Relationship Advice

Latest Episodes:

Connection vs Safety Jun 08, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, we talk about how couples can use simple “scales” to better understand each other’s energy, desire, and capacity. Instead of assuming what your partner means when they seem tired, anxious, disconnected, or resistant, naming where you are can turn confusion into context. These tools help couples move out of all-or-nothing thinking and into clearer, more generous communication.

Main talking points:

Energy Check-Ins
Naming Capacity
Getting Context
Importance Scales
Avoiding Assumptions
Collaborative Language

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If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

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Emotional Regulation and Why It’s Important In Relationships: Part 1 Jun 04, 2026

Show notes

Today we are discussing what it really means to regulate. You know that feeling when you are suddenly not quite in control of yourself? Maybe your body gets tense, your thoughts start moving fast, your tone shifts, or you feel like you might say or do something you would not normally say or do. That is often a sign that your nervous system is activated and needs support.
In this episode, Cayla, Colter, and Lauren break down what self-regulation actually looks like in real life and why it matters so much in relationships. They offer psychoeducation about emotions, the nervous system, and the ways our bodies often communicate to us before our minds can fully make sense of what is happening. They also explore practical tools for slowing down, including breath, movement, body awareness, and learning how to notice your internal cues before things escalate.
The conversation also looks at the difference between self-regulation and co-regulation. Sometimes we need to learn how to calm and ground ourselves, and sometimes we need safe connection with another person to help us come back into ourselves. This episode is all about understanding those moments of activation with more compassion, building awareness around your patterns, and learning what helps you return to a more grounded place.

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Anger in Relationships Jun 01, 2026

Show notes

Anger can feel disruptive in relationships, but it often shows up for a reason: it signals that something important feels blocked, unfair, or violated. In this episode, we explore how anger can either push partners into blame, shutdown, and disconnection, or help clarify needs, values, and boundaries when it’s expressed with regulation. The goal isn’t to get rid of anger, but to understand it, lower its intensity, and communicate it in a way that keeps both people connected.

Main Talking Points

Anger’s Function
Window Of Tolerance
Blocked Goals
Pursue And Withdraw
Naming Anger
Repairing Conflict

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‘You Can’t Do This’ Is NOT A Boundary May 28, 2026

Show notes

If there is one thing to know about boundaries, it is that a boundary is not about what you need somebody else to do. It is about what you are going to do in response to somebody else’s behavior. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss boundaries from a psychotherapeutic lens and give tools for how to better communicate boundaries.

Main Talking Points:

Our bodies are the indicator for when we need to set boundaries.
Boundaries exist on a continuum, not as binary bookends.
Communication of boundaries should be specific to the prioritized need.
We should approach boundaries with grace, generosity, and curiosity.

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Withdrawers: When Keeping the Peace Backfires May 25, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, the crew dives into the “withdrawer” role in relationships and how rigid, all-or-nothing responses can quietly create disconnection. They unpack why withdrawers often appease, shut down, or avoid conflict altogether — not because they don’t care, but because disappointing their partner feels intolerable. The conversation explores healthier alternatives to passive or rigid boundaries, including slowing down, using buffer statements, getting curious, and learning how to tolerate discomfort without punishing each other.

Main Talking Points:

All-Or-Nothing Thinking
Passive Boundaries
Buffer Statements
Tolerating Disappointment
Vulnerable Curiosity
Flexible Responses

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Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!

Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping!

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

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Before You Pack: The Conversations Every Couple Needs Before Vacation May 18, 2026

Show notes

Vacation stress usually isn’t about the trip itself — it’s about the unspoken expectations couples bring into it. In this episode, the hosts unpack the conversations that can completely change the tone of a vacation before you ever leave the driveway: money, planning, intimacy, parenting, downtime, technology, and more. They explore how different nervous systems, personalities, and expectations can either create connection or turn a “dream trip” into the same fight in a different location.

Main Talking Points:

Vacation Expectations
Planning Differences
Money Conversations
Parenting Stress
Intimacy Pressure
Technology Boundaries

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⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!

Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping!

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.

Tanasi- Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order.

Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!

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Finding Secure Attachment with Trevor Hanson May 11, 2026

Show notes

This week we are joined by Trevor Hanson who shares his personal journey from anxious attachment and relationship struggles to becoming a therapist focused on helping others build secure attachment. He emphasizes that real transformation comes through emotional experiences—not just information—and outlines a structured approach to rewiring attachment patterns. Through practical tools like self-validation, inner child work, and community-based healing, he shows how people can create lasting security in relationships more efficiently than traditional methods.

Main Talking Points

Anxious attachment patterns
Emotional experiences heal
Four healing pillars
Inner child work
Self-validation tools
Repetition rewires brain

Connect with Trevor:

Website

Instagram

Give Me Discounts!

⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.

Tanasi- Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order.

Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

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Everything That Comes Before Intimacy with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith May 04, 2026

Show notes

What does “true intimacy” actually mean—and why do so many couples feel disconnected even when they love each other? In this episode, we sit down with Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and co-authors of Building True Intimacy, to unpack the deeper layers of connection most relationships are missing.

We dive into their Intimacy Pyramid™ framework—a powerful model that explains why so many relationships struggle at the foundation and how couples can rebuild safety, trust, and emotional closeness from the ground up. From the tension between secrecy and privacy to the complicated realities of checking a partner’s phone, this conversation gets honest about what actually builds (or breaks) trust.

We also explore what happens after betrayal—and whether it’s truly possible for a relationship to come back stronger. If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or unsure how to rebuild closeness, this episode gives you a clear path forward.

Key Takeaways:

True intimacy defined
Love vs connection gap
Intimacy Pyramid basics
Secrecy vs privacy
Trust after betrayal
One small shift

Give Me Discounts!

⁠⁠⁠AG1⁠ - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

⁠Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠⁠

⁠⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠⁠ - Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.

⁠Quince⁠ - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠⁠ review in iTunes⁠⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When To End A Relationship Apr 27, 2026

Show notes

Ending a relationship is rarely about one big moment—it’s usually a pattern that keeps repeating despite effort, conversations, and growing awareness. This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal relationship challenges that can be worked through and deeper signs of incompatibility or emotional disconnection. We talk about what it looks like when one or both partners stop showing up, when the same conflicts keep resurfacing without resolution, and when the relationship begins to feel more draining than supportive. You’ll learn how to honestly evaluate whether growth is still happening—or if staying is quietly costing you more than leaving.

Main Talking Points

Repeating patterns
Emotional disconnection
Effort imbalance
Core misalignment
Growth vs. stuck
Fear of leaving

Give Me Discounts!

⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.

Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don’t Punish the Vulnerability You’ve Been Begging For Apr 20, 2026

Show notes

This episode explores the common relationship dynamic where one partner struggles to share vulnerably, and when they finally do, they’re met with criticism, correction, or defensiveness. The hosts explain how these responses unintentionally “punish” vulnerability and reinforce shutdown patterns, even when connection is what both partners want. They emphasize playing the long game—creating safety through validation, patience, and restraint—so vulnerability can grow over time.

Main Talking Points