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    Education

    Real Talk With Susan & Kristina

    Have you ever wished for a comprehensive guide to help navigate those challenging and uncomfortable moments in parenting? We’re Susan Stone and Kristina Supler—full-time moms and dedicated student attorneys at KJK. Our careers in student advocacy provide a unique perspective, but fundamentally, we’re two moms sharing the wisdom gathered from our experiences at home and in the courtroom.

    Our podcast delves into the essential aspects of parenting, covering a wide spectrum of topics. We dissect trends, examine case studies, and draw from expert opinions in each episode, aiming to equip you with insights on raising resilient kids in our constantly changing world.

    Please join us as we delve into some ‘Real Talk.’

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    Latest Episodes:
    Are Video Games a Bad Place for Kids to Meet People? Jun 07, 2023
    Show notes

    In this episode, KJK Student Defense attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler talk with Andrew Fishman, licensed clinical social worker in Chicago, Illinois who works with clients to understand the impact of video games on mental health. In this episode, they talk about the subject of kids socializing in video games. Topics include why kids are using online games to meet people, what works and what doesn't work for balancing kids between the online and offline world, and simple strategies parents can use to ensure their kids are safe online. Links: Andrew Fishman on Psychology Today Show Notes: (05:16) Why kids are using video games to meet people (07:41) Texting or Voice: How kids communicate in these virtual worlds (08:34) Did Covid cause online meeting to explode? (09:18) Stranger Danger: Can Anyone Talk to your Kids Online? (11:05) At What Age Should You Trust Your Kids to Chat Online? (11:45) Do Time Limitations Work? (12:46) Why Some People Prefer Online Socialization (16:14) Video Game Addiction: Is It Real? (16:59) When Anything Could Be Classified as Addiction (17:47) Dopamine Hits: Overblown or Real? (19:13) Simple Strategies Parents Can Implement to Get Kids Into the Real World (21:07) Are Kids Even Interested in Reading Anymore? (23:12) Roblox: Friendly Game or Hateful Space (25:01) How Parents Can Really Judge if a Game is Safe For Their Kids Transcript: Susan Stone: So I just got back folks out there in listening land from Portugal, and I haven't even told this story to Kristina yet. So one morning I'm at breakfast and I see a cute family, a mom, a dad, and a little boy. And I had noticed them the other day at breakfast and I actually had noticed them the evening before at dinner. We had landed at the same restaurant probably cuz the concierge always sends you to the same restaurant. Do you guys know that out there? Totally true. Totally true. And, The little boy is just being so well behaved. And I remember when my kids were little that it was really difficult in a restaurant to be kids. Kristina Supler: Oh, he has such anxiety going to a restaurant with these kids. Oh yeah. Susan Stone: Yeah. Talking to the mother, she there, she's fascinating. She was really lovely. Fa. They're from the UK and I said, I cannot believe how well behaved your son is. I remember when my kids were little and you know how well they're doing on this trip to Portugal. While it was a lovely romantic vacation for my hus, hubby and I. I didn't really see it as a place for Kristina Supler: kids families. Susan Stone: Yeah. I mean it was, there were a lot of family, but when, I think when my kids were little mm-hmm. They just wanted to splish splash at the pool. Do kid stuff. I did a lot of kid stuff and she said,I really believe that to raise children, they need to be bored and come up with their own creativity. And in theory, I play by that rule too. Kids need to engage in imaginative play. But Kristina, the kid's face was glued Kristina Supler: to a tablet, let me guess. Susan Stone: To a tablet. I'm like, I saw where you were going with this. Ah, that is not imaginative play. In my days, I would give my kids blank paper, not even coloring books. And some crayons at a restaurant and say, Keep yourself busy, dude. And then they didn't, they misbehaved, but that stuck with me. Sure. Kristina Supler: it's in this day and age when in any situation for kids, the minute there's like even a hint of misbehavior, you give them a device. And even for adults, if you think about it in an awkward situation, you have time to kill. What do we do? We immediately turn to our devices versus looking around us talking to a stranger. Looking at something, on, on the street. It's just, we are so into our devices, whether it's kids or adults. Susan Stone: Oh, how many times have you gone out to dinner with someone in their faces of, in their phone. And I've done it. And I'm not judging this parent because you know what? I didn't have that available when I raised my kids dad. Sure. Kristina Supler: And I just also, as a working mom, I just have, I just think about you have a long day. You wanna enjoy an evening out with your family, with your kids. You wanna have family time. And then something starts to unravel or someone's a little cranky, or who knows what the situation is. It's, I get it. Like it's easy to just say, here, honey. Okay. Look at my phone. Susan Stone: And so is the tablet, the older kid pacifier. Kristina Supler: Sure. Look at that. I think so. yes. The tablet is the modern day Passy. There you go. There you go. Susan Stone: There's your baby Bop. Or as Josh, I'm gonna embarrass you out there. He used to call him his baby ah. But why don't you introduce our guest. Kristina Supler: Sure. So today we are really happy to be talking with Andrew Fishman. and we're gonna talk. Hi Andrew. Andrew Fishman: Hello. I'm happy to hear here. Kristina Supler: Welcome Andrew. Andrew's a licensed clinical social worker and therapist based in the Chicago area. He specializes in working with adolescents certified in treating video game addiction. Andrew is dedicated to addressing the challenges faced by young individuals in today's digital world. Passes everywhere. He actively contributes in the field that's good, in the field of video games and mental health by sharing his insights and knowledge through his articles on Psychology Today. Andrew's expertise has garnered attention beyond the realm of therapy. He's been featured in publications like The Wall Street Journal and Al Jazeera. He's also given a host of Noteworthy speeches. Today, what drew us to Andrew was an article that appeared in Psychology Today entitled, Why So Many Teens use Video Games to Meet others. And so this is a cool topic that we're gonna jump into. And again, Andrew, we're really happy to have you with us today. Welcome. Thank you again. Susan Stone: So let's kick it off. Your article, which I have right here with me. Why so many teens use video games to meet others. Your premise is that the video games have become the new mall where kids meet. Can you, yeah. Talk about this and elaborate a little more. Andrew Fishman: So kids really want to spend time with each other in person. But it's where can they go? They wanna hang out with each other in person. But they just there's nowhere to do it. When I was a kid, we had all sorts of places to go. That was 20 years ago. But all those places I looked at them, they're all closed, oh yeah. Susan Stone: Or you don't feel safe sending them. My dad used to drop me off at the mall. Kristina Supler: I was gonna say, and my day, it was Camelot music. We all went and hung music store. So I, there's not a lot of places. For kids to go, I'm saying kids, but teens, young adults and people's houses. Susan Stone: Why not mm-hmm. The basement. Andrew Fishman: Yeah. No, that's it. that's great. And that's one of the places that they have. I think part of the problem with, for my clients at least, is how do you get to those places? Mm-hmm. With both your parents now work. You're,and you don't have a car yet. You can't go to their, you can't go to somebody else's house. And a lot of the parents don't want their kids going anywhere during, on a school night, which makes a certain amount of sense, but that's now five sevenths of your week that you can't see other people. And so they're they come home on a Monday night and they're exhausted from school and they wanna see somebody else. They wanna talk to a peer. And their options are calling somebody on the phone, which nobody does, or they can,or they can text each other, which a lot of them do. Or they on, on Snapchat or something. Or they can have a long fun voice chat while sharing a game and that, so those, what they call third spaces, which is the place other than school or work or home, the malls, the bowling alleys, the churches, all sorts, the places we used to meet people. This has become their third place where you go home after school and you can go to a virtual third place and spend as much time with your friends as you want. And so it, it certainly makes sense that you would go there. Susan Stone: How do you talk to each other? Or are you just playing? Explain how it works to this. Kristina Supler: Are people who are in these online communities only talking about the video games? Are these people talking about, I don't know, favorite food sports team's life? Andrew Fishman: it depends on the game, but generally, yeah. People talk about all sorts of things when they're with friends. People talk about their day. They complain about teachers. They, do all the typical adolescent conversations and even if they're not, Talking about their lives outside of the games and they're just talking about it. I still think it's a positive experience. Susan Stone: Wait, are they talking or is it texting? Andrew Fishman: That's a, it's a good question. There's both. So some of the games, most games, if there's a multiplayer component, will have a text feature in the game. Some of them also have a voice chat, and there's also supplementary apps you can use. There's one that's really popular called Discord. It's a website and Yep. So it's for listeners, it's a website or app that you can use to communicate and build little virtual communities. I have, I, I met a few of them myself, and they're fun, but you, it also has a feature where you can just, make a group of friends and then set everybody up with a headset and then chat on this external app while playing a while, playing a game. Kristina Supler: Andrew, these online gaming communities,they're obviously extremely popular. Were they popular pre covid d or do you think Covid really caused the huge surge in, in the involvement of young people in these online communities? Andrew Fishman: Actually, I think I, they've always been popular. I think that it's certainly, there, there was definitely a surge. And I think a lot of the surge was people much older than adolescents where I, I wasn't always online talking to people that's ing about adults, Kristina Supler: I think. Andrew Fishman: Huh? Yeah. And so suddenly I was alone in my apartment. I just, I needed something to do. And I wasn't allowed to go outside for a lot of it. And so I could go to, somebody's virtual island in Animal Crossing and go run around and catch bugs there. And so that was just a nice way to spend time with other people. And so there was definitely a surge. I think the surge might have happened with our age kind of people though. Susan Stone: Can, is it limited to your own friend group or can strangers infiltrate? Is this state? Andrew Fishman: That's a really important point. So there are many people just talk to their friends. Some people only talk to the people on their team. If you're playing a team-based game, us versus them. And sometimes you're just open to anybody who's around. You can hear you talk and you can talk to them. They can talk to you. I don't like that. I don't like that. Right? And so and so that gets ugly really quickly. I hate that. I don't usually use it at all. Because as soon as I turn on a game, if I have what's called public chat on. There are slurs. There's derogatory comments made. There's ju offensive things said pretty quickly. I don't know that I've ever turned on and been turned on a game and really been happy with the conversation for the whole time. And so most of the time I just turn off the public chat option. Susan Stone: I'm gonna ask you a question, Kristina. Sure. And then I wanna know what the expert has to think. Would you allow your youngest is how old for our listening? Kristina Supler: almost 10. Susan Stone: Would you allow your 10 year old to play this type of game? And I'd like to know what Andrew thinks about what age is appropriate. Kristina Supler: Chatting and interacting with others. No. But Animal Crossing for example, is fairly benign. My son does play Animal Crossing and I watched it and it's a little animal game with the, the settings and the, age specification for, you know, the version we bought. But I mean, what do you think on that, Andrew? In terms of kids, let's say grade school, third, fourth, fifth, even sixth grade, and in these online games with the community interaction component in chatting? Susan Stone: Yeah. What age should you, what age is recommended in your professional opinion? Andrew Fishman: I think it depends on the kid and the level of maturity. So for public chat, I wouldn't let them use it until 16, 17 at the earliest. If they're old enough to, if they're mature enough to handle hearing some really heinous things. And they know how to handle them. For chat or chatting with their friends, that's a different story for me. if you would let them talk to their friends on the phone unsupervised, it's probably fine to have them talk to each other while playing a game. That doesn't bother me at all. But public chat even I turn that off most of the time. Cause it's bad in some places. Susan Stone: Do you think we should put a time restriction on how long your, you let your kid play? Because you would let your kid go to the mall for hours? Andrew Fishman: And so there is some evidence that being on screens for too long every day is harmful. But it depends. I guess what the alternative is if they are, if they have the option to go to soccer practice, that's probably better for their physical health than their mental health is to be running around and being with people in person. But if not, if they would be sitting and playing a video game by themselves versus playing it with friends, that's, I wouldn't encourage with friends anyway. And if they're not showing any signs of video games doing harm to them. There's probably not much of an issue with sitting around and playing for several hours. Kristina Supler: Andrew, I can just imagine my peers, my friends, and Susan and I were based in Cleveland. And so though we're not in Chicago or New York, we're also not in a total social desert. And I can just hear people I know saying, why would anyone prefer this online socialization? I don't get it. So can you shed some light on why, in fact, some people do prefer online socialization? Andrew Fishman: It's a lot easier for some people. It's, it might be the only thing that's possible for some of them. So take for instance, somebody who has depression. It is just by definition, really hard to get out of bed. You have low mood. It is hard for you to just find the energy to do anything. Let alone set up plans. And then leave the house and get dressed and showered, and then go out and get to the place and then have to use all this energy to socialize if you know the way you want to. That might just, that might literally not be possible for some people. You are, Susan Stone: Would you say from a therapeutic perspective, the goal is to maybe use it for scaffolding? Or do you think it's enough for some people? Meaning would you say, if someone has severe depression, okay, why don't we start here, but I really wanna get you, so you're going to a party and not abstaining from a party. Or do you think, why are we, this works if it's not broken. And this person can socialize this way, who cares? What's the downside? Andrew Fishman: And a lot of the time I do want to use it as a scaffolding, as a less bad option. Because it's resea…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    Do Trigger Warnings Really Work? May 24, 2023
    Show notes

    In this episode, KJK Student Defense attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler talk with Professor Amna Khalid, an associate professor of history at Carleton College in Minnesota. Topics they discuss include the impact of trigger warnings on education, why teaching history needs to be done in context, and some strategies on handling difficult material in the college environment. Links: Professor Amna Khalid: https://www.carleton.edu/directory/amkhalid/ Banished Blog: https://banished.substack.com/ Show Notes: (02:36) What is the real definition of a Trigger Warning? (03:45) Do Trigger Warnings really work? (04:35) How Trigger Warnings compromise learning (06:26) Why universities need to teach tough topics (08:09) What professors can do to teach tough topics (09:49) Do universities have a responsibility for students with mental health issues? (11:39) What Professor Khalid teaches in her classes (15:18) Why the "customer approach" to higher education compromises learning (18:07) How Professor Khalid handles difficult material in her classes (19:41) Why learning about history is important (22:09) Cancel Culture: Is there a connection with Trigger Warnings? (24:21) What are the two biggest threats to higher education? Transcript: Susan Stone: Okay, listeners out there, I am gonna give you a trigger warning that we're gonna talk about trigger warnings. So I expect some of you might, send in some comments. We want your comments. But frankly, we're diving in on this sensitive topic, cuz I'll tell you what, recently Cornell University rejected a resolution requiring faculty members to provide trigger warnings about classroom contact that students might find traumatic. And I'm done with that. I agree. What about you, Kristina? Kristina Supler: I agree as well. as Susan, we have this conversation a lot. outside of higher ed, like in the real world, life doesn't come with a trigger warning, does it? Susan Stone: I gotta, I wish it did. I wish it did. We're seeing it and come into play in our practice when we're trying to help students who've been accused of some form of misconduct or have hired us to help i. pursue their claim of misconduct. And we wanna talk to them and work through difficult subjects. Difficult subjects. They're like, you're triggering me. I'm like, dude, I'm your lawyer. I'm not your mommy. We gotta work through the materials. Where's the grittiness? Kristina Supler: on that note, let's jump in today we're really pleased to be joined by our guest, Amna Khalid. Who is an associate professor of history at Carleton College in Minnesota. Having grown up under a series of military dictatorships in Pakistan, Amna has a strong interest in issues relating to censorship and free expression. She speaks regularly on academic freedom, free speech, and campus politics, as well as at professional conferences across the country. Her essays and commentaries on these issues have appeared in various outlets, the Chronicle of Higher Education inside Higher Ed, and she hosts a podcast herself, an accompanying blog called Banished, which explores censorship in the past and present. Welcome. Professor Amna Khalid: Thank you for having me. Susan Stone: Could you start with the definitions of what is a trigger warning? I think it's self-explanatory, but just let's set the terms. Kristina Supler: For people maybe who don't know and what's all this talk? Yeah. So give us Professor Amna Khalid: the basics. Yeah. It's a good question actually, because even for people who know, I think they get a little bit confused between what is the trigger warning and what is providing context. So a trigger warning is really just basically a label, if you will, saying whatever you're going to see or read next is going to include certain things that might be disturbing. And then it'll enumerate the things. It'll say sexual harassment, sexual violence, racism, et cetera. And it's the idea behind it in academic circles at least, or on university campuses has been that it prepares students who might be suffering from trauma to, to get ready for the difficult stuff and dive into it. And it's supposed to aid their learning. So that's the kind of, supposed benefit of trigger warnings. And that differs very much I would say from something like providing context. I teach difficult material. I always give my students a head up, heads up and I'll say, we're going to be dealing with difficult things. And I explain to them why they may be difficult. But it's not this kind of standard trigger warning, suicide, trigger warning, racism, that kind of thing. Susan Stone: Does the trigger warning work? Professor Amna Khalid: Well, according to all the research, which there's plenty of now, when they first came onto university campuses, there, there wasn't much research. But according to the research that has been done, what's been found is that A, they don't work. Two in certain cases, actually, they can be, they've been found to be exacerbating the situation so they make things worse. And from an academic point of view, I think what I would say is what bothers me the most is that it reduces what could be a complex text or material that you put in front of students to just being problematic. And then all you are doing is dealing with or anticipating the problem that's going to emerge. So it really reduces the learning experience and flattens it out. Kristina Supler: So really what I'm hearing you say is that trigger warnings, the irony here is it's compromising scholarship. Would you agree? Professor Amna Khalid: It's certainly compromising learning. Yes. And I think it's not very helpful for students. I think we live in a, in an age of entitlement where people feel, especially young people, and it's not really their fault. So I don't want this to sound like kids these days. That's not the idea. But we live in an atmosphere where they've been taught that they're entitled to not be offended. And this really does come into conflict with what we are trying to do at college. College is a very different environment. We're preparing young adults for full adulthood and as citizens of the country. And this kind of Molly coddling unfortunately, gets in the way of what a proper education should be equipping them with. Susan Stone: Amna, I grew up with, my parents are both first gen Americans, my grandparents, all four were immigrants escaping oppression. My grandmother suffered a mental breakdown after she learned that all of her family was killed in the Holocaust. Nobody survived. So I grew up with my parents talking about the Holocaust at a very early age. I saw videos of the concentration camps. I think I was six years old when I saw my first Holocaust video, and of course, grew up thinking about Anne Frank, wondering what her life was like in the attic, knowing about me. How do you and you yourself, grew up in Pakistan and that could not have been easy. How do we teach important history lessons so history doesn't repeat itself? without getting into the nitty gritty. How do you talk about the Holocaust without talking about concentration camps? Professor Amna Khalid: You've said it. How can you possibly teach it, and how can it possibly have the kind of effect that it's supposed to have learning about the Holocaust? My colleague and I, we often say if you read about the Holocaust and you're not disturbed, there's something wrong with you. You're a sociopath. It's meant to disturb you. So the point is that I think all of this is in, particularly when it comes to the study of history and literature, somehow you really can't have the growth that you are looking for without contending with these kinds of difficult things. There's no short circuit to it. And having said that, the other thing I want to say is that I really don't like the way we now have this line. It's, it's the battle lines are being drawn between faculty and students. As if we're there to harm them. This language of harm is very, very destructive to the college experience, I'd argue. We much like the Hippocratic Oath, we don't, we don't come into our classrooms aiming to harm our students. We are there for an education and, to give them an education. And the point is that much of the kind of growth that we want to contend with, much of the kind of history that is absolutely essential to know, like you said, there's no way of doing it without actually confronting the difficult things head on. Susan Stone: How do we talk about abortion? How do we talk about our own history of the Civil War? How do we talk about apartheid? Utah and South Africa. I don't know how you talk about apartheid without getting into some difficult conversations. Professor Amna Khalid: One of the things I think that needs to be said is that I think like in all professions, I think there are bad professors. So let's just establish that. I think that there will be professors who don't necessarily do things with the adequate amount of care. However, that is a minority, I would argue, and that doesn't entitle us to change the way we do education entirely. And so for that reason, I'd say yes, you can't talk about apartheid, you can't talk about the partition of India without discussing the gruesome violence and the sexual violence that entailed. You can't teach about the Holocaust without actually talking about what gas chambers were and what the implications of, that you know, of the Holocaust has been for the rest of history. I. I really, I'm struggling a little bit because truly we can't get away from it. I think we can teach with care and compassion. I think we can teach and equip our students to, to confront these very difficult things, but we can't take away the fundamental kind of distress that some of this material might cause. And in fact, that distress is what you need. It is our jobs. I tell my students, you should be leaving my class feeling immensely uncomfortable and uncertain. It's to cultivate that intellectual humility and to cultivate the capacity to deal with difficult things and understand them. that is the aim in a college classroom. Kristina Supler: Certainly through the Covid Pandemic, there has been a tremendous rise in mental health issues and I don't think there's any dispute that our country and the world is experiencing a mental health crisis. What can universities and professors do to support students mental health and their wellbeing without compromising academic rigor? Susan Stone: Or organic discussion? Professor Amna Khalid: Well, one thing I'd say is I think universities do have a responsibility towards taking care of students who are suffering from mental health issues. And that happens not so much in the classroom as it happens through counseling services and other kinds of auxiliary services that we provide on campus. Professors are not there to, we're not trained. We're just not trained to be therapists. It's not that we want to be mean or anything. It's just that we do not have the requisite skills. Having said that, I think professors do have a responsibility. We talk about academic freedom. Academic freedom comes with academic responsibility. And one of our responsibilities is to introduce students to material in a fashion thatthat is in line with our disciplinary, professional ethics. And those professional ethics require us to, to be mindful that we are dealing with young adults. You wouldn't just spring things on them. How do we help? Having said all of that, I will also say that yes, we are in a time when I think we are facing a mental health crisis and sometimes I see certain students and I just think you are not ready for college yet. Susan Stone: oh, preach. We talk about that, but on the other hand, tell us about the courses that you teach that can be particularly challenging from an emotional perspective. What is, what classes do you teach? Kristina Supler: What subject matters are you delving into? Professor Amna Khalid: Sure. So my expertise is in South Asian history, Indian history, 19th century mainly. But I teach Indian history and South Asian history across, different periods. I also teach history of medicine, and most recently, in part because I feel students are not fully aware of what free speech means. I've started teaching a course, which is a global history of free expression. I can talk about that more. But first about the two areas I highlighted earlier. South Asian history, I teach about colonialism in India. Some of those topics that come up, with regard to colonialism, how, issues of gender, were entailed, in, were part of the ways in which colonial rule worked. When we look at labor issues, those are all very difficult things to think about when we talk about racism in that context, when we talk about violence in that context. One of the places that it gets really tricky for me, is when I teach the partition of India in 1947 into two separate nation states, India and Pakistan. And that was one of the most bloody moments in world history. There were about 15 million people that were displaced. And I believe it is one of the largest migrations in world his, in the history of the world and very little is known about it in the American context. School context. And one of the things that the partition, one of the kind of key features of it was the very gross and very brutal degree of sexual violence that was enacted. And most of it was on the bodies of women. Not exclusively, but most of it was on the bodies of women. And there's a whole kind of, rationale behind why that happened. But as I teach that, we read some very distressing first person accounts of what happened. We read some very, s like secondhand accounts of what happened. And these are not easy to read. These are difficult readings. Sometimes we, when I teach about South Asia, I te teach about the pogroms that have happened in India since partition. And there's been a lot of communal strife. We watch documentaries, which again have some first person narratives of some of the survivors of this kind of violence. And when I'm sitting there in my classroom watching these, what's interesting is there are times when, and I've seen them several times, you know that they're so disturbing that I too am distressed. And I have tears in my eyes. But the point is I can't shy away from it and I have to confront it. It is through confronting things that we begin to think about how we can have solutions to them. Or how we can think about history not repeating itself. Similarly when I teach my history of medicine course, we talk about the kind of decimation of native populations in the new world. For instance, when Europeans first came through small pox. And we read some of the accounts of missionaries who were writing about what was going on, and then some of the kind of accounts that talk about manifest destiny and how these people felt that they were entitled to be in this land. Those are not easy things to read and they shouldn't be easy to read. So that's like giving you a sense of some of the material that I'm delving into in my classrooms, eh, history courses tend not to be places where we talk about very happy things. Occasionally, but the bulk of the material that we're contending with is stuff that we find difficult. Things that we want to not happen again. And we want to dive into the full range of human experience for those, Susan Stone: But maybe this would be a mid-level approach that I actually could get behind. When you dr…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    What Are Your Rights? Parents of Children with Disabilities May 10, 2023
    Show notes

    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Super are joined by Marbella Cáceres, Tammie Sebastian, and Lisa Lutz from the Ohio Coalition for the Education Of Children with Disabilities. Topics that they discuss are the rights of parents with children with disabilities have. The conversation includes how the coaliation empowers parents when getting their children assistance, how parents can get their children with disabilities services, and how to find out if your child has hidden gifts under their disabilities. Links: https://www.ocecd.org/ Phone Number: 1-844-382-5452 Show Notes: (03:00) The Coalition: Fighting for Parent's Rights with Their Children with Disabilities (05:03) How the Coalition Empowers Parents (08:04) Empowered Parents: Resolving Conflict Resolution with Agencies (08:50) How the Coalition Connects Parents with Disability Rights organizations (09:58) On Your Side: The Coalition Also Has Children with Disabilities (13:42) Cover Up: How Schools Focus on Disabilities But Miss Gifts (14:44) First Step: What Parents Can First Do if They Suspect Their Child Has a Disability (15:23) The Three Tiers: What Every Parent Needs to Know (17:28) How the Coalition Helps Families Who Don't Speak English (19:21) What are the Parents Rights (21:35) How the Coalition Helps Parents with Disabilities (23:46) Why Schools are Required to Have a Language Access Plan (24:49) What Over-Identification is and How It Can Hinder a Child (27:16) Parents Best Bet: How the Coalition Interfaces with Other Agencies to Provide Families with More Services (29:59) How Parents Can Work with the Coalition without Hiring Attorney Transcript: Susan Stone: Today we are gonna talk about the darling of our practice, and that is special education law. And I say it's the darling because even before you and I were law partners, I started the practice only dreaming about doing special ed. I still, oh, Kristina Supler: How could there be life before us together? Susan Stone: What there was,there was you and my three kids. Everyone says that. But there was. And it started with special education and one of our guests here today who you'll introduce, Tammie. I remember reaching out to her years ago when I was just a newbie. Trying to break in and create a name for myself and saying, can I come talk about special education? And you were so gracious, Tammie, to host me to give a primer. And I look back then and I think, wow, what I, I wish I had the knowledge and the mileage of life experience and working with clients that I do today. But you gotta start somewhere, right? Supler? That's right. So today we're gonna do a little special ed work. Why don't you introduce it. Kristina Supler: Today we're joined by Tammie Sebastian, Louise Lutz and Marbella Cáceres, who are all with the Ohio Coalition for the Education of Children with Disabilities, which is a statewide nonprofit organization that serves families of infants, toddlers, children, and youth with disabilities in Ohio. And they also provide services O C E C D. That's a mouthful. That is a mouthful. Much all of special ed alphabet soup we say, right? Yep. They work through a coalition effort with parents and other professional disability organizations. They have individual members. It's been around since 1984 to help with parent training, and we are really pleased to be joined by three fabulous women today. Welcome. Tammie Sebastian: Hi, how are you guys? Susan Stone: We're doing great. We actually just finished recording a whole speech for milestones for their conference. We did a virtual lecture. So we are just back to back today. But to start out, could one of you lovely guests, explain what the Ohio Coalition for the Education of Children with Disabilities. O C E C D is what you do and what your given roles are within the organization. That's a mouthful. But you guys can handle it. Tammie Sebastian: I'm sure Marbella's gonna do that. And I'm sure she's gonna give you the correction on the 1984 when she, so I'll hand it over to Marbella, but 1984 is when we became a P t I. Is that correct? Marbella? Marbella Cáceres: Yes, that is correct. thank you. First of all, I wanna thank you for the opportunity that you're giving the three of us to come and talk about the services. Our pleasure. The most important part. Yes. as you mentioned at the beginning, the coalition has been around long, long time. Early seventies. We became Wow. Yes. And then we were so lucky enough to apply for the federal funded grant to become the parent training information center for Ohio since 1984. So yes, we have been around for over 50 years. Assisting families, assisting educators with anything that has to do about their responsibility that parents have under the special education process. But the most important piece is the rights that the parents have in this process and how they can become informed so they can participate in this important, decision making meetings, for the benefit of the child children. We take our job very seriously. There is not enough that I can tell you about being involved at the coalition. I first became, part of the coalition just to be an interpreter translator. I've been with the coalition of over 17 years now. And I have the privilege to be serving, The stay under my executive director, Dr. Lisa Hickman as the assistant director. Right now I'm the assistant director of the coalition. I have been for the past three years. And I also oversee the multicultural department as the statewide multicultural coordinator, assisting families that do not have English as the first language, or they are limited English proficient. So that's a Tammie Sebastian: big role. it Marbella Cáceres: is. Lisa, Tammie. Tammie Sebastian: Yeah. So Lisa, do you wanna Go ahead. Go ahead Tammie. That's fine. Okay. So yeah, this probably would be the even flow going to, so I actually, and as Susan had mentioned, so I had actually previously served in Lisa's role. And then I'll hand it over to Lisa. But I had covered Cuyahoga County as an information specialist for about nine years. and what did you do? So an information specialist is very unique. So as the state parent training information center, we empower parents to become effective representatives for themselves. And there's really a lot of confusion around advocacy or advocates and information specialists. And what we do is at no cost to parents and alsodistinction between advocate and information specialist. A as you heard, I said we empower parents.We do not come in and speak for parents. We do not act as attorneys for parents. We do that through education, technical assistance, and I'll let Lisa get into that a little bit more, as her role now as the information specialist in Cuyahoga County. But my role now, with the Ohio Coalition is I am the statewide program coordinator and that I wear many different hats. I provide professional development to staff. I also, create and update trainings. look for host, partner with different agencies to bring in statewide webinars. And also we have a lot of project work that we do. We collaborate with the State Department of Education, the Ohio Department of Education, and many other agencies, and do a lot of project work. We're working on some cross agency training right now with empowering families. Just, we have so many things going on. And I don't wanna take up all the time talking about all those things. I wanna give Lisa an opportunity and maybe we could come back around to that. And then also a big part of my role is networking and building those relationships. And that is so that parents can have a seat at the table, and that they can have a voice. Lisa, Lisa Lutz: Hi, I, am Lisa Lutz and I am an information specialist and trainer. I cover not only Cuyahoga County, but Ashtabula, Lake Gaga, Portage Trumbo, Mahoney. So it's a very, wide and busy area. I do a lot of work with the parents. I do go into meetings with parents. I do primarily all virtual at this point because I can't get from one end of my area to the other. And parents seem to feel that they're treated differently when somebody comes in with them. So that support is really important to help them feel more comfortable and more heard and that their voice does have meaning. So that's, Susan Stone: So would you actually file a due process complaint if necessary and serve as an advocate at a hearing? Lisa Lutz: I do not file due process complaints. I am not a lawyer. If a family wants to file a formal complaint with O D E, I will do some suggestions. But I don't write it for them. I can walk them through that. But, that is for them to have that power to say what they wanna say. Tammie Sebastian: And a big part of our role, too, as the state Parent Training information center is offering that conflict resolution, facilitation, mediation, and looking into all those things. We cannot tell a family what to do. But we wanna provide them with all the options. And as you guys are aware, there's administrative review. There's the state complaint process, due process. And so we try to work through all those through training, and through information. Cadre has a lot of resources. The na I think that's the Center for Dispute Resolution, the National Center for Dispute Resolution. So we really try to work through the process with parents. But if that's where they land, we will certainly help and support them through the process. We just don't file on behalf. If that helps. Marbella Cáceres: Obviously, the work that we do, we recognize that sometimes there is systematic issues that need to be resolved for the benefit of that group of children and parents. So in those situations we partner with agencies that do that type of work. We're very familiarized with Disability Rights, Ohio, the Civil Rights office. So we are a center also that provides resources to families. So if they come to us with specific questions like Tammie and Lisa were saying, we guide parents. We give parents options so they can make informed decisions. That is the responsibility that we have as the parent training center for Ohio. Kristina Supler: I really like that all three of you have really in your comments heavily emphasized the importance of parents having a voice in the education of their children. So can you give us some more specifics on how you work with parents to empower them so that they do have voice to make sure that their child is receiving the necessary support and resources. Susan Stone: To make a meaningful benefit for their education post injury? Tammie Sebastian: Yes. Yeah, that's, I'm glad you guys mentioned that. And I, something we probably should have said, cuz I think we just dove right into the work, is we are all uniquely, parents of children with disabilities ourselves. So number one, that is the number one thing that we bring to the table is that lived experience. And when you have that lived experience,it's much easier, for parents to have that trust in knowing that you went through the process, that empathy, that you've went through that process. So I just wanted to come back to that and let you know that I am also a parent of two children with disabilities. My oldest has ADHD and my youngest has autism. And Lisa, also, I, if we could probably go back around and let you know that Lisa, If you wanted to talk about your children too. Lisa Lutz: I have four kids. My oldest has ADHD and dyslexia. had to fight tooth and nail to get him the supports he needed. And all three of my boys have type one diabetes. So I have that medical piece. Susan Stone: And my Interesting, so do you deal with the interplay between Section 5 0 4 of the Rehabilitation Act? The a d a and i d e A? Lisa Lutz: Yes. Yes. Susan Stone: Okay. A lot of people. that's a whole podcast on of itself, how those stages run together. Lisa Lutz: I do a lot of, explaining the difference that, Section 5 0 4 is not the ugly stepsister of the I IEP. Kristina Supler: No, it's all about access, right? Susan Stone: So yes, that is, that is another part of our work as well. And explaining letting them know the difference, helping them understand that, and that you're not gonna have a 5 0 4 and an ip, but,Yeah, and you may not, sometimes you want one over the other. Depends. correct. Love that. Marbella, can you, give us a little personal Marbella Cáceres: Yes. I'm also a parent of three children. My oldest child is 28 now. But she was identify, and that is the unique expertise that I bring because 25 years ago I wasn't able to speak English. And I was the parent that was trying to look for assistance, but, no one opened the door other than the coalition to provide me with my rights in my native Spanish language. So that is the expertise that I bring. I work with families. I have my child who 14, was diagnosed with a specific learning disability because they thought that was just the fact that she was learning English. And Oh my gosh, wow. And then my male child is gifted, so I have that expertise. Also to navigate that is another elephant in the room with a gifted education. And my little one was diagnosed when he was three with ADHD and is under the spectrum autism spectrum disorder. So like Tammie and Lisa, the experience is very personal. So it is the unique characteristic that sometimes bring us to the level of understanding parents, what they go through and how much they struggle. Susan Stone: Yeah, and I just wanna point out that parents of what we call two E twice exceptional kids have their own struggles. Because a lot of schools, if a student is doing well and getting good grades, what's the problem? What's the problem? It's almost impossible. Those are our biggest fights with school are those two we kids. Yeah. Tammie Sebastian: Yeah. we do. So we're all shaking our heads, because we all are relating because if we had even a penny for every time we heard about the grades. The grades, yes. Susan Stone: The yes. But Johnny has no friends and can't sit still. Tammie Sebastian: Yeah. That there's no other impact but grades. And yeah, I think we've all experienced that. I could just tell you from personal experience, my daughter, unfortunately was identified very late as gifted in her 11th grade year. what? That's great. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeahinteresting interesting. It was in, I should, let me back up. It's not, she was gifted in one area. But the psychologist was so shocked to find out that nobody thought to give her this test and this assessment, and wanted to know why she wasn't in honors. And I said, they. her ADHD was so glaringly obvious that nobody could see that giftedness and they didn't test. So I think we've all experienced that at some level. But yeah, it's, the grades, the, our choice exceptional children. there's so much, we could probably do this podcast once a week with you. let's save our topics. Yeah. Susan Stone: So the parents who suspect their child has a learning disability, what would you describe as the first steps a parent should take? Kristina Supler: What does that look like? Lisa Lutz: To request a meeting with the school to, if they feel like they have a learning disability, to say that you,want a me a team meeting to discuss what interventions and different supports have already been put in place. And then possibly getting a multi-factor evaluation. Susan Stone: Lisa, can I press you a little bit because I think a lot of parents don't know that even before the I E P process, in the planning meeting in the E T R, can you go through what an response to intervention is and what the tiers are? Because I think sometimes…

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    Talking to Your Kids About Online and Offline Sexual Predators Apr 26, 2023
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    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Super are joined by Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic, an internationally renowned expert on sexual violence prevention, sexual grooming, child sexual abuse, and sexual assault. Topics that they discuss are about protecting children from sexual abuse. The conversation includes how to spot signs your child might be abused, the best ways to educate your children against sexual abuse, and simple strategies parents can use to monitor children's online activities. Links: Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic's Website Show Notes: (04:11) Behaviors to look out for if a younger child has been abused. (04:48) Shocking statistic about sexual abuse by strangers versus known persons (06:52) Normal sexual exploration versus abuse. (08:55) Signs a developmentally challenged child might be abused (10:44) How to Investigate if You Suspect Your Child Might Be Abused (11:48) A Parent's Best Strategy to Teach Kids About Protecting Themselves (12:40) A Study on Why Sexual Predators Avoid Certain Children (13:04) Why Some Kids Wait Until Adulthood To Report Abuse (13:28) How Parents Teach Kids to Critically Think About Sexual Abuse (15:16) Why Encouraging Early Detection and Reporting is Critical (16:27) What Types of Kids are More Likely to Be Abused (17:24) The Three Levels of Sexual Violence Prevention (18:38) How Erin's Law Helps School Educate Kids on Sexual Abuse (19:29) Does Speaking with Kids about Sex Encourage Sexual Behavior with Kids? (21:46) Dangers of Online Chatting Apps and Kids (22:40) A Simple Strategy Parents can Use to Monitor Kids Using Devices (24:54) Rules Parents Can Put In Place to Protect Their Children (26:45) How to Encourage Children to Share Mistakes They Might Make (27:15) Patterns to Spot When It Comes to Grooming Children (28:31) Recommendation for Parents to Take Action Today Transcript: Susan Stone: Kristina, it's really interesting to watch how our practice evolves. We talk a lot about how we started out in special education and then morphed into our college practice and our research misconduct. And for the past couple years we've been dipping our toes into representing victims of sexual abuse. And more recently young children who have been abused at school. Kristina Supler: It's really fascinating this area of law because so many people I think would say, what? What are defense attorneys doing here? But this is been a natural extension of what we've done across the country. And what is really particularly interesting about this work is just the idea of sort of parsing through, determining when children report allegations,what's real, what's play, what's bullying and abuse. And the more we dig in, the more you realize the complexity of the issues. And how many people out there are truly desperate for legal support. Susan Stone: And what I really like is how the narrative has sh has shifted because when I was a little girl, a lot of sexual exploration, whichwhich today we would call abuse, was just tossed up in the air as playing house. And it wasn't just playing house. Young children don't know how to process sex, and that's why we really have to establish good boundaries to protect our children because what might seem like normal exploration might be very damaging to the actual child. And I think we're more willing to admit that it's damaging. Guest today is really gonna help us parse through that a good Kristina word, parse. Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: Yes. What Kristina Supler: My favorites. today we are joined by Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic, who's an internationally renowned expert on sexual violence prevention, sexual grooming, child sexual abuse, and sexual assault. She's a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at John J College of Criminal Justice, at City University of New York. She's also the author of Protecting Your Child from Sexual abuse, Sexual Grooming, and Sexual Violence, evidence-Based Policy and Prevention. Dr. Jeglic has published over 150 books, articles, chapters, you name it. She's written on it and is very busy. Busy. Busy. Susan Stone: That takes time. Kristina Supler: Yeah. Dr. Jeglic, welcome and we're happy to have you with us today. Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me today. Susan Stone: Yeah. This is gonna be a tough topic. One that I know you talk about all the time. Yes. But it's still an uncomfortable topic. So let's just, it is, get it out from the gate. What are the signs that a younger child, and I, when I say younger, maybe we should define what younger means. I think that's, think that's important. What is younger has been sexually abused. So could you help contour that out for us. Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: We generally use kind of prepubescent and post pubescent. And when we say children, we talk about, people under the age of 18. That being said, kids who are, developing language and they're still younger, like six, seven, will probably react differently than kids who are understanding things a little bit more. 9, 10, 11, 12, kind of, you know, as they're approaching middle school years. It also depends on the developmental level of the child. You know, children who have developmental delays will, will behave differently to than, than kids, kids who do not. One of the hardest things is there is no, unique predictor of saying, you know, a child is behaving this way, therefore they have been sexually abused. You know, we do, the only concrete evidence is, you know, if is physically observed by somebody else. And that happens very rarely in cases of childhood sexual abuse. So we're often going based on the report of the child, which is lawyers, you know, can be very difficult to prove. Some of the behaviors that we do see among younger children, are regressions in behavior. So, for example, you know, they may be potty trained and so they, they start wetting the bed. It may be that a child who has been previously more outgoing withdrawals and is now not sharing anything. You could see temper tantrums. But again, this could be due to a large variety of issues physically. Obviously if there are any, physical signs of abuse, to the genital areas, that would be a strong indicator that something has happened. You might see children not wanting to eat. They, and you also will see them protesting. For example, if the, generally an abuser is somebody known to the child and only 7% of the cases, is it a stranger. So we still tend to do stranger danger, right? We still are afraid of the stranger in the white van. But 93% of cases of sexual abuse are perpetrated by somebody known to the child. A third of them are family and relatives. The rest are kind of acquaintances. And a third of all, youth sexual abuse is perpetrated by another youth. These are all things that are really important when we're thinking about prevention. But going back to, to behavioral,manifestations is, Let's say the child, used to go to Uncle Joe's house and now the child is protesting, they don't wanna go. That might be another sign. Or they're, they're crying or they, they don't wanna talk about something. Or they have secrets that they didn't have before. So those are all, some behavioral manifestations. But again, it's hard to then say conclusively, that that a child has been abused. We also tend to see more sexualized behavior in play, in younger children who otherwise wouldn't be, exposed to that kind of thing. Susan Stone: I don't like secrets. I'm not a fan in a family. Kristina Supler: no. that's that saying Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets. Hurt someone. Susan Stone: Ooh, I like that. Where did you get that? Kristina Supler: Everyone knows that. I don't know. Heard. I haven't heard that one. There you go. That's my, big peril of wisdom for you today. I love it. Dr. Jeglic, look, you mentioned a statistic that's really interesting. A third of, sexual abuse is perpetrated by other youth. And that just makes me think about the idea of when we were young, Susan, I think there were of different generations. There was still, kids played house. And you'd hear stories about sex sexual exploration Absolutely. Mm-hmm. While playing house. Do you think that at the time, Do you think general gener in terms of where we're at today, there's been a shift in we're not so willing to minimize bad behavior. Do you think there was more sexual abuse then versus now? Or we're just more attuned to everything? Susan Stone: Well, and I wanna bootstrap on that g cuz you called it bad behavior. Is it bad behavior or is it normal behavior? Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: Sure. So a little bit of sexual exploration is normal, right? To see potentially what the opposite genders, genitalia look like. There's some curiosity there. I think that's part of, being a child. That being said, probably touching and doing anything more than that,could be worrisome and something that could be harmful to the child later on. We recently. study of sibling sexual abuse. And,we surveyed a large number of adults who reported being abused as children. And 5% of them reported sibling sexual abuse. And it starts out, you know, I think a lot of people minimize that kind of behavior because they think it is normal. But, unfortunately in, in many cases it becomes abusive. And so I think we need to talk to our children about and keep an eye on them. You know, Again, you don't wanna overreact. A little bit of curiosity is normal. It's hard to kind of, we, we've not done a really good job at understanding what is normal child curiosity and what is sexual abuse yet. I think that's something that we're still exploring. But I think one of the things that we've seenin, in recent years as we, we recognize the long-term consequences is that our boundaries have become a little firmer. Where previously it might have been like, oh, we minimized things like that. We're now recognizing that could be harmful. And so we are, we're intervening and setting those boundaries much more stringently. Susan Stone: Boundaries keep you safe. I always say that. We always say that. We represent a large contingency of students who are either on the spectrum or have other comorbidities. And especially with young children who struggle with that receptive language or expressive language. It's hard enough just to communicate and have a conversation with those kids. They're so vulnerable. Absolutely. What would be the signs that a developmentally challenged child might be abused? Kristina Supler: That's a great question. Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: It is. And I think it's still again, a challenge. I have my, a son as well who, has special needs. And it's something that I think about as a parent. And I think it's really, looking at the behavior and the acting out. As a parent of some, as a child with special needs, you recognize that there could be other, areas or reasons that, you know, a change in routine, things like that, that the child acts out. And so, youagain, it would be looking at if they don't wanna be around a certain person. Obviously if there's any physical signs of abuse.And again, regression, but it's very hard. If there's anything that you suspect, I think it's just you have to, as a parent, keep it monitoring and increased supervision and guardianship, about your children. Because they can't communicate and they can't tell you when somebody is hurting them in that way. The other issue that we see though is that kids who are on the spectrum tend to also engage in more sexually inappropriate behaviors as they grow up. Because, you know mm-hmm. kids have, as they're going through puberty, they do have sexual needs. But because they don't understand those boundaries, they might, not understand social cues it's clearly. If somebody says no or they're physically turning away, they may not recognize that as much. And so that's a whole other issue that we're seeing young people on the spectrum who are being criminal justice involved when they're really just kind of, you know, not they're, they're, they're exploring their sexuality, but it's being interpreted as sexual abuse. Susan Stone: Well, when we have, cases where there has been abuse, we see either, cuz you mentioned this. Either more soiling or the opposite little and capsis the withholding of going to the bathroom. That makes sense to me because as you anyone knows, whoever potty trained a kid, potty training is about control. Yeah. And dominion over one's body. So what is the ultimate control? Either not going to the toilet and soiling and just saying, I'm not doing this or withholding. But how do you know whether and Caprices or extra soiling,obviously I think it always comes down to a control issue. But why? What would you do? Would you turn to a therapist, a pediatrician? Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: It's hard to tell. obviously you wanna work with your community. You wanna talk to teachers. You wanna think about what's going on in the child's life. There could be a lot of things that are going on, that could cause, those kinds of things. You wanna see, talk to your child,within their abilities. You can't conclude because a child, is experiencing a regression in bowel habits or they're, withholding their bowel movements that they have been sexually abused. But I think, you know, those are things that, as a parent you have warning signs and that could be something that you're investigating. Are there opportunities where somebody could have acc had access to him or her. Taking them to the pediatrician for an exam, if that's something that you suspect. I. Usually, there, there could be alternative explanations. But again, you wanna look at the, what's going on with the child as a whole. Kristina Supler: So you mentioned talking to your child about what's going on. How do you, how does a parent teach a child, whether prepubescent or post pubescent, how to protect themselves from abuse? Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: So this is something that I both as a sexual violence prevention researcher and as a parent to three kids think a lot about. And I think there, there's a somewhat of a controversy because this is really one of the only realms that we tell, put the onus on a abuse. Abuse prevention on the kids. And in many other areas, we as parents and guardians and institutions protect our children. But here we talk about, talking to our kids about protecting themselves. And I think it's a hard thing to, to wrap your head around. But the problem is that the majority of sexual abuse takes place in public when we as parents are not there. in private, sorry. And when we as parents are not there. And so we want our children to be aware of some of the signs. And this is where the sexual grooming, literature comes in. And recognizing when something doesn't feel right, what do they should do and what they can do to protect themselves. And so I've always been a very, you know, and I think this is the best practice right now is, is talking to your children from an early age, like using correct names for genitals from the time they're born. There was one study that's really interesting that was done back in I think it was 95. And they survey individuals who perpetrated sex crimes against children about, how they selected children. And one of the things that came up is they said that if a kid knew their, the proper anatomical names from gen for their genitals, they stayed away from them. Because that meant that their parents were talking to the…

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    Why Young People Don't Want to have Kids? Apr 12, 2023
    Show notes

    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Dr. Christine Whelan, and academic researcher in helping people find purpose and meaning in life. Topics that they discuss are around a growing portion of young people not wanting to have kids. The conversation includes how young women view having families versus having a career; Did Covid impact young adults on wanting to have kids; and how young adults can find purpose and meaning with or without having children. Links: Dr. Christine Whelan's Website Show Notes: (02:40) The Ups and Downs of a Declining Birth Rate (03:43) Historical look at Women in the Home (05:42) How young women started looking at their careers versus family (07:42) A different but accurate viewpoint of young girls looking at motherhood (09:26) How women look at satisfaction from something meaningful and purposeful (11:34) How Dr. Whelan balances work with raising a family (13:59) Looking at the costs of raising a child (16:16) Did Covid negatively impact young adults on wanting children? (17:58) College students are becoming more socially awkward (20:04) Is finding purpose in life done through having children? (21:12) Are adults without kids happier?(22:36) How one Harvard Study defines happiness (24:32) How Dr. Whelan teaches kids about purpose and meaning (27:25) Dr. Whelan's perspective on how her kids shaped her life after 25 years (28:34) How parents can talk to their adult kids about parenting (31:45) Teaching young adults who don't want kids about being pro-social (33:46) Changing from young adults into older adults: the evolution of our nature (34:50) A simple exercise for parents to use to help their kids find purpose and meaning Transcript: Susan Stone: Around a year ago, I started hearing high school and college kids tell me that they don't want kids. When the first college student told me this, I thought that the sentiment was particular to that student. However, since that time, I've been hearing this from a lot of different kids. Kristina, what the heck is growing up? I mean, I remember when I was a little girl, fantasizing, what? What am I gonna name my babies when I have them? And now nobody wants babies. Kristina Supler: I don't know. It's a really interesting question, Susan, and I'm really excited to explore today. I understand wanting to put off having children to develop a career, to launch yourself professionally, but I'm still sort of struggling with hearing from young adults who just say, I, I don't wanna have a family at all. Susan Stone: This seems to become more prevalent since Covid. And I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence. I'm hoping our guest today is gonna help us explore why students don't want children. Is it new or has the thought only been? Has it thought been around for a long time and I we're just noticing? It might be new to us. Kristina Supler: We're pleased to be joined today by, Dr. Christine Whelan, a clinical professor in the School of Human Ecology at the University of Wisconsin Madison. She's the author of Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, and Marry Smart, the Intelligent Woman's Guide to True Love. She also wrote another book called The Big Picture, A Guide to Finding Your Purpose in Life. And it's really a small steps program to help young adults figure out what matters and how to make it happen. And I just have to mention, there's one other piece in Dr. Whelan's that I love. And that is that at the age of eight, she hosted a nationally syndicated radio show called No Kidding, A Health Talk Show for Kids by kids. Susan Stone: Today would be a podcast, not a radio show. Kristina Supler: Welcome, Dr. Whelan. We're happy to have you with us. Susan Stone: Oh, and I love that you wrote about purpose in life. I'm gonna be 57 and I keep telling everybody that after my last goes to college, I wanna find my purpose at life. But let's just kick this off. Am I right? Students don't wanna start a family. They don't dream about being mommy or daddy. Dr. Christine Whelan: So the birth rate has been declining for, quite a while now. And, and in a sense we're seeing some positive trends. We are seeing fewer people getting pregnant accidentally. And, fewer unwanted pregnancies. We are seeing folks waiting longer to have kids perhaps until they are stably partnered and financially secure. So on the one hand, we, we can see some positive trends there. On the other hand, what we are seeing is that the United States is below replacement rate at this point. Which means that there are more people growing old and passing away than we are replacing with new babies born here. Now certainly you can have folks, who come to the United States by other means like immigration. But when we look at changes around the decision to have or not to have a child, I think it's kind of of important to like sort of take a step back in history a little bit. Because part of my own history is the beginnings of this discussion. So in, even as late as the 1960s, It was assumed that a man and a woman would get married and the woman would have children. And there was this assumption that you didn't really have a choice as a woman. You definitely were gonna have kids. My mother was an epidemiologist and she looked at all sorts of demographic factors, including the choice to have children or not. And when she and my father were considering what to do, they actually went to all these child-free meetings. And so for the first couple years of their marriage, they decided they were not gonna have kids. And that this was really a radical idea in the mid seventies that a couple could get married and not have kids. So that, but then along the way, My mom thought, huh, maybe I should talk to other people who are making this decision. And she wrote a book called A Baby, Maybe A Guide to Making the Most Fateful Decision of Your Life. And she interviewed all these women who were saying, Gosh, should I have a child or should I not have a child? Which was a new topic in the 1970s. Crazy, by the end of the book, crazy. By the end of the book, She made a decision and and here you are. And here I am. So I'm, I am the Baby Maybe. But these Do have, you have siblings? I don't. I am the one and only,they obviously broke the mold when they made me. But Right. But the Baby Maybe thing is wild. so this question was coming up even the seventies. Susan Stone: That's great. And I didn't realize that, and I wanted to comment that I read an article and I believe it was in the Times, don't quote me that China is actually rethinking. Yes, it's policy because for so long it was a one child rule and now the country is below replacement rate. Who would've thought? Yeah. Kristina Supler: So what's the cause or the reason why young adults now are reevaluating. Life goal? Susan Stone: Is it worse? is has something changed since the seventies? Dr. Christine Whelan: Yeah. So first of all, in the seventies, the blame was placed on overachieving women who were not doing their responsible thing and staying home and having babies. And there was a lot of cultural commentary about these women who were getting too much education and wanted to work and weren't like, doing their part. How dare they. It became a sort of politically polarized issue. And,and what the role of woman was. Then as we see, then as that began to fade, and especially as a nation, as we became,less religiously driven, and right, and more individually driven in our career choices. We then saw that in fact, those women who were highly educated and successful in their careers, we saw the tide turning. And it was those women who were in fact, more likely to get married, more likely to stay in stable relationships and more likely to have children. They were just doing so at a later age. So in terms of lifetime childbearing, we were seeing women having children in their thirties and into their early forties, as a much more common occurrence rather than in their early twenties. And so that's what we began to seein the nineties and the early 2000. But unfortunately for, for those who are hoping for more of a replacement rate in the United States as that age of first birth kept getting pushed back and further back, yes, there were, there were advances in terms of in vitro fertilization and other treatments to help women have children, past normal childbearing age. But we also saw an increasing number of people saying, That ship has sailed. I have chosen to do different things in my life. Susan Stone: So what's going on now? Why are younger kids, high school kids saying, I, I don't wanna do this. What's making them Dr. Christine Whelan: think that way? A couple things. First, they watch their parents and how their parents are struggling. At one point, one of my kids, oh my God, mommy, that makes sense, mommy. It doesn't look like it's very much fun to be a mommy. You have to work, you have to do, all this stuff at home. You never rest or get a, abreak. This doesn't look like this is that much fun. And the mother in me, just cringes and says, oh no Ma, now I have to, on top of everything else I have to do now, apparently I have to make mothering look more fun. Otherwise I'm gonna raise a generation of kids who don't wanna do this. It. so I think first of all, kids are seeing the challenge of working motherhood. Second, we are really being raised in a very individualistic culture. And when it's all about me, me, me, and what makes me happy, parenting by its very nature, is a sacrifice, right? It is a giving of yourself. It is a generative thing, and that's not something our culture talks about. Kristina Supler: Totally agree. It's the ultimate act of selflessness in many ways because your life becomes about others. Susan Stone: I, it's interesting because I am your statistic. I had my first child in 97 and my last child in the early two thousands, and I had three did my best to get them done with, but I will say age makes a difference. It's hard getting up the older you are in the middle of the night with that crying baby. And then you never sleep. Let's be real. You never sleep the same. I still am up at three in the morning thinking about my daughter who's 25. And so how do we present it in a way that's joyous? I think the joy comes later. Don't you think? Dr. Christine Whelan: That is, yes. That is very true. And so in the academic world, we would say that it really, what you're talking about is Eudaimonic happiness. That's what Aristotle called the idea of,satisfaction from putting your all into something that is very meaningful and purposeful for you. And Eudaimonic happiness is really wonderful. Hedonic, happiness is happiness in the moment. And, I think we really need both. So what these young adults who are saying, I don't wanna have kids, what they're seeing is decades without any hedonic happiness in front of them. And, and so Eudaimonic happiness out in the distance doesn't seem quite as appealing as giving up all of your hedonic happiness right now. If that's the way society frames parenting. And the reason I, in part, we frame it that way, is because we have this idea that you have to be a superwoman. You have to do it all. So you have to have a gr big career, and you have to, somehow be with your children all the time and leaving women feeling like they're failing all the time. And interestingly enough, leaving the kids feeling like they are to blame for their parents overwhelm and discontent. And so then we wonder why kids don't wanna have kids themselves. Kristina Supler: You have my thinking about the idea of it all. In essence, it all starts at home. I mean, when Susan and I are representing students across the country dealing with various form, Issues that are essentially crisis. So often the root of an issue, you know, you can trace it back to various family dynamics. And I'm just wrestling with this idea of children, seeing their mothers, struggle to balance it all and achieve professional goals. And it is a struggle. But then also this idea and perhaps that, makes them not want to have kids. But then also you have to show, it's important to show your kids' happiness and joy. And I think it's important to, to have kids see both of that. But it sounds like there, there's risk in having your kids see moms struggle because it's hard to have it all and do it all. what are your thoughts on what the right balance is there? Dr. Christine Whelan: Man, I would love to know what the right balance is because I'm trying to figure it out on a day-to-day basis. I, there's that old adage that, you have to fill your own bucket before you can, before you can give to others. And so what I decided for myself is that I would not be who I am unless I did paid work of some sort At the same time, I also realized that I can't be who I am if I didn't spend a big chunk of my time with my family and, and mothering and engaged in all of the childcare activities. So what that meant is that I had to kindpull back in both and try to do a little bit in different, you know, at different times. Now it's not that I do 50 50 on a daily basis. There are some days where tomorrow I'm gonna be gone all day giving a guest lecture at Emory Law School. I will be gone all day and I won't see the kids in the morning when they get up or at night when they go to sleep. That's not a balanced day in terms of mothering. That's a day dedicated to my career. Sure. But then there are plenty of other days where on Friday they're gonna be off school. I'm gonna be with them all day long. And so I think of finding the balance that works for you is important and also important for the next generation to see that there are choices that they can make to do things either differently than what I did, or differently than some of the other cultural messages that they're getting. Optionality is really what everybody wants, and yet not having, a clear path also stresses people out. So it's a double-edged sword. Susan Stone: What is also stressful is just cost of raising children. Ugh, so expensive, and I'm not talking about the tennis lessons and the high price colleges. I'm talking basic copays for the pediatrician. They need medicine, all of it. Therapy, clothes, some people have kids that I have a really good friend, her son, she blinks and he needs new pants. And not everybody can afford that. So the stress of economics has got to impact that choice. And then I hear students say, there's only so much to go around and I want that money that I make for me, is that selfish or realistic? Dr. Christine Whelan: I think it's quite realistic. So these students are also gonna be coming out with a whole lot of debt. So how do you think about adding another dependent person to your budget when you yourself are very much in the red? My grandmother used to say that every baby comes with its own loaf of bread. And I, that was such a sweet expression and so not true. I was trying to sake, Kristina Supler: I was pondering that. I'm like, wait, what? Susan Stone: No. Even formulas expensive. Exactly. Dr. Christine Whelan: Even formula diaper first. Sure. And and they're, and while there are ways to keep the costs down and to do sharing economy things. it's very difficult. The other thing that, that, by the way that is difficult is childcare. And because we have a generation of folks who, who are pursuing their careers, we also don't have a bunch of grandparents who are interested in giving free childcare to thei…

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    What Role Do Institutions Have In Sexual Assault and Abuse Cases Mar 29, 2023
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    Description: In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by fellow attorney Brian Kent, a 15-year expert in seeing civil damages for victims of sexual abuse and assault. Topics that they discuss are related to sexual abuse and assault in students. The conversation includes how trauma can be used to serve others, the bodies reaction to assault when there's no physical evidence, and what roles institutions play in being held responsible in assault cases. Links: Brian Kent's Profile Show Notes: (03:14) Why Brian Kent teams up with attorneys from across the US (04:43) How Brian channeled his own tragedy into helping other victims of sexual absue (08:20) How people can use trauma to serve others (10:47) A Simple way to explaining emotional injury to a jury (11:49) The physical impact emotional injury has on the brain (Neurobiology of Trauma) (15:27) Can you spot trauma or assault if there's no physical evidence? (16:24) The importance of having open communication with your children about abuse (18:41) How Susan builds empowers her kids to speak up (22:43) What role do institutions play in protecting students (25:23) Are high schools worse for hazing than colleges? (28:33) How cancel culture damages students in school (29:42) How not taking action can make organizations legally responsible for assault (33:07) Under what conditions can victims can seek damages perpetrators (35:39) How helping people with the civil process helps the healing process (37:35) Why sexual predators commit acts of assault Transcript: Susan Stone: So Kristina, we have a really bizarre practice. Kristina Supler: Why's that? Susan Stone: I'm going to tell you because we don't do just one thing. You can't put us in a box. It's like that line from dirty dancing. Nobody puts baby in a corner. When I think about what we deal with on a given day, we're everywhere. Kristina Supler: Well, and I think that just like you can't put our practice in a box, you really can't put our clients in a box either. Because we're dealing with so many different types of legal issues and people all over the country, students with problems that they want help with. Susan Stone: Yeah. And I, I noticed that starting a couple years ago, our first sadly wrongful death case came to us. And then we started working in a couple personal injury cases and that's forced us to grow into an area that I would've never identified as. Kristina Supler: Yeah, and it's interesting too, I mean, we're so passionate about getting the best result possible for our clients. We team up with so many different professionals all over the country. Susan Stone: What's interesting about our client or our podcast today is that we're actually having someone that we worked with on a case and hope to work with in the future. And a lot of people would be like, why are you putting another lawyer on your podcast? I mean, aren't you worried about drawing business away from yourself? I mean, that's the question. Kristina Supler: Yeah, and I think that the answer is no. We're not afraid of that. We are passionate about what we do, and we wanna get, again, the best result possible. So we're really pleased to be joined today by Brian Kent. Brian is a nationally recognized advocate for victims' rights. Brian has dedicated his career to seeking justice for survivors of abuse, assault, and exploitation. As a former sex crimes prosecutor in Philadelphia, Brian's an advocate for justice for all crime victims. He's handled many high profile cases, including representing survivors of Jerry Sandusky, boarding and school boarding, school abuse, and also clergy abuse. Now, Susan alluded to not too long ago, we paired up with Brian on a really interesting case and resolved it quite favorably. Welcome, Brian. Brian Kent: Thank you both. Susan Stone: Great, great meeting with you. And it was great working with you and I think what made the case be it was more enjoyable to work on together is that we saw, sort of saw the case from our lens of what we do representing students involved in disciplinary processes at school. And the team you gave us, we worked a lot with your colleague Mike, sought from a personal injury perspective, is that typical for you to pair with other lawyers? Brian Kent: Yeah, I think our practice You know, since day one, given our specialization in these types of cases, we would get a lot of calls from folks around the country to come in and, and help with, uh, either a sexual abuse, assault, or trafficking case. And I think given our background of most of us, if not all of us, on the crime victim team being former prosecutors there's oftentimes, as you both know, an ongoing criminal case. And that's an important aspect of sort of healing for the survivors in these cases. And being able to have a former prosecutor who knows the ins and outs of that process can talk to the detective or the da. And then also handle the civil case was something unique and I think continues to be unique for our clients. I'd say the large majority of our cases are cases where we have been asked to Come in with, in like a co-counsel situation like we all had and and help out or us, getting a case in state Ohio and calling you and saying, Hey, let's team up. I think, and I get a lot of enjoyment from those relationships as well and, and a lot and I learn a lot too. Our practice is really built on that sort of bedrock. Kristina Supler: Brian, I'd like to talk for a moment about something personal when Susan and I were reading about your background and preparing to talk with you a bit today. We read that you are a survivor of sexual abuse, so can you tell us how that has led to your work today? Brian Kent: Yeah, sure. So I was, I went to Catholic grade school in Catholic high school in the Philadelphia area. Was an altar boy. Um, we had a abusive priest that came in, was head of the altar boys when I was in fourth and fifth grade. And then was shipped out two years later. . Why we don't know yet but hopefully someday will. But and he had abused me multiple times in the church area or in our church, oh my god, school, of like together. And in the rectory area. And I would say, you know, I always I talk about like. I would say subconsciously probably directed my career, but I was never. Like definitively, like this is what I'm gonna do. But when I went to the DA's office, I started prosecuting sex crimes and specifically child sexual abuse cases. And throughout my career, I think it's helped me tremendously, not just from a standpoint of being able to communicate with my clients and like truly understand how difficult it is not just to. say, Hey, I'm gonna file a lawsuit. But just to talk to anybody about it, I mean, I still have difficulty talking about it. And it took me a very long time to even talk about it in the first place. So, having that connection with survivors that come in to talk to me about their cases I think is incredibly important for them. Um, it's also important for me that they know You know that I truly do understand somewhat of what they have gone through and what they're going through. And I also think, like from a perspective of trying cases and conveying to a jury the impact on someone it gives me a unique perspective. And I think voice to really help people understand how many different ways this impacts an individual to. , make sure that the jury, when they're making their decision, um, adequately has a full sort of backdrop of every single aspect that this goes into somebody's life. Um, whether that means, as a child growing. your relationship with your parents your job, your ability to trust other people, your marriage ultimately when you have kids addiction issues, things of that nature. I mean, there's just so many different realms that it can go into, and, uh, I think it really helps that I can then I have personal experience in that regard, so I've tried to use something as horrific as that. As sort of a positive aspect in my life and just recognize that, it put me on a journey to where I'm at today and, and, uh, you know, as not a day, I probably don't go by that. I don't think about it. But I also just try to use it the best way that I can use it. I Susan Stone: just listened to a podcast. This weekend as a podcaster, I love to poke in, see what other people are doing, and it was on a topic that I struggle with, which is, What is my purpose? Because I just, maybe it's a middle-aged and I'm sure it's a middle-aged thing, but I think it's something I've wrestled with my whole life that what am I, why am I on this earth it? It just can't be to walk through the day, get up, go to work, make dinner, raise my. Not that those aren't incredibly important aspects of my life, but I, I'd like to think that we all are on this earth for some really important reason. And in this podcast that I listened to, the guest said something and it was my aha moment. The guest said that we go through trauma and there's, and that the ultimate way to find your purpose is to use that trauma as a way to serve others. Because everybody goes through some sort of trauma. Everybody is in pain, and if you can take what you do and be a bomb to somebody else, then it's not for nothing that you went through that experience. And I was thinking about my own life story and I've had a lot of traumatic moments and I. I know it's what makes me fight for clients because I wanted to feel when I was down and out, the people who were most important to me, who were those who weren't gonna stay neutral but would stand up and fight. And it's my gift and my curse cuz sometimes I fight too hard and I don't listen. Kristina Supler: And I think it's interesting to think about, you know, it's interesting that you bring up this idea of trauma and purpose, and we're talking about it in the context. Employers on a podcast, but I think that it's so important to think about how a, a job isn't necessarily the ends and means of the, the whole end of your purpose. But a vehicle that allows you to achieve that. And I think what I'm hearing, a common theme among the three of us is that we really enjoy what we do and it helps us look to the greater greater good we can do. Susan Stone: We've got a lot of calls about emotional distress damages. And we had a blow recently with the law in terms of Title IX cases, which is the bulk of what we do. You cannot recover emotional distress damages for a Title IX action. However you recover emotional distress. And we'd love your insight because people are like, I'm so upset. Do they have to go to therapy? And if sending someone to therapy contrived And does there need to be a physical injury attached? Help talk about emotional distress, cuz I must talk about it once a week. What about you, Kristina? Kristina Supler: Well, and everyone we speak to has really suffered and experienced a, a trauma that is impacting their lives in very real ways. And it's hard to say that as a lawyer, oh, sorry. The, the law's not gonna recognize that here. But maybe there are other contexts. So, Brian, what, what are your thoughts on that topic? Brian Kent: Yeah, so it's funny because I always the way that I present call them emotional distress Injuries to a jury is, and it's true. Is that it's a brain injury. And it's, it is a physical injury. It's a brain injury that has happened as a result of trauma. You have a brain injury where somebody hits their head really hard against the car window if they're hit. This is just a different type of brain injury, but doesn't mean it's not as devastating as that scenario. And I, I really get into the neurobiology of the trauma. So what area of the brain is it affecting and how is it manifesting it as a result of that change? And I think we have seen a huge progression over the past couple years in terms of being able to measure this. I mean, there, there are you know, some studies that have been done to to show what happens to the brain when there is abuse and neglect at a young age. And how can you physically see that on something like you know, a CT scan or CAT scan or something like that. And you physically can see change changes in the brain. Not all the time. But there are cells in the brain that change and areas of the brain that there may be deficits as a result of the actual trauma that's occurred. Especially if it's over a, a significant period of time that a jury can look at and say, oh my gosh, like, yeah, clearly there is, there has been this, this trauma that's affected the brain. We've started through organization that I'm involved in Child usa, like we started doing, judicial education of ju like educating the judges on emotional distress and harm and things of that nature. And like when I bring this up and give this presentation on the neurobiology of trauma and, and you just see their eyes like light up and they're like, oh my gosh. And why people are acting the way that they're acting. And, and things of that nature. It just puts it in a different perspective for juries and for people that really don't understand the inside part of what's happening to somebody as opposed to just the outside manifestation of what the injury is. But it's, it's what it is. I always say the outside is the symptomology. The inside is really the injury. And being able to, to show that to a jury from a physical standpoint is super important for them to, to understanding that and being able to appreciate the harm, the level of harm that the trauma caused. I know this Cummings decision was, is, has been to say detrimental would be the understatement of the year. But I also think you know, I think you're gonna see a progression from this emotional distress and really trying to show that this is a physical injury such that you know, it may not be limited by this decision. And, and hopefully utilize what I'm talking about in terms of neurobiology of trauma to, to make that happen. With, with this Supreme Court, it may be a lost cause. But I think that's just one way. I think we're gonna start seeing people trying to get around that. Kristina Supler: That is fascinating. Neurobiology of trauma is, is a phrase that we hear in different contexts and it's, it's interesting. It's confusing in some respects. But let's roll it back to just basics. We have many of our audience members are parents. And for parents who are listening, if they have a student on campus, at school, away from home who's injured in for whatever reason, maybe in a dorm room is assaulted by another student, a sexual assault, perhaps. What, what are some basic steps that you would encourage a student to take to start to document their injuries or think about, you know, what to do next. Susan Stone: I mean, we've done a lot of work educating parents ourselves, and on our website it's kj. We have a lot of tear sheets for students when they're going through a Title IX action. But we really don't touch upon broader issues. Like so in a very broad way, maybe talk about what type of injuries that should be on the radar of parents is something that could lead to a civil suit. And what should be done Brian Kent: Are, and you, when you say parents of children, are you talking about college aged kids or younger kids or, I, Susan Stone: I would say in general, I don't think it should be limited. Kristina Supler: I agree. No, Brian Kent: no. I, I, I agree. I think, well, I let…

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    Teaching Children the Power of Resilience Mar 15, 2023
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    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Dr. Suzanne Schneps, a 30-year clinical psychologist who works with children, their parents and family units. Topics that they discuss are related to resilience in children. The conversation includes the relationship between resilience and success, how parents can teach kids resilience without over-parenting, and tips to model resilience for children to see and emulate. Show Notes: (03:05) How Dr. Schnep Defines Resilience (05:06) How To Really Define Success (05:57) Is Being Resilient Linked To Success? (06:58) Are Kids Struggling More These Days Than In Previous Generations? (10:31) How Parents Can Build Resilience Into Children (12:54) Parents and Kids: Collaborating Versus Setting Non-Negotiable (15:17) Knowing When to Protect Your Child Versus Letting Them Find Their Own Way (18:05) The Difference Between Your Child Being Bullied versus Not Just Being Liked (20:41) How Educators Can Handle Bullying Or Mean Comments In Class (21:41) A Great Example of Mediation Between Students in Conflict (24:49) Resilience for Kids and Dealing with Grief of the Death of a Loved One (27:04) What it Means to a Child When Parents Apologize For Their Behavior (29:11) When Is It Ok to Hold Back From Kids (31:40) How to Talk To Kids About Covid (RSV)? (34:19) Set the Example: Model Resilience For Your Kids Susan Stone: Today's topic is really a very fundamental topic because as everyone knows, Kristine and I focus on helping students when they're in a crisis situation. But long after Kristina and I are able to help the student out of the. We hear back from parents and some kids bounce back and lead and go on to do better. Susan Stone: And some kids, the crisis defines them and it leads us to the question of resilience. So we wanted to have a podcast focused on that very topic because Kristina and I only see a small snippet of the crisis. We don't know the student before. And unless someone reaches back out to us, we don't know the after. Susan Stone: So our guest is really the expert on the topic. Kristina Supler: We're pleased today to be joined by Suzanne Schneps, who is a clinical psychologist in Cleveland, Ohio, who's been practicing for over 30 years. She works with children's parents and family units. Prior to her clinical work, Dr. Schneps' training, uh, was as an elementary school teacher and also a special education, uh, worker. Kristina Supler: She worked with children with cognitive challenges, learning differences, and a variety of mental health issues as well. This experience really informs Dr. Schneps' work with children and gives her a unique understanding of how academic and school issues impact a child's self-concept and overall wellbeing. Kristina Supler: Dr. Schnapps is just the best. Susan Stone: I would have to agree and I'll have to throw in. This is really scary. I met Dr. Schneps over 25 years ago already. Wow. Yeah. She is a consultant at my um, daughter's school, which is Hathaway Brown and All Girl School, and she really. Made a big impact on creating an environment for resilience. Susan Stone: So we have maintained our relationship all these years. And when you say she is the best, The best, but I also say her daughter, who is a psychologist, also the best, , also the best. So can we give a shout out that not only are you great working with students, but you raised one heck of a daughter in that Jenny Wolinsky? Dr. Suzanne Schneps: You know, I don't know whether I can handle all these positives. Ladies, . Kristina Supler: Well, welcome. We're happy to have you today. Thanks for joining us. Susan Stone: So before we launch into a big discussion on resilience, Dr. Schnapps, can you define the term so we're all on the same page? What we're really talking about? . Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Well, well, well, Susan, I think you gave a good way to describe resilience to kids, but also adults. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: It's bouncing back. It's how are you gonna handle the fact that life is not perfect, that life has handled, handed you some things that are kind of challenging, and how are you gonna respond? so you move on with life. In the early years we would do lots of little exercises where we would give a situation and we would literally have them jump up and down to show that they were bouncing back and being resilient. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: But it's figuring out a way to move forward so that the problem did not define you and did not weigh you down as you move forward in the future. Kristina Supler: it. It resilience relates to being able to move forward. Let me ask you, can a child or an adult be successful without having resilience? Well, I guess Dr. Suzanne Schneps: I would have to say that it depends on how you define being successful. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: I know about that Kristina Supler: answer coming. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Oh my gosh. Wait, wait. Yeah. Walk yourself right into that. Sure did. Okay. You know, if you wanna be miserable your whole life, it's kind of a choice. Okay. By my standards, you could probably have a more, positive forward thinking. I might even use the word happier life, but if you're okay with it that's really your choice. Susan Stone: Is that successful? I mean, seriously. I'm not just trying to play cute. Yeah. If your goal is to be miserable and you achieve it, you're successful at that. So I don't think that's our definition . Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Well, that's not our definition of a healthy mental health approach to life. So if we're saying that we want resilience and we want a happy, healthy life, that would be allowing the resilience. Susan Stone: I'm still struggling. I don't know why. Yeah. Help me out here because when I think of success, Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Uh, you're defining success Susan and Kristina by how you personally experience it. Okay. You are both very resilient people. Crisis is put in front of you. You actually live this in your work. You figure it out, you try to solve it, and the then you move on. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: You move on to the next one. Right? Okay. But there are people in life who say, I don't wanna do that. I'm okay being stuck. I don't wanna move on. Misery's comfortable. I mean, it's not a healthy approach, but you can make that choice. What happens then is you become known as a negative person. You become known as somebody that half the world does not really wanna be with, and you're miserable, but you can make that choice. Susan Stone: Would you agree then that being resilient is part and parcel of being successful? Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Yes. I think it leads to being a moving forward. Adult and by and a moving forward child being resilient lets you continue on a path that's positive and on a path which we would define as successful, rather than being stuck. Yeah. , Kristina Supler: Dr. Schnep, susan and I tend to really only see Stu students when they're in crisis, at their worst, whether it's a school issue, a campus, uh, issue for kids in college, God forbid an issue in the juvenile justice system. Kristina Supler: Would you agree that students are less resilient today than they've been in the past. Susan Stone: Yeah, because we really can't go by what we see. It's not fair. We don't actually, nobody calls a lawyer and says, just want you to know my kid's doing great . Kristina Supler: It just seems that the kids are struggling more now. I mean, is that accurate or what are your thoughts? Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Okay. I think, could we separate two things? Sure. I do think kids have a great deal more to, to struggle with. I think that the world is much more complicated. Social media adds a great deal. Uh, more pressure on kids. I don't know that I would say that they are less resilient today than they were in the past. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: I just think they have more to be resilient about. Susan Stone: Okay, but is that something every generation says? I mean, I'm sure the generation that was sending people off to the Vietnam War said this generation has more to deal with when, with others, or take it back further. My mother was a depression baby. And first generation after the Holocaust. Susan Stone: I think that generation, could we just, what makes this Kristina Supler: different, big, big issues versus. I wasn't invited to the party and I saw on Snapchat all my friends at a party. Susan Stone: Yeah, I just have a hard time with that. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Okay, so let's take a look at the following of when you're a kid. This is one of my favorite moments as a clinician cuz it helped to so define how an adolescent can see the world. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: I, I had this, this is really many years ago actually. I had this kid, his father was in the hospital with some bizarre disease that they thought he was going to die. His grandmother had just died. His unc Fa very favorite uncle had just died all within a week. I saw him on a Friday. I saw him on a Saturday. I saw him on a Sunday on Monday. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Wow. He calls, it's a miracle. His father's fine. All's good, but he has another huge problem. You wouldn't have time for this kid. We weren't supposed to see each other. I said, sure thing. What's the deal? The big problem was he was a sophomore in high school and it was homecoming and he didn't drive yet and did I think it would be embarrassing. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: He went to Beachwood. I actually remember if his mother. Dropped him off at the corner of Fairmont and Richmond and they walked the other way. But this was the big problem. Susan Stone: Touche, touche. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: We might say it's not a big problem, Kristina. Uh, you know that I read on Snapchat that everybody went to the party and I didn't. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: But as a kid it is a big problem. Okay? And they move from. Okay. Right to the next big one. Susan Stone: You know what? That's so interesting because that I was always raised with the cliche, little people, little problems, big people, bigger problems. But what you're saying is that's not true. You have to take the person where they're at. Susan Stone: They're just as big at that point. Kristina Supler: Yeah. It doesn't feel fair to minimize the problem in, in the life of the child, just because, you know, we as adults with our life history and experience, say like, oh, who cares? Move on. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: This would be like all the times that people have said, you'll go to your high school reunion, it'll be your 20th reunion, and you'll see that those people didn't amount to anything. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: They had a popular ones, you know, et cetera, et cetera. , it's irrelevant. When you're in the middle of, of your high school years, it's important to you in your middle school years. We have to take kids where they're at and what's important to them. Susan Stone: That's why she's the bomb. Kristina Supler: That's right. That's right. let's just jump to it. Kristina Supler: The big question here, what can parents do to build resilience in children? Susan Stone: We now have defined the problem. We want the solution. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Okay? Kids do not emphasize, not, you know, capital bold, like to always be told what to do. they like to figure it out. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: And if we're teaching them to be resilient, it's asking them the question of it's empathizing first. I mean, you know, that's really awful. Uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What ideas do you have that would move you forward? Let you know I, you always have, and it's giving the positive vibe that you know, that they can figure it out and listening and hearing what they have to say and then commenting on it and asking. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Sounds great. Can I give a tweak to it? Because sometimes you're going, oh my goodness, that needs a little help. Kristina Supler: Oh geez. That's not the, that's not the way to move forward. . Dr. Suzanne Schneps: and sometimes you go, oh my gosh, that is not how to be resilient. You cannot go, and punch 'em out on the playground. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Um, that's gonna get us in real trouble. So then it's to say, well, let's think through the consequences of, of that choice. So it's engaging in a conversation. You are helping them to be resilient by giving them the message that they can figure it out. Susan Stone: We, where I struggle is the line between, sometimes you let them figure it out and sometimes it's a must do. Susan Stone: So let me give you an example. Um, okay. . My third was very, very nervous about driving. Mm-hmm. , I'm a working mother. Mm-hmm. divorce situation. So getting that kid driving was really important to me. Mm-hmm. and there. And by the way, today she is a great little driver, but getting her through that anxiety and then finally saying you're doing. Susan Stone: that it there, it's non-negotiable. How do you deal with the line of collaborating versus setting the non-negotiable? Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Great question. Okay. Well, well, first of all, I personally am a big fan of the word non-negotiable. Some things are non-negotiable. You, you know, you have to go to school. It's non-negotiable. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: In your instance, your third child needed to learn to drive. It was non-negotiable. So the, the, there, there are a couple of pieces here. First of all, this is gonna sound weird for the person that encouraged people to talk. Sometimes as parents, we overtalk, we keep talking and talking and talking and we don't. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Okay. It's enough already. Since I'm not a dentist, TMJ is a very good thing. Shut your mouth, . Okay. Be quiet. Because we are encouraging and fostering anxiety, the more that we talk, we sometimes need to put a lid on it. Okay. And then in putting a lid on it, when it's non-negotiable, look for where there are some choices. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: You know, your daughter needed to Learn to drive. Okay, so it's saying it's non-negotiable, but here's what you can choose. I found this driving school and this driving school. You pick, talk to your friends. You know, you thought they both were fine. What do you care? So it's giving choice where you can, but making it clear it's going to happen. Susan Stone: Sort of like potty training. It's non-negotiable that you need to potty. You can pick the princess underwear or the Dr. Suzanne Schneps: rainbow underwear. Yes. Now of course you've walked yourself into such a complicated topic that we really won't go there . Cause you know, toilet training is all about control and the bottom line is you can say that, but they can choose to not want any of the underwear and we could have a problem. Dr. Suzanne Schneps: So we'll leave that one for another topic, another time. . Kristina Supler: Fair enough. Now, of course, being resilient, it doesn't mean that children aren't going to experience difficulty pain, heartache. Yeah. So what's the balance? That's life. That that's life and at any age, right? What's the balance between. , I hear you when you're saying, you know, don't over talk. Kristina Supler: Let the kids be a part of, of solving and working through how to move forward. But what's the balance between letting your child work through the issue? Feel the feelings, find a solution, and protecting your kid? Dr. Suzanne Schneps: Yeah. Okay. That's a very good question actually.…

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    Using ChatGPT: The Quagmire and Benefits for Students Mar 01, 2023
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    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Professor Antony Aumann, a professor of philosophy at Northern Michigan University. Topics that they discuss are related to ChatGPT and students. The conversation includes the ethical quagmire for students who use Artificial Intelligence to cheat, how ChatGPT can be beneficial and even necessary, and what role, if any, God and religion play in the rising number of students who are cheating. Links: ChatGPT Website: https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt/ Professor Antony Aumann's Webpage: https://nmu.edu/philosophy/antony-aumann Show Notes: (00:47) What is ChatGPT? (02:24) How a suspicious paper propelled Professor Aumann in the Public Eye (03:30) How Professor Aumann proved the student was cheating (04:51) How Artificial Intelligence (AI) is being used to prove student cheating (06:31) Can ChatGPT be used to help students write better papers? (07:48) Will AI replace graphic designers? (10:11) Are students just lazy today? (10:49) Are professors guilty of being lazy? (11:55) Why we can't go back to hand-written essays (13:44) Professor Aumann's unorthodox solution on ChatGPT (15:27) Why students should learn to use ChatGPT (16:38) Do we need more God in lives to keep us honest? (18:50) What are people turning to for spiritual peace? (20:30) Why do students really go to college (21:44) Are college students becoming nihilist? (24:10) What is our role as parents with ChatGPT? (24:37) Advice for stressed-out students (25:29) How Professor Aumann handles all the media attention Transcript: Susan Stone: We are talking about ChatGPT today. As you know, Kristina and I represent students accused of misconduct. And a lot of the work we do is defending students when they're accused of cheating. And since last November ChatGPT has been all over the news outlets, including the New York Times, talk about this is the new way students cheat. Susan Stone: Kristina, why don't you describe what ChatGPT is? Kristina Supler: Sure. So I don't at all profess to be a, a tech expert on any level, but reality has forced me to learn more about ChatGPT. It's essentially an AI tool that uses natural language processing techniques to respond to user-generated prompts. Really what you do is you ask a question or give it a prompt. And then it just replies using natural language. Kristina Supler: It's pretty fascinating. Susan Stone: Well, it's how students are getting around writing their own essays. They're actually putting in the prompt in the computer, and then the GPT actually spits out the essay for you. Susan Stone: And it's not without controversy. Places like the New York City schools have banned it. So we're here today to talk more about it. Susan Stone: Why don't you, with that prompt, to introduce our esteemed guest? Kristina Supler: Sure. We are joined today by Anthony Aumann who's a professor of philosophy at Northern Michigan University. He teaches courses on aesthetics, religion, existentialism. His research focuses primarily on the writings of Kierkegaard, as well as issues in contemporary philosophy of art. And recently he's gained significant notoriety cause he was featured in a New York Times article discussing our very topic today. ChatGPT. Welcome. Welcome. Professor Antony Aumann: Thanks so much for having me on. It's a real pleasure to be here. Susan Stone: Okay, I'm gonna start with the low brow question. Ready for this. How does a professor at Northern Michigan University who teaches philosophy and art and Kierkegaard get featured in the New York Times to talk about a tech app? Professor Antony Aumann: I think that it all started because I caught a student who used the chat to write an essay for my class. And yeah, there was a Facebook post by my friend, uh, who also caught someone that went viral and they were looking for other people who had a similar story. Professor Antony Aumann: And I was one of those people. They liked my story. Susan Stone: That's crazy. So you basically, and I read about that in the New York Times, figured out that the student wrote something that just didn't seem appropriate for, was it that student or just in general? Professor Antony Aumann: Yeah, well, so it was that student. I can tell you this story. Professor Antony Aumann: It's kind of funny. Kristina Supler: So yeah, tell a funny story. Professor Antony Aumann: I'm already laughing. The student submitted an essay that was just a little bit too good to be true, like the grammar was perfect and the structure was just impeccably logically sound, and it was really insightful. And frankly it was a little bit better than what my most of my students are capable of. Professor Antony Aumann: But of course, that in and of itself is a red flag, but it's not proof. So what I did is I took the student's essay and I pasted it into ChatGPT. And I said, Hey, did you write this? And it came back and it says there's a 99.9% chance that it did write it . And so what I did, it had like some other things. Professor Antony Aumann: So I cut and pasted the chat G P T thing, and I emailed it back to the student and I said, Hey, you can send me a chat thing. I'm gonna send you a chat thing back. What do you say about this ? Susan Stone: Wait, did you own, wow. So we just were looking into this. Did you pay for it or how did you even have it? Professor Antony Aumann: Yeah, so this is the same company that invented Dolly, which, uh, was all the rage last year because it can create its art images, unique art images, original art images from any prompt that you give it. Professor Antony Aumann: And as an artist myself, I was really fascinated by that. So when they came out with this essay writing chat bot, I was like, oh, I have to hop on this. Kristina Supler: It's interesting. It seems like every year, 18 months, there's a new development in tech that somehow impacts significantly the academic landscape. So tell us now, what strategies are professors using to detect cheating, plagiarism? Susan Stone: Other than turn it in, we know about Turn it in. Sure. . Professor Antony Aumann: Yeah. I have a, I have a lot to say about this largely because I don't think that we're very good at detecting things. So there are a bunch of programs out there, including a program that has been made famous by this student, Edward Tian from Princeton University. Professor Antony Aumann: You may have heard of him. Oh, I read about it, yes. who has this program called GPTZero. And so you can plug the students essay into it and it's supposed to give you a percent chance or a likelihood that it was written by the computer rather than the student. You can a ChatGPT has its own sort of detector too. Professor Antony Aumann: The problem is that there's a lot of false positives. Mm-hmm. , um, and a lot of false negatives. And even more seriously, it's actually really, really easy to circumvent the detectors. And so I'll tell you, it's actually kind of funny a little bit. So the way the, the way the detector works is it, uh, it looks for regularity in thinking and writing. Professor Antony Aumann: Computers are very regular in the organization of their thoughts. Human beings, we're kind of a little bit chaotic. We're a d d, right? And so it deter, yeah, so it looks for that. But all you have to do is just insert some errors, like grammatical errors and spelling errors into it, and all of a sudden it thinks it's written by a human being. Susan Stone: Well, let me challenge you on this because are there acceptable uses that students can take that software and maybe it helps them create an outline or think of words that they wouldn't have? I mean, can you use it as a learning tool? Professor Antony Aumann: A hundred percent. And in my other media appearance is I've been touting it's positive use as a tool to help students learn. Students help students how to write. Professor Antony Aumann: So for me, there's like a big gulf between like naughty uses of it and non naughty uses of it. So like the bad use is just to cut and paste the essay that the chat wrote, uh, and present it as your own. But I'll tell you what I do, which is, so I'll write a rough draft of something. Professor Antony Aumann: I'll submit it to the chat and I'll ask it for feedback. Hey, what are some potential objections that I need to consider? What are some grammatical errors that I need to fix? And the chat often has really good things to say. And then I'll do the work of incorporating them myself. And I think that's a totally acceptable way for my students to use it. Susan Stone: Do you think, I'm gonna give a, an art example. My high schooler wants to go into art design, um, and she's really interested in illustration and she asked me a very interesting question and, What you talked about, your use of the, uh, tools in art. She's like, mom, do you think I'm gonna go to art school and my job will be taken over by computers and there will be no need for original art? Susan Stone: And of course I said no. Because you will always need human creativity. But am I wrong in saying that? Will her job be taken over? Will we need writers or will it all be created by computers? Professor Antony Aumann: That is, uh, that's scary. The big question. I think the art question's a little bit easier to answer partly because I have skin in the game. Professor Antony Aumann: My wife is a graphic designer. Kristina Supler: oh, Susan Stone: I love this. I love this. Professor Antony Aumann: So there's still a need for human beings when it comes to taste. Dolly is the name of the program that the same company puts out that'll gener generate the art images for you. But it generates a wide range of images and some of them are good and some of them are horrible. Professor Antony Aumann: You still need, and some of them might be good, but not good for that client. So you still need someone who has a good kind of aesthetic sensibility to figure out, okay, which of these things are helpful? Which of these things are good or bad? What are gonna reach people? What isn't gonna reach people? And so maybe the role of the graphic designer is gonna shift a little bit. Professor Antony Aumann: But that's not gonna go away. And I think there's always gonna people be people who want clients who want a personal touch. And Dolly can't give you that. Susan Stone: Could Dolly create a Disney character? Professor Antony Aumann: Absolutely. That's interesting. But you're gonna need someone to figure out whether, which Disney character is worth preserving and which one it wouldn't. It'll give you a hundred Disney characters. Kristina Supler: That's really interesting. Susan and I, given the work that we do, working with students across the country of all different ages, we speak with a lot of educators and particularly in higher ed. And, and we're regularly involved in this discussion about students and pressure and work ethic. And some people say, oh, students just, they, they just don't wanna work anymore. There's some laziness. Kristina Supler: It seems to me, Susan, wouldn't you agree that there's also maybe a counter-argument that professors who are recycling tests year after year and essay prompts Oh, that's kind of lazy too. I mean, you Susan Stone: know. Right. And before ChatGPT, and I'm dating this back to when I went to college, there have always been test banks housed by different sports organizations and Greek organizations. So if you were taking Professor Almond's class, you could access his test for 20 years and, you know, maybe Professor Alman needs to change his test period. Kristina Supler: I did not propose, uh, advocating for cheating, but I, I sort of think it can cut both way. Susan Stone: Right, right. How about challenging students a little differently? Professor . Professor Antony Aumann: So I guess I have a couple of things to say. I don't think my students are lazy. I just don't. Kristina Supler: Good. I think that's stressed. I thank you. I, I think that's really important for students to hear that. Professor Antony Aumann: They're overworked. They've got, my students have one, two jobs. Professor Antony Aumann: Mm-hmm. , they're trying to learn how to become adults. They're taking a really heavy load of classes. You know, maybe they're also on a sports team. And that's just like a lot of pressure when you're 18 or 19 years old. I mean, yeah, of course there are lazy people who exist in the world. But I like any kind of generalization about kids these days that just doesn't fly with me. Professor Antony Aumann: But by the same token, like we as professors are also overtaxed, like the amount of administrative stuff we have to do. And I'm supposed to write another book and coming up with those tests, I think that you don't appreciate just like the astronomical amount of work that goes into it and yeah, we're gonna have to write new things going forward. Professor Antony Aumann: We're all, we're all really, really stressed. Susan Stone: You know, that's very helpful because a lot of people don't know what faces higher ed. And so there's a reason that you write that one test and it's a great test and you wanna use it for year to year to free you up to do other creative work. Okay. Can I just offer, and you tell me what you think a low lowbrow solution to this problem? Kristina Supler: Ooh, I'm curious to hear . Susan Stone: I, I, you know, I like the low hanging fruit Supler. You know, that. What's wrong with just having kids come in, hand them the, a little essay book, ask them a question and have them hand write an essay response to a test. Kristina Supler: What a crazy idea. I can't imagine an educational environment with those conditions. Professor Antony Aumann: Yeah. You wanna go old school? Uh, I'll tell you two reasons why that's not gonna work. Please. The first reason it's not gonna work is that it made sense in perhaps your generation and my generation, where we were raised to write by hand. We were trained to write cursive. This generation of students didn't have that kind of training. And very few of my students can write neatly and quickly for any length of time at all. Professor Antony Aumann: So that's just like a practical concern. They just can't do it. The second thing is the bigger thing. Kristina Supler: That's a mic drop. I apologize for interrupting you. That's a mic drop. But that has literally never occurred to me and I think that's it's really obvious. But yet it didn't occur to me and I think it's really insightful that just the handwriting barriers and challenges in our tech age now, students can't write and write and write. Susan Stone: You know what? The special ed attorney in me is very upset about that because you get specific brain function development by handwriting. And so what are we doing? But keep going. I, I'm just, I, I'm like, that's never occurred Kristina Supler: to me. And that's really interesting to think about that. It's shocking. Professor Antony Aumann: So the bigger thing is I'm not sure that just by having all of our assignments be handwritten in class, we're really teaching students how to write in the way that we want to write. Professor Antony Aumann: What that really exercises is your like speed journalistic abilities. But real writing is like taking your time to think about exactly what word is the right w…

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    Sex Education For People with Intellectual Disabilities Feb 15, 2023
    Show notes

    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Katherine McLaughlin, the Founder, CEO and Director of Training at Elevatus. Elevatus provides training for People With Intellectual Disabilities in Sex Education. Topics that they discuss are related to. The conversation revolves around people with intellectual disabilities in three main areas: the importance of sex education, how sex education plays a role in parenting, why educators and trainers with intellectual disabilities make the best trainers for others with disabilities. Links: Elevatus Website https://www.elevatustraining.com/ A Change to Parent Website https://achancetoparent.net/ Show Notes: (02:14) What is Elevates and What is the Curriculum (03:48) How a Life-Changing Accident Lead to Elevatus (07:41) People with Intellectual Disabilities and Sex (09:19) Teaching How to Deal with Sexual Feelings (10:44) Is there a Minimum IQ For People to Access Elevatus' Curriculum? (13:04) Different Types of Sex Education Training for Education, Parents and Staff (14:37) How do Values Fit Into Sexual Education (16:54) Restrictions on Abortion: How Does This Fit Into Sexual Education? (17:55) What if People With Intellectual Disabilities Want to Become Parents? (20:31) How People with Intellectual Disabilities Can Talk With Their Protective Parents (21:49) What is AASECT? How can it Help People with Intellectual Disabilities? (23:04) "Nothing About Us Without Us" - How this Phrase Has Created A Movement Susan Stone: We deal every day with students with disabilities and we talk a lot to those clients about sex. Obviously, most of the time that's how they find us. They were accused of sexual misconduct and. . What we find when we talk to our clients is that despite their disability, they are, those students are the same in their desire for companionship and sexual experiences. Susan Stone: What we also find when we talk to educators, Especially for K through 12 is that this population is often overlooked when it comes to sex education and there are specific challenges with students with disabilities in getting the education that they need. Kristina Supler: That's right, Susan, and we're so pleased to be joined today because this is such an interesting. issue that comes up in so many of our cases, whether they're campus Title IX cases, special education cases, even some of our criminal cases. We're dealing with people in the this population and this lack of sex education is a recurring theme. So we're really pleased to be joined by today's guest, Katherine McLaughlin, who is the founder, c e o, and lead trainer for Elevatus Training.. Kristina Supler: As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals, parents, and individuals to become sexual self-advocates. She's the author of Sexuality Education for People with Developmental Disabilities Curriculum, and as a person in a wheelchair, Katherine is disabled herself and has her own experiences that I'm sure undoubtedly inform her work. Susan Stone: So welcome Katherine. Katherine McLaughlin: Thank you. Great to be here. Susan Stone: So that was a big intro to talk about elevatus, and now it's time to break it down for our listeners. So let's start really broad. Tell us about Elevatus in your curriculum. Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah, so we are a, basically an education service. So we have many different kinds of training, some in person, some online, as well as curriculum and tools that people can use to teach about sexuality education. Susan Stone: What does that mean? Help us, I'm sorry. I don't understand. Help me when you say tools, can you Yeah. Specific, yeah. Help us understand. Katherine McLaughlin: Absolutely. Yeah. So the, for example, the sexuality education curriculum that I developed years ago with a group of self-advocates, so people with intellectual developmental disabilities. Katherine McLaughlin: And there's 22 lessons in that curriculum, and it really helps people, go through, there's a script, there's handouts, because that's the, that's the hard thing is it, it, it's hard enough to talk about this topic. But then you have to go find pictures and tools. And so how can we make it easier for people by, by creating these tools that they can then use to have these classes or discussions? Susan Stone: You know, I just have to. Remark. I have a really good friend who's starting a curriculum on cooking. Mm-hmm. and is doing pictures and videos and using computer software imaging to even explain things like how to make a peanut butter jelly sandwich. How to make a tuna fish salad sandwich. So I can only imagine how complicated it is to make a curriculum around sex Susan Stone: education. Kristina Supler: Yeah. Katherine, I have to ask cuz I'm, I'm quite curious what brought you to this work. Katherine McLaughlin: Hmm. Yeah. Well, as you mentioned in my intro, I, in my twenties experienced an, an accident and started using a wheelchair. I have a spinal cord injury, so I just having that experience and. . I was really the same person the day before the accident as I was the day after, but yet I was being treated differently. Katherine McLaughlin: And so I started to become more aware about disability and how people treat people with disability. So that was happening and at the same time, I was working for Planned Parenthood of Northern New England and special educators and. Developmental disability agencies reached out to me saying, can you help us with this? Katherine McLaughlin: So both of those things happened at the same time. And so I just started working with this population and, and has taken off some from there. Kristina Supler: When, when you say this population, I mean, disability can be a very broad term at ranging from perhaps someone with a spinal cord injury or blindness autism. Kristina Supler: So what disabilities does your curriculum cover or who's your sort of target? Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah. So, um, there's so many different terms. But I would say people who with neurodiversity, uh, so it could be someone with autism but it could also be someone with down syndrome. But it's usually intellectual developmental disability. Katherine McLaughlin: Sometimes there's physical as well. But this is a population that needs very concrete, like you were saying around cooking. Very concrete. Skills and, and descriptions and to really understand. So apps, taking abstract concepts and breaking them down and making them very concrete. Susan Stone: Does it cover students with blindness? Susan Stone: Do you have a curriculum in braille or. Other physical disabilities. Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah, it's not intended for that population. But we do have some people that might need the curriculum in large print. We haven't had anyone requested in braille yet, so we haven't done that. But we have had quite a few people who have attended who are deaf. Katherine McLaughlin: And so we have interpreters on our training, you know, on Zoom with us. . So, I mean, I think what you're bringing up is this idea of access and how do we, you know, people with disabilities, whether they're blind or deaf or they have an intellectual disability, are, are, don't have the same access that other people do. Katherine McLaughlin: And it could be to buildings or it could be to education. And so I'm really trying to eliminate those barriers. And you know, to be honest, I was, I am very interested in physical disability and sexuality, but there was less interest in. I mean, I'm not sure that people with physical disabilities have less interest, but as far as as a culture, we tend to look at things as problems, right? Katherine McLaughlin: So we're not proactive about anything. So, people with intellectual disabilities might be, um, charged with a sex crime or might do something publicly, you know, that you're supposed to do in private. And so it tended to be a population where people were looking for help. Where people with physical, I think people are interested, but there's less of an urgency maybe around that. Susan Stone: Yeah. Urgency or. Yeah, I would like to say that you don't, Kristina and I have worked on a lot of cases where on criminal cases. Mm-hmm. , where there have been intellectual disabilities. But you're right, we have not worked on a case where it was more of a physical disability, like a spinal cord injury. Susan Stone: Right. But let's take the spinal cord injury, let's talk about it. . Mm-hmm. , tell us about your curriculum in terms of what are the sexual needs of that population and what do you communicate with them? Do you go as granular as physicians in sex, how to have sex? Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah, so, so this, the po, the population I'm focused on is not spinal cord injury. Katherine McLaughlin: That's what I have . But the ones I'm talking to are people with intellectual disabilities. So we do talk about what is sex, different kinds of sex, and what does that mean? A big piece that I work on with this population is bodily autonomy as well. Like it's your body and your life and you get to decide what's right for you. Katherine McLaughlin: So not only is it talking about sex and, but it's also like you get to decide what you want in your life or don't want in your life as well. But yeah, it's not like a how to, but it's more of a, these are the different types of sexual acts that people do with, with one. Well, but Susan Stone: I'm gonna challenge you a little bit on this because I think that there are a lot of, um, students in that population, or young people who are confused. Susan Stone: They don't know what it means to masturbate, where to masturbate. How to Katherine McLaughlin: masturbate. Mm-hmm. , when to masturbate, when to masturbate. We've had a case, we've had Kristina Supler: many cases involving masturbation gone wrong, let's put it that way. Katherine McLaughlin: And Susan Stone: we find that sex education will talk a lot about bodily autonomy, but it neglects the big issue. Susan Stone: I'm having these feelings, which every human has. How? How do I satisfy that? Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah, yeah. Well, well, first thing is not everyone has sexual feelings, which. , you know, kind of a new thing for us to think about that there are people that really do feel asexual. And I'm not talking about people with disabilities, just the general population. Katherine McLaughlin: So some people don't. But I do teach. Yeah. But I do teach, um, what are sexual feelings? What are those feelings? Now I. . I do get into detail and I say, okay, so if you have those sexual feelings, what are your choices around those sexual feelings? So first you can try to stuff 'em and ignore 'em, and most people say that doesn't work. Katherine McLaughlin: You can acknowledge that you feel those sexual feelings for someone. Just keep it to yourself, keep it private. or you can masturbate, which is touching your sexual parts, but you have to do it in a private place and really concrete about what private means. Or you could be sexual with another person. Katherine McLaughlin: That also would have to be in private and you'd have to get consent from the other person. am I talking specifically how you touch this or that? Not necessarily. But there we have lots of resources too that people can learn more about. Like for example, masturbation. There's a video that people can watch to learn how to masturbate that have intellectual developmental disabilities. Katherine McLaughlin: It's not something I would show in a class, but it's a resource that I would tell someone about, or I, you know, parents have said to me, can I, do you have access to that so I can show it to my son or my daughter, or so I do think we're getting to some of those deeper issues, like you're talking about beyond bodily autonomy. Katherine McLaughlin: But yeah, so maybe that, I don't know if that, if that satisfies your curiosity. Susan Stone: Well, this is real talk, so we gotta get real with each other. It real, keep it real. Is there a minimum IQ you need to have to access your curriculum? Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah, so I don't really base it on IQ as much as maybe certain skills or if somebody were there to assist the person. Katherine McLaughlin: Prompt them, guide them you know, as a support for learning. Then that's the group. But that we also took the curriculum, the 22 lessons, and we created commu communication boards and cards so that people who are non-speaking. Are also able to participate in the class. I find that people who are non-speaking can do thumbs up and thumbs down, but they're not engaged in the same kind of way. Katherine McLaughlin: So we worked with a special educator and she created these tools now we're taking all the lessons and we're making them for people who might have more significant disabilities and adapting them for that population as well. So I think in the beginning I was starting out, no one with a disability or an intellectual disability is receiving sexuality education. Katherine McLaughlin: So here we go. Let's start with a group that can have discussions and, you know, learn at a. Certain way now we're gonna add these communication boards and cards, and now we're gonna learn for people that might not be able to graph some of those concepts so that everyone has access because people with more profound disabilities are at higher, much higher risk of being taken advantage of as well, because they're dependent on people for care. Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah. Kristina Supler: So that's very interesting. I, I, Theme you've mentioned of access and providing access. Let's face it, talking about sex is often difficult for a lot of people. Susan and I in our law practice, we end up talking about sex inevitably every single day. It's, it's every day. It's part and parcel with our work, and I'm, I'm sure the same is true for you. Kristina Supler: So yeah, it, it's something that we're very comfortable doing. But I know parents in particular, With even neurotypical children struggle with the sex talks, and I say talks plural because I think there should probably be more than one. Let's face it. So my question for you is tell us about how you create the curriculum to, uh, Help train parents to have conversations with their children and other individuals Susan Stone: with disabilities? Susan Stone: Or is it a separate curriculum that Elevatus, can ha you can spy or purchase? Katherine McLaughlin: Yeah, so it is a separate curriculum. So we have a three day training that has three curriculum. One is the sexuality education, one that I've been talking. One is for leading parent workshops and one is for training other staff because it does seem like you have to have all these pieces in place. Katherine McLaughlin: Or you're gonna get these mixed messages from parents, you know, and compared to the class. So how do we train everyone to be able to address this? And in the parent training, it's a lot around, you know, just what's typical human sexual development. How do you answer questions that your child might have? Katherine McLaughlin: How do you bring up the conversation? How do you address sexual behaviors as well? Like some of the, the issues you're talking about, but from the parent perspective. So they're in a restaurant, they go to use the restroom, they come out and their child is. masturbating in public, right? What do you…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    The Internet, Social Media, and the First Amendment Feb 01, 2023
    Show notes

    In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Eugene Volokh, a leading First Amendment Law Professor from UCLA. Topics they discuss are related to the First Amendment. The conversation includes how the internet impacts Free Speech, what responsibilities the Social Media Platforms have towards free speech, and how Free Speech impacts abortion, fraternities and sororities, as well as housing laws. Links: Eugene Volokh's Bio (UCLA Webpage) Free Speech Rules Videos: https://FreeSpeechRules.org Show Notes: (02:40) Has the internet changed the First Amendment on Free Speech (03:33) How the Supreme Court views Online versus Offline Free Speech (04:41) How Search Engines Can Reveal Your Court Case (06:08) How Posting on Social Media Can Open You To a Lawsuit (06:44) What Posts Can You Go to Jail For (08:05) Do Social Platforms Have the Legal Right To Remove People From Their Platforms? (13:35) Do Social Platforms Have the Legal Right to Curtail Hate Speech (15:40) What is Doxing? How Can Social Platforms Prevent This from Happening to You (16:58) What Courts Say About Publishing Your Information (19:39) Should Schools Police What Students Are Publishing (20:14) What Rights to Public Universities Have For Policing Students Posts (21:39) Private Universities: What Rights Do They Have For Policing Posts (23:07) Can Admissions Departments Reject Students for Previous Posts (25:33) How First Amendment Protections Extend to Clothing (26:20) How a Toy Gun Can Land a Student In Hot Water (28:16) Students Today and Views on the First Amendment (30:49) Can People Protest For Protections Related to Criminal Conduct (32:24) Can People Get Exemptions By Saying a Law is Against Their Religion? (33:10) What is the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (35:07) Can Businesses Prevent Men and Women From Working Together Based On Religious Beliefs? (36:58) Can a Woman Get A Religious Exemption For Abortion Where It's Illegal (40:30) How Courts Protect Your Right to Expressive Association (41:49) Under What Circumstances Can You Exclude Someone From Living With You Based on Race, Sex, Sexual Orientation (44:03) First Amendments Rights and Fraternities and Sororities. Transcript: Susan Stone: Kristina, can we geek out today and talk about the First Amendment? Kristina Supler: I think we do that every day, but Susan Stone: let's, okay. But let's talk on our podcast about the First Amendment, because our practice is often at the intersection of free speech when it impacts and conflicts with different types of student issues, like cancel culture or when students get disciplined, or Greek life issues like the Freedom of Association, uh, less often discussed First Amendment issue. Susan Stone: And it's difficult to balance the idea of the free exchange of ideas versus saying whatever you want, just because you wanna say it when you wanna say it and where you wanna say it. And it seems like everybody today is a lot less tolerant of views that aren't their own and cancel culture is becoming a very large part of our practice, which is why we launched our reputation management section. Kristina Supler: We are very pleased to be joined today by Professor Eugene Volokh who is a leading First Amendment scholar at U C L A, where he teaches free speech law, religious freedom law, church, and state relations law, among many other classes. Before coming to UCLA, he clerked for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, and the US Supreme Court, and also for Judge Alex Kazinski on the Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, who's also very well known, Susan Stone: uh, and a court we've practiced Kristina Supler: in. That's right. Yep. Um, Eugene is renowned for his textbook on the First Amendment, and he's actually one of the most cited law review article authors in our country. He's also the founder and co-author of the Highly Regarded Legal Blog, the Volokh Conspiracy, which is now hosted at reason.com. Kristina Supler: Thanks for joining us today. Oh, very much. Eugene Volokh: My pleasure. Susan Stone: And I should say I seasoned him. He was at a conference that we were at and you saw me inching up to Eugene, and I'm thinking I am going to make this person my friend, and talk about the First Amendment with him. So thank you for being on our podcast. Susan Stone: We're gonna start with a question broadly for our listeners. Eugene, how has the internet changed the way we view the First Amendment and freedom of speech in a very big way? And then we will drill down and funnel down that question Eugene Volokh: well, depends on, uh, whom you mean by we. It hasn't so far, at least seemingly changed the way the justices view free speech or generally lower court judges, or in many ways, lawyers generally speaking the same kind of speech that is constitutionally protected offline is constitutionally protected online and vice versa. Eugene Volokh: Occasionally there have been times when. First Amendment law has turned a lot on the medium of expression, so for example, radio and television. Broadcast radio, television, not cable, let's say. Were, uh, were and probably still are seen as more regulatable for historical reasons. From the 19 teens to the 1950s, movies were seen as not really protected by the First Amendment, but the internet ever since near its birth as a popular medium. Eugene Volokh: Back in 1997, the Supreme Court said, speech on the internet is, Treated under the same rules as speech off line. So as a legal matter the internet hasn't changed First Amendment law much. Now I do think that people's reactions to various free speech questions may be affected by the internet. So, for example, I think a lot of people view things like Facebook and Twitter, those kinds of social media platforms, YouTube also and TikTok and various others as kind of part of their right to free speech and they get upset, understandably. Eugene Volokh: When those platforms restrict them, even though they're private platforms. So people would've probably said if the, if the New York Times refuses to publish my letter to the editor, well, of course, you know, they only publish as few too bad, but. But that's fine. Plus they get to decide where they want to publish and what they don't. Eugene Volokh: But I think the same people might very well bristle if Twitter or Facebook de deletes their posts for understandable reasons. Again. and, and there's an interesting question of whether that should affect the legal understanding, but but my guess is that at least it does affect people's understanding. Eugene Volokh: Another example has to do with access to court records. There's a longstanding tradition That material and court records is open to the public. Open to everybody. Yes. But it used to be before the internet. That meant that if you really wanted to get something on a court record, like maybe if you were a reporter and you were being to pay to write about lawsuits, you'd go to the courthouse, you'd go to the basement, you'd look at the, uh, at the files and you'd write about it. Eugene Volokh: But most, most court records would be basically invisible to. Now that they're all on the internet and often directly searchable, people get really upset that every case that they've been involved in, whether it was a witness as a plaintiffs, the defendant is a criminal defendant, as a victim, is now on the internet. Eugene Volokh: And people Google their names and they, they figure out uh, the stuff about them. So again, I do think the internet changes people's perceptions of information, of speech and the like, even if it hasn't changed the legal rules, at least. That's Kristina Supler: actually a perfect segue to the next question I wanted to ask you, which is when you are speaking to, let's just say lay people, not, not judges or lawyers and, and speaking generally or more broadly about the First Amendment, what do you say? Kristina Supler: In terms of people who sort of have this idea that, well, on the internet, I'm, I'm an anonymous person, I can say whatever I want. It's the internet, it's the worldwide web. What do you say in terms of, well, maybe not quite there, there are some repercussions Susan Stone: and that would be contained in the terms of service of the providers? Eugene Volokh: Oh, well, I think there are two questions lurking in here. One is somebody posts something. That, let's say, accuses someone else of some crime and then they get sued for libel too, not a newspaper. Why are you suing me for libel? Well, it turns out that. There are restrictions on speech. So for example, if you, especially if you say something knowingly false about someone else that damages the reputation, you could get sued and maybe, maybe before the internet, if you just said it orally, probably would be a lot harder to catch you and, but with the internet now, you could get caught. Eugene Volokh: Likewise, if you post something threatening. You could get prosecuted for a threat and people might say, well, what about free speech? Well, there are some narrow but significant exceptions to free speech, like for true threats of illegal conduct, like for defamation such as libel and the like. So people do have to remember that something that they just whip out in and angry or drunk or foolish moment. Eugene Volokh: To me, never, never you damaging. Today, , there's a separate question. Which is, well, what if it's something that violates, say, Twitter's terms of service or it doesn't even violate them. You know, private entities can generally remove your material or kick you off uh, for, uh, for whatever reasons they want right now. Eugene Volokh: At the same time though so how is that different from the things we started? Well, first of all, you're the, the, the downside to you, we have technology is pretty limited. Like people value their ability to tweet or value their ability to post on Facebook. But I think most people would rather, would rather get kicked off of Twitter than go to jail. Eugene Volokh: Uh, I would agree. , Susan Stone: my god, that is a bold statement, but, Would you take the position that you agree with decisions to pull someone off of Twitter like Kanye West or Donald Trump? Eugene Volokh: Well, so it lot depends on what you mean by a Greek. So for example, I, I think that that large wealthy platform corporations like Twitter and Facebook should not be. Eugene Volokh: Essentially interfering with public debate about elections by taking government officials or candidates for office and kicking them off of their sites. Now, maybe they have the right to do that. They certainly have the legal right to do that. At least in most states. There's some state laws try to limit that. Eugene Volokh: It's an interesting question whether they're constitutional, but they might very well have the legal right to do that. One might still say that's not really good for. When a platform, just because it happens to have a lot of users and be economically extraordinarily wealthy and powerful, that it should be able to leverage that economic power into political power. Eugene Volokh: So that's a lot more of a concern with regard to candidates may still be applicable to Kayne West. Well, by the way, I think he is talking about running. For president, but uh, think it's particularly dangerous when they do that with regard to credible candidates for office. Because if an election, which could have been 51 49, 1 way is swung 51 49 another way because. Eugene Volokh: Uh, Jack Dorsey or Elon Musk or, uh, Zuckerberg decide that they, that they don't like a particular kind of speech, even for good reason, decide that that may be something we might be troubled by. We may say they should have the legal right to do this, but we might suggest that they ought not do it. Eugene Volokh: There's a separate question of may the government step in and say, You might think that you are like a newspaper, which gets to decide what's in it, put in its pages. You might think you're like a bookstore, which gets to decide what books to sell. But we think you're actually more like the phone company, which isn't entitled to say, we're gonna cut off someone's phone line because they're communists. Eugene Volokh: Or they're recruiting for the kkk, or they're recruiting for Antifa, or something like that. So, Is that permissible? Would it be permissible for the government to say, we're so worried about you being able to leverage your economic power and your ownership of this tremendously important means of communication into political power that we're gonna require you to be viewpoint neutral in your decision. Eugene Volokh: So not to kick off people because they're racist or anti-Semites, or because they're spreading particular views about covid or about elections or. That's an interesting and difficult question, and maybe the answer is that those platforms would have the right not to say, recommend certain posts not to pitch those posts to users as you might be interested in this or that because that's their speech, but might be required to host it, to host those posts on their. Eugene Volokh: So it could be that certain kinds of regulations as to the, what I call the hosting function of platforms are constitutionally permissible, whereas regulations of what I call the recommendation function of the platforms, which is a lot more, their speech would be impermissible. Eugene Volokh: So I am really wrestling with that. Eugene Volokh: Is the, are these providers more like a telephone service company and we don't want the government listening in our co in on our conversation? Well, Eugene Volokh: I'm sorry if I can interrupt. I just wanna make clear the telephone point is not about privacy, it's not about confidentiality. Thank you. Even if somebody is widely known to be using a telephone line as a communist recruitment line, or a kkk, get out the vote line. Eugene Volokh: They're promoting it this way. Nobody's listening in on anything. It's well. still, then a phone company is not allowed to say, we're going to cancel your phone line because we think you're using it for evil purposes. No phone companies have to serve everybody so long as they, so long as they pay they can't engage in viewpoint based discrimination among their subscribers as opposed to, uh, among their users, let's say, the people who have phone lines as opposed to say a newspaper, which. Eugene Volokh: And probably should decide which op-eds to publish based in part on their viewpoint. Susan Stone: Thank you for that clarification. Would the barometer of censorship move up as the language moves from hate to calling for violence? Does that change your view? Is that like yelling? Fire in a theater. When you get on Twitter and say, this person is bad, cancel them, hurt them, or this candidate, let's storm the capitol. Susan Stone: I mean, when do you think there is the obligation? When does it really change from a moral obligation to a legal obligation to intervene? Eugene Volokh: Okay, so again, we have. Several different things going on here. One is shouting fire in a crowded theater. I just wanna make it clear, the Supreme Court did say in a case, which actually since then has been overruled in considerable measure shank of the United States, uh, that the First Amendment doesn't protect falsely shouting fire in a crowded theater and thereby starting a panic. Eugene Volokh: So that was already a pretty narrow category of things that indeed are legally punish. So I wanna bracket this question of shouting fi…

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