Recovery Elevator

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RE 189: Happiness is Right Around the Corner, and Then the Next Corner. Oct 01, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Sarah with 162 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "When this happens, then I'll be okay." You may already be living the live you have been dreaming about. Try not to fall into trap of "when this happens, I'll be okay." "When I get another month of sobriety", or "when I move to another town", or "when I get the right X" are all common examples of not living in the present moment. Stop for a moment, take stock in the good things you have around you and try your best to find the magic and happiness you seek in the moment you're in, right now. Once you bounce back from the effects of alcohol, you might just notice that you already have enough.

SHOW NOTES

[7:50] Paul Introduces Sarah. Sarah has been sober for 162 days. Sarah is from England. She is divorced, with two kids. She is still figuring out what she does for fun. She loves camping, nature, the outdoors. She has a sober boyfriend. She recently quit her job in retail management and is now running her own little cleaning business.

[11:15] Give us a little background about your drinking. She didn't realize she had a problem until recently. She grew up in a drinking family. She feels that people who don't drink are a bit of an outcast. Her drinking got out of control as an expat. She lived in a dry state in India, and drinking became something she could obsess over even more. She had her two children and quit for those pregnancies. Straight after they were born she returned to the wine. It escalated slowly and she was blind to how dangerous it had become. She was having 5 glasses of wine most evenings. She bought into the "mommy needs wine" culture. She looked at it as a daily reward. There were several red flags over the past few years.

[15:50] What were the red flags that popped up? She was suffering from bad anxiety. At the time she didn't realize it was from her drinking. None of her doctors would diagnose her with anxiety, despite her asking them to. One doctor probed into her drinking and figured out it that her drinking was the root of her anxiety. The idea of stopping drinking was crazy to her at the time. She received a solution to her problem but it wasn't the solution she wanted at the time.

[18:05] Had the idea of stopping drinking ever cross your mind? No, but it planted a seed in her brain that started to grow. It took her two years to get the point of stopping. Before that she was having a whole bottle of wine every single night. She knew there was a problem but deep down she didn't know what she could do about it.

[20:42] Was there a specific time where you knew what to do but couldn't do it? Many times. She felt like she was stuck down a hole and someone had removed the ladder. She had these feelings daily. She was feeling physical symptoms of drinking in excess. She knew it was inevitable that she had to stop.

[22:45] How did you break the cycle? She just decided to quit drinking. She had been listening to recovery podcasts for a few weeks and she just knew she had to do it. She knew the path was only going to lead to everything she cared about getting hurt. She became very stubborn. She hadn't told anyone about it and it felt empowering. It keeps getting better and better as time goes on.

[24:17] What were you thinking when you had that moment of clarity? She had more of a feeling. She had a lot of self-loathing and low self-esteem. She realized that she was worth it. She began to talk back to the internal dialogue trying to keep her in the same place. She's been enjoying the community in Café RE.

[26:21] Did you experience any cravings? Yes. It was a roller coaster at first. She threw herself into the internet group and began talking to people. She began to learn and research. She began to invest in her own self growth. It felt good and she started to get excited for the next chapter of her life. She found the idea of rewiring her brain and making it more able to resist alcohol quite attractive. She began to focus on self-care. She went to bed earlier. She bought some nice deserts. She watched movies with the kids. She was gentle with herself. It does get easier.

[29:30] Tell us about Sarah 2.0. She wants to work in recovery. She wants to live the life and help other people to live it as well. She is in the early stages so she's being careful. She thinks she has found a new purpose. [31:30] What does it mean to you to get out of your own head? Calming down her mind and understanding that she is not her thoughts. She just steps back for a minute and observes. She's making better decisions. Life makes more sense. She has a clearer understanding of what is important. She can't wait to learn more. You have everything you need. If you stop and just be in the moment everything else just falls away. She stops her brain from spinning out to negative thoughts and stories. She has learned to recognize the addictive voice. [36:00] Do you feel like an outcast now that you don't drink? She hasn't told everyone yet. She just has lime and soda or non-alcoholic beer and no one has asked her about it. No one cares. She people that care are close to you and they know you have a problem anyway and they're going to be relieved that you stopped drinking.

[37:40] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? A fancy ball she attended with her boyfriend. She blacked out and went missing. They found her curled up in a ball in the corner and she has no recollection.

Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? When her boss told her she could smell wine on her at 9am.. the second time.
What's your plan moving forward? Keep doing what I'm doing. Gratitude. To remind herself that her life is great.
What's your favorite resource in recovery?
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? One day at a time. It's easy to overthink.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Make it your priority. Do whatever it takes to get sober. Decide, stick to it, and be stubborn. Make it the core of who you are. Take care of yourself. Have some cake.
You might be an alcoholic if.. "…You examine and study everyone else's drinking habits to get a better perspective on your own… and that includes looking in the fridges and their cupboards to see how much wine they've got."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 188: The Only Line We Cross That We Can't Come Back From Sep 24, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Tamara with 88 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "There is only one line we can cross that we can't come back from" The National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255

SHOW NOTES

[4:20] Paul Introduces Tamara, and she recaps her experience with relapse and suicidal thoughts. Tamara had a relapse after 48 days of sobriety. She just moved to a new apartment. She started the day running errands, then had a conversation with her sponsor. She was alone, felt lonely and bought vodka. She started to drink by herself. She felt guilty because she is aware of the support structures that are in place, but she still witnessed herself resorting to alcohol to try to soothe her emotional pain. She thought she had exhausted all of her options. She began to have suicidal thoughts. She recorded a goodbye message to her family. She cut her wrist and sent the message. Her parents received it and tracked her down. They got in tough with her roommate. Her roommate and her mother stopped her bleeding. She went to the ER, and a mental hospital. She realized she didn't want to die, and that she had to change something. She found a treatment center. She stayed there for 4 weeks. Reliving it, she is reminded that she isn't broken. She realizes how powerful alcohol is and it will take you if you let it. She didn't know what she was living for. In the treatment center, she worked through her life experience. She didn't consider herself a trauma victim, but then realized that she had just been ignoring some things from her past. Her pride crumbled. She was able to see just how loved she was. She was able to see the role of God in her life. She finally saw her love and worth. She felt like she came out of hiding. She doesn't have to hide parts of herself that she struggles with. There are people in her life that accept her exactly as she is. She had to rebuild her self-image and identity. She wants to come out of her shell and live her life out in the open. She didn't know who she was anymore. The emotional rawness from her experience enabled her to open. She realized that she is not the orchestrator of everything in her life and that there are parts of her life that she can not control. She began to focus on the present moment and not worry beyond that.

[29:45] Talk to us about the letter you received from your employer right before you left. She had been feeling a bit out of place at her job. She took on and internalized expectations and pressure. She was open to changing everything else but she wanted to try and apply herself at her job. She received a package from her employer, and it turned out to be a letter of termination. She felt hurt. She cried but realized that she had to rebuild completely from scratch and feels like it was a gift from god.

[36:30] Tell us about what you found that can never be taken away. She realized that no matter what is happening around her, it doesn't have to wreck her world internally. She's still standing, and losing her job is now empowering. She has an opportunity to rebuild her life in a way that is more authentic and meaningful to her. She wants to do the next right thing. She built her life around things that are true to her. She realized that she's had it the entire time. She realized that she's been loved the entire time. She feels God's love now. She believes that we all have a purpose. She saw something in the people around her and she felt like she didn't have it, or couldn't grab it. After treatment, she feels more in touch with it.

[39:19] Am I right in saying that you had a full spiritual awakening? Yes. Giving herself and life over to God has been the most liberating experience. She has faith that after the first step, the next step will present itself.

[40:53] Does one have to be religious to be spiritual? Not at all. It's all about one's own personal relationship with God. Previously she felt that God's love was punitive and based on how good or bad she had been. She was trying to achieve her way into earning love. Religion is an outward expression of the internal spiritual relationship. Religion is a practice. She loves encouraging people, cooking for people, and sharing what she's been through. What's changed is her feeling of spirituality.

[44:00] What advice would you have for someone that's struggling? It starts with openness. She thought she was open, but she was frustrated. Look at the people in your life who have something that you think you want or need. Be open to hearing what they're doing and what they've been through. Humble yourself enough to be open to the idea that things are bigger than you. Be open to exploring those ideas. We're all bonded by the desire to be loved. Tunnel vision leads to the path of pain in addiction. Open your mind to the fact that you may not see the whole picture. It's not your fault if you can't, but at least be open to the possibility of more.

[46:44] With 88 days in sobriety, what's next for you? She has no idea what's next and that's ok. She has some short term plans. She will continue to embrace her spirituality and be excited about her future.

[47:25] Is there anything else you'd like to add? She believes that people are the best thing about God's creation. If you are struggling, reach out to people. Some not conversations may not take you to anywhere but listen to people. Ask the meaningful questions and don't fear judgement. Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 187: The Most Important Journey You'll Ever Take Sep 17, 2018

Show notes

Today we have John with over 1 year since his last drink. The Journey

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice – though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do – determined to save the only life you could save.

By Mary Oliver

SHOW NOTES

[8:45] Paul Introduces John.

John is a musician from Helena, Montana. He's been sober for over 1 year. He's 41 years old. He's married with two sons. For fun, he likes to turn his obsessive side toward healthy activities. He's exploring moderation. He stopped drinking after a horrible hangover. He tried to have a beer after some after about 6 months of sobriety. He realized that everything kicked back in. He got sober with willpower but realized that he can't stay sober with willpower.

[17:09] At what point did you realize that you had a problem with drinking? He has alcoholism in his family. When he started to perform in bands at 19, he refused to drink. When he moved to Montana, he discovered craft beer and the surrounding culture encouraged him to drink. In 2011 he quit drinking for 14 months. He considers himself an extrovert and gets charged up by talking to people. He realized that his drinking was an extension of his lack of emotional intelligence. He got tired of playing "hide the bottle". He began to go to bed drunk every night. Hid digestion was a mess.

[25:13] What did you find was at the root of your decision to quit? His body hurt. He was sick and tired of sick and tired. Telling people that he was sober was strange because he had histories with his bandmates. He changed his internal dialogue to harness his stubbornness, so he could use it to stay sober.

[28:07] Tell us more about the moment where you felt the weight drop off your shoulders. He felt like he was coming to terms with the loneliness in his own heart. He began to explore the religious side of his life. He addressed his conflicted religious beliefs, and once he felt better about it he found the strength to quit drinking. He thinks addicts share the bond of the unquenchable thirst. We're always trying to overdo it.

[33:00] Tell us more about not wanting to drink but wanting to be drunk. As soon as the alcohol hits the brain, it kickstarts a physiological craving that can be shut off only by the removal of alcohol from the system. He realized that a lot of the bad behavior in his life was dictated by his addiction. He wants to meet the emotional needs of others. He wants people to know that they're not alone. He believes there is freedom in commitment, but it has to be all in.

[39:06] How do you plan on addressing the excess? He is in the process of addiction whack-a-mole. He switched to Adderall. To counter it, he's now taking cannabis. He is dealing with the shame of wanting a buzz. Alcohol works until it doesn't. He quit Adderall. He keeps looking for the next magic pill.

[45:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Arguing with his wife in the car. They weren't married yet and she asked him about his drinking. He made his wife cry and felt terrible.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?
What's your plan moving forward?
What's your favorite resource in recovery? The recovery elevator podcast. Also, his sober friends. "Connection is the opposite of addiction."
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Use the obsessive part of addiction as a superpower. Apply your obsession to something positive.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Ask for help. If it needs to be private, that's ok. Ask people to help you stay sober. Don't be afraid.
You might be an alcoholic if... "…you play hide the bottle. If you're drinking privately, it isn't normal. Lots of people do it, but you can be free from that if you choose to be."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 186: Alcohol Gives us the Wings to Fly, Then Takes Away the Sky Sep 10, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Angie with 146 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "Alcohol gave me the wings to fly, then took away the sky"

SHOW NOTES

[5:30] Paul Introduces Angie.

Angie is 36 years old, lives in Atlanta, GA. She has been sober for 146 days and is the proud owner of 2 dogs. She loves live music, the theater and the movies. She enjoys cooking. She now enjoys her own company.

[7:06] Give us some background about your drinking habits. She never drank in high school or college. She started when she was in her early 20's. Drinking gave her confidence. After a divorce in 2012, she attempted suicide and her drinking also ramped up. She was having between 6-10 drinks a night. She felt like she was barely surviving. Her move to Atlanta did not cure her drinking, but it helped her to realize she had a problem.

[10:25] Did you ever have a rock bottom moment? She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She never really wanted to stop, but she had a rock bottom moment when she drank before work. She was blacked out drunk and spoke with two of her bosses. She realized that she didn't have it under control. She would attempt sobriety and then crash into relapse. She associated alcohol with love. She wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol.

[16:05] What did it feel like to formally say goodbye to alcohol? She felt empowered. She spent a lot of time wishing things in her life would be different. She realized that she had all the tools she needed within her. Her life got a lot easier. She changed her relationship with her internal dialogue.

[18:15] How did you quit? She wanted to change but wasn't really searching for community. She struggled with sobriety on her own. She relapsed and thought it was the end of the world. She finally realized that she can't do it alone she began to connect with people. She went to AA. She went to Smart Recovery. She organized a sober meetup. Letting people in to help her has been her 146 days.

[21:16] Talk to us about why you were unable to attend the Dallas meetup. She relapsed right before and felt like she couldn't go. She felt like she wasn't worth it. She kept drinking for two more months.

[23:02] Talk to us about your relationship to self-loathing. She has often struggled with self-loathing. She has always felt like she wasn't good enough. She experienced a lot of self-hatred after relapse. She realized she wasn't going to change or grow. She realized drinking was a symptom. She drank because she hated herself. She realized that she had to love herself in that moment. She had a new story to write which looked nothing like her past. She has started to meditate. She decided she needed to go to therapy and talk it out with people. She wanted the outside voices.

[27:31] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What tools are you using? She meditates first thing in the morning. She focuses on taking care of her dogs. She journals and tries to take it one day at a time. She breaks it down further to one thing at a time. Her life feels a lot slower and more peaceful.

[30:10] What's your proudest moment in sobriety? She went to see a musical recently and didn't drink. She turned down a drink after a friend pressured her. She went to the bathroom, struggled, cried, but ended up texting her other sober friend to get through it. [31:25] What are your thoughts on relapse? Anything we do in life, we fail at. Success is built on failure. Failure aka relapse is a part of life. The less you beat yourself up, the better you'll be.

[32:54] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Her failed suicide attempt. She found out her husband was cheating on her and she tried to take her life.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Going to her part time job completely drunk with no memory of the conversation.
What's your plan moving forward? Taking it one day at a time. Try to not isolate herself. Maintain sober relationships
What's your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE.
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? I'm worth it. It's worth it to do hard things and she's worth it being sober.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just give it a shot. Give it 90 days and see how you feel. If the idea of 90 days feels overwhelming, that's just another reason to give it a try. Don't listen to the shitty voice in your head. Reach out to a community. People understand what you're going through.
You might be an alcoholic if... "You're an avid Office fan, but you have to skip the episode with the intervention because it hits too close to home."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 185: Is Tracking Continuous Sobriety Important? Sep 03, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Jennifer with 568 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. Tracking your sobriety time – Do the numbers matter? To begin with, know that it's not a competition. We're going for quality over quantity! We quit alcohol because we want to improve our lives. The end goal isn't in the numbers, but in the increase in one's quality of life. Removing alcohol was the first step in a journey of getting to know ourselves, finding out what we really want from life and making the best of each and every day. The real tracker is how you feel about who you are, where you're going and what is meaningful in your life.

SHOW NOTES

[9:52] Paul Introduces Jennifer.

Jennifer is 36 years old from Cleveland, OH. She has 3 cats and runs a business walking dogs.

[11:52] Describe to us your background with drinking. She started drinking at 15. She always thought it was normal to binge drink. She thought it was a part of youth. Her drinking held pretty steady until her mid 30's. She realized that we live in a drinking culture. She has often struggled with codependency. She never thought she was the problem. She always thought it was other people.

[16:29] Where was your lightbulb moment indicating you had to stop? 4 months before this recent attempt, she appeared on a podcast about addiction and codependency. She grew up with addiction in her family. She had to be the parent as a child. She had a negative image in her head of what an addict was, and because she wasn't close to that image, she wasn't able to see the progression of her own addiction. She began to realize that addiction has many forms by listening to other people's stories and it gave her permission to acknowledge her own addictive behavior.

[21:52] How were you able to finally make the change when the time came? She was exhausted by the idea of continuing to drink. Her own drinking behavior started to wear her out and she became tired and resentful. She wanted to be able to enjoy activities without alcohol. She went through a breakup and had to seek out grounding. Her hangovers were getting darker and more difficult. She began to fear the impact it was having on her health. She couldn't handle the shame and embarrassment. She found Recovery Elevator and it helped give her the confidence to try and quit. She realized that she's not alone. She didn't really connect with AA when she tried it. Her first year of sobriety she kind of transferred her alcoholism to workaholism. She didn't realize there were options other than AA. She didn't realize how much she needed people until she started talking to other people about being sober.

[31:30] How did you manage your early recovery? She became hyper focused on her work. She tried to avoid social situations so she could avoid alcohol. She lost some friends.

[35:05] What are you working on now in sobriety? She is working on maintenance. She wants to achieve big things in life but she's trying to keep simple and to focus on taking care of herself and relaxing. She's learning how to be kind to herself. She's working on being able to regulate her emotional life. She realized that she used to be too focused on what others thought about her. She feels transformed on the inside, even though there is little change on the outside.

[41:00] What is the "Shift Doughnut"? She used to work at the doughnut shop in Cleveland. She would just get a doughnut after her shift. She called them "shift doughnuts" but her coworker helped her realize that she was just stealing doughnuts.

[42:10] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Shortly after her 30th birthday, she went home with a lover and was raped after she blacked out. She tried to ignore it for a long time but in sobriety it bubbles up to the surface.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? She invented the Triple Pipe Classic, which is when you lose control of all bodily functions.
What's your plan moving forward? Learning to like herself, love herself, deepening her meditation practice. Learning to go slower and relax. She's looking forward to the Café RE trip to Peru. She wants to travel more and do more things with her life.
What's your favorite resource in recovery? An app called Marco Polo. It's like having a little therapist in your pocket. She feels like she is able to see thought patterns that she missed before. It's easy to connect with people.
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Early in sobriety, someone said "You know you can start your day over at any time.."
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don't compare yourself out of recovery. Your recovery is your own. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. Alcoholism is a symptom of things not going well. Be grateful for the opportunity to sort yourself out. Also, be open to the idea that you may not know yourself like you think. What if you're wrong about yourself? The story tape reel repeating in your head about yourself might be completely wrong. Be open to a new and better and you.
You might be an alcoholic if... "you post a video on your social media channels of you home alone, drunk, dancing to Lady Gaga and juggling cigarettes." Or "if you complete a Triple Pipe Classic"

Resources:

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck – A book by Mark Manson Marco Polo (Android) (iTunes) – An video chat app

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 184: The Greatest Miracle of All Time Aug 27, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Paul with 28 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. The article mentioned in the episode introduction: Science Increasingly Makes the Case for God - Wall Street Journal

SHOW NOTES

[10:57] Paul Introduces... Paul.

Paul is from St. Paul, Minnessota. He's 67 years old, retired. He is married with 2 kids, and 2 grandchildren. He hosts an internet radio show. He enjoys cooking and films.

[13:18] Describe your drinking history. In his 20s, he feels that he was a normal drinker. Sometimes to excess with a bad hangover, but usually a moderate amount. During his first marriage, his wife didn't drink as much. He started to experiment with stronger mixed drinks. His second wife died of breast cancer, and he was a caretaker for her. He used drinking to deal with the pain. He married again a third time and didn't feel compelled to drink too much. It started to creep back in. His office culture encouraged drinking after work. He gradually switched from beer to whiskey. He tried to moderate but not drinking during the day. He began concealing his drinking from his wife. He's tried to quit a few times in the past few years. His habits got progressively worse.

[19:10] What was different about this last attempt to quit? After a doctor's appointment, he was shocked at his high blood pressure. He kept drinking. He started to suffer from diabetes. His doctor said it was okay to drink a little bit each day. He used that as an excuse to ramp back up. He had quit before with determination, but this time it felt different. He is exploring the painful periods of his past, and trying to find out the connection to his drinking. He thinks it has something to do with being verbally abused as a child. The alcohol has helped him relax. He thinks his anxiety is wearing off gradually.

[28:00] Describe your present relationship with anxiety. He feels as if something bad is going to happen, irrationally. He feels an unease, an inability to relax. A few months ago, he was going to go on a trip to Ireland. He had a lot of anxiety about the trip and it worried him. He just started drinking again to manage the anxiety.

[32:10] How did you achieve 28 days this time around? He did some research. He found an article by Roger Ebert about his struggle. He did more research and found Cafe RE. He's learning new ways to deal with his emotions that don't involve drinking.

[34:53] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He would like to travel. He wants to learn how to ride horses. He wants to take some guitar lessons. He wants to put more work into his radio show. He plays vintage and eclectic music.

[38:32] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? He was surprised to have blackouts. He found it unsettling and scary.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? His wife mentioned something he said and he didn't remember saying it.
What's your plan moving forward? He wants to follow up with smart recovery and AA. He will continue to journal. Continue to engage with Cafe RE.
What's your favorite resource in recovery?
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? "Today is the best day to quit."
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Share it with someone. Make yourself accountable. He shared with his wife and his kids and it's made a difference. Be kind to yourself. Don't believe what other people tell you about yourself unless it's good.
You might be an alcoholic if... "..if you're researching whether or not you're and alcoholic."

Resources:

Science increasingly makes the case for God – An article in the Wall Street Journal

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 183: Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken Aug 20, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Jason with 178 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." – Robert Collier

"It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you." – Russell Brand

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." – Henry Ford

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." – Zen proverb

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." – Agnes Repplier

"If things go wrong, don't go with them." – Roger Babson

"Recovery is not for people who need it, but for people who want it" – Anonymous

"When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say." – Unknown

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one." – Elbert Hubbard

"If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime." – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." – Oscar Wilde

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear." – Rosa Parks

"When was the last time you woke up and wished you'd had just one more drink the night before? I have never regretted not drinking. Say this to yourself, and you'll get through anything." – Meredith Bell

"The Pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow" – Anonymous

"The best way out is always through." – Robert Frost

"Your heart is leading you in the right direction. Quiet the mind and follow. " – Paul Churchill

"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run." – Babe Ruth

"Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it." – J. Petit Senn

"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit." – Bernard Williams

"What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood." – Alice Miller

SHOW NOTES

[11:50] Paul Introduces Jason. Jason is 46-year-old social worker from Connecticut He's married with two children. He likes the outdoors, soccer, kayaking, fishing,and hiking.

[14:00] Give listeners an idea of your drinking background. He started drinking in high school. It escalated when he went into the navy. After the navy, his drinking settled into a regular pattern which slowly escalated as well. In mid 30's his drinking started to feel like it was getting to be a problem. He had a previous 5 year period of sobriety. He was trying to be health conscious. He has heart disease in his family. He tried to stay on top of it. Around 38, his physical wasn't so great. He was referred to a cardiologist. He thought cutting alcohol out would improve his health. He stopped on NYE of 2010. He felt a lot better so he kept going. He did not work a program. He was hung up on the stigma of being an alcoholic. He thought that after 5 years he didn't have a problem, and he was feeling healthy and he thought that maybe he could be a normal drinker again. After relapse, he kept it under control for a while, but shortly thereafter it started escalating again quickly and he began to fall back into the same patterns. He had a difficult summer, drinking most days, and he realized that he was a better person during his stint in sobriety and decided to go back to being sober.

[27:38] Did you find it difficult to stop the second time? He could see how bad it would get if he didn't stop. He was hiding drinks, and every week seemed to get worse. He knew he was worse than he had been previously. He thought that his previous bout of sobriety meant he could do it again. He just had to get back to sobriety. He feels our society surrounds you with pro-drinking messages.

[32:07] How were you able to quit this time around? The first few weeks were difficult, more difficult than he remembered from before. This time it felt more ingrained into his routine, making it more difficult. This time he is consuming more sobriety media and it helps him keep his mind right.

[34:00] Do you think you are addressing more dimensions of sobriety this time? Last time he was too focused on the physical part. This time he's addressing the mental and spiritual sides of his life. He's building a meditation practice and doing yoga. He he has more tools this time than before. He's trying not to think about the time line as much. He's trying to stay in the present and focus on what's right in front of him.

[36:37] What's something that you've learned about yourself in sobriety? Honest really helps. Also, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Dependence happens to some people quicker than others, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. He's taking things more gradually and slowly.

[37:22] Have you experienced any cravings? Definitely, in the first few months. He just tries to ride it out. They're only about 20 minutes long. He tries to distract himself realizing that they will pass.

[38:56] If you could go back and change anything about your getting sober, what would it be? He thinks he could have talked to and with more people.

[39:20] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He wants to travel more, and spend more time with his kids.

[40:00] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? When he was in the navy, he blacked out and had to walk around ashamed.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? It's a cumulative thing. His many mornings feeling terrible. Hearing about conversations he didn't remember.
What's your plan moving forward? To keep taking it slowly. To focus on his meditation and yoga practice. Be open and honest with people in his sobriety.
What's your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. On Instagram: Drybe club.
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? You do not have to drink.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If it's something that's on your mind, just do it. Reach out to people, be honest and find resources.

Resources:

Drybe Club – an Instagram page about sobriety

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 182: Creating Gaps in our Thinking Aug 13, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Chris, with 96 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. In sobriety, it's possible to become more in tune with the inner workings of our minds. By stopping the intake of a numbing substance, our minds and bodies become more sensitive, and with that sensitivity comes a glimpse into the processes and systems that run under the hood. Our emotions and how we handle them (or, in early sobriety, often we will see how our emotions are handling us!), the physical sensations that return as our body heals, and how our subconscious mind has an impact on our every waking moment. In practices like meditation, we can begin to see how our thoughts can interrupt our every waking moment. As we examine further, we can see that thoughts have a big impact on how we see ourselves, the world and, ultimately thoughts can make up who we are. To learn to manage your thoughts, follow Paul's first steps: - Trust that your body knows best. - Your mind is a secondary organ to your body. You may think you are in control, but the mind is a tool that works for the body, not the other way around. - Learn to quiet the mind. - In the early stages of recovery, especially, it's important to recalibrate your sense of stillness. Chances are in the throws of addiction you have lost your center. - Don't get hooked – When you become aware of a thought entering your mind, simply notice it for what it is and let it float by. You can use a safe word to remind you to come back to the present moment. "Here", "Stop", "Thoughts.."

SHOW NOTES

[12:48] Paul Introduces Chris.

Chris is 37 years old, lives in Arizona. Chris is married with two kids, has two dogs, is a musician and likes to ride his motorcycle.

[14:33] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? Why did you decide to quit? He realized that alcohol had a hold on him. He couldn't stop. It was affecting everything. He felt like the party was over. He went to get beer after his kids were asleep. Suddenly he realized that if he had gotten a DUI, no one would be able to take care of his kids. He asked a friend in recovery to help him get cleaned up. He started going to AA. He would get 30 days and then relapse. He worked at a bar and was drinking non stop. It started to take a toll on his body.

[18:56] When did your attempts to quit begin to get some traction? He would try to moderate. He switched to wine. They moved to Arizona, and he wanted to use the chance to get clean. He found himself isolated and depressed, and anxious. He used his exercise to earn his drinks. He kept repeating the cycle.

[21:23] What are your thoughts on the "geographical cure"? He thought he was going to start over in a new place, and leave the negativity behind. He started working quickly after the move. Anxiety started to set in, he felt uncomfortable being alone and bored. He turned to alcohol. Alcohol was the ice breaker in social situations.

[22:47] What would you consider to be your rock bottom moment? He feels that he had many. Every time he would wake up feeling ashamed was a rock bottom moment. He felt that he couldn't escape alcohol's grip and he was scared. He wanted to quit but felt that he couldn't. The night would start with one beer and end after multiple.

[24:30] What changed this last time to ensure your success so far? He had researched a medicine called kambo. He had read that it would help him quit alcohol. He found someone in his local area and he signed up to try it. The scrape the venom off a frog from the amazon. The practitioner lights the tip of the incense stick, then marks your arm, then applies the venom to your arm. He didn't hallucinate, but had intense bodily sensations. It's a giant purge. He puked like crazy and felt a sharp pain. He found a blockage, and puked it out. He did another purge that evening and hasn't craved alcohol since.

[31:39] Have you noticed any other improvements in other areas of your life? He's less stressed. He tries to block negative energy. He lets things roll off and relaxes.

[33:19] Did you try any other resources to quit? He tried AA. He didn't click with his local group. He liked the online group better. The plant medicine was sort of a last resort for him. He thinks it was a reflection of the amount of desperation he had at the time.

[36:00] What's your proudest moment in recovery? He was around 50 days in sobriety. He took his son to a Metallica concert without drinking. [36:45] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? Continuing down the path. He wants to be of help to anyone trying to get sober. He is into the plant medicine world.

[39:20] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? A huge fight with his wife. He threw glasses at the wall.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment?
What's your plan moving forward? Continuing down the path. Staying active in the online group.
What's your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE Blue. Talking with more people.
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? It's easier to stay sober than to get sober. Don't take yourself too seriously.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just do it. Go for it. Take your time, get comfortable. Find the path for you.
You might be an alcoholic if... "If you have to put venomous frog poison in your skin to get sober.."

Resources:

You Are the Placebo – A book by Dr. Joe Dispenza

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 181: Water is all you Need Aug 06, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Jodi, with over 100 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. You'd think that when dealing with something as simple and common as water, there couldn't be any confusion. Water is water, right? It turns out that not all waters are created equal.

Water comes in many forms and despite what you might think, the differences aren't just regional nomenclature. There are distinct differences between these types of water, and while they are somewhat slight, they're enough to merit their own name. Here's what you need to know:

Mineral Water

Sparkling mineral water comes from a natural spring which contains various minerals, like salts and sulfur compounds. It's defined by its "constant level and relative proportions of mineral and trace elements at the point of emergence from the source." Minerals aren't added to this water and neither is carbonation (with the exception of San Pellegrino, which has additional carbonation added by the bottler). That means that the bubbles in these bottles are completely natural. You would typically drink this water as is (not mixed in a cocktail), since it's a tad expensive and has a slight mineral-y taste.

Seltzer Water

Seltzer water is just plain water that has been artificially carbonated. This water, which contains no sodium salts, gets its name from the German town of Selters, which was renowned for its natural springs. Seltzer water was first introduced as a cheap alternative to sparkling mineral water -- and it still is an economical option today.

Club Soda

Seltzer water and club soda are very similar, but there is a notable difference between the two. Unlike seltzer, mineral-like ingredients are added to club soda to enhance the flavor. If you look on the list of ingredients, you'll likely see potassium bicarbonate and potassium sulfate listed.

Tonic Water Just because it contains the word water in its name and is carbonated doesn't mean that tonic water is in the same category as bubbly waters. Unlike the other carbonated options, tonic water has a distinct flavor and it certainly can't be swapped out for carbonated water. Tonic water is a bitter drink, a result of the addition of quinine, which pairs particularly well with gin. Also unlike the other waters, Tonic contains calories -- about 130 for 12 fluid ounces.

SHOW NOTES

[9:05] Paul Introduces Jodi.

Jodi is 34-year-old artist and musician living in Detroit, Michigan, with her dog. She has a podcast called "Detroit Craft Academy". She went to art school for photography originally.

[12:20] How has sobriety affected your personal relationship with your art? It's been a little difficult. She had a romanticized definition of what an artist was in her mind that involved drinking. She feels it was learned. She no longer buys into it. She's realizing that her art is now better with a sober mind.

[14:25] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking, and how did you quit? She grew up straight edge. She started drinking with a guy she met. She enjoyed alcohol after she tried it. She feels that she's always had an addictive personality, which worsened after she started drinking. She was always at the bar before and after class during school. She began hanging out with musicians. She began to black out, and felt that she was time traveling. She would have to investigate to find out the events from the previous night. She had a stint of sobriety for two years as her boyfriend turned out to be an addict. She started again at 22 and hid it from her partner. She tried to go to AA.

[20:25] Did you experience a rock bottom? She had many. She didn't consider them rock bottoms because she wasn't ready to address the fact that she had a drinking problem, and she also thought that it was typical artist behavior. She associates her addiction with "Large Marge" from Peewee Herman.

[22:29] What was different about this particular attempt to quit that's been successful so far? Before quitting she had been dealing with depression and a relationship with an addict. She experienced some trauma. She started seeing a counselor. The counselor didn't know that she had a drinking problem. Alcoholism runs in her family. Alcohol dulled the emotions she didn't want to feel and enhanced the positive ones, but the depression didn't go away. She tried many things to get rid of it but they didn't work. She tried to quit drinking for a month and felt amazing. This time something different happened. She recently tried a sensory deprivation chamber. She heard a voice tell her to quit drinking. She feels her consciousness shifted. She calls it the voice of silence. She told everyone she knew that she quit drinking, creating accountability. Everyone has been supportive. She started changing her group of friends. She started going to AA. It's been great. Every meeting has been different.

[38:44] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety so far? With her shift in consciousness, she is trying to be open minded. She's learning how to break down her strict boundaries. We are bigger than the boxes in which we put ourselves. She's open to not pleasing everyone.

[40:25] How is your depression now that alcohol is removed from your life? She still suffers from depression, but she changes how she responds to it. Before she would turn to drinking, and now she tries to face it. She's finding different ways to deal with it. She goes for walks, calls her sponsor, focuses on art. She's considering medication.

[42:42] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? All the holes in her memory. Playing detective to figure out what happened the night before.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? She realized that her only desire to go out was because she wanted to drink, and she had to drink to have a desire to go out.
What's your plan moving forward? One day at a time. She journals a lot.
What's your favorite resource in recovery? Cafe RE, honestly.

What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Don't beat yourself up if you fail. You won't see the successes if you concentrate on the failures.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Tell everyone. Tell the bartender to punch you if you order alcohol.
You might be an alcoholic if... "you lose your car, and then go to the police to help you find your car, and drop you off, and you think it might be a trap."

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

RE 180: What Lies Ahead Jul 30, 2018

Show notes

Today we have Craig, who has been sober since 9/21/16.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

The unprecedented success of this podcast mirrors a simple approach to recovery. Just show up and continue to show up.

SHOW NOTES

[14:00] Paul Introduces Craig. Craig is 40 years old, from central Scotland. He's married and a father of two. He works in flooring and is a part time Taekwondo instructor.

[16:53] When did you realize you first had a problem with drinking? He started when he was about 14. His family moved a lot. Alcohol was a big presence. His first binge was extreme and he had to go to the medical center. He started to drink a case per night. Eventually whiskey entered the picture. He became more isolated. He couldn't relax without alcohol. He would drink with colleagues after work and it progressed into something very difficult to control.

[23:07] How did you achieve your 9 weeks during your first attempt at sobriety? He ended up in the hospital after a suspected heart attack. After some liver tests the doctor gave him a pep talk. His first attempt was sheer will power.

[24:48] What led to the following relapse? He wanted to celebrate his 9 weeks by drinking. After he did not really try to self moderate. Eventually after a binge on a trip to Mexico he woke up with a painful hangover and decided that he couldn't do it any more. He sought out recovery sources online and discovered the podcast. It resonated with him. He realized he wasn't alone.

[27:47] Once you made the conscious choice, how did you stop? His realized he was a bad example for his son.

[29:40] What were some of the other recovery resources you found? Recovery Elevator, also Omar and Shane Ramer, the Sober Guy podcast, and the Share Podcast, the Good Dad project and Sean Croxton's Quote of the Day.

[30:30] Walk us through the early stages of your recovery. He had two difficult episodes with Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptom (PAWS). Fatigue, mood swings, depression, anxiety, loss of concentration. The first one was about six weeks sober. He went to his doctor and said he wasn't feeling well. The doctor suggested AA. He realized there is life after drinking.

[35:39] When did you begin implementing what you learned into your recovery? He started listening to motivational podcasts in addition to recovery podcasts. He started to see things in a different light. He joined different online communities and enjoyed being able to bounce different ideas off people in the forums. He examined his internal dialogues and focused on self love.

[40:36] What advice do you have for someone who is on day 1 right now? Day 1 is where the adventure starts! Let's look at how we can get you to day 2 and beyond. 1 day at a time. Break it down into pieces. Get through the cravings. The numbers don't matter, you're already worth it. Beating yourself up doesn't work. Nobody's recovery is exactly the same. [44:43] Is there anything you would have done differently in your recovery? No. He feels that he had to go through what he went through to get to where he is. He is grateful for the doctor's presence in his life. He doesn't regret drinking either, but he's glad he stopped. [46:16] What have you learned about yourself in recovery? First all, I'm good enough. Secondly, I deserve this recovery and all its benefits. Everyone deserves it. [46:56] What's on your bucket list in sobriety? He's got more of a "fuck it" list. If he wants to do something he's going to do it. He's going to keep living and spending as much time as he can with family.

[49:40] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking? Not remembering three days from being 14 years old after a binge.
Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Before his trip to Mexico, he drank heavily and woke up fearing death. He realized that he needed help.
What's your plan moving forward? Let's get 644 days in the bag and he'll deal with 645 days tomorrow.
What's your favorite resource in recovery?
What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? From Hank at Hope Rehab, "Take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth."
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Don't try and do it alone. You need the community. You need accountability with the right people, the ones that can actually help you.
You might be an alcoholic if... "you drank so much that the next day you start going into DT's at 3pm the next afternoon."

Resources:

Recovery 2.0 – A book by Tommy Rosen The SHAIR podcast – a recovery podcast That Sober Guy podcast – a recovery podcast

The Good Dad Project - podcast

Sean Croxton's Quote of the Day - podcast

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"