Self Helpful with Kevin Miller

Latest Episodes:

For All Those Suffering From Loss That Is Not “Trauma” w/ Grief Specialist Lucy Hone Jul 27, 2026

Show notes

We have a culture that reports an almost all time high of human suffering. A predominant term this suffering gets labeled as is - trauma. But I just don’t think it’s the right term for many of us. Trauma is defined as - an emotional and physical response to a very stressful, scary, or harmful event. What I experience myself, and feel so many others do, is loss. Loss that may not seem super stressful, scary, or harmful, but it pains us to a deep, deep level. And nobody is speaking well to this. Which is why I bring to you in this episode, someone who I revere, and will honestly say that the following conversation was one of the most helpful I’ve had in as long as I can remember. Dr. Lucy Hone is an adjunct fellow at the University of Canterbury and a sought-after professional speaker, a bestselling author, and an award-winning internationally published science educator. She is regularly featured in international media, including in The Guardian, the Hidden Brain, and the Washington Post and is a columnist for Psychology Today. Her first book, Resilient Grieving, was an international bestseller that led to a fully updated and expanded second edition in 2024 and her TED talk, Three Secrets of Resilient People, has been viewed by over nine million people. Now Lucy has come out with her latest research in a new book, How Will I Ever Get Through This: Evidence Based Tools to Help You Heal From Hardship, Grief, and Loss. Again, I’m citing this conversation as one of the most profound I’ve had in a long time. We discuss how most attention gets given to the loss of a loved one or our health, but many people are suffering themselves greatly regarding the loss of an ideal. An expectation. A dream or a goal. A picture they held of their lives. And that culturally we may be seeing the mental health crisis as a result of a societal perceived loss of hope. I expect many of you will find resonance in this conversation, for pain you carry, and hope for some relief.

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How To Reveal The Most Important Priorities By Envisioning A Ridiculously Big Goal w/ Organizational Psychologist Benjamin Hardy Jul 24, 2026

Show notes

I’m a fan of mind games, because I feel most all of what we experience is just that, a mind game. But I’ve always helped myself by considering different angles to stories. And today I bring you one I’ve benefited myself with. You’ve probably heard of the concept of “10X,” as in 10 Xing your goal. But I want to be clear, today I look at this as a practice or exercise and am not presenting it as what you or I should do. This then is a conversation I’m revisiting with renowned organizational psychologist and author, Dr Benjamin Hardy. I perceive Ben as having great insight into human transformation and a knack for creating clear, contrasting, and innovative messages around concepts we’ve long grappled with. Along with celebrated business coach, Dan Sullivan they wrote a book titled, 10x is easier than 2x: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More By Doing Less. I’ve altered some of my views on this concept since this talk, but I feel this is a wonderful exercise for anyone to do in order to divest themselves of a lot of clutter we let get in our way and get to what is important for a destination or achievement we desire. You could almost compare it to asking what you would take from your home if you only had 30 minutes till you must evacuate for a flood or fire. This concept can get us super focused and realize what is truly necessary.

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Stereotyping People By Their Accents & Being Aware of Our Speech Patterns That Impact Our Connection With Others w/ Linguistics Professor Valerie Fridland Jul 20, 2026

Show notes

We tend to understand and acknowledge that what we say matters. But I find an increasing lack of attention to how we say things. And yet we make conscious and unconscious judgments about people regarding how they are talking, that sometimes become more important than whatever it is they might actually be saying. This is a focus on being aware of our own speech patterns and habits and how they may be hampering our desire to really connect with others. My guest is Valerie Fridland, professor of linguistics in the English Department at the University of Nevada, Reno. As a sociolinguist, Valerie studies how language interacts with society and examines how factors like geography, social class, age, gender, and ethnicity shape accents, vocabulary, and grammar with a focus on how the way we speak impacts the way we think about and talk to one another. Valerie is the author of Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English, and she writes a popular language blog on Psychology Today called "Language in the Wild.” Her new book is Why We Talk Funny: The Real Story Behind our Accents. valeriefridland.com

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Recognizing Our Limiting Emotional Patterns w/ Neuropsychologist Julia DiGangi Jul 17, 2026

Show notes

Every day we encounter the stimuli of our lives. Events and people. And we have feelings about most all of it. Some good, some bad, some fairly neutral, but we are processing everything through how we make meaning of things. Some of us have negative emotions about certain things that don’t serve us. After 15 years as an elite cyclist I came to equate negative emotions to rain, as I associated rain with riding in it or riding indoors to stay out of it. I held this negative emotions for many years after I retired, for no real reason. From a habit of speeding and rolling stop signs I grew in myself, negative emotions toward cops who frequently pulled me over. Now, even when I’m obeying the traffic laws, I experience a negative emotion when I see a cop. These negative emotions, I created. And now I’ve retained even after the circumstances have changed. Analogies to question the emotions we hold from past experiences that may not be serving us today. My guest in this episode Dr. Julia DiGangi. Julia is a neuropsychologist who completed her residency at Harvard Medical School, Boston University School of Medicine, and the US Department of Veterans Affairs, and is the author of a book called Energy Rising: The Neuroscience of Leading with Emotional Power. Dr DiGangi has nearly two decades of experience studying the connection between our brains and our behavior and has worked with leaders around the world including the White House Press Office and the US Special Forces. She shows people, at work and at home, how to harness the power of the brain to lead more satisfying and emotionally intelligent lives. You can find her on Instagram with a following of 250k @drjuliadigangi

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Why Are We Missing Out On The Irrefutable Health Benefits of Being Outside? w/ Renowned Internist & Chef John La Puma Jul 14, 2026

Show notes

As humans we have spent a majority of our lives outdoors until very recently, when in a short time, we spend almost all of our time indoors and even in our short exposures to the outdoors we are not opening ourselves to the true benefits of nature. I don’t believe in hacks and shortcuts and secrets to health, and this episode contains none of that. It points to data and I think you’ll agree, common sense. We are spending ever more amounts of time and money on therapies and strategies and looking for the next magic cure, and as a board certified medical doctor, John has put his focus on being outdoors and getting his hands dirty. I find his insight more than compelling, but convicting. And his focus is on what anyone can do, anywhere, to get the free and deep benefits from being outside and nature, even if it’s merely gazing at the sky for 10 minutes. John La Puma you may know from ChefMD™ and is a two-time New York Times bestselling author, board-certified internist, and professionally trained chef who pioneered Culinary Medicine. He now pioneers EcoMedicine from his small regenerative teaching farm. His new book, Indoor Epidemic, reveals how spending 93% of life indoors steals sleep, focus, and years, and how reclaiming just 7% outdoors can restore them using the evidence-based Outdoor Rx framework. This is clinically validated intervention, presenting nature as foundational medicine, an essential component of health and the missing pillar in optimizing longevity and healthspan. One of John’s primary advocates and friends is Dan Buettner, famous for his research on the Blue Zones and its inhabitants who make up the happiest and healthiest demographic on the planet.

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Can You Express Confidence In Yourself Without Coming Across As Full Of Yourself? w/ Confidence Coach Heather Monahan Jul 10, 2026

Show notes

I feel we are at a time with a schizophrenic perspective of confidence. We would generally feel positive about a doctor who expresses confidence in their abilities before doing surgery on us, but if that same doctor was at a party and mentioned anything about their level of confidence in themselves we would likely feel some negativity. So do we want people to be confident, or not? And do we feel ok about being confident in ourselves, or not? My guest is Heather Monohan, host of the podcast, Creating Confidence. She has two books as well, Confidence Creator and Overcome Your Villains. Heather defines confidence as,”A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.” Another perspective from her that I feel is worthy of us really considering is, "Until we realize our value, no one else will either.” Consider it another way, if you don’t come across as confident and are unable to share some assurance of your abilities, why would anyone put faith in you? So how do you do this amongst the friction we seem to have about confidence? That’s the show.

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Why Too Much Is Too Much And How We Benefit From Limited Options w/ Investigative Reporter David Epstein Jul 06, 2026

Show notes

From the restaurant menu that has 10 pages of entre options, to trying to pick out a new set of ear buds on Amazon, to telling kids they can be “anything they want.” The anxiety around our seemingly unlimited world continues to increase. Tactically I think we must become more discerning. But conceptually I think it helps to understand that too many options are unhelpful, and why. So when a new book titled, INSIDE THE BOX: How Constraints Make Us Better, came across my desk, I interested myself. The book is authored by David Epstein who is already the author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers Range and The Sports Gene, and has worked as a senior writer for Sports Illustrated. The tagline for Range is Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World. I like David’s questioning and relevantly contrarian approach and was eager to sit down and talk with him about how constraints make us better. David claims that total freedom is the enemy of creativity, and constraint its companion. He says, “Contrary to popular belief, the brain is not designed for thinking. It’s designed to save you from having to think.” And thus all the thinking that too many options gives us has a cost. I ultimately interested myself in going forth with decisions by first, vetting them not for what is possible, but what is most probable. And shifting my mindset from wanting no limits, to understanding that less options is actually helpful for my mindset, and my life.

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Can You Have No Emotional Boundaries With No Bitterness? w/ Relationship Expert Terri Cole Jul 03, 2026

Show notes

I find almost everyone has some physical boundaries that they feel fine with. But emotionally I still find the culture, and historically myself, fairly uncomfortable and unclear on what emotional boundaries look like and what the purpose really is. It took so long for me to have some understanding that emotional boundaries are not just selfish and not against someone else. My barometer is now, simply my attitude. Meaning, if I am relating to another person in any way and I tune into myself and realize I’m feeling some negative emotions, that’s my red flag. My mindset is, “Whoa. You are exposing them to your negativity. Be it bitterness or any negative emotion, but I pull out bitterness because my issues, and I find many others, often have to do with giving to or serving someone in some way, that you are not truly ok with. The following conversation is one I helped myself with on my continuing journey to healthy, helpful boundaries. Terri Cole is a psychotherapist and renowned relationship expert. I think I’ve had her on this podcast three or four times now. In this episode we focus on the message in her book, Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free. I feel there are multiple ways to consider boundaries and in this conversation you will hear Terri’s guidance from working with thousands of people. You can find Terri everywhere, and easily find her in your podcast platform now with The Terri Cole Show.

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Deconstructing & Navigating The Hero’s Journey w/ Strategist Peter Bailey Jun 29, 2026

Show notes

My focus here is not on being a hero in the fashion our culture uses the word, in regard to caretaking humanity and saving the world. A quick search for the hero’s journey says it is a universal story structure where a protagonist ventures out of their comfort zone, faces a major crisis, wins a victory, and returns home profoundly transformed, and in this I find a core of human desire. In author Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years he takes a script writing course and is taught that a good story is about a character who wants something, and overcomes conflict to get it. We all seem to inherently desire deep, fulfilling experiences, and those by proxy tend to include an effort in order to achieve them. Making the effort and overcoming some challenges are part of what make the experience fulfilling. So my expert on the topic is Peter Bailey. Professionally Peter has worked as a leadership strategist for four decades in more than 50 countries. But my interest is Peter’s research and discoveries in “Developing Your Heroic Journey Mindset,” of which he has a TED talk by the same title. Recently he’s written a book, The Epic of You : Reframe Your Past To Navigate Your Future. As you will hear, at the heart of heroism is not what has happened to you, but how you have responded to life. Peter experienced a difficult childhood and in adulthood has traveled through many of the main trials of life and love. I wanted to dig into how we understand and navigate our lives as we face crisis and not let them dictate the outcomes of our lives.

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Understanding Emotional Intelligence Through The Enneagram w/ Organizational Development Expert Scott Allender Jun 26, 2026

Show notes

I continue to find and place value in Emotional Intelligence. I spent much of my life misperceiving social intelligence as emotional intelligence. I felt I could read and cater to other’s emotions, but I was very ignorant and neglectful of my own emotions, which took a toll on myself, and others. In this episode I brought on an expert who cites that emotional intelligence as the single biggest predictor of our personal and professional success. Scott Allender is an expert in global leadership and organizational development. He regularly teaches Enneagram workshops and conducts emotional intelligence assessments for individuals and teams who seek to become more radically self-aware and cognizant of the impact they have on the world. Scott has a book titled, The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success. This is another installment in my continual pursuit of understanding and owning my own emotions.

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