, Registered Counselor, and Registered Tantric Yoga Teacher. As a coach, he helps men go beyond surface-level sex and into full-bodied, self-expressed, pleasure-oriented sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.

Some of the topics we explore include:

Is an erection always a sign of sexual arousal and interest?
Are orgasm and ejaculation one and the same, or are they different things?
Can men experience multiple orgasms?
What do men need to know about sex toys and prostate stimulation?
What does it really mean to have premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction?

You can visit Cam’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 253: Resolutions For Better Sex In 2024 (Essential Listen) Dec 29, 2023

Show notes

Every time a new year rolls around, people start making resolutions for self-improvement. As you start to think about your own resolutions, consider resolving to have better sex. With the right set of resolutions, you can address problem areas in the bedroom, rekindle the spark, and start to enjoy the best sex of your life!

For today’s show, we’re going to revisit one of Sex and Psychology’s Essential Listens, my interview with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, which appeared back in episode 67. Dr. Jess is a Toronto-based sexologist, author, speaker, and television personality. She is host of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast and is the resident sexologist at Astroglide.

In our original conversation, Jess and I spoke about how to keep the sexual spark alive all year long. Some of the topics we discuss include:

How can you get more comfortable being vocal in bed?
How can you suggest trying something new with your partner?
Why is it important to expand your definition of sex?
How can you incorporate more touch into daily life?
What should you think about resolving to do (or not do) in your sex life in the new year?

To learn more, check out Jess’s website and follow her on Instagram at @sexwithdrjess.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2351-lehmiller

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 252: OnlyFans and the Rise of Digital Sex Work Dec 22, 2023

Show notes

Digital sex work is booming. Over the last two decades, sex work has increasingly moved online and it has become a multi-billion dollar industry. The transition to online sex work is changing a lot of things about how sex work works, so let’s talk about it. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore how digital sex work is changing the kinds of services that are bought and sold, how workers create authentic interactions with clients online, how technology is changing the stigma around sex work, and more.

I am joined once again by Kurt Fowler, an Assistant Professor of Criminal Justice at Penn State Abington and the author of The Rise of Digital Sex Work. Drawing on in-depth interviews with dozens of sex workers from around the world, this book explores how technology has changed the nature of modern sex work.

Some of the topics we explore include:

What kind of things do sex workers need to consider when deciding where and how to sell their services online?
How does digital sex work allow for more creativity and flexibility in the kinds of services offered?
How do online sex workers craft authentic personas and interactions with clients?
How has the internet helped sex workers form a sense of community and social support?
How is the stigma around sex work changing in the Information Age?

You can learn more about Kurt’s book here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 251: What It’s Like To Be A Sex Worker Dec 19, 2023

Show notes

What is it like to be a sex worker? It depends who you ask, with different studies pointing to drastically different conclusions. The truth is that you can’t paint sex workers in overly broad strokes. “Sex work” can mean a lot of different things, and working conditions and local laws vary, which means that different workers are bound to have different experiences. In today’s episode, we’re going to take an inside look into the world of sex work.

I am joined by Kurt Fowler, an Assistant Professor of Criminal Justice at Penn State Abington and the author of The Rise of Digital Sex Work. Drawing on in-depth interviews with dozens of sex workers from around the world, this book explores how technology has changed the nature of modern sex work.

Some of the topics we explore include:

What all is included under the term “sex work?”
Two major paradigms dominate research on sex work: the oppression paradigm and the empowerment paradigm. What’s the difference between these views?
What are some of the common motivations for entering sex work?
How do digital sex workers mitigate some of the unique risks that come along with working in online spaces?
How is the experience of sex work different for people of different racial backgrounds?

You can learn more about Kurt’s book here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 250: How to Have “The Talk” With Your Kids Dec 15, 2023

Show notes

In some ways, teens today seem to be more sexually cautious. They’re waiting longer to have sex and they’re having fewer partners. At the same time, however, they’re also engaging in riskier sexual practices, with condom use declining and rough sex increasing. Sex education is as vital as ever, and it needs to reflect the sexual realities of today’s youth. So in this episode, we’re going to dive into what parents need to know when it comes to talking to their kids about sex.

I am joined once again by Dr. Debby Herbenick, an award-winning, internationally recognized sexuality researcher and AASECT-certified sexuality educator. She is a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health and the author of five bestselling books about human sexuality. Her latest book is titled, Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.

Some of the topics we explore include:

When is the “right” time to start discussing sex with your kids?
What are some of the key topics parents should be covering?
What can parents teach their kids about having healthy relationships?
When and how should parents talk to their kids about porn?
How is having “the talk” different if your kid is on the spectrum?

You can visit Debby’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2350-lehmiller

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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